Remembering what both Cevilla and Anne had said about regrets, she stopped stewing in her guilt over Levi and pulled out a real estate catalog from under the couch cushions. She’d seen the catalog on a rack by the front door of Schrock’s Grocery when she’d shopped there earlier that week. The catalog was free, and it listed all the houses for sale and rent, along with available apartments in the area, including Barton. She had no intention of moving out of Birch Creek, but the three houses she saw for sale, all formerly owned by English people, were out of her price range—which was zero until she got a job and saved some money.
“Selah?”
She looked up and saw Christian walking into the room. She tossed the catalog on the floor by the couch and put her hands in her lap. She hadn’t expected him to come in here. Usually he was grading papers or working on lesson plans at the kitchen table after supper.
“May I talk to you?” He sat down on the chair near the couch.
“Sure.”
He was sitting straight, his posture always faultless. But the tip of his foot was tapping against the wood floor. The sound was almost silent, but she noticed it. Her brother had something on his mind.
After a few minutes, he reached down and picked up the catalog. “I’m curious about this.”
“That?” Selah said, trying to feign innocence and failing spectacularly.
“Ya. This. I saw it poking out of the couch cushions yesterday. I thought it was part of the newspaper. Is it yers?”
“Of course it is, Christian.” She sounded snappy, but they both knew who it belonged to.
“Are you considering moving again?”
To her surprise, she caught a glimpse of hurt in his eyes. Still, she nodded. “As soon as I’m able to.”
“I see.” He paused. He and Ruby were rarely at a loss for words. Clearly he was bothered by her decision.
She leaned forward and looked at him. “Christian, I appreciate you and Ruby letting me live here, but I need a place of mei own.”
“Are you unhappy living with us?” He frowned. “I know you stated the contrary, but I want you to tell me the truth.”
“This is not about you and Ruby. It’s about me.” She glanced down at the floor, which she had scrubbed yesterday until it gleamed. “I made so many mistakes—”
“And you’ve learned from them.”
“But they follow me. In here.” She tapped her temple. “This used to be our haus, Christian, when we first moved here. Now it’s yers and Ruby’s. I need a new life. And like Anne said, how can I have one if I keep hanging on to the past?”
Christian nodded. “I understand. But I don’t like the idea of you living alone.”
“Cevilla Schlabach has been living alone for years.”
“Nee one in their right mind would tangle with her.” For the first time Christian cracked a smile. “Then again, they wouldn’t tangle with you, either.”
Selah reached over and grabbed Christian’s hand. They had grown up with parents who’d been distant, and physical affection had been rare. But at that moment, she wanted to reassure him. “I’ll be fine. And I’m not going anywhere soon. I don’t even have a job yet.”
“Thus the urgency.”
“That, and . . .” She took in a breath. “I have to get a new therapist. Plus, there’s medication to pay for. I have three months’ worth, but it will run out in January.”
“Ruby and I can help you with that—”
“But I don’t want you to.”
He let go of her hand. “Selah, if there’s one thing living in Birch Creek has taught me, it’s that you don’t have to do anything alone. The contradiction of our parents, who were unable for whatever reason to fully embrace the Amish concept of community, isn’t something we need to continue. If you need help, ask us.”
“I will.” Her voice trembled. It was a wonderful feeling to feel so cared for. But that didn’t change her mind. “I have to do this, Christian. At least, I have to try.”
“I understand.” He handed her the catalog. “Just know that Ruby and I will always be here for you.” He rose from the chair and went back into the kitchen.
Selah sat back against the couch, feeling true optimism for the first time since she’d returned to Birch Creek. She had the support of her brother, and she knew Ruby would agree with him. She opened the catalog. She might not be able to afford anything in it, but she could dream about the day she could.
* * *
The next morning, Selah walked to Yoder’s Bakery, her hands shoved into her coat pockets, her lungs tingling as she breathed in the brisk air. The distance was long enough for a buggy drive, but she didn’t mind the walk. She’d learned that exercise helped when she was out of sorts.
Half an hour after she left the house, the delicious scents of fresh bread, sweet rolls, cinnamon, and cloves warmed her as she stepped inside the bakery. Carolyn, the owner, stood behind the counter. Other than being introduced to her at church, Selah hadn’t had any interaction with her. Ruby, always eager to provide information, had explained that Carolyn was Freemont’s sister, and she’d moved back to Birch Creek after Selah left.
Ruby had also made a point to mention that Carolyn had recently married for the first time, which surprised Selah. Carolyn and her husband, Atlee, had to be at least in their late forties, judging by the gray in Atlee’s beard and the silver that streaked Carolyn’s dark hair.
Mary Yoder, who was the bishop’s wife and Carolyn’s sister-in-law, stood behind the counter too. Both women were wearing light-blue dresses, white aprons, and white kapps. They were also dark haired and nearly the same height, which made them look like biological sisters. Selah took a deep breath. The bakery had just opened for the day, and so far no customers were in the store. If she was going to ask about a job, the time was now.
“Hello, Selah.” Mary smiled. “How are you today?”
“Fine,” she said, returning the smile, hoping she looked friendly. But not too friendly. She dialed back her grin as her anxiety ramped up. She didn’t want to ruin this opportunity by appearing seltsam.
