by Jane Aimee
"I'm getting more anxious with each passing day. I know I shouldn't be. Your Word says I should be anxious for nothing, but that through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, I should make my request known to you and your peace shall keep my heart calm.
"I don't know what request to make of you right now. I have been praying.
"Okay, this is what I'll request from you. Show me something. Just help me out of this anxiety and panic mode. Please dear Lord, help me. Amen."
She got up from the place of prayer, took her phone and called Mavis.
"Dear, I'm sorry for what happened this evening. Please forgive me."
"It's okay, Bethy. I forgive you."
"Is the bridal train already full?"
"Not yet. I still need four more ladies"
"Count me in"
"You are a darling! Bethy, thank you very much."
"You are welcome. Let me take a rest. I'm so tired from today's activities"
"Good night sweetie."
Bethany dropped the call, feeling greatly relieved. But then some thoughts fleeted across her mind. Mavis is not walking in total obedience to God's Word. Am I right in accepting to be part of her bridal train? She let out a moan. Was this the voice that constantly condemned her? Or just her thoughts? Or maybe God?
She was sick and tired of her wearisome thoughts. A sigh, lights off, she went to bed and soon fell asleep.
~~~~
Nancy's wedding was around the corner. She was leaving Beaumont for Beachmond, not to return after the wedding.
Bethany went to see her. They'd agreed she would join the soon-to-be-married woman on the eve of the wedding. Other church members who would attend the ceremony would arrive on the wedding day which was a week ahead.
The two friends stood around the packed stuffs inside the house, shooting the breeze, eating peanuts, and waiting for the driver Nancy had arranged to come pick her up. Beachmond was not a great distance away, thus the ladies found no annoyance with the driver's delay. They enjoyed their time together.
Nancy went for something in her handbag that was on the table. Bethany looked into the bag and saw a small metal box. Out of curiosity, she took it.
It was a beautiful gold-plated box, the size of a man's fist, containing gold jewelries. The wall on one side was covered with a mirror and the opposite wall had the inscription: To the King's Daughter, Nancy, my Gold of Ophir.
"Gold of Ophir?" Bethany asked. "This is a common phrase in the Old Testament, but I've never thought about it. These jewelries were made out of gold from Ophir?" She was certain they were not.
Nancy smiled, dimples appearing on her smooth cheeks. She explained that the inscription was made by her fiancé, David, and that the phrase referred to her, not the metal from which the jewelry was made. Bethany was eager to know more.
"David told me that Ophir was a place in Bible times that was famous for its gold. Other countries had gold too but gold from Ophir was esteemed for its purity, and highly prized as the best of the best. And the phrase, Gold of Ophir, was later used in poetry to mean something that is precious, treasured and well-guarded. That's what he told me. I've never checked it out for myself."
"I see," Bethany replied, telling herself that not every curiosity needs to be gratified. The explanation of the phrase did make her feel bad about herself. It said a lot of things about what David thought of Nancy. For a man to think highly of a lady, it means that woman must be exceptionally virtuous.
"We are all daughters of the King, and therefore gold of Ophir – precious, treasured and highly-prized." Nancy said, having noticed the friend's changed mood: "He says we are precious and that's how we ought to see ourselves. People may not always see us as precious, but our heavenly Father treasures us. He sent His only Son Je (--)"
"Nancy, sorry to interrupt you. I know you are naturally an encourager, but sometimes it's good to tell the truth as it is. I'm at a point now where I desperately need to stop being bothered about my single status and people's opinions about that status. So please, just tell me the way it is. David had more reasons than the fact that you are born-again to give you that tag."
Nancy hesitantly nodded. "Yeah."
Bethany looked more closely at the box, taking out some of its contents to admire. She had a thought on her mind, and decided to be frank about it.
"Nancy," if I have to be honest with you, I would say your talk always makes me feel ashamed. Yeah. I don't know if I have treasured myself enough or if another person would see me as precious. I love God, for sure, but it's sometimes hard to have a good opinion of oneself, especially under certain conditions."
"Bethy dear, it has more to do with how you see yourself than what others have to say. And I love you and never have had any reason to make you feel ashamed."
Bethany nodded. It was hard on her feelings some of the things Nancy used to say but there was no doubt they came from a heart of love.
"That's a cliché," Bethany replied. "People say it all the time. The hardest part is doing it –actually learning how to think well of oneself and to forget about people's opinions."
Nancy thought for some seconds. "I don't think it just means choosing to start thinking whatever one can visualize about oneself. That can be very hard to do because life has a way of making most people have poor images of themselves, even if they succeed to hide it from the outside world. There's always someone else or something to compare with. So there's that constant battle.
"For me, it has stemmed from my Identity in Christ, not who I naturally should have been. That picture has affected the way I've to chosen to live and my decision to promote chastity, virtue and integrity. For the Lord's sake. Six years of being born-again and two years of being with David.
"It's so nice to have him recognize it but I'd still have wanted to be who I think God wants me to be, who He says I am, notwithstanding."
