"Mommy!"
The second she heard her boy's voice, Harper snatched her hand out from under mine and moved to the opposite side of the kitchen. It happened so fast that, if I weren't still feeling the tingling sensation in my hand, I'd have thought that I'd imagined her there a moment ago.
"Mooommy," Flynn's little nag came through again. "Can I show Logan now?"
There was no question that I found Harper beautiful, but the way her face lit up when she looked at her son made her simply irresistible. And when I caught sight of the smile she gave Flynn, I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like when she aimed one at me.
Too quickly, she glanced at me before looking at Flynn again. "If Logan says it's okay-"
Halfway through her sentence I felt Flynn's small fingers curl around two of mine. The action was so sudden and unexpected; the boy might as well have reached inside my chest and squeezed my heart.
Between my brothers and me, I had been the one who'd wanted a family of my own the most. I wasn't proud of it, but when Eli, my oldest brother, had announced that his girlfriend at the time was pregnant, jealousy had bubbled through my veins. Even though Eli didn't get the girl, he still had Molly, and I spoiled her rotten every chance I got.
But not even Molly's tightest hug had elicited such a burning behind my breastbone before. Unable to speak, I just nodded and allowed the little boy to tug me out of the kitchen. With every step I took, I couldn't help but think that getting involved with Harper and her son was going to destroy me.
The air in my lungs clogged up my throat and suffocated me. Needing to breathe, I pushed open the back door and stumbled on to the little deck that led to the backyard. With the heel of my palm pressed against my heart, I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly.
I'd known having Logan in my space wouldn't be good, and I wasn't wrong. My heart had started racing from the moment I'd caught sight of him ambling toward me with that swagger that only he could pull off, and it wasn't showing any sign of stopping.
Casting my eyes upward to the darkening sky, I wondered: Why now? Why this man? I could remember feeling something similar when I'd first met Drew; he'd been charming and kind then. Swept me off my feet until I was so taken with him, I couldn't imagine living without him. And look where that had landed me.
Even though my body's reaction to Logan felt eerily familiar and scared me to death, somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice whispered that he was nothing like my abusive husband.
Laughter from Flynn's room caught my attention and forced me back inside. The joyous sounds that seemed as if it came straight from my little boy's belly filled my heart with joy. There weren't many things in life that I was proud of, but Flynn was definitely one of them. He was my rock and my strength even if he didn't know it.
I'd done many questionable things in my life, but he wasn't one of them. It didn't matter that one half of his DNA belonged to a monster. People that bad were not born evil; they were made to be so. The day I stepped out of Drew's clutches I'd asked God to keep us safe long enough for me to raise a good man.
Yet another rowdy bout of laughter filtered through the house. I didn't miss Logan's deep chuckle or the fact that the sound sent a shiver through my body. Trying to ignore the fire burning inside me, I turned my attention back to cooking and chided myself. My damn rampant hormones needed to go back to their slumber.
Maybe that was why Logan was having this effect on me. For years, sex hadn't bothered me at all. If I had an itch, I'd scratch it myself. But since meeting Logan, every one of my solo performances included images of him. I'd imagine having his big, calloused hands on me instead of my own.
"Ugh, I need help," I muttered to myself.
"Anything I can do?"
At the sound of his sexy rasp my eyes snapped to the archway where Logan was standing with his hands pushed into his pockets—looking very much as if he owned the place - my heart almost gave out. With my fingers curled tightly around the edge of the counter I steadied myself.
There was plenty he could do, but I wasn't about to voice that. Plus, I definitely didn't need him in my space at this very moment. "I think I've got it covered for now."
I'd expected him to insist on helping anyway, but he didn't. No, he just smiled—a big, full smile that was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful—and said, "Great. I was hoping you'd say that."
My brows pulled together. "You were?"
"Yeah, I want to show Flynn my bike," Logan's hand came up and scrubbed the back of his neck. "If that's okay with you."
