by Lila Rose
As luck would go, the day before Mark’s death, I’d lost my job due to cutbacks. I’d been the last to be hired, so I was the first to go. I hadn’t had the courage to tell Mark that night. His anxiety levels had already been through the roof. Then, the week that followed, I was kicked out of the house. I had to sell my car to get a cheaper one, and I found myself sleeping on the streets in my car because I had nowhere else to go, no close friends and certainly no family.
I didn’t choose to be living out of my car. I’d applied for houses, but with the bad record marked against my name, it meant no one would rent to me. I had been able to claim benefits, but most of the money I received from the government was put against my debt. It was a desperate attempt to clear the negative and start fresh. What little I had left over paid for fuel and food.
I smiled. I finally had a job!
As I walked to my car from Mr Brooks’s house, relief fluttered in my chest. This job was the chance I needed to get on my feet. I reached my small Tarana and glanced at all that I owned. There was no way I could let my boss know this was my sleeping arrangement. No one would want to employ someone who was homeless.
I brushed aside the thought as I pulled away. It was time to celebrate my success. Driving down the road, I planned what to eat that night. I would splurge a little. Anything would be better than two-minute noodles with the warm water from a gas station. I considered if, with my new job, I’d be able to eat there. I hadn’t actually asked the rule about eating at Mr Brooks’s house. Would I be allowed to feed myself during the day? God, he could want me to bring my own lunch, which I would do, but then he’d see the stale bread I ate.
I sighed and decided I’d deal with the unanswered questions on Monday. I was working myself up unnecessarily. I allowed myself to grasp on to the fact that the money I should make during the week would give me an extra $20 a week more than what I got from the government and if Mr Brooks didn’t mind my eating their food while minding Koda, I had the chance to start saving.
By the time I’d left Mr Brooks’s house, it was already six. It was time to celebrate my new job. I hadn’t done anything for myself in a long time, and if I regreted it come Monday, I would deal with it then. I’d learned many times my body could go without in dire situations; it was nothing new. My excited mood, however, helped my annoying conscience to settle down as I pulled into the car park of the supermarket.
My stomach grumbled while my eyes had an orgasm over all the food. I knew as soon as I paid for the food remorse would take over, but right then, I was more than eager to grab some deliciousness. First, I went to the toiletry aisle and grabbed a fresh, cheap tube of toothpaste and some sanitary napkins. I still had enough shampoo and conditioner in the car to last me for at least two more weeks. When I could, I showered at the community showers for the homeless. However, they weren’t always open, so some of the other days, I washed my hair in the gas station bathroom, or I drove to one of the local waterfalls at night when I knew no one would be around. It was cold, but it was always worth it.
When I was low on fuel, I walked everywhere I had to go, which was why I chose to sleep in the car close to the centre of town. Though, I considered changing that to park close to Mr Brooks’s place so I wouldn’t be late. Something told me he would hate tardiness. Actually, he seemed like the kind of man to hate a lot of things, except his son. From his gruff and glaring exterior, I knew there was a story behind it, and it wasn’t hard to guess it had a lot to do with Koda’s mum, whoever that was. He kind of scared me, especially when I, without thought, leaned in to kiss Koda’s forehead. His scowling face looked like he considered stabbing me. I had to remember no overfondness to Koda while he was around.
My body was already weary as I made my way up to the cash register to pay for my half-full basket. Tiredness was something I was used to. It came with sleeping in a small car and not getting enough shut-eye because all noises through the night spooked me. Ever since a drunk man stumbled across my car one night when I was asleep and started pounding on the roof, yelling, “I can see you in there. Come on, pretty, open up and I’ll show you a good time.” Never had I moved so fast into the front seat. I’d started the car and sped out of there. Since then, I made sure I was vigilant during the night. I didn’t want anyone to accidently stumble across my path. There were many sickos out there, and I refused to be a victim. I only had myself to protect me, so I was smarter with where I parked and who I spoke to.
