by Lila Rose
Kalen was in the kitchen finishing up Koda’s breakfast of Weetabix crushed in milk. Kalen seemed to be handling the change in Koda’s food well. I just had to make sure it stayed that way.
“Morning,” I offered at the doorway, heat lighting my cheeks at the memory of touching myself while my boss’s eyes had flashed in my mind.
Kalen grunted and then looked over. “You look like shit. Did you get any sleep last night?”
Sighing, my head dipped forward, eyes to the floor in shock at how rude he was. Did he seriously say that? How he ever starred in my twiddling fantasies was a surprise. I had to get my head checked.
Actually, I hadn’t got much sleep. The wind had been fierce the night before, and every noise made me jump out of my skin.
“Charming as ever I see,” I mumbled, ignoring his comment. “Did Judy get away okay?”
“Yeah, fine.” He went to spoon another bite to Koda, but he turned his head away and started grumbling. “He’s been doing that since yesterday.”
Walking straight to Koda, I felt his forehead. “He seems a little hot. He could be coming down with something.”
“Shit.”
Without thought, my hand went to Kalen’s shoulder when I said, “He’ll be okay. We’ll take good care of him.” When Kalen glared down at my hand, I quickly removed it and stepped back.
Over the last week, I’d noticed how consumed Kalen was with Koda. He worried over every little thing. It made me wonder if it was because something had happened to Kalen’s wife. Still, I realised I overstepped my bounds touching him.
He was a good-looking man. A woman would be crazy not to see it. But his coldness when his wall erupted around him was enough for me to know to steer clear of him, or I’d have my head bitten off. I wasn’t there to help him; my responsibility was Koda.
Going to the fridge, I grabbed out Koda’s water bottle before saying, “If anything changes in Koda, I’ll call you.” Knowing I wouldn’t get a response, I busied myself in the kitchen while he said goodbye to his son. Once he’d left, I went to Koda to pick him up out of his high chair.
Quieter than usual, Koda leaned his head against my chest. He was definitely coming down with something.
By the end of the day, Koda ended up with a blocked nose, watery, red eyes, and he’d become more irritable. He hated it every time I wiped his nose and even more when he couldn’t breathe from it when it came to bottle and naptime. He didn’t get much sleep at all. His appetite was small; all he wanted were soft things, which I realised when he pushed away his favourite cracker. No doubt he had a sore throat.
Poor boy.
Come five, I rang Kalen because after using his computer, I worked out what Koda would need for his cold.
“Yo.”
“Kalen, it’s me, Mena.” His annoyed sigh was loud, so I went on before he could say anything. “Koda has come down with a cold. Can you pick some things up for him?”
“Fuck. Yeah, what?”
“Vapour rub for babies, a humidifier, the chemist should have them, and we’ll also need a nasal aspirator.”
“Got it. Be back soon,” he said before he hung up.
Placing the phone down, I went back to Koda, picked him up from the floor, and sat him on my knee. He cuddled right in. “Daddy will be home soon, sweet boy, and he’ll bring things that will help.” It sucked an eight-month-old couldnât have medicine to help with all the other pains, but if things didn’t improve in the next day or so, I would ask Kalen to take him to the doctors.
I heard the car pull in before moments later, the front door opened. “You didn’t lock it again,” he said with a growl before walking to us and leaning in to kiss Koda on his cheek. “Hey, buddy,” he whispered in a soft tone that made my heart warm.
Clearing my throat, I informed him, “Actually, Koda and I got up just before to unlock it for you since it’s still pouring out there.” His reply was a chin lift as he stepped back. I saw the worry in his eyes for his son. Standing, I said, “We’ll take the stuff you got in his bedroom. He hasn’t slept much today because his nose is all blocked. I think you may have a rough night ahead. How about I run him a nice warm bath with some lavender lotion mixed in it. It’ll help soothe him while you set up the humidifier?”
“Sure.”
Koda seemed to enjoy his bath at least. After it, I wrapped a towel around him and went back into Koda’s room where I found a freshly showered Kalen. The humidifier was already going. Placing Koda on his change table, I quickly dressed him in his nightwear, leaving the front open.
