Jimmy was in his twenties, acted as if he were in his teens. Donovan said they were lucky to have him. The kid loved to work. It didn’t matter what chore he was given; Jimmy did it with a smile. Today he was mucking the stalls with that grin still in place.
Nellie wanted to smile back, but it froze on her face. “I’m fine, Jimmy, would you please tend to Casey for me?”
She must look a fright. How could she go inside and face Phyl and the children? They’d know in a heartbeat something was wrong. Slowing her steps, she took a deep breath, hoping to gather some calm. Some dignity.
Willing her legs to hold her upright, Nellie went into the kitchen. Susie was at the table with crayons and a stack of papers.
“Mom! What happened?”
Phyl rushed toward Nellie, her arms extended as if to catch her.
“I fell in the pond.”
“What?”
Nellie gave a small laugh, not sure it came out as more than a whimper. “Nothing serious, Phyl. I just need a hot shower and a little rest.”
“Are you sure? Besides being wet, you look pale. Did you faint? Maybe you’re sick.”
“I didn’t faint, and I’m not sick,” Nellie said as firmly as she could.
She walked past Phyl and didn’t stop to talk to Susie as she usually did. In the bathroom, she stripped rapidly and stepped into the shower. Even as hot water cascaded down her body, she couldn’t stop trembling.
She’d spent her life following a rigid set of rules. Rarely had she wavered. Not even years ago when Duncan died and she thought her life was over. Those rules had kept her sane in those dark days. But this was now, and today it was as if those rules had never been. She’d waded into that pond, flirted with a man she’d known only a few months, and kissed him.
Her childhood reared up and hit her in the face.
Nellie shivered. The water turned cool so she turned off the faucets.
As she stepped out of the shower, she caught a glimpse of herself in the floor length mirror. Who was that woman? Her red hair, with a few gray streaks, was a short, tangled mess, her eyes wide and wild. And her body? She examined herself closely; something she hadn’t done in years. She was still thin, at least that hadn’t changed, even though her skin sagged in places. Turning, she checked her behind. Not as bad as others she’d seen. Not that great either, she reminded herself. The curves and hard muscles of her youth were gone. But her legs were okay.
Grabbing a robe, she wrapped it around herself and dried her hair. Why did she care what her body looked like? She’d had a good husband, raised five children. Good children, too. The contrast of hers and Beau’s came to mind.
One more glance in the mirror. She had no business caring what her body looked like as long as she kept it healthy and clean.
Mucking around in a pond with a neighbor she barely knew didn’t fall into either category.
No, it fell under the very category the Fraziers had warned her of so long ago.
She wouldn’t think about it now. What was done was done. She would apologize the next time she saw him and forget today ever happened.
So why did she still taste him? Still feel his hardness. Oh yes. Hardness. She’d felt it right through her jeans and straight to the part of her she’d been sure had died with Duncan.
Letting out a long sigh, Nellie lay on the bed and wrapped a blanket around herself. Shutting her eyes, she saw the scene again. Beau laughing at her from the pond, teasing her as they splashed water at each other, the intensity of his gaze before he kissed her.
Beau was a handsome man. A big man. At six feet, he had to weigh almost two-hundred-pounds, and not an ounce of fat anywhere.
Before he bought the ranch, he must have had dozens of women after him. Maybe there was still one out there waiting for him to get over his ranch fever.
None of that mattered. His life was his no matter who else was in it.
Guilty. She felt so guilty. As if she’d done something terribly wrong.
She couldn’t stop her thoughts as they took her back to her foster home where the voices of the Fraziers, her foster parents, grated at her every chance they got. It started the first day she went to live with them. The constant reminder she could do nothing right. The taunts. The jibes. She’d never lived on a ranch before, or done ranch work. But she’d done everything asked of her on their small ranch and more. Until the day Mr. Frazier had found her in the barn with the young man they’d hired to help for the summer of her fifteenth year, her fifth with the Fraziers. She never knew his real name, only that he called himself Buck. He was probably only eighteen, but to Nellie’s inexperienced eyes, a man of the world. They’d exchanged a few words here and there over the six weeks he’d been working there. Maybe a shy smile now and then.
