“Slow. He asked me out three times before we went on our first date. I lost track of how many times he asked me to marry him.”
“Because?”
“Because I knew he deserved better. You knew him for a short while before he died. Duncan was a wonderful man. He should have married someone who could give him all the things I couldn’t.”
“Such as?”
“A woman who wasn’t pretending to be someone she wasn’t.” She looked down at her hands, clutched the water bottle as if for life support. “I’ve pretended all these years to be someone else. Not the Frazier’s Nellie, but a good person—a capable person.”
“You mean someone who raised a family alone after her husband died—someone who is kind to others—someone who is always there if she’s needed? You’re not that person?”
Nellie sat there a while, lost in thought. “I was pregnant when we married.”
“And?”
“I was raped.”
Father Mike fists clenched and unclenched. “Duncan raped you?”
Startled, she raised her eyes to his. “Of course not. We didn’t have relations until we married.”
“I see,” he said in that way people say when they don’t see at all. She never should have come here.
“Then...obviously... Duncan knew about the rape?”
Nellie nodded. Father Mike was trying to understand. “I couldn’t lie to him, so I broke the engagement. Like I said, he deserved better.”
“But he loved you as you were.”
“The Fraziers were right all along. I got pregnant.”
“Nellie, you were raped. You weren’t to blame. A man perpetrated violence against you. That’s a crime.”
“I couldn’t marry Duncan pregnant with another man’s child.”
“He must not have taken no for an answer.”
“He wouldn’t. I didn’t see how he could love another man’s child, but he convinced me he could.”
“So Donovan is….”
“He’s not Duncan’s biological child.” She sighed. “But they adored each other from the start. Donovan is the one who took to the ranch when the other children didn’t. I don’t know what the family would do without him. Nor what I would do,” she ended softly.
“Nellie, I want you to answer my earlier question. Who do you think you are now? The frightened, abused child? The young woman who was raped? Or the Nellie everyone knows you are—strong and loving? A woman who kept her family together.” When she didn’t answer he continued, “I see how your family looks at you. I see how they look to you for guidance and strength. I know each and every one of them. They’re smart. Do you think they’re wrong? Is God wrong? Doesn’t he forgive his children everything?” He paused a minute, studying her. “The problem is you didn’t forgive yourself.”
Nellie sat there for the longest time, dividing her time between looking out the window and into her lap. Thinking. Father Mike was right. Her children were intelligent. If anyone could see through the walls she’d put around herself it would be them. But they hadn’t. Or had they seen the real her and still loved her? “So you think I’ve changed?”
“No.”
The word jolted her.
“I don’t think you’ve changed at all. I think you’ve always been the person you are. During your time with the Fraziers, they did their best to break your spirit. For a while they succeeded. But behind that wall you built, you’ve always been the same lovely person you are today.”
“You think so?”
“The Fraziers hurt you in the most despicable way possible when they abused you emotionally—when they made you doubt your true self.” He leaned across his desk and looked deep into Nellie’s eyes. “After all these years, you still think of yourself as they did, instead of as you are.” He paused. “God has to be proud of you, Nellie. In the face of the worst kind of emotional abuse, you became a strong, courageous, and dependable woman. Your family adores you and everyone admires you.”
Nellie felt dizzy. Was it true? All these years, she’d really been herself? She hadn’t been pretending? She hadn’t been successfully fooling everyone?
“Nellie? Are you all right?”
She couldn’t speak now if she had to. Her mind was whirling.
“Do you remember your parents?” Father Mike asked.
She took a deep breath. “Some.”
“If they had lived, do you think you would have been treated the way the Frazier’s treated you?”
She gasped. “Of course not. I remember happy times, being hugged, being loved. I...I didn’t have that after they died,” she whispered as realization hit.
“There you are.” He spread his hands wide. As if that was all the explanation needed.
Nellie looked into Father Mike’s smiling face. The dark spot in her heart didn’t seem so dark anymore. She started to grab her purse. “Thank you, Father Mike. I...”
“Is that all? Is something else bothering you?”
“What? You read minds too?” She laughed, realizing how freeing it felt to know it was her, Nellie, enjoying the moment, not the child she left behind years ago.
“No. But you’re still troubled.”
She leaned back in the chair. “I’ve become attracted to another man, and I don’t quite know what to do about it.”
“Really? Who is the lucky fellow?”
“That doesn’t matter. I’m older now. Settled in my ways, as I’m sure he is. I guess I don’t know whether to shy away from him because I’m afraid of a relationship or wait and see what happens.”
“Don’t you think it’s time to stop being afraid?”
“Maybe.”
“Remember that.”
She looked at her watch. She didn’t have much time if she intended to keep that date. And all of a sudden she did. Standing, she grabbed her bag. “This time I do have to go. Thank you, Father. You’ve helped me more than I can say.”
“Why don’t you come in every week so we can talk.”
“What day is best for you?”
They settled on a time and date.
“I want you to keep me posted on how this new relationship turns out.”
Nellie chuckled. “You can count on it.”
As she drove through town, she wished there was a dress shop. For the first time in years, she yearned for a new outfit.