"I don't know, Logan." There were so many reasons why this was a bad idea. Not only could it be physically dangerous if he put my boy on that beast, but emotionally too. I didn't want Flynn latching on to this man.
"I won't take him out on it," Logan sounded careful as if he knew most of what was troubling me. "I'll just rev her a bit for him. We'll be ten minutes, tops. You could even come with."
I considered his question carefully. It wasn't like he was taking Flynn out of state; they were just going next door. I turned my attention to the big window that didn't just overlook my backyard but gave me a partial view of Logan's as well. As I suspected his cherry red bike was in my line of sight, so I could easily keep watch over Flynn.
"You can take him," My gaze locked onto his. "Just, please don't put him on that thing."
Logan's tongue snaked over his lips, the action instantly drawing my attention. "Don't like bikes?"
My eyes snapped back to his. He was staring at me with the same intensity in his gaze that I felt in my entire body. "They seem a bit intimidating."
Logan nodded in understanding. "Have you been on one?"
"No."
He smiled again; this one held just a hint of mischievousness. "Maybe someday soon I'll take you for a ride." Before I had time to tell him there was no way I was getting on a bike with him, he gave me his back and spoke over his shoulder, "We won't be long."
Even if the sound of Flynn's excited voice didn't clue me in, the big smile on his face did. My boy was happy. I'd been watching them on and off for the past ten minutes. As promised, Logan hadn't put Flynn on the bike, but he had revved it quite a bit. At first, I thought the loud noise would scare my little boy, but he didn't want Logan to stop.
Euphoria was clear on his face, and it hit me right in my chest. For the first time, I was aware of the fact that there were things that I was never going to be able to give Flynn. He was a boy, and he needed a man's influence in his life, there was only so much I could teach him.
Shaking my head in an effort to rid my mind of the melancholic thoughts there, I pulled the garlic bread from the oven. A few minutes later I heard the front door open followed by Flynn's little giggles.
"Mommy, mommy," my little boy came barreling into the kitchen all smiles. "Logan's bike is so big, and when he turns the handle, it goes wrooom wrooom. It's so loud; I even felt the ground shake."
I dropped to my knees in front of Flynn only to see his blue eyes big, wide and sparkling. "Wow! Weren't you scared?"
"Nah uh," Flynn's little head shook from side to side. "It was awesome, mommy!"
"You're such a big boy. Now, go wash your hands, dinner is ready."
As I watched Flynn race out of the kitchen, I caught sight of Logan standing inside the archway. The expression on his face almost seemed like one of longing. The moment he found my eyes on him he smiled at me, except this time it didn't quite reach his eyes.
With my eyes still on him, I straightened. "Flynn is bursting with excitement, thank you."
Logan's shrug looked heavy almost like the whole world's problems were resting on his broad shoulders. "He's a great kid."
"Yeah," I looked past Logan down the hallway where my boy disappeared to moments ago. "He's pretty amazing." When my gaze flickered back to him his eyes were still glued to me, whatever was burning behind those dark irises tugged at something deep inside me. It was immensely unsettling.
Unable to look at h
im for a second longer I turned and busied myself with checking the pots on the stove.
"Is there something you need me to do?"
Leave.
The word was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn't give it sound. Instead, I took a silent, deep inhalation. "Set the table. Plates are in there," I pointed toward the cupboard a few feet away from him. "Forks and knives are in the drawer above the plates."
With a small nod of his dark head, Logan silently proceeded to do what he was told. Minutes later all three of us were seated with plates in front of us. With Flynn unable to stop talking, the adults didn't get a chance to have a conversation. Something I was extremely grateful for. I didn't want to get to know Logan.
With him being nothing more than a fantasy in my head, things were fine. I didn't need him invading my space and awakening feelings that I had no business feeling. Logan must've sensed that something was off. When dinner was done, he didn't offer to help with the dishes. He simply said that he'd better get going and after he high-fived Flynn I walked him to the door.