"Nancy, you are deep. David is sure blessed to have you," Bethany admitted, very much wowed by her friend's sincere but simple faith. "You are a nice person. Where did you meet?"
"We met here in Beaumont, during my last year in the university."
Bethany put the box back into the bag. Nancy continued, "My spiritual mentor really deserves the credit. God was so gracious to me and brought someone my way who made sure I was rooted and grounded in the word and in relationship with God. One thing he told me is that it is important to build a firm foundation for one's life based on God. That affects every stage and phase of life –some challenges don't cease when one gets married."
Bethany nodded. Nancy continued. "It is true that singles face many challenges, but the reason for compromise most times is for the sake of acceptance and to feel important. But one's identity is not determined by their civil status. It's society that tells us that lie and many singles are yet to realize it."
Bethany looked in surprise at her friend, not because of what she said, but as usual, because of who said it. She wished she had known as much at Nancy's age. Was God answering her request for help? Was this the help she needed?
"One thing my mentor stressed about identity, especially for the single, is that if I look at marriage as an achievement, something to make me feel happy, important and admired, it was going to create trouble for me. Marriage is work, so the wise say. With divorce rates increasing –God forbid it for me –and bereavement too, once married doesn't mean always married. So what happens if one's identity is tied to marriage?"
"Nancy, I agree with you, but you certainly do not know, and fortunately will never know some of the challenges I go through, and what people say, whether out of genuine concern or plain nosiness. Widows are the only class of singles that are treated well – they receive sympathy. Divorcees are judged and condemned. The never-marrieds are judged, made fun of and despised. Just greet or talk to a brother in church a certain way, and 'you are seeking for attention'!"
They both laughed so hard that Bethany tripped on a bag standing in front of her. Nancy, in a bid to s
top her from falling, caught her with great force and dragged her towards herself. Instead of keeping a balance, the force with which she had pulled her friend caused them to fall down together. That made their laughter sweeter and longer. They sat up on the floor.
"Some standards are set by society, whether we like them or not," Bethany said after the laughter had died down. "So, we just have to accept being part of the society in which we live –at least just to stop all the trouble from people."
"I disagree."
The horn of a vehicle sounded outside. Nancy went out to call the driver in. As Bethany stood alone in the room, the Condemner's voice came clear: You ought to be ashamed; look who is teaching you. Shouldn't it have been the other way round? And if you are honest with yourself you'd admit that she is not telling you anything you haven't heard, except that Gold of Ophir explanation thing. You know the difference between you: she's got the experience; you've got a head full of knowledge.
Just shut up! Bethany told him.
When the vehicle was ready to leave, Nancy embraced her friend tightly, whispering into her ears, "We are daughters of the King. We are Gold of Ophir, married or single. Father sees us as precious. Don't let anyone condemn you or cheat you out of your identity in Christ. Live out of who you are in Christ. I love you."
"Love you too, dear. Thank you so much. Safe journey and see you next week."
~~~~
"I'm happy for you, Big sis, but I still can't believe you bought a car!"
"Bethany, I needed one."
Bethany had reason to be scared about the purchase –it was unusual around, as much as she knew, for a single lady to ride a car. It meant just one thing.
"I know your fears, Bethy, but I can't continue to live as if I'm waiting for some man somewhere to come give me the life I need. Is the purchase a sin?"
Bethany shrugged her shoulder, and then shook her head. "I don't think so. No, but..."
"Are you taking a ride with me or not?"
"I'm in!"
Chapter Ten: Daphne's Calmness
Mavis' wedding came and passed.
Daphne and Bethany went to visit Samantha at her Small London residence. She had been absent from the ceremony. It was late in the afternoon and Samantha's telephone number wasn't going through.
The apartment looked deserted. A fly was struggling to escape the fate of many of its fellows from the stretch of cobweb weaved around the windowpane protectors while its live fellows were partying in the full waste basket standing beside the pillar in front of the door. A layer of dust lay on the windowsill and on the verandah, where footprints were visible. The contrast with the other apartments of the building in terms of sanitation was too great.
The two friends knocked for several minutes and were about to turn away when the key turned in the lock from the inside. A tired-looking Samantha opened the door. She had added more weight.
They had hardly found where to seat when she replied to the unspoken purpose of their visit. "I'm pregnant," she said and went ahead to sweep away any suspicions from their minds that it was a blunder from a sinful adventure. "It was a very intentional act. And you both understand why I did it."
There was a deafening silence for almost a minute. "I can't die childless even if I have to die husband-less. I don't look that old because I have a younger face but I'm 43, almost 44, so it's even a miracle."
Bethany looked at Daphne, surprised; they'd always thought Daphne and Samantha were same age. "You don't expect me in my old age to have no one to call my own. It's been a traumatic experience waiting and hoping someone will finally come, but all hope is gone – except for this blessing in my tummy."
Daphne and Bethany remained speechless. They least expected it. They were dumbfounded at Samantha's justification of her act. Her frustration had been evident, but the friends had never imagined it would come to the point of deliberate compliance with sinful methods.