“Evening.” The man serving me smiled. He was in his late fifties. “Nice night out there. I nodded and offered a small smile in return. It was a pleasant evening. I loved the warmer nights. It meant I wouldn’t freeze in the car or have to pile clothes upon clothes on to try to stay warm. “That’ll be twenty-nine, seventy.”
Cringing, I looked down into my purse and grabbed out the twenty and the five-dollar note. “Um, sorry, can I take off the deli meat?” My face heated. I should have kept a better total. Then I remembered I didn’t take the toiletry items into account. Foolish amateur move. My mind was too occupied.
“No worries, love. New total is twenty-four, ninety.”
Handing him over the money, I waited for the change, all ten cents of it. There was no pretence in my life, and I certainly wouldn’t scoff at any change I received. It would add up to something I could buy the next time.
After I made my way to my car and drove ten minutes to a secluded area I’d discovered since I arrived in Halls Gap, I parked, grabbed my grocery bag, and hopped out of the car, making my way to the back where I sat on the trunk.
Sighing, I took a moment and looked up into the black night. Stars shone, their light greeting me. The one good thing about being homeless was that I never missed seeing the stars twinkling every night and appreciating how they shone down on me. It meant there was more out there in the world, and it made me feel there was more meant for me in the world.
At least I could only hope.
My stomach once again growled in complaint. Smiling to myself, I patted my stomach and opened the grocery bag next to me. It was a hard decision, but I chose a small piece of mud cake first. The fruit and vegetables would be for later and the weekend. I’d try to make the mud cake last as well, but I had a sweet tooth, and it was something I rarely bought. Also in the grocery bag were peanut butter and bread, a necessity because bread filled my grumbly stomach.
After I’d eaten, I cleaned my teeth using the water I’d bottled from the waterfall to rinse. In the back seat, I then dressed in track pants and a jumper, dragging blankets over me as I lay back against my pillow.
Only sleep wasn’t on my mind, Koda Brooks was. I’d always wanted a baby, but my life was never financially stable to have one. I didn’t want my child going without like I had with my parents. I loved my parents with my whole heart, but they were lost. Going from job to job and sometimes no job at all, we’d scraped by every week. As a child who wore thrift shop clothing, I was constantly teased at school. I would never want my child to have the life I had.
Besides, I still had time. I was only thirty. There were older women out there still having babies. All I had to do was find a stable job. After I’d made leeway with my debt, I could find a nice, caring man and hopefully, by the time I was fifty, I would have a child⦠because I doubted I’d have everything paid off until then.
At least for the time being, I got to spend time with such a cute little man. I smiled to myself as I lay there thinking of Koda and his squishy, pinchable face.
Monday couldn’t come fast enough.
Then I sent a silent prayer to God, asking for strength when it came to Mr Brooks. He seemed like a hard man to get along with, and I knew without a doubt, the threat he made was true. If I caused any type of trouble for Koda or him, I would regret it, and honestly, I wasn’t sure if I would survive his type of payback.
A shiver raked my body thinking of his hard steel eyes.
I wondered why he was so quick to offer me the job on the spot. Could it be possi
ble the other women were worse than what I was? I knew there were others up for an interview when Mr Brooks’s mum mentioned it. She seemed like a nice woman, which left me wondering how and why he had become the opposite to her.
I guessed come Monday I would find out about him a little more.
Another shiver ran over me.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to find anything out about him and his world.
Chapter Five
Mena
Early Monday morning, I found the perfect spot to store my car near my new job. Thankfully, bushland surrounded the house, so it made it easier for me to find a great hiding spot where no one would find it. The walk to the house only took twenty minutes, and it was a pleasant walk. I was glad the day was yet another sunny one. Still, the weather in Victoria was temperamental.
Taking the steps up to the front door, my heart beat faster in my chest. Nerves churned my stomach and with a trembling hand, I reached out and knocked.