"You need a ride to work in the morning?" Logan was standing on my porch; his hands perched in his pockets.
I shook my head. "I've sorted it with Lizzy."
"Right," He pulled his hand from his pocket and tapped the frame twice with his knuckles. "Thanks for dinner."
"Thanks for the help today."
Again our gazes locked setting off my pulse at breakneck speed. There was a slight shift in his body, and for a second I thought he was going to lean down and press his lips to mine.
He didn't.
I heard his small sigh when he raked his long fingers through his hair. "Sweet dreams, Sugar." With that, he turned and hopped down the porch steps. I closed the door but couldn't resist watching him leave through my window. Finally, when he was out of sight, I let out a long breath. Yeah, there was no way my dreams were going to be sweet tonight.
"Well, you look like a dog's breakfast."
I looked up from Harper's engine to find Brett holding two coffees with a knowing grin on his face. As usual, his light hair was combed back and the scruff on his face neatly trimmed.
"It's woman troubles, isn't it?" Brett continued, offering one coffee to me. Reaching behind me I pulled the old rag from my back pocket and wiped my hands. Only after I'd taken a long swallow of the hot liquid did I speak.
"I'm just tired." Not offering any more than that, I walked to the back of the workshop knowing my friend would be close behind. I grabbed one of the chairs, swung it around and straddled it. With my arms balancing on the back of the chair I stared at the cement floor while Brett pulled up a seat next to me.
"You forget, I know you better than anyone else does. Wanna talk about it?"
If there was anyone I could talk to, it was Brett. We'd met when both of us were at the lowest points in our lives and have been as close as brothers since. So the fact that I didn't want to talk to Brett about Harper was perplexing.
Silence stretched between us, and I did not doubt that Brett was giving me space to work through what was bothering me. The thing was, no matter how I looked at it, I was screwed.
After leaving Harper's the night before, I'd slept for shit. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing her and her little boy. I'd spent just an evening with them, and already I wanted more.
"Look, man," Brett's voice sliced through my thoughts. "Maybe you need a good old-fashioned lay. It'd be a good way to get whatever's bothering you out of your system."
"I had dinner with Harper last night," I announced, downright ignoring Brett's suggestion.
"Uh…okay. I didn't know things were progressing."
I aimed my frown at the floor. "They're not."
"That's good." Brett let out an audible sigh of relief.
Lightning-fast my head snapped up, and I glared at my friend. "Good? How's that good?"
"She seems like a nice enough person, but man, she's got a kid. That's some serious baggage right there. You don't wanna be messing around with a single mom. She's probably on the lookout for someone to play daddy to her boy."
Anger started to bubble in my veins. "Harper isn't like that."
"Yeah? How do you know, Logan?"
The truth was, I didn't know. But something in my gut told me that she wasn't. Besides, if that was what she was after she'd have acted on what we'd both felt last night.
"You need to mind your damn business." Done with the conversation, I pushed to my feet and stomped up the stairs against the wall that led to my little office. Irritation and anger had me shutting the door with a loud slam before I dropped my body onto my leather sofa.
My reaction to what Brett had said was alarming, to say the least. I knew nothing about this woman, and yet I was prepared to defend her. The funny thing was I'd do it again. There was just something about Harper that spoke to some broken part of my soul.
Two sharp knocks against my door, had me squeezing my lids tightly together. Whatever else Brett had to say, I didn't want to hear it. "Piss off."
Whoever was at the door totally ignored me and entered the office anyway. "What's crawled up your ass?"
A loud groan escaped my lips before I swung my legs off the couch and settled into a seated position. By that time Chase had already made himself comfortable by parking his ass on my desk.
"What are you doing here?"
Chase ran a palm over his jaw while he scanned the cluttered office. As usual, he was dressed in dark blue jeans with a khaki button down. With my brother's scrutinizing gaze sweeping over my space the familiar ache of feeling less than human settled in my chest. Growing up I'd always felt like the outsider even though nobody had treated me as such. As a young boy, I couldn't understand why I didn't want the same things out of life as my brothers did.