Thirty minutes before Beau was due to pick her up Nellie answered the phone to hear Dani’s hysterical voice. “Emma’s gone crazy. She wants me to cater a party for fifty people. I told her she was nuts, but she insists. I’m seriously thinking of quitting.”
“Calm down, Dani and tell me what’s going on.”
“I told Emma I couldn’t do it. The dinner we had the other night for four was bad enough on my nerves. But the old reprobate won’t take no for an answer. Told me to talk to Molly, that she’d help me out. What am I to do?”
“This is what you’ll do,” Nellie said, looking at the clock. “We’ll meet at Molly’s in the morning and talk about this. Until then just forget about it.”
“As if I can.”
“I’ll see you then.”
She barely had time to finish getting dressed before the doorbell rang.
Chapter Nineteen
Beau held his breath as he rang the doorbell. When the wide front door opened and Phyl stood there, he wasn’t surprised.
“Nellie will be down shortly,” she said. “Would you like a glass of iced tea while you wait?”
“I’m fine.” He could hardly believe Nell hadn’t sent an excuse.
“Donovan is still out, but he’ll be here any minute. Moving cattle all day and patrolling the ranch half the night is about to get him down. Thank goodness Dugan called earlier to tell me he and his deputy would take the shift from two to six.”
“That’s great. Donovan needs a break. I got in a few hours of shut-eye this afternoon, so I’ll be ready to go later tonight.”
The back door slammed, and Donovan came in to join
them. He probably had a dozen questions about why his mother was going on a date with the next-door neighbor.
“Where’s Mark?” Phyl asked.
“Brushing Snowman.”
Phyl told him he could expect relief tonight.
“That’s great. I can use some sleep.”
He walked over and shook hands with Beau. “Phyl tells me you’re treating Mom to dinner in San Antonio.”
“It’s the only way I can think of to thank her for all she’s done.” Coward. That was the smallest reason for the occasion.
“Mom’s always ready to lend a hand.”
Phyl looked from Beau to Donovan and shook her head.
Nell came down the stairs; her cheeks stained a soft pink.
“Are you ready?” he asked, in awe at her beauty. She wore one of the long skirts she seemed to favor with a silky blouse and sandals. She looked as young as her daughter-in-law.
“I am,” she said, her voice so soft and sweet he wanted to kiss her right in front of her family.
“Drive careful,” Donovan warned.
Phyl gave him The Look, then smiled at Beau and Nellie. “Have a nice time.”
“Are you going to patrol tonight?” Donovan asked as he walked them to the front door. Beau had the distinct impression Nell’s oldest son wasn’t so sure about his mother going out to dinner with a man, neighbor or not.
“I am.” Beau chuckled. “We’ll be back long before then.”
Finally, the door shut behind them. He walked Nell to his truck. “Sorry about the truck. I sold my Mercedes the day I signed the papers on the ranch.”
“No need to apologize. It was a smart move.” Nellie smiled as he took her arm and helped her in.
“You look lovely tonight, but then you always do.” Every time he saw her, she was more beautiful than the last.
She blushed again. “Thank you.”
Then they were on the road and headed toward San Antonio. XM radio was tuned to the Escape channel. The soft sounds of Spanish Eyes wrapped around them.
“I like the music,” Nell said.
“So do I. Don’t know how the kids stand the stuff they listen to. Makes my ears hurt.”
Nell laughed again and the urge to kiss her intensified.
His glance slid over her. She looked wonderful. Relaxed. Beautiful. “You look happy.”
“I am. I’ll feel even better once the rustlers are caught. I can’t stand to see Donovan so worried or so tired.”
They chatted comfortably all the way to San Antonio, the conversation veering from the rustlers to whether Molly was going to retire, then to Dani and Rey.
“Dani is doing a wonderful job with Emma. At least that’s the impression I get,” Beau bragged.
“She is indeed. Emma is transformed. She’s back to the same woman she was before she broke her hip.” She paused a minute. “I’m very impressed with that daughter of yours.”
“Actually, so am I.”
“You didn’t know she could cook?”
“I didn’t. But I wasn’t around much when they were growing up, so how would I?”
“She’s a genius in the kitchen. Could her mother cook?”
Beau laughed. “Just the opposite, sorry to say. Lela deserves the credit.”
“Not all of it. If Dani didn’t enjoy cooking, she wouldn’t do it.”
“I guess you’re right. I invited Dani and Emma to dinner Wednesday night. I hope you will come.”
“Will Helen cook?”
“She will. When I told her, she got all excited, told me she’d have three menus ready to choose from by tomorrow.”
“Helen is turning out well?”
“She is. If she keeps on she’ll be indispensable.”
They were at the city limits. Beau focused on the road as they wove their way through traffic. “Will you come?”
“How many guests will you have?”
“Let’s see. Emma, Dani, Nolan Murdock, Rey if I can get him to come, and hopefully, you.” He drove slowly as he looked around the area. “Do you have a favorite restaurant here?” he asked, when she didn’t respond to his invitation.
“Nope. Whatever you choose is fine with me.”
“Mexican?”
“One of my favorites.”