A part of her had thought he was an answer to her prayers.
Instead he’d left her behind in a nightmare more hellish than ever.
It was her sixteenth birthday. No one had remembered—or cared if they had. She’d walked into the barn after dinner to spend some time with the horses, her only source of companionship on the ranch, and the only source of affection she’d received since her parents had been killed in a horrible accident seven years earlier. They didn’t have a lot of money, but they’d showered love on their children. To celebrate their anniversary, they had rented a small pop-up tent, left the kids with their neighbors, and headed for Canyon Lake State Park They were so happy; waving and promising they’d take the kids next time.
There had been no next time. No one knew the propane tank had a leak. Her parents went to bed that night and never woke up.
Tears threatened, but she held them back.
Buck was there, sitting on a bale of hay and repairing some tack. Usually he worked from early morning to mid afternoon and was gone before dinner, so she didn’t expect to see him.
Her grief and loneliness that day were so great; she’d smiled and accepted his invitation to sit beside him while he worked. For fifteen minutes, she had. For the first time since he’d arrived at the ranch, they’d talked, mostly about what he was doing with the tack. Nothing personal, that was for sure. Then he said something, and she laughed, something she hadn’t done in what felt like years, and something she’d never expected to do that day. She’d considered it her birthday gift.
Smiling, she’d stood to leave. As she did, he caught her by the hand, his expression suddenly serious as he rose to his feet. Nellie didn’t know what to think or do; she had no idea how to act, as with heartbreaking sweetness he’d leaned toward her and kissed her. Softly. Simply. Nothing inappropriate, just an innocent declaration of interest. Taken by surprise, she’d leaned into the kiss for a heart-stopping moment, then caught herself, and was just about to back away when Mr. Frazier yanked them apart and threw her to the barn floor. Buck protested and helped her up, then tried to defend her, but he was no match for Mr. Frazier, especially when Mr. Frazier threatened to have him arrested if he didn’t leave immediately and never return.
The moment Buck stalked out of the barn, red faced and furious, Mr. Frazier started in on her. He’d known it all along. She was nothing but a tramp. He’d ranted at her for what felt like an hour while she stood there, alone and scared, confused and ashamed. From that day until the day she left two years later, she did both her work and Buck’s. Her days filled with grueling, backbreaking labor from sunup to sundown, at times she doubted she’d survive.
Secretly she made plans for another life, starting the day she turned eighteen. But when the Fraziers discovered her plans, they laughed aloud. She wasn’t going anywhere. She had nowhere to go. If she left the ranch, she’d never make it. They didn’t pay her, didn’t even give her an allowance. How did she figure she was going to pay for college with no money? Just went to show how stupid she really was if she thought she could do better than them.
She didn’t find out until shortly after her eighteenth birthday that several thousand dollars had been held in trust for her and her younger
brother, who had been sent to a different foster home upstate, from a class action lawsuit that had been filed on their behalf against the makers of the pop-up.
The tears she’d shed that day were tears of joy. She’d left the ranch within the hour and never looked back. She’d vowed then that if she ever had children, she would be the opposite of the Fraziers.
Nellie had kept her promise. She’d raised her children with love and approval. Every achievement, whether it be a school project or a ranch chore, was praised. While raising her children, she’d worked constantly to hide her inadequacies. No one knew. Duncan had never questioned her abilities, and her children looked at her with love and devotion, seeing only what she wanted them to see.
That should be enough. Shouldn’t it?
Today had shown her how wrong she was.
She couldn’t stop shaking, so she drew the blanket tighter. She wouldn’t think about anything except what she was cooking for dinner, something to go with apple pie. But when she shut her eyes, all she could see were Beau’s electric blue eyes as they came closer and closer. All she could feel was that kiss.
A soft knock at the door cleared her head.