“What can we do for you?” Carolyn asked. Her smile resembled the bishop’s, kind and welcoming.
Selah started to put her hands on the counter, but then she thrust them behind her back. She had never directly asked for a job before, and she wasn’t sure how to start. “I, uh, wondered if you had any job openings.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Carolyn said. “Atlee’s niece Mattie is here helping us. She’s been a lifesaver since I lost mei last two employees.” Her brow creased. “I’m not sure about hiring the English anymore. Not that they don’t work hard, but I’ve had trouble keeping them here.”
“They’ve always left for gut reasons, though,” Mary added. “A new job, a marriage, moving to a different state.”
“Oh, ya. And the women have been wonderful to work with. That’s what’s so disappointing. I don’t want to hire anyone unless they plan to stick around.”
“I’ll be here,” Selah said. For a while, at least. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do if she couldn’t find employment. She didn’t want to put her plan on hold because she had to spend months trying to find a job.
Carolyn looked at Selah. “I wish I could help you. We’re in the middle of our Christmas rush, so if it gets busier, I might have some work available. But I don’t want that to keep you from looking for something more permanent.”
“I understand.” She took a step back from the counter, disappointed.
“Would you like to try a donut?” Mary gestured to a glass display pedestal on the counter. “Made them fresh this morning.”
“Um . . . ,” Carolyn said.
Mary looked at her. “What?”
“Nix.” Carolyn bit her lip, a spark of humor in her eyes.
At Selah’s confused look, Mary explained, “I’ve been working for years to find the right donut recipe.”
“Years,” Carolyn repeated.
Mary shot her a pointed l
ook. “I think I finally got it this time.” She lifted the glass lid and selected a plump, glazed donut. “Here,” she said, holding it out to Selah.
“Danki.” Noticing both Mary’s and Carolyn’s expectant expressions, she bit into the sweet dough. It was soft and chewy with just the right amount of sugary glaze. After she swallowed the delicious bite, she said, “Very gut.”
“Really?” Carolyn looked surprised.
“Ya.” Selah took another bite. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for her to work in a bakery. She had a sweet tooth, and she wasn’t sure she could resist the temptation.
“I told you,” Mary said, grinning in triumph. She picked up one of the donut holes from the center of the plate and handed it to Carolyn.
She popped it into her mouth, and her eyes widened. “Wow.” Carolyn stared at the display of donuts, and then she gaped at Mary. “You actually did it.”
Mary beamed. “Best donut you ever tasted?”
Carolyn frowned slightly. “I wouldn’t geh that far—”
“You should take some to Atlee.” Mary reached under the counter and pulled out a flat piece of gray-and-white cardboard. With quick movements, she transformed it into a box and started placing donuts inside. “Selah, would you like another one?”
She shook her head. “I’m tempted, but I just had breakfast before I came over here. Danki anyway.”
Mary closed the box lid and handed it to Carolyn. “Spread the word. I’ve finally figured out how to make the elusive donut.”
Carolyn chuckled. “I’ll start with Atlee. He can take this to Sol’s when he goes to work. He should be leaving soon. Be right back.”
Grinning, Mary turned to Selah. “Would you like to meet Mattie? She’s near yer age and working in the kitchen right now. She’s from Fredericktown, where Atlee and the Bontragers used to live. I can ask her to take a break for a few minutes. I’m sure she needs one by now.”
Selah hesitated. She didn’t want to pull Mattie from her work. But that wasn’t the real reason she didn’t answer right away. Something was still holding her back from getting involved with the community. She would have to interact with people if—no, when—she got a job, but otherwise she wasn’t ready to make friends.
Two English women entered the bakery, saving her from having to answer. “Excuse me, Selah.” Mary went to greet them, and from the familiar way they were talking, it was obvious they were regular customers.
Selah decided to go home, but she couldn’t resist looking at the displays of baked goods first. Maybe she should take home a treat for Christian and Ruby. Thanksgiving was next week, and they both loved pie—a dessert Selah hadn’t quite mastered yet. Her crusts were always soggy.
She checked out the pies and selected one pumpkin and one apple. The bell above the door rang again, but Selah didn’t look to see who had come inside. Instead, she took in a display of fresh fruitcakes. She picked one up and examined it. How could a baked good look so delicious and taste so awful?
“You like those?”
She almost dropped the fruitcake at the sound of Levi’s voice. She turned to see him standing nearby and then returned the fruitcake to the display. “Not particularly.”
He walked over and picked up the loaf. “I don’t like them, either. They always look so tasty, though. Then I try a piece and . . .” He wrinkled his nose and set the loaf back down. “I’d rather eat shoe leather.”
She couldn’t help but smile as she stepped away from him and the display, but then she immediately questioned what she was doing. He was just being friendly, and here she was giving him the cold shoulder again.
If it bothered him, he didn’t let on. “Mei grossmutter ordered something from here.” He peered around the display at the counter, where Mary was checking out the English customers. “I guess I’ll wait until Mary’s free.” He turned to her. “Everything looks gut. What are you partial to?”