****
After dreading this date with such intensity that at times Nellie thought she might become ill, the evening went quite well. She found herself relaxing—laughing at Beau’s jokes. He laughed when she told him a few of the kids’ hijinks when they were young.
Each table had a candle. The overhead lights were low. But even in the dim light she saw how handsome Beau was tonight. He’d worn black jeans and boots, a white western shirt that was open at the neck where she saw a few gray hairs peek through. For a swift second, she wondered how thick it was—how much there was?
And that was as far as she’d allow herself to go. She was a grandmother for goodness sakes. She moved her attention back to the conversation.
“I didn’t hear an answer.”
“What was the question?”
His chuckle seemed to rumble from deep inside. She liked the sound. “Dinner on Wednesday. Will you come? Please?”
“I’d love to.”
She found the idea not the least distracting. She enjoyed being with this man.
Beau ordered another bottle of wine, and the conversation continued.
Finally, Nellie noticed the waiters looking at them strangely and looked at her watch. “Beau! Do you realize how late it is?”
He checked the time and stood. “No, I didn’t. We’d better go. I can’t let Rey patrol alone.”
By the time they pulled into the Callahan ranch road, it was almost midnight.
“I didn’t expect to be out this late,” Nell said.
“Nor I. But I had a wonderful time. Thank you.”
He stopped the car at the back door. Lights blazed on the lower floor of the house. Surely, they weren’t waiting up.
Reaching over, he pulled her close. “I can’t remember enjoying myself so much.”
Instead of relaxing against him, her body stiffened.
“What?”
“They can see us.”
He decided not to pursue the matter. Instead, he loosened his arm, draped it over her shoulder. “Can we do this again?”
“Maybe,” Nell said, her voice low.
He tilted her head, kissed her gently on the mouth. Electric. He pulled back.
Startled green eyes locked with his. “Wow!”
She took his face between her hands. What? Was Nell going to kiss him? Would he be that lucky? Her eyes were wide open when her lips touched his. The expression in her eyes showed as much shock as he felt—like she couldn’t believe she was doing this. He felt the magic all the way to his toes.
Groaning, he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss until he thought his chest would explode with happiness. In all his sixty-two years, he’d never felt like this.
She pulled back, released her hold on his face, and, studying his expression, smiled. Without another word, and before he could unscramble his brains enough to climb out of the truck and open the door for her, she slipped out of the vehicle and ran to the back door.
When she got there, she turned and waved.
Beau didn’t have the strength to wave back.
He didn’t know how long he sat there. But it took a while for his heartbeat to slow and his blood pressure to stabilize.
By the time he got back to his place, he knew he was in deep trouble.
What he didn’t know was what he was going to do about it. He wasn’t sure his heart could handle too many more kisses like that.
Who knew Nell Callahan could be such a vixen?
A note on the back door read, We have patrol duty under control. Why don’t you sleep in? It was signed, Rey.
There was no way Beau would sleep tonight. Not after Nell’s kisses, so he saddled Taro and, grateful for the distraction, went to join his son.
****
Nellie didn’t sleep a wink. Nevertheless, she got out of bed the next morning feeling both exhilarated and embarrassed. How could she have been so brazen? She’d kissed Beau Chandler. And boy did he kiss her back. What if someone saw them? Who cared? She loved the stunned look in his blue eyes right before her lips touched his. Was she crazy? Maybe, maybe not. Either way, she’d enjoyed herself way too much. She smiled at the memory.
Still, he’d taken her out to thank her. What must he think?
She’d have to apologize again. Oh, why couldn’t she get any of this right?
Taking a finger, she rubbed her lips. She could still feel him. She went weak all over.
How had this happened? How had she become so attracted to another man? After all these years it didn’t seem possible.
“You seem distracted this morning, Mom,” Phyl said later that morning as they cleared the breakfast dishes off the table.
“A little.”
“I know you had a nice time last night.” Phyl grinned. “Did Beau ask you out again?”
Feeling flustered, Nellie went to the sink and started rinsing the dishes. “He asked me to dinner at his house.”
“Oh?”
Nellie looked over her shoulder to see Phyl’s eyebrows had shot up. She nearly dropped the plate in her hands.
“I’m not the only guest, so don’t make something out of it.”
“But I sense there is something there. Am I wrong?”
Nellie sighed and stepped away from the sink before she broke her dishes. “I told you before. He’s an attractive man. He’s good company.”
“And there’s no reason you shouldn’t take advantage of the attention,” Phyl added.
“You’re way too romantic, Phyl. We’re just friends.”
“You should be friends first.”
Then what? Nellie wasn’t even close to carrying this any further. She’d been a widow too long. She had other things to think about.
“I have to meet Dani at Molly’s. I’ll see you later.”
Phyl headed for the office, but Nellie didn’t have time to wonder what she was up to. She was going to be late.
Walking in the door of Molly’s diner forty-minutes later, Nellie thought the breakfast crowd would be cleared out. She was right. Molly’s was almost deserted. Other than Dani sitting in a booth at the back, there was only one booth with a group of town gossips more interested in talking than eating.
Promise Them (The Callahan Series Book 6) Page 15