Carrying a tray with tea and cookies, Phyl came in with a worried look. “I thought you might need a little something to warm you up after your dunking.”
Nellie started out of bed, but Phyl gently pushed her down, propped pillows under her head, and handed her the cup. “Now, tell me what happened.”
There was no way Nellie could tell her precious daughter-in-law how foolish she’d acted. So she mustered a smile. “I’m getting clumsy in my old age.”
“Nonsense. You’re not old, and you’ve never been clumsy.”
Phyl fussed with the tray, offered a cookie that Nellie refused.
“I took a pie to Beau, found him in the pond trying to get a calf out that had gotten stuck in the mud.” She winced at the telling. “He couldn’t get her to move. I could see he’d been at it a while and felt sorry for him. So in I went in to help.”
“You’re kidding.”
Nellie faked a laugh. “Not kidding. I haven’t done that in quite a while.”
“You’re sure you’re okay?”
“I’m not so old I can’t still help on the ranch.” Nellie tried to keep her voice casual. There was no way she’d tell the rest of it.
“I didn’t mean anything of the kind. I hope I’m as beautiful and active as you in a few years.”
“A lot of years.” Nellie reminded her. As much as she loved her daughter-in-law, Nellie wanted to be alone. “Now, if you don’t mind...?ˮ
Phyl’s mouth curved. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
Nellie nodded, then turned away from Phyl’s trusting stare.
She had never outright lied to the family, but here she was, telling only a half-truth. She’d never told any of them of her time with the Fraziers. They knew she’d lived in foster homes, one of which was a ranch, but no one knew how miserable she’d been. There’d been no need for them to know about those years of pain.
She looked at Phyl and saw her concern. Nellie admired Phyl so much. She hadn’t had an easy life either, but after all she had gone through, Phyl had managed to maintain an easy nature, which made her easy to love. No one loved her more than Nellie’s oldest son, Donovan. Their devotion to each other was palpable.
Nellie groaned softly. How could she sit here and not tell any part of her true self? The part she’d kept hidden for almost sixty years.
“Thanks for the tea, but I need to get dressed and start dinner.”
“Why don’t you rest? I’ll fix dinner.” Phyl frowned. “Even bring it to you, if you like.” She brushed Nellie’s stray hair behind an ear. “You look pale. I want you to rest.”
“You’re going to spoil me.”
Phyl chuckled. “Are you kidding? If Donovan sees you like this, he’ll take you in to see the doctor. Then he’ll chide me for not doing it earlier.”
“Ridiculous. I’m fine.”
“Glad to hear it.” Phyl rose, took the tray and headed for the door. “Stay in bed. Let me take care of you for a change.”
Other than the few days it took to recuperate from childbirth, Nellie had never stayed in bed and certainly never wished to be waited on.
Duncan had brought her coffee on Sunday mornings before the bedlam of a house full of children took over. Even then, Nellie would never lie in bed in the middle of the day.
Perhaps the age of sixty was some kind of turning point.
If so, she didn’t like it.
Still, she didn’t argue, didn’t get up, didn’t get dressed. And when Phyl brought in a tray several hours later, she thanked her and still didn’t get up.
“The guys are threatening to come up here and bother you with a hundred questions. I’m doing my best to keep them at bay.” Phyl chuckled. “Don’t worry. I told them you deserved a quiet day.”
It said a lot for Phyl’s fortitude that she’d managed to keep Donovan from clomping in here with questions.
But after a day of rehashing unwelcome memories, Nellie couldn’t eat, no matter how enticing everything looked. A bud vase with a single rose from her garden sat in the center of the tray that held baked chicken with noodles, a green salad, and a piece of pie. Her stomach heaved. She refused to disappoint Phyl. Taking the tray to the bathroom, Nellie slowly fed the majority of the food to the toilet.
She was sipping the glass of tea when Phyl came in to pick up the tray.
“You’re a great cook.” Nellie smiled her thanks.