“Come in,” was clipped out harshly and loudly.
Opening the door, I walked in to find Mr Brooks in the kitchen with Koda already in his high chair while having some breakfast.
“Morning.” I smiled. A grunt was offered from Mr Brooks and when Koda looked over to me, he smiled, warming my heart.
“Mum will be here in an hour. She’ll show you through the ropes, what Koda likes and his normal sleeping time and stuff,” he explained and stood from his chair, taking the bowl with him to the sink. “Not sure how Koda will go when I leave. He’s used to his nanna being here, so he might make a fuss and cry when it’s just the two of you.”
“Don’t worry, Mr Brooks. I can handle it.”
He turned, his eyes hard. “You had much experience with kids?” He would have already seen my answer on my resume. Still, I humoured him.
“In my early twenties, I used to work in a child care centre. I left because I wasn’t happy with the person who ran the centre. It had nothing to do with my work.” Which was what he really would have wanted to know, but he seemed to like to play around it to try to intimidate me. “I know what I’m doing. I promise.”
He eyed me from top to bottom. Suddenly, I felt very dirty, even though I’d washed my clothes during the weekend.
Jutting my chin out, annoyed with his appraisal, I shot out, “He will be in good care with me.”
“Right. Well, cook and eat what you like.” I quickly wiped my hand across my mouth to hide my wide smile. Relief swept over me. “Koda likes a bottle before his naps, both times. His formula is in the cupboard. Text me a list of what you want at the grocery store, and I’ll pick it up on the way home.”
Well, dang. “Um, I, ah, broke my phone recently, and I haven’t had the chance to get a new one.” Since six months ago.
Again, he studied me and then sighed. “I’ve left my number near the phone. Ring me around five and I’ll get the stuff then.”
“Okay.”
Koda started to whine and fidget. He didn’t like just sitting there. Before his dad could get to him, I walked across the room and pulled him into my arms, sitting him on my hip. “Good morning, little man.” I tickled his belly. He giggled and then reached out and grabbed a fistful of my blonde shoulder-length hair, giving it a tug. Of course, he laughed more when I said, “Ouch.”
“Yeah, he likes to do that,” Mr Brooks said while running a hand over his chin. It seemed Koda liked his dad’s beard. “Anyway, I’m gonna hit the road.” He didn’t move. In fact, he looked like he really didn’t want to.
With a quiet, calm voice, intended to reassure him, I said, “He will be fine with me, Mr Brooks.”
“Dive.”
My head jerked back. “Sorry?”
“Call me Dive.”
My brows dipped in confusion. I’d thought his name was Kalen. Maybe it was a nickname or something, but I wouldn’t pass on the chance to call him something else than Mr Brooks.
“Um, sure. What does it mean?”
Shaking his head, he said, “It doesn’t matter.” He looked at his watch and cursed. “I really have to get going.”
“No worries.” I picked up Koda’s free hand, the one not wrapped around my hair, and waved at Dive, a name I wasn’t sure I would get used to. Maybe I should go back to calling him Mr Brooks. “Wave to Daddy.” I smiled over at Mr Brooks and said, “Bye-bye, Daddy.”
His lips twitched. He stalked our way, kissed Koda quickly on the cheek, and then started for the front door. “See ya later. Call for anything.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Don’t fuck me over, Mena. I won’t like it.”
“I won’t.”
“Good.” He opened the front door and stepped out, slamming it behind him.
Looking down at Koda, I blew out a raspberry and said, “Wow, kiddo, that was tense.” He smiled.
I jumped when the front door opened again. He went to bark out something, then stopped, and looked at his son with surprise flashing in his eyes. “He’s not crying.”
Glancing down at Koda, I looked back to Mr Brooks and stated, “Well, no.”
He ran a hand over his face. “Where’s your car?” He glared.
“Um, at home. I took the bus.”
