Catherine didn’t want to come to the game because she didn’t want to see him. Nathan supposed he really hadn’t expected anything different. But she let Matty come, though she didn’t want her son seeing him, either. Nathan had no idea what to make of that, if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Hell, he probably shouldn’t read anything into it, especially if Brian had talked her into letting Matty attend. He should just cut his losses before anything else happened, move on. Get over it. Get a life. Something. Anything.
“How come you don’t like my mom anymore?”
Nathan’s head shot up at the soft question, so full of misery his breath caught in his chest. Oh, damn. This was exactly what he hadn’t wanted. How the hell was he supposed to answer a question like that?
Nathan looked at Brian and saw the discomfort on the doctor’s face. “Brian, could you give us a minute here?”
“Yeah, sure.”
He watched the doctor walk away then sat on the bench and motioned for Matty to sit next to him, trying to find the right words as the two of them got comfortable. Nathan took a deep breath and let it out slowly, wondering exactly what Catherine had told Matty and what he should say.
“Um, why do you think I don’t like your mom anymore?”
“Because you never come around and do things. Mom said you guys weren’t friends anymore.”
“Oh. Um, well, yeah. Maybe.” Nathan cleared his throat and tried to figure out how to explain adult relationships to a nine-year-old boy. “Have you ever been friends with someone before then not been friends?”
Matty seemed to consider that for a minute then slowly nodded. Nathan breathed in a sigh of relief, thinking maybe this would be easier than he thought. “Well, it’s kinda like that I guess. Your mom and I were friends, and now we’re, um…not.”
“Oh. How come?”
“How come?” Nathan repeated the question stupidly. So much for easy. “Well, I guess we just had different ideas…I mean, well, we just like different things. I guess.”
Matty nodded, as if he understood exactly. He sat on the bench, bent over with his hands clasped loosely between his legs. Like Nathan. Seconds ticked around them and Nathan used the time to clear the lump forming in his throat.
“So just because you and Mom aren’t friends anymore doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, does it? ’Cuz I still want to be friends.” Matty’s voice was thick with misery and he choked back tears. Simple words, spoken with a boy’s innocent honesty. Pain ripped through Nathan’s chest. He didn’t think, just acted, reached out and put his arm around Matty’s thin shoulders and pulled him closer, the lump in his throat growing bigger and choking him as Matty slumped against his shoulder.
“I still want to be friends, too, kiddo.” Nathan had never spoken truer words but in some deep part of him, he knew he was setting them both up for a hard fall. A clean break would be easier for both of them. He couldn’t bring himself to do it, couldn’t bring himself to hurt Matty that way.
He had no idea what to do next, or what to say, but as Matty’s arms came around him in an innocent hug and tears seeped through Nathan’s shirt, he realized he didn’t care. He would do anything for the boy in his arms, and if that meant finding a way to stay friends in spite of Catherine, then so be it.
The look of sympathy on Brian’s face when he came in a few minutes later told Nathan that it was going to be one hell of a lot easier said than done.
“Stay away from my son!”
Nathan blinked at the tornado of fury that hurtled through the partially opened front door. He stared dumbly at the empty hallway then turned to face Catherine, who was now standing behind him. Her hands were fisted on her slim hips and her breathing was heavy with the indignant anger that flashed across her face. He slammed the door shut, his own temper simmering.
He was not in the mood for this. Maybe in five minutes, when the double dose of pain medication kicked in, he might be able to handle it, but not right now.
“Do you hear me? Stay away from Matty!”
“Yeah, I hear you. The whole damn building hears you. Anything else you want to scream while you’re at it?” Nathan pushed by Catherine and went down the hallway to his bedroom. He needed to pack, to get his things together so he could collapse for a few hours’ rest before leaving for Pittsburgh.
His knee was on fire, his nose throbbed and the cut beneath his eye stung. Every single bruise acquired during the last game had been awakened during this afternoon’s practice. He had been looking forward to the relative peace of his condo and now he wasn’t going to get even that.
“I told you I didn’t want you near him, but you had to see him anyway, didn’t you? All day he’s been slinking around the house, heartbroken and near tears because he thinks you’re his friend!” Catherine’s voice followed him into his room. Nathan turned and ran into her, she was so close behind him. He stepped around her and pulled clothes from his dresser drawer.
“Yeah, well, I’d like to think I am.”
“No! You aren’t. You can’t be.”
“Then you explain it to him. You tell him why we can’t be friends.” Nathan threw the pile of clothes into a duffel bag and faced Catherine for the first time. His heart lurched at the panic etched on her pale face and he bit back the sharp retort he wanted to hurl at her, taking a deep breath to calm the raging emotions that wanted to break free inside. “Listen, I know you have a real problem with me, Doctor, but I happen to like your son and I’m sure as hell not going to twist that poor kid’s emotions into a knot because you have issues.”
“How dare you! I have issues? I’m not the one who can’t face reality! I’m not the one who’s living in some dream world, afraid to accept the truth!”
