by Robin Roseau
"Yes, I love you, but I love Lara more."
"Good. Then you have to promise me, you won't let me hurt Lara."
She didn't answer.
"Promise me, Elisabeth. You won't let me hurt Lara. Please, Elisabeth, promise me."
"I won't let you hurt Lara more than she can take, Michaela. That's the best promise I'll give you."
"All right," I said. I turned to Lara. "Promise me. No cage."
"Michaela."
"No cage!" I screamed it. "Promise!" My entire body stiffened, almost on the edge of madness.
"No cage," Lara said. "I promise."
I collapsed back into her arms. She reached with a hand and soothed my damp face.
"Don't let Vivian take me away. Promise."
"I might have to."
"No! Promise!"
"Michaela,"
"She'll put me in a cage, Lara. You just promised no cage. Promise, you won't let her take me."
"I won't let her take you," Lara said. "I promise."
I took a breath. "I thought I was safe, but clearly I didn't think I was safe. Lara, I can't live like that anymore. One more promise, and I'll let Vivian come up, and I'll do whatever you tell me."
"What is it?"
"If you can't fix this, or if the only way to keep me safe is a cage, you have to snap my neck."
"Oh god, no, Little Fox, I'm not promising that!"
"I can't run anymore, I'm so tired of running. Please, Lara. If you love me, you'll be gentle. You can put your hand over my mouth, like this." And I took her hand, and pressed it against my mouth and nose. She snatched it away. "And I promise I won't struggle. My eyes will watch yours, and you know I'll be thanking you for saving me, one more time."
She started to cry.
"And after I'm asleep, you will snap my neck, and I will never know."
"No!" Lara wailed. "No!"
"You have to promise. Lara you have to. I can't do this anymore. You have to save me from myself."
"No!"
"Elisabeth, then you."
"No, Little Fox," she said. "You know I can't. It would destroy Lara, and she would kill me and everyone else around. You are her mate, whether or not the ceremony has happened."
"Lara, you have to promise," I said. "If you can't fix this you have to promise."
"We'll fix this," she said, tears running down her cheeks.
"If we don't, then you do it my way. No cages, no taking me away. Fix me or let me sleep and snap my neck. Promise. Promise. Promise!"
"All right," Lara said in defeat. "But we'll fix it."
And with that last promise, I smiled.
"Call Vivian," I said, suddenly calm.
"Vivian!" Lara said. "Please come."
I heard a chair creak downstairs then footsteps on the staircase.
"Vivian," I called out. "Come in slowly."
"Is she holding a weapon?" Vivian asked.
"No," said Elisabeth. "We took them all away."
"Not all," I said. "There are more."
"But none close," Elisabeth said. "Are there?"
I smiled at her. "None I remember."
Vivian appeared in the doorway. She took in the tableau, then looked pointedly first at Elisabeth then Lara. "I'll talk to you two later," she said sternly.
Then she looked at me, and her expression softened considerably. "You look better than you sounded earlier, Michaela." She was carrying a little black bag like the doctors in some television shows.
"I am lucid for now," I said. "It's not going to last."
"Oh honey," said Lara.
"Vivian, do you want me to trust you?"
"Yes."
"If you trick me, I won't trust you."
"No tricks."
"Promise."
"I promise, no tricks. I can guess what happened, Michaela."
"Yes, so can I. I'm crazy."
"No, you're not. You had a breakthrough. I've been waiting for it."
I stared at her. "Can you cure me?" I asked in a small voice.
"I don't know. Tell me. Are you remembering things you didn't remember before?"
"Yes, but there's more in there somewhere, isn't there?"
"I think so. I don't know how much. I think a lot. Honey, I don't think this all started when you were fourteen."
"I know," I said. "But I don't remember what."
"My bones are old, Michaela. May I sit down?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. But not close. I don't trust you yet."
"I understand." She looked around, saw the coffee table, and pulled it over. She lifted it like it was nothing, but I knew how heavy it was for me. She set it down near the bed and sat on it, and our eyes were at nearly the same level.