“Takes one to know one.” Phyl looked closely at Nellie. “Why do I have the feeling you didn’t really eat all this?”
“Only a mother would know.” Nellie sighed. “I’m just not hungry tonight, and I didn’t want to upset you.”
“I’ll let you get by with this tonight, but this is a warning. If you’re not yourself in the morning, you and I are taking a trip into town to see Doc Pullman.”
“Warning taken,” Nellie said.
The door shut softly. She heard both Donovan and Mark in the hall asking questions, and Phyl’s firm voice telling them that all Nellie needed was some peace and quiet.
Then blessed silence.
She would be fine tomorrow and forget this day ever happened.
She’d make sure Beau understood that not only was he to forget what happened, but after her apology, he was never to bring it up again.
With that thought in mind, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.
Tried being the operative word.
Chapter Four
Beau urged Taro into a trot. Gordon’s urgent cell phone call had apprehension curling in his belly. Another problem, he was sure, but Gordon didn’t elaborate, just told him to get to the far west fence line fast.
It seemed that ever since the episode in the pond, each day brought another crisis. But the days of handling ranch problems hadn’t kept thoughts of Nell far from his mind.
He should feel bad. One little kiss and Nell ran away faster than a colt. Truth be told, he couldn’t wait to kiss her again.
What did that say about him?
Was he a lecherous old fool?
Or a man who couldn’t get a certain lovely woman out of his head?
Taro jumped a ditch. Beau exhilarated in the ride. There was nothing like a fast horse and the wind on his face. The only thing better would be Nell in his arms.
He wouldn’t go there. At least not now.
She hadn’t been back since that day in the pond. Not that he blamed her. She was every inch a lady, and he’d probably scared the hell out of her.
Up ahead, he saw Gordon and his sidekick, Joe. What were they doing? All Beau could see were the two men with a tractor and trailer and Gordon’s mount. Where was the emergency? No one seemed hurt. No cattle caught in wire or on the ground.
He nudged Taro forward.
When he pulled on the reins and Taro came to a stop, he slid out of the saddle. “What’s
so important?”
Gordon walked toward him with a slight swagger, a crooked smile on his face. Why had he ever hired this guy? Besides being arrogant, Beau didn’t like the look in his eyes. Though in his fifties, Gordon looked older. Sun had aged his skin a dark brown. Wrinkles lined his face. Dark eyes set close seemed to lack enthusiasm for his job. Perhaps Beau was making too much of the man’s shortcomings. Still, he wished he’d chosen better. At the time, he’d been desperate to get the ranch on its feet and needed someone who knew what the hell they were doing to run the place.
“You have to see this,” Gordon said.
Beau followed him to the fence. “What is it?”
It didn’t take but a second to see why they were so upset. “Who did this?”
“It was like that when I got here,” Joe exclaimed.
Joe was a new hire—a young cowboy without a lot of experience who loved ranching. He was serious about his job, and Beau was willing to let him learn. So far, the baby-faced kid had proven to be a hard worker. His pleasant personality and perpetual motion made Beau like him in spite of his thin resume.
“Joe called me as soon as he saw it,” Gordon said. “I hightailed it right over here. Thought you might want to see what we’re up against.”
“Appreciate it,” Beau said as he examined the fence that had obviously been deliberately cut; clip marks shiny on the rusty wire.
“I’ve been fixin’ fence ever since I got here, Mr. Beau. Looks as if someone’s goin’ to make sure I keep my job.”
“Looks that way, Joe,” Beau said.
He scanned the fence line. At least a half-mile of fence was down.
He stepped away from his hired help, pulled out his cell, and called Donovan. “I know you’re busy, but we’ve just found where my fence has been vandalized. Do you think Dugan should take a look?”
Dugan was Donovan’s brother and the sheriff. He was a good one, knew what was going on in his county, and took care of problems with aplomb. When Beau ended the call, he went back to his men. “The sheriff will check it out. Once he does, I want that fence back up.”
Promise Them (The Callahan Series Book 6) Page 3