by Aurora Rey
Between that and Joss telling Olivia she loved her, it was almost enough to make Olivia forget everything that was going on at work. She decided she was going to set aside the weekend and refuse to worry at all. After giving Joss a drawn-out kiss, Olivia shooed her from the house. “I know you have other projects. Go work and come back at 6:30. I’m making dinner.”
She drove to town despite generally refusing to set foot in the grocery store on Saturdays. She bought a latte from the café and wandered leisurely, enjoying rather than being vexed by the jumble of carts and kids and moms and senior citizens in motorized scooters. She paid for her purchases and loaded them in her trunk. She made a stop at the wine store and arrived home in a ridiculously good mood. Mind over matter. That was her mantra for the day.
Back in the kitchen, she put on her favorite black and white hostess apron and started prepping. When everything was in place, she went about setting the table. She was just lighting candles when she heard Joss’s truck in the driveway. When she walked in, Olivia was pouring wine.
“Hello, darling.”
Joss looked her up and down and up again. She swallowed hard and then smiled. “Hello.”
Olivia sashayed over and handed Joss a glass. She gave her a long and teasing kiss before asking, “How was your day?”
“Um, drastically improved in the last two minutes. Otherwise, not bad. You?”
“It was lovely. I shopped like I had a kitchen to cook in, I took a long bath, and I’ve been puttering around my absolutely perfect, perfectly finished house.”
Joss sipped her wine. “If I’d known this was how you were going to react to having your stove delivered, I would have driven to the factory and built it myself.”
Olivia laughed. “Are you saying I’ve gotten carried away?”
“Maybe, but you should feel free to get carried away anytime the mood strikes you.”
Olivia returned to the stove and added vegetables to a hot skillet. “I can’t tell you how happy that sizzle makes me. Is that silly?”
“Not at all. I’m sorry it took so long to get to you.”
Olivia waved a wooden spoon at her. “Don’t apologize. I’m the one who picked out the stove. I know the perils of special order.”
They ate chicken Marsala with roasted potatoes and green beans at the dining room table. There were real plates and real wineglasses. It felt both ordinary and elevated at the same time. Joss talked about her next big project, an addition on a Cape Cod in Dryden. Olivia told Joss about the little boy who’d run headlong into her at the grocery store, clutching a box of Cheerios like it was the Holy Grail.
“I made dessert, too,” Olivia said as she cleared the table.
“Did you now?”
“Chocolate molten cakes.”
“Oh, please tell me there’s ice cream.”
Olivia smiled. “Vanilla and coffee, because I didn’t know which you’d prefer.”
“You’re a goddess. Either, both, surprise me.”
“Okay. They’ll only need fifteen minutes or so in the oven.”
“Just enough time for me to make a fire.”
“Oh, yes please.”
Olivia went to the kitchen to bake her cakes. When they were just shy of being set, she pulled them from the oven. She put both of the miniature cakes into a large soup bowl with two scoops of ice cream. She grabbed two spoons and returned to the living room. Joss had not only built a fire, but she had spread a blanket on the floor next to it. She took the bowl from Olivia, set it on the coffee table, then tugged at the bow of her apron.
“As much as I’d like to see you in nothing but this, I’ve got other things in mind.”
Joss removed the apron and pulled Olivia close. Olivia took in her scent and the way Joss’s body molded against hers. It felt so familiar, so natural, it was hard to imagine that she’d only known Joss for a few months. When Joss’s fingers slipped under her shirt and traced over the skin of her lower back, all the tension of the last week melted away.
Joss unbuttoned Olivia’s blouse, slid down her skirt. Joss then took off her bra and panties. “Lie down.”
Olivia looked at her curiously, but did as she requested, watching Joss remove her own clothes.
“Now close your eyes.”
Again, she obeyed. The next thing Olivia knew, there was something ice cold on her breast. She gasped. It was quickly followed by the warmth of Joss’s mouth. She gasped again. On her other breast, Joss spread something hot. The sensation was followed again by Joss’s mouth, this time cool from the ice cream she’d just eaten. Joss did this a couple more times—on Olivia’s belly, her thighs. Olivia squirmed, both from the sensations as well as from the anticipation of what she would do next.
When Joss slipped inside her, Olivia sighed. The pleasure was intense, but without the edge it usually held. Joss’s fingers were slower, more gentle, as well. Instead of aching for more, each thrust made Olivia feel complete, whole. When she came, it was a wave of warmth that enveloped her. Olivia let it take her. As she floated weightlessly through it, she whispered Joss’s name.
When she opened her eyes, Joss was watching her. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too.”
Joss’s leg was draped over her and Olivia could feel her wetness. She shifted, pressing her thigh into Joss. Joss moaned, moving against her. Olivia lifted her hips so that she could slide her skin up and down Joss’s slippery and swollen lips.
“Oh, God.” Joss rolled onto Olivia, bracing herself on her elbows and straddling Olivia’s thigh.
Olivia continued to arch into her, trying to provide just the right amount of pressure and friction. Joss thrust against Olivia with increasing speed. Olivia watched her, loving the look of fierce concentration on Joss’s face and the way her breathing grew more and more ragged. When Joss came, the heat poured out of her. Olivia wrapped her arms around Joss and pulled her close. She fell asleep with tangled limbs and the warmth of the fire on her skin.