I smiled at her. "I can't even lift that. Old bones." I giggled.
"Michaela," Vivian said. "Stay with us. Come on, honey, stay with us."
I snapped my eyes back to hers, then up into Lara's. I reached up and tried to smooth the worry lines from her forehead.
"I love you, Lara, and I'm so sorry."
"Shh," she said. "You didn't do this. This is my fault."
"No, it's not. You didn't make me crazy."
"You're not crazy," Lara said.
"I am, and all four of us know it." I looked at Vivian. "I think more than four."
"No, I don't think so," she said. "I think you have repressed memories, but there's only one Michaela."
I glanced at Elisabeth. "Did you know I was seeing her?"
"No," she said. "I do now."
"What's in your bag?" I asked Vivian.
She started to tell me, rattling off scientific names. I knew the roots, of course, but none of the drugs.
"Wait," I said. "You have something that makes me sleep?"
"Yes."
"Would I have dreams?"
"No."
"How long?"
"It's hard to tell. Were bodies are so different from humans, and yours will be different from a wolf."
"Three days?"
"Oh no, unless I kept injecting you. Several hours."
"All right. Lara has promised she won't let you take me away, and she won't let anyone put me in a cage."
Vivian pursed her lips. "You felt a need to ask for these promises?"
"She made me promise to kill her," Lara said, "if those were the only remaining options, Vivian. She was quite descriptive how she wanted it done."
"I see," Vivian responded.
"In your bag, you have something else that makes me, I don't know. Safe?"
"That helps you remain calm. Yes."
"Calm but brainless?"
"Not brainless," she said. "Maybe a little loopy."
"A little, or a lot? Still able to make my own medical decisions."
"Honey," she said. "You are not able to make your own medical decisions right now."
"Lara, remember your promises! She wants to take me!" I clutched at her. Lara's arms tightened, and the worry lines grew deeper, but she nodded at me.
I looked at Vivian. "You know what I was asking."
"If I felt you were able to make your own decisions now, and then I were to give you the things I have, then probably no, I wouldn't let you make the decisions afterwards."
"Can you give me enough to just take a little edge off? Or something else?"
"Yes."
"And decisions?"
She sighed. "I can give you just enough we would take your desires very seriously, but ultimately, it is Lara's choice what we do, and that's true right now. "
"We're not married."
"You are mated. That's all I care about. And she is your alpha. There won't be any human courts involved, Michaela."
I stared into her eyes then looked up at Lara. "You will keep your promises to me, Lara. I know, I keep asking, but you have to tell me."
"Yes, I will keep my promises, Little Fox. If it comes to it. But it won't."
I looked at Vivian. "If you can't cure me, you have to tell her."
"We don't
use such absolutes-"
"I do."
"I will discuss it with Lara as openly and honestly as I am able," she said.
"All right. I think I should tell you everything I can."
"I agree."
"I think once I start, I'm going to go insane within one or two minutes. Can you prevent that?"
"I can try."
"You get one shot into me now, Vivian. If you need another one, it should make me sleep."
She nodded.
"Lara, if I wake up anywhere other than this bed, I will never forgive you."
"Or my arms," she said. "This bed, or my arms."
"Or mine," Elisabeth said. "Or Angel's. One of us."
"You can't trust me with Angel yet."
"All right," Lara said. "This bed, my arms, or Elisabeth's arms."
"All right. But that better not be a cheap ass way to get me into a cage."
"It's not," Lara said. "It might be a cheap ass way to take you downstairs for some television."
I laughed. "All right." I turned to Vivian and nodded.
I watched her rummage through her little black bag and prepare a hypodermic needle. She stood up and approached slowly. "I need your arm," she said.
I stared at the needle. It was a weapon. "You guys need to hold me very tightly, just in case."