“Really? Could have fooled me.” Nathan winced when she flinched at the harshness of his words. Any other time, he would have left enough alone, would have stopped while he was ahead, but the medicine was finally doing its job. A synthetic calm poured over him, insulating him, numbing him. He was pleasantly detached from everything and reveled in the feel of it.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Nathan stepped toward her, forcing her to step back. He ignored the panicked look on her face when her back hit the wall. He braced one hand on either side of her face and leaned closer, leaving mere inches between them.
“It means that you would rather shut yourself away from the world than grab the chance to live your life because you might get hurt.” Nathan dipped his head closer, brushed his lips briefly against hers. “It means you’re too afraid to accept my…an offer of love and I don’t know how to change that. Wish to hell I could, but I can’t.”
He dropped his lips to hers once more, felt a warmth explode deep inside him and quickly pulled away. His head swam for a minute, though whether from his physical reaction to Catherine or to the medication, he didn’t know. “And…it means I’m really buzzing on painkillers right now and not thinking straight and you should leave. You really need to leave before I say or do something that’ll get me in deeper than I already am.”
“Nathan…”
“Not now, Catherine. Just leave. Please.” He stumbled to the bed and slowly sat on the edge before letting himself fall backward. He closed his eyes against the brief dizziness then opened them and stared at the ceiling. Muffled footsteps came closer, paused, then moved away. An eternity later he heard the front door open and close. He shut his eyes against the noise, wishing he could shut out the pain that had accompanied the soft, muted click.
Catherine leaned over the open dishwasher and shoved the last pot inside, briefly fighting with it until it cooperated and sat snugly in the bottom rack. She added detergent then slammed the door shut, giving the machine a dirty look.
She never used to have trouble with things. Up until six months ago, life had been fine. Maybe a little plain and boring, but quiet and sane. Safe. Then in walked Nathan Conners and everything changed.
Catherine grabbed the sponge from the kitchen sink
and wiped the already clean countertop. Who was she kidding? Life before meeting Nathan had been miserable. There had been Matty’s diagnosis and treatment, the fear he couldn’t be healed, the fear he would get sick again and she would lose him. She had gone for “safe” because she was too afraid of anything else.
Well, that pattern had definitely changed these last few months. Matty was better, he was using his prosthesis like he had been born with it. He was playing sports, for crying out loud. He laughed and joked and smiled. Except for the past week. This past week he had been miserable. And it was her fault.
She tossed the sponge in the sink then walked over to the kitchen doorway. Matty was curled up on the sofa watching television, the volume so low Catherine couldn’t hear it. She didn’t need to hear it to know the hockey game was on.
Matty jumped guiltily and switched the channel when she walked into the living room. The studied look of feigned innocence on his young face added to her own guilt and misery. She swallowed both emotions and sat down next to him, shifting so he could prop his good leg in her lap.
“The Discovery Channel, hmm?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“So…what’s the score?”
“Three to two.” Matty blurted out the answer. His mouth dropped into a wide O that he quickly tried to hide then he started coughing. Catherine held her breath. The coughing stopped and he wiped the tears from his eyes before looking at her again. “I mean, um, what score? To what?”
“Nice try, kiddo.” Catherine studied him closely for a minute, trying to decide if he was flushed from coughing or if he was getting sick. She wanted to reach out and feel his forehead but hit the recall button on the remote instead.
The hockey game blared to life on the screen in front of them. She nudged the volume button and soon stereo sound accompanied the action on the ice. The camera panned in on the players’ bench and suddenly Nathan was in the living room with them, his face looking worse than it had a week ago when Catherine barged into his house. She tried not to wince at the image, tried not to think of the bottle of Percocet she had seen on his hallway table on her way out.
“He’s playing pretty good.” Matty whispered the words hesitantly, as if he was afraid to say anything about Nathan. Could she really blame him after the way she had acted?
“He looks awful.”
“Well duh, Mom. He’s a hockey player.”
“Oh.” As if that explained everything. Then again, maybe to Matty, it did. Catherine sighed and nudged the volume back a few notches so they could talk. “You know, Nathan and Alec and all of those guys really push themselves when they play. I mean, even past the point where it’s safe.”
“Mooooommm!”
“Matty, I’m trying to explain something to you.” Catherine bit back a reprimand when he rolled his eyes at her, trying to decide the best way to explain. She took a deep breath and plunged in. “You can see how beat-up they are. And how tired. They’re pushing themselves now, but tomorrow will be worse for them. Just because they’re doing it doesn’t make it right.”
“Mom, I know that.”
“You do?”
“Yes, Mom. I’m not stupid, you know. I’m not going to do something that’ll hurt me.” He rolled his eyes again and turned back to the television set. “Besides, Nathan already explained the same thing to me, only he did it better than you.”
“He did?”
“Uh-huh. And so did Uncle Brian and Alec. Everyone’s afraid I’m gonna do something stupid and hurt myself, the way Nathan keeps doing to his knee when he plays.”
“I see.” Catherine leaned back against the sofa and studied Matty. Watching him was a lot easier than wondering if she had just heaped one more mistake on top of a hundred others this week when it came to dealing with Nathan. “And when did everyone give you all this advice?”