There was no reason for her to continue to be rude to him. “This is mei first time here. I haven’t tried anything except the donuts, which are really gut.” As she spoke, she noticed a display of candies used to decorate the tops of cookies and cakes. She picked up one of the packages.
“You like red hots?” Levi asked.
“We always called them cinnamon dots.” She set the bag back down, memories of Christmases past washing over her. “I used to decorate Christmas cookies with them when I was little. Mei mamm would get on me for eating the dots instead of putting them on the cookies.” She smiled at the memory. She hadn’t baked Christmas cookies in a long time, mostly because she grew so apathetic about everything as her depression took hold. Now the idea of decorating cookies appealed to her. Maybe Ruby would like to do that with her this Saturday.
After the English customers left, Levi said, “I guess I’d better find those orange twists. Grossmutter will be waiting, and one thing you don’t do is keep her waiting.” He smiled at her again and pushed up his silver-rimmed glasses. “I’ll see you around.”
Selah watched as he went to the counter. He really was friendly. She should apologize to him for being rude at the wedding, but she decided it was better to let that go. He didn’t seem to hold it against her, thank goodness.
Mary said something to him and disappeared in the back, presumably to get the twists for him. As Selah waited for him to check out, she perused the rest of the bakery. Every spare inch was decorated for Christmas, and it was all festive and beautiful.
After Levi left, Selah took her pies to the counter. “You’ll enjoy those,” Mary said, using a small pad to write down the prices. “Carolyn bakes the best pies in Birch Creek. Probably in the whole county.” She added up the amount. As Selah pulled her wallet out of her purse, Mary said, “Wait a minute.” She hurried to the candy table and picked up a container of cinnamon dots. “From Levi,” she said, and then she added it to the other items in Selah’s bag.
Selah frowned. “What?”
“He bought these for you and told me to tell you Merry Christmas.”
Stunned, she said, “But . . . why would he do that?”
“I don’t know.” Mary had a twinkle in her eye. “He is a nice young mann, though. Friendliest one I’ve ever met. His whole familye is agreeable—even Delilah, although she’s got a bit of vinegar in her.”
Selah looked at the bag, confused. She wasn’t sure she should even accept them.
“Selah,” Mary said, her tone gentle. “We’ve come to know the Stolls since they’ve moved here. I’m sure Levi didn’t mean anything other than a friendly gesture.” She moved the bag toward her. “Take them and enjoy.”
“Okay.” She handed Mary the money, tempted to pay for the dots herself. But they were already purchased. After Mary handed her the receipt, Selah said good-bye and walked home, pondering Mary’s words. She was probably reading too much into the gesture, which wasn’t a surprise. It’s not like I haven’t done that before.
When she arrived at the house, Selah set the pies on the kitchen counter and then glanced at the package of cinnamon dots. They did look delicious. She couldn’t resist opening the lid and tasting some. The flavor was sweet and spicy at the same time, and the candies were fresh. A small part of her had to admit she was glad Levi had bought them for her.
But what if he expected something in return? Wasn’t that the way all men were?
She tied the bag back up and put it in the back of the pantry, unable to eat another piece. Levi might be friendly, but she would have to keep her distance. She didn’t trust her judgment—and she wondered if she ever would.
Chapter 3
Levi thought about Selah on the way back to the inn in his buggy. He had no idea why he had started a conversation with her, much less bought the candies. He’d done both on the spur of the moment. Something about her intrigued him, and he couldn’t put his finger on what that was. He’d noticed it at church, but there it was easy to set his thoughts about her aside and focus on worship. When he saw her again at the bakery, though, he couldn�
�t stop himself from approaching her. That bothered him. A lot.
He’d always been eager to reach out to others. That wasn’t anything new. Like making sure the person who got picked last for games didn’t feel bad. Or going around after church and greeting everyone, especially visitors. When his family bought the house to establish an inn, Daed pointed out that Levi’s friendliness would be an asset. “You’ve never met a stranger,” he’d said.
Selah wasn’t exactly a stranger, but she felt like one to him. He’d noticed again that she was aloof when he first asked her about the fruitcakes. After talking for a little while, she seemed to relax, but not much. He got the sense that she was feeling lost, and that also bothered him.
Levi frowned as he pulled into the driveway. He had other things to think about than Selah Ropp. He parked the buggy in the barn, unhitched his horse, Rusty, and then took the box of orange twists inside the inn. He put the box on the kitchen table and paused when he heard a pounding sound. Was it coming from the roof? “Oh, nee,” he said, groaning.
He went outside and looked up. His father was perched on the incline of the roof, replacing the few shingles that had blown off in the storm they’d had the night before.
“I told you I was going to do that,” Levi hollered.
Daed lifted his head, his hammer poised over a shingle. “It will only take me a minute.”
“Fixing things around here is mei job.” He gestured to the roof. “You don’t need to be crawling around like that anymore.”
“Levi, I’m perfectly capable of repairing a few shingles. Besides, I get tired of being in the office all day. Fresh air does a mann gut, you know.” He pointed his hammer at the inn. “If you’re looking for something to do, the toilet in room four still isn’t flushing right.”
The Innkeeper's Bride Page 3