Lara took one hand, and Elisabeth took the other. I offered the one Elisabeth was holding to Vivian, and she crossed to that side of the bed. I looked away, but Elisabeth tightened her hold on my hand.
"Thank you," I told her.
I felt the needle slide in.
"This will start to work nearly instantly," Vivian said.
I felt as she depressed the plunger and the cool serum flowed into my veins. She withdrew the needle and pressed a cotton ball over the puncture. It took only a few seconds for my body to heal the wound.
I felt whatever she gave me slide into my mind.
"Will I be loopy?"
"A little."
My body grew calmer. My mind grew calmer. And I knew I wasn't thinking as fast.
"Tell me when to start," I said, and my voice sounded wrong. "You gave me too much."
"You needed all of it," Vivian said. "You are safe here, now, Michaela. Tell me what happened."
I began to talk.
I did eventually panic. I don't know how much I told, but I remembered I began talking about the last knife in the wall, the one little Kaylee could remove from the wall, and I remembered something else, but I didn't know what it was at the time. I started to scream, screaming about wolves and Angel hurting me, of Angel breaking my bones. There were strong wolf hands holding me, and then another needle.
And then I knew nothing.
Remembering
I woke slowly, I think. I was in and out for a while. The window was open, and there was a light breeze.
I wasn't alone, but I drifted, in and out.
Someone held me up, offered me water. I didn't know who it was.
I drifted, and someone was holding me, and I opened my eyes. Vivian was standing by the side of the bed, and Lara was holding me.
"When will I think again?"
"Maybe a few more hours."
I looked around. I was in my own bed. "You didn't let her take me."
"No, Little Fox," Lara said. "I promised I wouldn't."
I slept some more, and slowly I came awake. Lara was holding me, but she was asleep, leaning against the headboard.
I stirred, and she woke up.
"What day is it?"
"Saturday. Late morning."
"Am I crazy?"
"I don't know."
"Is the wedding cancelled?"
"Not yet."
"You should have cancelled. I'm crazy."
"I'm not sure. You told us a lot."
"I don't remember."
"Vivian said you might not."
"Bathroom. Water. No. Lemonade. And a shower. Please."
"How desperate is the bathroom trip?"
"Soon, I'm not about to wet the bed."
She smiled. "You're back with me now, aren't you?"
I thought about it.
"Maybe."
"I love you so much," she said.
"I'm so sorry, Lara."
"This wasn't your fault," she said. "It wasn't anyone's fault."
I didn't respond to that. Instead I said, "Bathroom, please."
"Honey, you are on suicide watch. Ultra paranoid suicide watch. You know how protective I get. I have to go in with you."
I sighed. "I should have expected that. Bathroom please."
She helped me climb out of bed. I was woozy, so Lara steadied me. It felt nice to let her hold me. I leaned against her and rested my head against her chest.
"Did you get me naked while I was unconscious?"
She laughed. "No. I have an idea of what else they did to you, but I haven't peeked."
"Thank you." She helped me into the bathroom. "I will let you stay, but you can't watch."
"I have to."
"You'll see."
She grinned. "What will I see?"
"Things I don't want you to see," I said. "Lara, I promise to behave. Turn around. You can lean against me or hold my hand or anything like that, but you must not peek and you must not grope. I will be very sad if you do."
She took one of my hands then turned around. I slid my pajama bottoms down one handed, which was awkward, then piddled. It was embarrassing to do it with Lara standing right there, but not as bad as when Angel had to clean me afterwards.
I finished, stood up, rearranged my clothes, then told Lara she could watch me wash my hands and face. After that I turned to her. "Lemonade. A shower. Breakfast."
"I will be showering with you."
"No!" I thought about it. "You may be in the room, and you may call Scarlett to be your eyes. If I do anything that scares Scarlett, then I'll forgive you if you have to look and interfere."
"Elisabeth."
"Scarlett."
"All right, but I am in the room."
"With your back turned and no cheating."
"Right."
She led me back to the bedroom and used her phone. I heard an answering phone downstairs, and she relayed my requests.