Chapter Twenty-seven
As usual, students lingered after class. There were a few questions about the upcoming paper, an apology for coming in late. Two students had wanted to talk more about one of the day’s short stories. She encouraged them to make appointments so they’d be able to have more thorough conversations. Dorothy Allison’s work often struck a raw nerve and Olivia had learned the hard way that, whether good or bad, reactions to her could be emotionally intense.
She gathered her things and nudged the stragglers along to make way for the next class using the room. She realized that Tim was waiting for her in the hallway. Olivia felt her stomach turn over and she was pretty sure she flinched.
“Do you have some time to talk?” His voice sounded encouraging, but Olivia couldn’t tell if he had good news or was trying to seem upbeat.
“Of course.”
She’d been lucky to have all of her classes that semester scheduled in the building, so they made the short walk down the hall and up to the department office. Tim gestured to the chairs in the sitting area and Olivia tried not to read too much into the gesture. They sat down and he handed her an envelope. Olivia took it and looked at him. Tim nodded.
Olivia broke the seal and pulled out the letter. She skimmed the contents, catching phrases like “no evidence of wrongdoing” and “allegations determined to be without merit.” She let out a breath and realized that she was trembling. She took a moment to read the letter a second time before looking back to Tim.
“It’s over,” he said. “You’ve been cleared, completely.”
Olivia nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”
“There’s no need to thank me. I’m sorry you had to go through it in the first place. I hope you understand that the investigation was protocol. It was required by university policy.”
Olivia sat opposite Tim, wondering why she didn’t feel more relieved. “I do understand. I’m grateful you pushed to move things more quickly.”
“There won’t be any record of the allegatio
n, neither in your department file nor with Human Resources. It will be like it never happened.”
She wanted to believe him. More than anything, she wanted to believe that she would leave his office and it would be as though the last three weeks had never happened. Even if it was true in the official sense, she knew better than to think that people’s minds would be wiped clean as easily as the relevant documents would be shredded. The truth was that for some people on campus, especially those she didn’t know well, her name would be associated with something unseemly if not illegal. And when it came to things like tenure, even a flawless publication record couldn’t undo the effects of rumors.
“I appreciate your saying that,” she said, trying make her voice sounds sincere.
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s just that I’m sure part of the investigation was talking to people. Clearly those people said the right things, but I can’t help worry that the questions themselves planted some seed of doubt or, at the very least, wondering.”
“Those conversations were confidential, and everyone involved was explicitly informed of that.”
She nodded, not at all convinced.
“Olivia, you’re a respected member of this department. Even as junior faculty, your research is solid. Your teaching evaluations are consistently high and you’re serving on a couple of key committees.”
“I know.” She also knew how much faculty loved to gossip. Even when the intent wasn’t malicious, juicy stories seemed to make the rounds.
“This will blow over as quickly as it blew in. I’m sure no one will even remember it by the end of the semester.”
“You’re right.” Even if she didn’t believe him, the last thing Olivia wanted to do was process her feelings with the man who’d be writing her annual review letter.
“Try to put this out of your mind. You have plenty else to focus on that is a better use of your time and energy.”
Olivia smiled, not so much because of what Tim said, but because he sounded like her father. “Yes, absolutely.”
“If there is anything you need, you know where to find me.”
Olivia stood, squared her shoulders. This was not the time to seem weak. “Thank you. I’m fine, really. I’m ready to move on and focus on what’s important.”
Tim seemed relieved to hear the shift in her tone. “That’s the spirit.”
*
Olivia drove home, still feeling unsettled. Seeing Joss’s car in the driveway should have lightened her mood, but she found herself not wanting to talk, even to share the good news. She sat for a long moment, trying to muster the mental energy to go inside.
Joss must have been watching, because eventually the front door opened. Joss stepped out onto the porch. With the porch sconces now working, Olivia could see the concerned expression on her face.
“It’s fine,” she said out loud to herself. “The worst is over.”
Olivia climbed out of the car and forced a smile onto her face. She walked to where Joss was standing and handed her the letter. She watched as Joss’s eyes moved back and forth, then looked up to her. “It’s over?”
Olivia nodded. “It’s over.”
“Thank God.” Joss wrapped her arms around Olivia and squeezed, lifting her off the ground for a brief moment. “Baby, I’m so glad. I mean, I knew this would be the outcome, but it’s good to see it on paper.”
Joss’s enthusiasm helped to lift Olivia’s mood. She’d been so supportive, so willing to listen as Olivia strategized her meeting with HR and vented about it after. Olivia wasn’t sure she would have managed it without her. “It is. And as far as these things go, I think it moved through the process pretty quickly. I think my department chair helped on that front.”
“Well, I’m glad. He should be looking out for you. You’re one of his rising stars.”
Olivia had to chuckle at the choice of words. In the few months they’d been together, Joss had gone from disliking her, at least in part, because she was an academic to deciding she was one of the best. It was sweet and kind of adorable.
