It was slowly dawning on me that I was finally closing that chapter of my life. I could finally live my life the way I wanted to. With the success of my book and financial security, things may be okay after all. If I couldn’t have Zane, it would just be something I had to live with.
I had been so focused on losing him that I forgot all about the amazing things that I’ve accomplished and overlooked. I’m a best-selling author now, something that I thought would always be a dream. Who would’ve thought that trusting my literary agent, no matter how weird she can be at times, would take me to heights I’d never reach on my own?
My biggest achievement yet has been standing up to my family. I allowed them to dictate my every move for 25 years, and I finally put my foot down. For the longest time, I thought I needed them to survive, but that was never the case. How could I call them my family when I was nothing but a business pawn to them? I always felt as if I wasn’t enough and was an embarrassment just because I wasn’t as successful as their colleagues’ children. It took being with someone else to realize that I was absolutely perfect as I am, whether or not I had money. I smiled to myself. No matter how much I was hurting from the consequences of my actions, I wouldn’t change any of it.
***
I glanced around in hesitation as Gia pulled me down an eerie alleyway. “Are you sure about this?” I asked, clutching my purse tighter to my chest. She continued tugging my arm without a word, pulling me toward a flickering neon sign, signaling that wherever we were going was open. When we made it to the door, Gia turned to me and grabbed my shoulders.
“Whatever happens, keep an open mind, okay?” she asked. I raised an eyebrow and immediately shook my head.
“Hell no. I’m out of here,” I protested, turning on my heels to walk away before Gia firmly grabbed the back of my coat.
“You don’t even know where we are!”
“Exactly! Any time you suggest that I have an open mind, it’s always a place that will make me uncomfortable!”
“It’s not a club or anything wild.”
“Then why are we in a dirty alley? Isn’t this where they disguise drug houses or sex clubs or something?” I asked with a smirk. Gia rolled her eyes.
“It’s not some rundown hostel in Russia, you drama queen. I thought it would be cool to see a psychic,” she said with a shrug. I exhaled loudly and crossed my arms around my chest.
“You should use a better choice of words. I’ll go with you, but I don’t want a reading.”
“That’s why I said to keep an open mind. I’ve already paid for both of us to get one, so bring your ass!” she exclaimed, pulling me behind her through the metal door.
As soon as the door shut behind us, my senses were immediately engulfed in a musty scent, as if everything in our surroundings had been sitting in water for a long period of time. I held my hands out in front of me, trying to find Gia. “Why is it so dark in here?” I whispered furiously. Gia turned on the flashlight app from her iPhone.
“I don’t know. She likes it dark in here.”
“Why are we in an industrial—”
“Will you just shut up?” she spat, pulling me along. We continued walking down a corridor, avoiding puddles and unrecognizable items that were scattered randomly across the floor. I nearly jumped out of my skin when Gia shrieked loudly.
“Oh my God, what is it?” I panicked, clutching onto her arm tightly. She shrugged me off and continued to walk.
“Sorry. I saw a big-ass rat. We’re almost there,” she said coolly. I shook my head. The sooner we got there, the sooner I could breathe properly.
When we finally arrived, I saw it was a quite a contrast to the path that we had just traveled. The room was dimly lit and comfortable with a few flickering candles set up on various small tables. There were lush, thick red fabrics hanging up, probably to disguise the atrocious industrial walls. A couple of dream catchers hung from the ceiling, swaying slightly as the rotating fan blew cool air around the stuffy room. “Who’s there?” the woman called, lighting an incense stick.
“Ms. Hilda, it’s Gia Valencia and the friend I told you about. We’re here for our reading,” Gia said. I looked at her in surprise.
“Why is she wearing sunglasses inside?” I whispered.
“She’s blind.”
“And she’s handling a lighter?”
“Calm your tits, you baby. We’re fine, just sit,” Gia whispered, sitting in a chair at a round table. Ms. Hilda moved her walking stick side to side across the floor as she made her way over to us. She was petite and frail, her white hair hanging loosely around her shoulders, framing her round delicately wrinkled face. She sat down at the table with a soft sigh before outstretching her hands toward us. Not knowing what to do, I glanced at Gia, who took the woman’s hands. The lady chuckled and shook her head.
“I want to know my future. Do you see anything?” she asked, watching the woman closely. The woman traced her palms as her head lolled around lazily. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms across my chest.
“This is so fake,” I murmured to myself. Ms. Hilda moved her head in my direction briefly before bringing her attention back to Gia.
“Well, Ms. Valencia, your life is about to take a surprising turn,” she finally said. Gia perked up in her seat.
“Yeah? What can you see?”
“You’ll soon have a prosperous relationship that will finally fulfill you—“
“No, no, no, no. I don’t do relationships.”
“I see a man that will change that. It appears that you already know this man.”
“Hell, that could be all of New York. I just don’t think I’ll ever be in a relationship, especially one that will ‘fulfill’ me,” she stated matter-of-factly, pulling her hands away from the woman. The old lady shrugged and turned back to me.
“Allow me to prove to you how real this is.” I glanced at Gia, who nodded in approval. With a sigh, I cautiously placed my hands inside of hers. She turned them palm up and traced a few lines before frowning.