I still didn't understand.
"What's up with you?" Chase's voice forced me back to the moment.
"Nothing. Did you need something?"
My short answer was met with a frown. "Okay," Chase said as he crossed one leg over the other and folded his arms in front of him. "Straight to the point then. If Harper is the only reason you want to adopt a dog, I can tell you now that I'm not going to approve it. Taking care of a pet is a huge responsibility."
Biting down on my teeth, I inhaled deeply. "What? You think I'm incapable of taking care of anyone or anything but myself?" My voice came out louder and harsher than I'd intended, but I was sick of being judged by the mistakes I'd made in the past.
I was a thirty-three-year-old man still being held accountable for the actions of a seventeen-year-old boy. It was bullshit.
I saw the shift in Chase's body, and I knew what was coming. The same thing everyone always threw at me when I was in a bad mood. "Do I need to check?"
Both hurt and furious, I jumped up and stormed toward Chase. Pulling up the sleeves of my coveralls, I exposed the insides of my arms to my brother. "No, you don't need to bloody ask. I haven't used in over thirteen years. I'm just in a piss poor mood, and you're making it worse. So…"
What I needed was for everyone to just stay out of my business. Wordlessly I stalked to my door and opened it. With my eyes fixed on the dark wood instead of Chase, I said, "We'll talk later."
For a long, tense moment Chase didn't move. I didn't want to throw my little brother out of my office. But, with the mood that I was in, I just might've. Luckily Chase slowly pushed off the desk and moved toward the door, stopping in front of me, he said, "You know where to find me if you need to talk."
As soon as I was able to, I shut the door and locked it this time. Bracing both my hands against the door, I let my head hang.
If I'd known that this was how my day was going to go, I'd have stayed in bed.
The little bell above the door chimed, and I only shook my head when I saw who came waltzing in.
"I come with food." Lizzy's smile was as bright as her yellow tank top.
"No," I shook my head and laughed. "You're only here because you want information
. I already told you fifty times this morning: nothing happened."
The smell of Lizzy's freshly baked quiche permeated the air, and my stomach grumbled in answer. Not being able to wait until Lizzy reached me; I rounded my desk and pulled the takeout box from my friend's grasp.
"And it doesn't matter how much food you ply me with, the facts are going to remain the same." I moved back to my desk and began tucking into my lunch while Lizzy perched herself on the desk. "Besides," I said around a fork full of food. "I'm not going to do anything with Flynn right there."
Lizzy's face lit up. "If that's the sole thing holding you back, you know I'd be happy to watch the little guy while you…" Lizzy grinned and waggled her eyebrows. "You know."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Why the sudden interest in my sex life? Shouldn't you be more focused on yours?"
"Just because I'm not talking about it doesn't mean I'm not having it."
Not interested in the food anymore, I pushed it aside and sat up straighter. "You're seeing someone?"
Before Lizzy could answer the door chimed again.
I swallowed hard as I watched him approach; scanning the room with every step he took.
Eli Jackson's gaze flitted between me and Lizzy before he tipped his head in greeting. "Ladies."
I hoped my smile didn't seem as fake as it was. "Sheriff."
Eli's eyes narrowed—as they always did when he regarded me. "Chase in?"
"No. His next appointment is at three, so he should be back before then. Can I give him a message?"
As if he didn't believe me, Eli steadily scanned the room again. "I'll just come back later." With that, he turned and left.
"Honestly, I can't believe he is related to Logan and Chase," Lizzy whispered next to me.
"I know."
Eli Jackson scared me.
But not in a dangerous way, it was more like he knew I was hiding something. There was always suspicion in his gaze, and he was the only person in Willow Creek who hadn't attempted to make me feel at home. He'd also made no secret of the fact that he didn't trust me.
Shattered (Willow Creek Book 1) Page 4