"I am still woozy," I said.
"Then I will bathe you."
"No."
"I am not letting another woman bathe you!"
"How about Rory?"
For a moment, she looked at me like I was serious, and then she began laughing. "You're back."
"Yes. Woozy, but I'm back. Walk me around a little." So we paced slowly around the bedroom, and by our third trip, I was standing on my own, but holding hands with her. The door downstairs opened, and I stiffened.
"New rule!" I said. "Anyone who walks into this house says his or her name before crossing the threshold. A normal voice is sufficient."
She nodded and made another phone call. I heard Elisabeth from downstairs. Lara relayed the order.
"That was Scarlett," Elisabeth said. "She is on her way up with the lemonade. She has plastic glasses and a plastic pitcher."
"Make a sign and put it on the door," Lara said. "And make sure everyone who lives in the compound knows the rule."
"I'm on it," Elisabeth said. "Hug her for me."
I immediately folded into Lara's arms and accepted a surrogate hug.
Scarlett knocked at the door. "It's safe to come in," I said loudly enough for her to hear. The door open, and she slipped in, eying me warily.
"I'm safe," I told her. "For now. Set those down. Are we still friends?"
"Of course."
"Then come give me a hug. I promise I'm not catchy."
She set the lemonade and glasses on the coffee table, then turned back and stepped into my arms. She wasn't as big as Lara, but all the wolves were so much bigger than I was. She held me quite loosely.
"All right, Scarlett. I'm not as fragile as that." I squeeze her tightly. "Squeeze until I tell you to stop."
/>
She slowly tightened, and when it was just right, I said. "There. That's how I like to be hugged."
Then I stepped away. I eyed the sofa. "Oh hell," I said. "Lara there is one more."
"Seriously?"
I began laughing. "Yeah, but it's hard to get to. It's safe where it is for now. You have to flip it upside down, rip the stitching near the back, and look in. Use a flashlight. You'll see it."
"What is she talking about?" Scarlett asked.
Lara shook her head once.
"No, it's okay," I said. "It seems I have been secreting silvered knives everywhere I go. And it turns out I'm not afraid to use them."
I walked to the sofa, sat down, and then patted the seats on either side of me. "I'm shaky, someone pour."
Scarlett did, handing me a glass, but it wobbled when I took it. "Help me, Scarlett." So she steadied my hands while I used two to drink.
"One more," I said, "Half a glass please."
She refilled it, I drank half of half, and she helped me set it down.
I explained to Scarlett what we needed. "Will you help?"
"Of course." But she turned to Lara.
Lara, in her firm, alpha voice said, "You are not to speak a word of any of this to a single soul. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Alpha," she said.
"Tell her the rest," I said. "Start with me screaming. She's already heard some of it, tell her the rest." I reached forward for my lemonade, and Scarlett automatically helped me.
Lara began to tell her, glossing over the details. It took a while to explain.
"So," I said at the end. "I may be crazy." I smiled. "Or maybe I'm not. Right now, I don't feel crazy. Hungry though. I could eat an entire chicken breast. Maybe even both sides."
Lara laughed, and the sound carried relief in it.
"Did we do this to you?" Scarlett asked in a small voice.
"No, honey," I said. "I think you saved me. Please don't feel guilty."
"Why me and not Angel?"
"I think right now, Angel is a trigger for me. I am sane now, I don't know if I can be sane with her. I'm not sure."
"Oh Michaela," she said.
"Honey, it's okay. It will be okay. Lara, it's going to be okay. I know that now."
She looked at me, and there were tears in her eyes.
I leaned over and kissed her quickly, then gave Scarlett a kiss on the cheek. "You two, don't worry. Help me stand and we'll see if I'm safe to be alone in the shower."
Lara stood first and pulled me to my feet. That made me dizzy, but I clutched at her for a minute and it settled. Then I stepped away from her, but she hovered over me. I was okay with that.