“Oh, you poor girl,” she said sadly, skimming her fingertips along my palm. I gave Gia a “what-the-hell” look as the woman continued her observation, making me uncomfortable with each passing second. She sighed and held my hands tightly.
“You’ve lost someone very important to you. Although you were able to break free from something that hindered you, you still feel empty because you lost the only thing that mattered,” she said. My eyes widened at her words. Could she really see what was going on in my life?
“But it seems that you’ve lost this person due to being deceitful. I see betrayal,” she continued. Tears burned my eyes as my mind replayed the memory of Zane finding out the truth. I remembered the look of hurt and betrayal in his eyes when he saw me enter the dining room. It was a look that was forever seared into my brain, and it haunted me daily.
“Well, will the future get better for me? At least with my love life?” I asked softly, hopeful for a reassuring answer. Even if I couldn’t have Zane, I wanted to have some kind of encouragement that one day I could find happiness with someone I actually chose to be with. She smiled softly and squeezed my hands once more.
“Things are already getting better. As far as your love life, something is right around the corner for you. You’re actually going to run into it,” she reassured me. I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief as Gia patted my arm supportively. This was definitely what I needed to hear. Whether or not the reading was correct, it was nice to have a comforting thought after everything that had happened.
“So, how did you like it?” Gia asked as we made our way back down the alley. Smiling, I linked my arm into hers.
“It was comforting. Thanks for bringing me.”
“I figured you’d get something out of it. I’m just pissed that she gave me a bogus reading,” she huffed. I laughed and shook her playfully.
“I don’t think it’s bogus. I also think that there will be someone who will break down whatever wall you have
up that keeps you from feeling love.”
“Yeah, and when that day comes, it will also be the day of the Rapture. No one will ever know when it’ll happen, and it probably never will.”
“So you’ve never loved anyone?”
“Maybe once or twice. Love is overrated. I’ll leave that for you touchy-feely individuals. As long as there are men who enjoy being dominated by women such as myself, who needs love and affection?” she asked. I shook my head and just decided to end the conversation. It would take a lot to convince Gia that love could be a beautiful thing, but the pain that could come with it was the only downfall.
When I finally got back home, I immersed myself into the task of packing. I would be moving out in a couple of days into a condo in downtown Manhattan, and I was excited about the fresh start. I was looking forward to being in a new place to create new memories and leave behind all the burdens and unhappiness that I experienced while living here with Julius.
Gia was already planning a house-warming party and assured me that there would be plenty of sex toys involved. Being a single girl, I didn’t even dismiss the idea. Doing this project has opened my eyes to so many things—for example, sexual needs and urges shouldn’t be ignored. I blushed as I thought of all the intimate times I had with Zane. Remembering him telling me that he loved me and I was all his made me feel warm inside. I remember that moment being the instant that I knew he was the one; that being with him was where I wanted to be. I should have told him the truth on that day. I shook my head. It was pointless to keep going over all the “what ifs.” There was no going back to fix anything now.
A solid knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts. I glanced at my watch and saw that it was nearly 11 PM. It was a bit late for Gia to be on my side of town if she had decided to come over to help me pack. I cautiously made my way to the door and looked through the peephole and saw a man in a hoodie on my stoop with his back to the door. I slowly cracked it open.
“Can I help you?” I asked. As soon as he turned around, I felt as if my legs would give out. My mouth immediately went dry as I looked up into the eyes that had always made me melt. Taking his hood off, he stuffed his hands into his pockets.
“Hey,” he finally said. I opened the door all the way and wrapped my arms around myself to keep from touching him. Despite the chill in the air, his presence made me feel unusually warm.
“Hi,” I said quietly, finding it hard to look at him for too long. He pulled out the envelope holding my letter and the deed.
“I wanted to thank you for doing this. You didn’t have to,” he said. I nodded, feeling slightly disappointed. What was I expecting? Did I really think he would pop up on my doorstep and immediately embrace me when I opened the door? This wasn’t a romance movie. I still had to deal with the reality that I hurt him. It didn’t matter why I lied, I still hurt him with my lying and selfish actions.
He peeked around me and noticed the boxes lined up in the foyer. “You’re moving?” he asked. I looked over my shoulder and nodded.
“Yeah. My parents are selling the place.”
“Is this part of the dire consequences your father spoke of?”
“One of many,” I responded. We stood in silence for a few moments before I sighed softly. “I really am sorry for how things went. You shouldn’t have been threatened, and because I created the problem, I decided to fix it. I know how much your company means to you and how hard you work. I didn’t want to be the reason you lost it all,” I said, looking down at the ground. I heard him sigh deeply.
“You could’ve just told me. I still can’t believe you had a boyfriend the entire time. Even if you told me the truth about your name and life, you still had him waiting for you at home. I’m not a man who could have shared my woman,” he said. I nodded knowingly.
“You’re right. I should have, but I’m paying for it now.”
“What did you think would happen at the end of all of this?”