Samantha predicted their response to her admission, and did not let them have the opportunity to voice it out. "And don't you dare talk to me about God. I know all about that crap!" she shouted. "And you would think that after paying my tithes faithfully, after going on Missions outreaches, after working tirelessly in service to the church, that He up there will see and reward my efforts! No! Instead some non-serious youth like Mavis gets married as if it's no big deal!... And Pastor Luke and wife come here to tell me nonsense! I hope they could…could…could gang up on God until He fulfills his promises to the faithful!"
"Samantha, please calm down," Daphne pleaded but the irate lady would not, until a plea came on behalf of the baby. She calmed down for a short while.
"They could taunt me for being single but no one will ever call me a childless woman!"
"Calm down," Daphne pleaded again. "We didn't see you at Mavis' wedding and we remembered she said you were sick. Even before the wedding your telephone number wasn't going through. So we came to check on you."
"You now know the reason for my isolation. I just wish you let me be. I did it, I don't regret it and I'm ready for the consequences." Samantha knew that nothing they said would agree with her decision.
"Samantha, if you are willing to admit you did wrong, we…I am ready to stand by you and give (--)"
"Daphne, if you don't mind, I think the purpose of your visit has been accomplished. You came to check on me. You've seen my condition, and like I said, I did it fully conscious of what I was doing. I won't take another judgment from anyone. Allow me in the hands of God –let He alone be my judge."
"No one is judging you."
"Please, I want to be alone!"
Daphne and Bethany got up to leave.
"And you can tell the whole world about me, I don't care!"
Bethany was shocked at the frustration of their friend, but equally aware of the anxiety in her own heart. Can I come to this place of sheer madness at the prospect of living single for life? No, this is too far. I cannot reach this stage. O Lord, please help me. She remembered what Nancy had said. But I do not want to be single. Honestly, I do not want to be single any more.
Her teenage and early adulthood fantasies had been filled with the perfect picture of life which she could draw. She had gone a bit loose during her late teenage years. When she later became a Christian, she was no longer permitted, having been restricted by God's Word, to enjoy the physical relation with a man. She waited for the right time, with the right person. Was the wait to no purpose?
She remembered some few faces of some people, male and female, who didn't take the same stance with her. One Justilina with whom she had been acquainted many years back, would once in a while get out of bounds. She would defend herself and justify her actions. "God understands. I don't produce the emotions, yet they get unbearable sometimes. I confess and ask God's forgiveness afterwards and I move on. He is gracious. He doesn’t expect perfection from us while we are still in this body."
And then there was Malcolm, the youth leader in the church Bethany attended during university days. Malcolm had read a book in which the author said that the Christian is so united in spirit with God that the body becomes disconnected as far as spiritual matters are concerned. The body is just a house for the real person, who is a spirit. Malcolm taught that anything was permissible in the body as long as the person believed it was permissible.
Malcolm had become so fixated on these beliefs that he blatantly lived in immorality. The church tried to bring him to order, but he believed they were the ones in error. He was excommunicated, but not without his false teaching and behavior affecting a few youths.
But Bethany had resisted the temptation uncountable times. How much longer would she have to resist and endure? What if the right person never comes to usher in the right time? Am I never going to enjoy that privilege? O Lord, please! Please!
Daphne thought Samantha's case was a very unusual one – the case of a heart that found no purpose living than to fulfill a typical dream, which when it did not materialize, the dreamer
was left with no other purpose and value. She was sure much harm was done by single ladies to themselves when they failed to appreciate their worth outside of matrimony.
The two stood beside the car for a considerable length of time. Bethany confessed to Daphne that she was afraid and wanted to avoid a similar occurrence.
"I am calm now, but I once was in panic mode," Daphne said regretfully. "And it didn't help. I wish I had known better."
Daphne related a part of her life that was unknown to Bethany.
She had graduated from university at age twenty one, and started getting pieces of work to do. She was a young Christian, and eager to grow in her faith. But then one night, she watched a comedian on television talk about the many women thronging the churches in the search for husbands. The comedian had joked that the large numbers of women had resulted in a scarcity of marriageable men. He had even quoted the Bible, Isaiah 4:1, and then said it was not going to be long before pastors would be conducting weddings for a single groom with seven brides.
Bethany remembered that Kaleb had told her a similar thing.
"I got so scared that I made a resolution," Daphne said. "I was going to get married as soon as possible."
The first, second, third and fourth dates didn't result in the desired end.
"We were loose. We had no boundaries in those relationships even though all the guys I dated were also professing Christians. I was so fearful to lose each – so I had to give in to their demands – but at the end of the day it still wouldn't work out. My integrity ran down the drain."
Bethany stood still, goggle-eyed. Daphne's revelation was shocking. She had known Big sis for three years and could never have conceived such a past about the lady who was a model of consecration to her. Had she heard that from a secondary source, she would never have bought the lie.
"Finally, I recommitted my life to God and severed the last relationship. The guy wasn't even interested in marrying me. It was another relationship that was going nowhere. I came back to the Lord – my first love."