Olivia made dinner while Joss touched up some trim work in the living room. She poured wine and piled pasta onto plates, pulled out napkins and utensils so they could eat right in the kitchen. As they ate, Olivia found her mind wandering back to the conversation she had with Tim. Although the outcome was exactly what she’d hoped for, she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of being on edge.
“You still seem stressed.”
Apparently, the feeling was clear on her face as well. “I am, but I’m not sure why. I thought I’d feel more relieved.”
“You’re not?”
“I am relieved. It’s just…”
“Do you feel jaded about the whole thing?”
Olivia considered. “Maybe that’s part of it. I can’t help but worry that, even though it’s over, the ripples of it aren’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“I worry that just enough people know about it, there will be talk. It’ll be quiet for sure, but salacious accusations have more sticking power than anticlimactic exonerations.”
“Maybe you should file a complaint of your own.”
“The university was following protocol. I can’t fault anyone for that.”
Joss shook her head. “It just seems wrong.”
“I know. I’m going to try to set it aside, though. Obsessing about it isn’t going to get me anywhere and, as my chair said, it’s just a distraction from what I really need to be doing.”
Joss looked confused. “Really need to be doing?”
“Teaching, research, service—all the stuff I need to do to get tenure.”
“Right.”
“So I’m going to shake it off and put my head down and do my work.”
Joss nodded. “That sounds like a good plan.”
“But not tonight.”
“No?”
“No. Tonight I’m going to drag you to bed and have my way with you.”
“Hmm. That might be a problem.”
“Problem? How so?” Olivia desperately wanted to make love to Joss, to give herself over to the physical and the way being with Joss made thought or worry impossible.
Joss raised a brow. “Because I already had plans to have my way with you.”
Olivia reveled in the way Joss’s eyes sparkled when she spoke. “I see. Well, perhaps we’ll have to negotiate some sort of a compromise.”
“I’m quite fond of compromise, actually. It’s required in my line of work.”
Olivia thought of her initial negotiations with Joss, the ideas she’d had as the work progressed, the goat pen. Despite their rocky start, they’d managed to sort everything out—on so many levels. Tonight, Olivia realized that the thing she wanted most was to cede control entirely, to follow wherever Joss wanted to lead. “You know what? I’ve changed my mind.”
Joss took a deep breath. “It’s okay. I’m sure you’re exhausted after everything.”
Olivia set their plates in the sink. “No, that’s not what I meant.”
Joss looked at her expectantly.
Olivia walked over to her, took Joss’s hand and placed it around her waist. “I meant that I don’t want to compromise. I want you to have your way with me. Tell me what to do. Take what you want.”
Joss swallowed hard, but she didn’t speak.
“You can be rough or gentle, fast or slow. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you do exactly what you want, tell me what you want me to do. I want you to call all the shots.”
Joss searched Olivia’s face, trying to understand what she needed. What she saw was pleading. Joss realized that what Olivia wanted was a break from having to think, having to make decisions. For a woman so very much in control of her life, it couldn’t be something she asked for lightly.
Joss tightened her grip around Olivia’s waist, placed her other hand on Olivia’s hip. “Kiss me.”
Olivia smiled and leaned forward. She took Joss’s lips
, pulling the bottom one into her mouth and sucking gently. It was easy to get lost in Olivia’s kisses, but Joss pulled her attention back to the moment and to Olivia’s request. “Lead me to your bedroom.”
Olivia took one of Joss’s hands and pulled gently until Joss stood. She walked them both down the hall and up the stairs. Once they were there, Joss kissed Olivia again. Without a word, she reached around and slid down the zipper of Olivia’s dress. She tugged at the sleeves until Olivia’s arms were free, letting the dress fall to the floor. “Step out of your shoes.”
Olivia obeyed.
“Lift your arms.”
Olivia did as she was instructed and Joss lifted the satin slip over her head. Joss then removed her bra, slid black tights and lace panties down her legs. Joss started to unbutton her own shirt, but then dropped her hands. “Undress me.”
Olivia went to work on Joss’s shirt, undershirt, and jeans. It was unnerving for Olivia to be so quiet, so compliant. She’d never thought much about power play, but something about Olivia’s request gave her courage. Now that she was in it, Joss realized how sexy it could be.
With both of them naked, Joss’s instinct was to please Olivia. She took Olivia’s breasts in her hands, rubbed her thumbs over each nipple. She leaned forward and took one of them into her mouth, loving the way it became puckered and hard. Joss glanced up at Olivia. Her eyes were closed, but her face was otherwise blank. Joss realized that, while Olivia’s body was in the moment, her mind remained elsewhere. She was going to have to change tactics.
Joss stood and pulled her hands away. That caused Olivia’s eyes to flutter open. Joss could see worry in them, mixed with a hint of alarm. Rather than pointing that out, Joss took Olivia’s hands and placed them on her breasts. “Touch me. Make me want you.”
Olivia nodded and began to massage Joss’s breasts. She pinched Joss’s nipples gently, then rolled them between her index finger and thumb. Joss groaned, struggling to keep her mind focused. She slowly walked backward toward the bed. “Don’t let go.”