“Can you pass me the vapour rub?” I asked, holding out my hand. It was slapped on it. Opening the lid, I had Kalen hold the tub while I scooped some out with my fingers. I gently rubbed it onto Koda’s chest, then shifted him to his side for a little on his back, all while Kalen watched on quietly.
“Um, this is the hard part.” I cringed.
“What do you mean?” Kalen barked.
“Can you mind him while I wash my hands?” He nodded. When I got back, Kalen was leaning over his son talking softly to him. “Okay,” I started and then opened the box for the nasal aspirator. “You, um, either do this or hold his head.”
“What the hell are we doing with that thing?”
It was obvious he hadn’t seen a nasal aspirator before. Pointing to the small end, I explained, “This bit will go into Koda’s nose, and then we squeeze this end, and it will suck his snot out.”
It was comical how Kalen paled straight away. “You’re fuckin’ with me, right?”
Shaking my head, I bit my bottom lip to stop my laughter and then mumbled, “No.”
“That is wrong on so many levels. I will not do that or let you do it to my kid,” he bit out and moved in front of Koda like I was a threat.
Rolling my eyes, I asked, “Do you want Koda to be able to breathe?”
“Of course,” he clipped out roughly.
“Then you have to do this. He doesn’t understand how to blow his nose to clear it, Kalen. He needs our help.”
“Fuck.” His eyes went to the ceiling, and then he glared back down at the aspirator. “Jesus motherfucking Christ.”
“Kalen?”
“Okay. All fuckin’ right. But I can’t⦠I won’t do that.” He pointed to the aspirator like it was a gay magazine.
“I’ll do it, but you’ll need to hold his head still for me,” I said. He nodded and moved to the side of the table. Koda, possibly sensing something was about to happen, started crying. “It’s okay, sweet boy. We’ll help you.” Smiling what I hoped was a reassuring smile, I leaned over Koda while Kalen gently took his son’s head in his hands. Placing the end in his nose, I quickly sucked the snot into the aspirator.
Kalen dry retched and then heaved again.
Koda stopped crying and seemed surprised by the sound.
When I moved to his other nostril, Koda started struggling. Looking to Kalen, I saw his head was faced away, and he seemed a little green. “Hold him still, please.”
“Just do it already,” he growled, but his hands controlled Koda’s movements enough for me to do it again. Koda cried on this one.
Kalen’s hands disappeared, and more dry heaving sounded behind me.
“You okay?” I asked with obvious humour in my voice while I picked up Koda to console him. Turning, my eyes landed on a bent-over Kalen, his hands on his knees and he was breathing deeply through his nose.
A giggle bubbled up and came out. I couldn’t stop. Seeing tough Kalen react like that over some snot was the funniest thing I’d ever seen. Soon Koda was laughing with me. Not that he knew it was at his dad’s expense.
“Woman,” Kalen barked. I quieted, and then he must have remembered and heaved again, which caused me to giggle once more. Kalen stood tall and turned to me. “That was the sickest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen some shit in my life.” My hand went over my mouth to try to stop laughing. Kalen’s mouth quirked at the ends. “Stop laughing at me.” I couldn’t.
The visual kept popping into my mind. He groaned, shook his head, and⦠was that a chuckle? It was. He threw his head back and laughed. In fact, I stopped laughing just so I could watch him. It was a beautiful sight.
“Jesus, you are never to mention this shit to anyone. I nearly lost my stomach for fuck’s sake.” He shook his head and held out his hands to Koda, who looked exhausted. Koda went straight into his dad’s arms and grabbed his beard. “Please tell me I won’t have to do that through the night?”
I shrugged. “Not sure. It seemed to help him right now. I’m sure he’s ready for bed as soon as he’s had his bottle.”
“You’re right.” He nodded, looking down at Koda, who was resting his head against Kalen’s chest. A chest that was firm. A chest I hadn’t taken notice of until then. And a chest that I shouldn’t be looking or caring about. “Let’s hope to Christ we don’t have to repeat that. I don’t think I could do it on my own.” He looked up to me. Thankfully, my eyes were already on his face. “You got a phone yet? In case I need you to⦠ah, come back and do that sick shit again?”