“Mom…” Matty broke off and coughed again, this one rattling his thin chest. Catherine immediately felt his forehead, frowning at the heat that greeted her palm, frowning even more when Matty pushed her hand away. “Stop babying me!”
The anger in Matty’s voice was a slap across her face and she sat back, stunned and hurt. His dark brows were drawn together in a tight frown, his arms folded tightly across his chest as he studied the television with unwarranted intensity.
“I didn’t realize I was babying you.”
“You are. Stop it!” Matty yelled and pushed himself up from the sofa, his face flushed. “Stop treating me like a baby! I’m a kid like all the other boys I know, so stop treating me like a baby!” He stormed away from her, ignoring her calls.
Catherine watched as he disappeared down the hallway, his gait a little stiff because of the prosthesis, his back held straight. The door to his room slammed shut, echoing around her. She stared at the empty hallway, startled, not sure what to do.
Should she go after him and talk to him? Give him some time alone before talking to him? Just let him go? She didn’t know what to do. Matty didn’t have temper tantrums. Matty was well-behaved. Matty didn’t throw fits. Usually.
So what had changed?
The only change was her refusal to let him see Nathan because she had been afraid he was setting a bad example. Only Matty already knew that — because Nathan had told him.
Catherine looked back at the empty hallway, grimacing against the pain in the pit of her stomach, a bitter pain that came with the realization she had made one error after another. Just one more mistake in a long list of many.
She needed to fix this mistake. Maybe then, everything else would return to normal. If she fixed just this one thing, maybe she could have her old life back.
Her nice, quiet, safe life.
Chapter Eighteen
Nathan took a deep breath and started counting, actually made it to three when he realized the trick wasn’t working and cursed. He glanced in the rearview mirror then quickly checked the intersection for oncoming traffic before blowing the red light, ignoring the sound of blaring horns as he sped by the waiting traffic. It was a stupid move but he didn’t care.
The ride to the hospital was taking too long. He didn’t have the time to wait for traffic; his nerves were in no condition to wait. Not when he was less than a mile away.
His heart thudded painfully and he swallowed against the strange sensation, rubbing his chest as if that would actually ease the pain. It had only gotten worse since the trainer had given him the note after the start of the third period.
Matty at hospital. Emergency.
No time noted, no details. Just those four cold words.
Nathan didn’t know who had called to leave the message, or how the trainer had been persuaded to deliver it during the game.
Drenched in a cold sweat that had nothing to do with physical exertion, he showed the note to Sonny and told the coach he was leaving. Even though his voice left no room for argument, he had been surprised that LeBlanc had let him go without even a minor disagreement. Probably because the Banners had been up by two goals and Nathan hadn’t been playing very well, anyway.
He wheeled into the emergency room driveway with a squeal of tires and pulled into the first open spot he saw, not caring that it had a reserved sign posted in front. Let them tow the damn thing away. That was the least of his worries right now.
Absently pocketing his keys, his long strides quickly ate up the short distance to the entrance. He nearly collided with the automatic sliding doors in his hurry to rush in.
If he was this frantic, how bad was Catherine?
Images rushed through his mind and he pushed them away. He didn’t want to think about what dark thoughts must be going through her mind, not when he didn’t even know what was wrong.
He paused in the busy waiting room, surprised at how crowded it was. And how quiet. A few people glanced in his direction but for the most part they ignored him, too wrapped up in their own worries to be concerned about a newcomer. Nathan swallowed his discomfort and walked over to a large, circular desk beneath a sign
that read Information. The older woman looked up at him with a blank expression. “May I help you?”
“I’m looking for Matthew Wilson.”
The woman glanced at him then busied her fingers on the keyboard in front of her. A frown marred her wrinkled features as she hit a few more buttons then looked back at him. “Your relationship to the patient, sir?”
“Uh, friend. I’m a family friend.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but the patient is listed in PICU. Only immediate family is allowed.”
“PICU?”
“Pediatric intensive care unit.”
The bottom of Nathan’s stomach dropped open and let in an icy blast of cold fear. He took a deep breath that lodged in his throat, choking him. Nathan had assumed that there had been some kind of accident, that Matty would be in the E.R. getting patched up. He thought the anxiety that gripped him when he had been handed the note would lessen when he reached the hospital.
His hands tightened on the edge of the counter, the sharp corners digging into the flesh of his palms as his anxiety and fear intensified until it nearly doubled him over with pain. What the hell had happened to Matty? What was wrong with him?
Nathan ran a shaking hand through his hair and shifted on his feet, searching the E.R. waiting room as if an answer could be found somewhere. Still at a loss, he turned back to the woman.
“Um, I got a message to meet the family here. Is there a way to go up to see them? Talk to them?”
“I’m sorry, sir, no. Only immediate family —”
“I am family! Matty’s mother and I are engaged!” The outburst caught the attention of a few people close by, who stopped to stare at him. Nathan wasn’t sure what had prompted the lie and didn’t really care if it got him up to see Matty. But the woman appeared unaffected because she continued to stare at him with passive indifference.
Finding Dr. Right (Contemporary Medical Romance) Page 21