“I really don’t know. My friend suggested the research idea, so I thought it was only going to be for my book. I didn’t think I was going to fall for you or get caught up and I just … the plan wasn’t to fall in love.”
“But we did.”
“Yeah … we did,” I repeated softly. After a few moments of silence, he held an envelope out toward me.
“I wrote this for you,” he said. I took the envelope and saw my name on the front. He put the hood back on his head and stuffed his hands back into his pockets. “I have to get going. I saw your address on the receipt for the deed and thought it would be more appropriate to thank you in person. Take care of yourself,” he said. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat as he turned to walk away.
“You too,” I said softly, watching him get into his car and pull off. Once he was out of sight, I slowly closed the door and leaned against it. Well, at least I knew that my future wouldn’t be changing with Zane as I had originally thought. I glanced down at the envelope and ripped it open to find a handwritten letter inside.
Arianna,
I spent a while trying to figure out what to say to you after everything. For the longest time, I felt angry and didn’t even want to respond, but I feel that I should at least give you the closure you need. This has been the most bizarre situation I’ve ever been in. After seeing how your family is, I could understand why you want nothing to do with them. Either way, what you did was wrong. Was it all worth it in the end? You say that I helped you realize you deserved better, but did you have to break me in the process? You got what you wanted in the end, which was to be free of your family. Where does that leave me? I have to go home to a place where I shared intimate moments with you. I have to go to work and sit in my office and try not to think about the time I had you on my desk. I truly wanted to hate you, but I find it impossible to hate someone that I loved.
Maybe things will work out for us in another life. Until then, take care of yourself and find the happiness that you’ve been seeking for so long. Despite everything, you still deserve to be happy.
-Zane
I held the letter against my chest and sighed deeply. The letter was so confusing. Did this mean that he still didn’t want to see me? I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. Now wasn’t the time to muse over that. I was doing okay with not seeing him at this point, but seeing him just now was like ripping the Band-Aid off a wound that hadn’t fully healed. I was back to square one.
***
The next month flew by quickly. Being busy with signings and meetings, I hadn’t even been able to take a break long enough to think about my woes with Zane. The townhouse had been sold to a young newlywed couple, and I was comfortably settling into my new condo downtown. It felt a little strange to be doing something without getting clearance from my family.
I officially felt liberated. I hadn’t spoken to my parents since they informed me that they were selling the townhouse, and I wasn’t concerned in the slightest. The excitement of being a best-selling author of erotica was finally hitting me. I felt like a movie star being interviewed by various book bloggers, and I was meeting readers who truly enjoyed my work. One lady told me that my book portrayed her secret fantasies. It was bizarre to meet people who had been in my situation, or at least my character, anyway.
Everyone loved Zane and Sienna’s story and their happy ending. At least that fantasy worked out in the end.
“You ready to go out?” Allison said as she appeared behind me. I looked over the ledge of the parking garage and saw the crowd of readers lined up outside of Barnes and Noble. The line stretched out around the block, which I found to be incredible.
“I can’t believe all of these people are here for me,” I said softly. Allison smiled and nodded.
“You deserve this. You wrote an amazing book, and these people loved it. Let’s go; you have eager readers ready to get their books signed,” she said. I nodded and followed her to the elevator.
As I was responding to a text from Gia, I collided into a hard chest.
“Whoa,” the voice said, the person grabbing me. I immediately felt my cheeks prickle with embarrassment.
“Oh God, I’m … ” my voice trailed when I looked up. Zane was smirking at me as I gathered my composure. “Sorry,” I mumbled. He chuckled.
“You good?” he asked, straightening the sleeves of his biker jacket. I nodded.
“Yes, I’m fine. I seem to have a habit of running into you … literally.”
“You’re right. How’ve you been?”
“Busy. How about you?”
“Same. I see you have a lot of people waiting for you across the street. Congrats on your book.”
“Thanks. I um … should get going,” I said when I saw Allison impatiently pointing to her watch. He nodded and gave me a quick once-over.
“See you around,” he said and walked away. I sighed inwardly and followed Allison into the elevator, watching him disappear as the doors closed.
I was distracted as soon as I sat at my table. The readers bombarded me with questions about Zane and whether or not the story was based on true events. I laughed and nodded.
“Everything written in Risky Business was inspired by true events. The characters are inspired by real people.”
“Holy shit, does this mean that Zane is a real person?” a woman asked, sending everyone into a frenzy. Allison chuckled and shook her head as I tried to settle the crowd.
“Zane is based on a real person, yes,” I responded. I heard a reader ask whether or not we were together, but I pretended that I didn’t hear the question. I wouldn’t say that I was in denial about us not being together, but I didn’t want to talk about it, either.
The book signing lasted for 3 hours. Signing books, taking pictures, and answering questions wasn’t something I thought I’d be doing in my career. I finally made it. I would definitely have to thank Allison for talking me into writing this book. I glanced over at her and saw that she was wrapping something in gift paper. Just as I was about to ask her about it, another reader who wanted to take a picture approached me. “You’re my inspiration, Ms. Donatelli. I hope to be a great author like you,” the young woman said as I signed her book. I smiled and handed it back to her.
The Daring Assignment Page 19