Smiling, I rolled my eyes and said, “I would come back and help, but no, I don’t have a phone yet.” I would as soon as payday came which was Friday.
“You need to get onto that. No woman should be without a phone.”
“I will.” I nodded. Our eyes stayed connected. I needed to look away, needed to appear unaffected. I didn’t like the spell I was suddenly under when his steel eyes were soft and warm. When his face was relaxed and not scowling at me. But I didn’t, so, of course, I saw the wince, and his face harden to the Kalen I knew.
I should have looked away first.
Then I wouldn’t have felt the hurt when his upper lip raised in disgust.
Starting for the door, I said, “I better go. See you tomorrow and good luck tonight.”
“Do you need a lift?” His voice was cold once again, and his tone told me he thought I was nothing but a burden.
“No. I drove. My car is out back.” Wanting to get away, I didn’t even say goodbye to Koda. Instead, I walked from the room and then out of the house into the pouring rain. Luckily, I’d got some washing and drying done that day. I had fresh clothes in the car to change into when I was parked back in my spot.
That night was another restless night of sleep. I was concerned for Koda, and I hoped Kalen was handling it all okay. What was also on my mind was Kalen and his quick change of attitude. It was as if he forgot he didn’t like me for a moment. I knew the following day that he’d be back to his usual cold self. Why would he hide that part of himself from me? Whatever the reason, it was a loss that rested deep inside of my hollowed stomach. The part where he was carefree, with no deep dark thoughts consuming his mind.
Still, I knew there was nothing I could do about it.
I was right. Kalen was back to being himself the next day. By that night, Koda wasn’t so ill, and it took only four more days for the sweet boy to be back to his cheeky self. If anything, the cold seemed to have awoken something inside of Koda because it was just a week later, I walked in to a crawling Koda.
A gasp escaped me. I got to my knees and cried a happy cry, clapping my hands in front of me. “You clever, boy. Look at you go.” He crawled right up to me where I picked him up and hugged him close. “You’re amazing, little man.” Smiling, I looked up to Kalen who, I wasn’t surprised, scowled down at me. He quickly disappeared out the front door after that. I was used to the scowlânot that it got any easier to see. Every time my eyes caught it, I’d release a troubled sigh because I didn’t understand his hostility towards me. Well, I sort of did. It seemed Kalen hated seeing the affection I’d show his son, but I wouldn’t stop just because of a mean look. I was proud of the little boy I’d gotten to know and care for, so of course I would show Koda just how amazing I thought he was.
We soon discovered Koda liked to get into everything he could. That was until Kalen came home with more childproof locks, which he put on just about everything.
Chapter Eight
Four Months Later
Dive
I was gonna just have a small party for Koda’s first birthday, but Mena, with Mum’s help, talked me into a big shindig. Well, not too big. I didn’t want too many at the house, which could cause Baxter, the dick, wanting to harm Hawks, to take notice on why so many Hawks brothers were travelling our way. If he was still keeping an eye on us in some way, the travel to mine wouldn’t fly under the radar. There was no way we wouldn’t notice we were being watched, but fuck if we knew what was going through that fucker’s head.
At least the day was gonna be a good one. The sun was out, which caused me to get the BBQ outta the shed. I bought a heap of meat to grill while Mum and Mena said they’d take care of the rest of the food.
Only, that was after Mena came to me and asked if I minded if she came to Koda’s party. At first, I did. But then she’d been pretty cool with him, and she was gonna be in his life for a while, so I told her I didn’t care either way. My answer was a dick move because what I should have said was that she was more than welcome to come. She did so much for Koda, and I knew she deserved to spend his special day with him as well.
I couldn’t seem to turn off my prick when it came to her.
After Mum had come back from her trip, she’d been for dinner once at the weekend and asked Mena to be there as well. After Mena had left that night, Mum had the gall to state I was a bastard to her because I was attracted to her. I’d snarled at her, telling her she didn’t know what she was talking about and ordered her outta the house. She left with a huff, telling me to get my head outta my arse. It pissed me off even more knowing she was right⦠about it all.