“The bus stop is a long way down the road. Don’t like you walking that far. Not safe. I’ll drive you to the bus stop tonight.”
“No!” Blushing, I added, “I mean, I like the walk, and it’s not far, honestly.”
“We’ll see,” he grumbled and left again.
I waited to see if he was going to come back in for something else, but he didn’t. So I made my way into the living room to sit with Koda on the floor.
An hour of fun with Koda went by fast, and then the front door swung open once again. “Where’s my grandbaby?” A woman in her fifties, wearing jeans and a tee waltzed in. She picked Koda up and gave him a big sloppy kiss. “Hi.” She smiled once I stood next to them. “You must be Philomena. I’m Judy, Kalen’s mum. You know, you should really lock the front door after my son leaves. He would hate the thought of it being unlocked where anyone could walk in.”
“Um, yes, okay. I’ll make sure I do that and please, call me Mena.”
“Will do.” She grinned and looked me up and down, much like her son had. “You’re a skinny little thing, aren’t you?” I had no response, so I said nothing at all. “So, how’s it been with Kalen? Don’t let him intimidate you. He’s sweet and soft once you get to know him. Though, he probably won’t let his guard down for a long time yet. Stick in there and don’t take his shit, and you’ll be fine.”
“Ah, thank you. I’ll make sure I do.”
Again, she studied me. “Good.” She nodded. “Now, let me show you the routine Koda and I have, but feel free to add your own in.”
Smiling, I said, “Sounds like a plan.”
Judy spent the morning showing me where things were around the house, all cleaning items, and Koda’s clothes and how to use the washing machine. I got giddy at the thought of bringing my clothes to the house to wash. Mr Brooks would be none the wiser, so it wouldn’t hurt. She instructed me with how Koda liked a nap after his bottle, which was after a book, a hug, and a fresh nappy. Once she placed him in his crib, he soon drifted off without a sound. He was such a good baby. The best I had ever met. For lunch, while Judy played with Koda after he woke, I made a dish of roasted beef and vegetables. What I didn’t mulch up for Koda, Judy and I ate.
We all sat at the kitchen table enjoying the meal and each other’s company. Judy was really easy to get along with.
“How are you finding things so far?” Judy asked.
“I’m loving it.” I smiled. “Koda is such a great baby. But I think he needs to start on more solid foods. He seems to get bored with the baby mash. I wondered if Mr Brooks wouldn’t mind my introducing some things.”
Judy started giggling. Once she calmed she said, “You call him Mr Brooks. I bet he loves that.”
“Well, no. He did say to call him Dive this morning, but I can’t seem to bring myself
to do it.”
She rolled her eyes. “That stupid name.” She shook her head. “Just call him Kalen, love. I’m sure he won’t say anything about it. As for solid food, I’ve tried in the last month to get my son to start, but he worries Koda will choke on it.” She got a cunning look in her eyes. “Maybe if you start without his knowing, you can eventually show him it would be fine for Koda, and I really think Koda would love it.”
Biting my bottom lip, I thought about it. “I’m not sure if I should. What happens if⦠Kalen doesn’t like my choice, and I get fired.” Looking at Koda, I whispered, “I don’t want to get fired. I can’t.”
The silence in the room was harsh. Even Koda was quietly studying me.
A warm hand landed on mine. “You do this for Koda and let me take care of Kalen.” Opening my mouth to say more, I didn’t get a chance. Her hand came up in front of my face. “No, I promise, you won’t lose your job for helping Koda out. Kalen will eventually see that. Don’t be afraid of him, Mena. You need to stand your ground with him. Besides, I already heard you asked to be the one to cook for them both.” She smiled. “Don’t stress, love. He’ll be fine.”
She was right. I did have the lady balls to stand up to Kalen. Heck, I did it when I first met him, so what had me not wanting to with this? Maybe the scary look in his eyes?
However, Koda needed more nourishment and food that he could get excited over. Besides, it was what I was paid to be there for. Koda.