The front door opened, and Mena walked in after ducking out to get changed. A yellow summer dress hugged her figure causing my dick to jerk. She saw me, smiled, and started for the kitchen. I glared, shook my head, turned, and went out to the backyard leaving her to do whatever and Mum in Koda’s room getting him changed before everyone showed.
Stupid, fucking cock. Do not take notice of that shit. Never, you hear me.
My head came up from talking to my dick when I heard vehicles approaching. I’d asked them to come in cars and not their rides, so they didn’t attract more attention. Call me paranoid, but I was.
Just as I got around the front, I saw the first car pull up, and then another four parked around it. The one I actually smiled about was Talon and his fuckin’ minivan. I understood it; he had Wildcat, Cody, Maya, and the twins, but shit, it was hilarious to see the prez to all Hawks driving a goddamn minivan.
When he jumped out, he glared and snarled, “Not a motherfucking word.” I threw my head back and roared in laughter, then laughed even harder after Drake jumped outta the back and yelled, “Not another mothertruckin’ word.”
Wildcat’s door flew open. She got out and walked around to face her husband. “Did you hear that, honey?”
“Kitten.” Talon smiled down at her.
“No.” Her hands went to her hips.
“Mum,” Maya started. “Drake didn’t actually swear, and he knows not to because Dad would kick his arsâ” Cody placed his hand quickly over his sister’s mouth.
Zara spun to her kids and glared. She threw her hands up in the air and yelled, “I give up.” She spotted me and started coming at me. I was in her arms next. They tightened around my waist, nearly knocking the breath outta me.
“Boss, your woman’s mauling me again,” I yelled.
A gasp sounded from the front porch. Looking up, I saw Mena standing there. With wide eyes, she looked out to all approaching men. Never thought to mention I was part of an MC. But she’d know it now when all my brothers were wearing their cuts.
Wildcat stepped back. I watched her look from Mena to me and then back again. “Don’t fuckin’ think it,” I warned.
Wildcat faked surprise. “Who me? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Before I could say more, Hell Mouth
shouted, “Where’s the booze? I’m gettin’ tanked. It’s date night, ladies. No kids for us tonight and all the fun we can have.” She threw her arms in the air and hooted. Her man Griz tagged her by the neck with a hand and pulled her close, then whispered something in her ear. She nodded and smiled up at him. “Okay, not too tanked. We both still gotta perform tonight.”
“Aunt Dee.” Cody groaned, shaking his head and looking to the grass.
“Oh, shush, kid. You’re old enough to know about sexâ”
“Low, what’s sex?” Rommy yelled out.
“Oops,” Hell Mouth said, and then after the quick hug she gave me, she bolted inside, where I noticed Mena had also disappeared. Hell Mouth probably knew Low, Dodge’s woman, was gonna kill her.
“Low?” Rommy asked again.
“We’ll talk about it later, sweetheart. Why don’t you kids go find Koda? I’m sure he’s looking forward to some lovin’ from you all.” Rommy skipped off gladly, grabbing Maya’s hand along the way while Tex and Cody grabbed the twins on the way past. All greeted me with a “Hey,” before they walked around to the backyard.
“Sugar, all I suggested was for you to take your weight off your feet,” Blue said suddenly.
“Are you saying I’m getting fat, Blue? Because I swear if your kid makes me fat, I’ll sit on your face just to suffocate you.” She glared at her man before stalking my way where she kissed me on the cheek and said, “Good to see you, Dive.”
“Ah, yeah. Congrats I hear are in order?”
“Thanks.” She smiled and made her way inside with Zara and Low.
My brothers surrounded me. Fuck, it was good to see them. Even though Talon, Griz, and Blue were from the Ballarat charter, and I saw them even less, it meant a fucking lot that they’d come all the way here for Koda. And shit, I didn’t realise I’d missed my brethren from the Caroline Springs charter as much as I had; Dodge, Vicious, and even Lan was there.