by Lexy Parker
I stood frozen to the spot. Someone should kick me hard in the face. I had just been a total bitch to a man who was doing absolutely nothing wrong. I had just had a very similar conversation with Dani about moving on after her husband’s death. Now, here I was, telling this poor man he was cheating on his wife who’d been gone much longer than Gage. How could I have been so stupid and insensitive. A little voice in the back of my mind reminded me I couldn’t have known his wife was dead. It didn’t matter. I felt like a complete asshole.
I rushed after him. “Philip, wait, I’m sorry. That was horrible for me to say. I had no idea.”
He turned to look at me, shrugging one shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve got to get going.”
My jaded self showed up at that moment, I felt myself physically bristle. “Are you lying? Did you just make that up to try and make me feel bad?” I asked him, suddenly wondering if it had been a line, a way to appeal to my sensitive side.
“Am I lying?”
I nodded. “Yes, did you just say that about your wife to try and cover your tracks? Did you say it to convince me to go to dinner with you and then I find out a week later you really are married?” I accused.
He slowly shook his head. “No, I assure you that is something I would never lie about. I don’t find it the least bit funny, and if there were any way in hell I could undo it, I would. She’s gone. My wife died three years ago. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go,” he said gruffly.
I wanted to crawl in a hole. I really was a jerk. As if the initial insult wasn’t bad enough, I went and wedged my foot in my mouth all the way up to my damn knee.
“I’m sorry. Oh my God, I am so sorry,” I muttered, feeling absolutely horrible.
“It’s fine.”
“No, it isn’t fine. I had no right to badger you about something so personal and clearly, hurtful. I’m sorry, truly I am. If the offer still stands, I would love to have dinner with you,” I told him, hoping it wasn’t too late.
He hesitated. “I shouldn’t.”
“I won’t pressure you. I really thought you were in a relationship. It’s the only reason I shut you down,” I told him, not wanting to drop to my knees and beg, but certainly not wanting to miss the chance to get to know him better.
He sighed. “Thank you for shutting me down. That was very noble of you. If she were alive, Tara would have been impressed.”
I smiled and nodded. “I would hope another woman would do the same if I were the one married to you.”
He grinned and I felt the blush spreading over my cheeks like a tidal wave. I had gone from dinner to being married to him in the space of a nanosecond. I was really on a roll. I was strongly considering investing in duct tape. I would slap it on my mouth whenever he was around, because clearly, I couldn’t trust myself to act like a normal human being and say normal, appropriate things.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” I repeated.
“Okay, I’d love to take you to dinner. However, I need to check with Clay to see if he can babysit for me,” he said.
“Clay?”
“My boss who happens to be my best friend and the only person I know in town,” he explained.
“Oh, great, perfect.”
“I’ll let you know in a couple days. We can talk about things then. Work isn’t really the place to open up that barrel of joy,” he muttered.
I nodded. “I understand. I’ll keep my mouth shut and will try not to pry into your personal life while we’re at work.”
He chuckled. “I don’t think you did, but I also don’t like to get into things, especially like this.”
“I get it, really I do. I look forward to our dinner date. Maybe I can fit my other foot into my mouth,” I said with a small laugh.
He chuckled, the sound deep and warm, and gave me little goose bumps all over my body. “You didn’t stick your foot in your mouth. I should have been more forthcoming. I sometimes forget people don’t know me and my story.”
“I am excited to hear it. I mean, not excited to hear it because it’s juicy gossip, but excited to know more about you,” I stammered, reconsidering the duct tape solution.
“I’m sure you have your own story to tell. We’ll gossip together,” he said with a wink before walking out the door.
I closed and locked it behind him, excited for the chance to know him better. Part of me was excited. The other part of me was worried I would make a complete fool of myself. The man got me all twisted up and made it difficult for me to speak coherently. I was going to have to work on that if I expected to have a real conversation with him.
I couldn’t help but wonder what his life story was. Knowing he’d lost a wife and had a little girl certainly added new insight to the mysterious man. I wasn’t sure he would tell me the details of his wife’s death, which had to have been at a young age. I couldn’t imagine him being married to an elderly woman. Young death was always horrible. Death in general was bad, but one expected it.
I had seen the pain in his eyes when he said she was dead. I thought I saw a hint of guilt as well, which piqued my curiosity. My active imagination started to run away from me. What if he was in hiding because he had hurt his wife. That would be bad, very bad. The last thing I wanted in my life was a wife killer.
I couldn’t wait to tell Dani. I already knew she was going to be thrilled. She would want to really dig into his background. Her witness protection idea wasn’t so farfetched now that I knew a tiny bit more about him. I giggled, already imagining the stories Dani would come up with.
With my potential date established and my mood seriously buoyed, I got back to work. I still needed to place my order for roses from my distributor. It was always a gamble. I could order way too many or way too little. I couldn’t afford to waste a bunch and decided to go for a healthy in between. I was finding it difficult to concentrate. My mind kept going back to the conversation with Philip.
I had made such a complete ass of myself. I had to wonder if his lack of setting an actual date was his way of blowing me off. I’d probably lost any chance there was of getting to know him better. I had not handled the situation well. I promised myself I would explain why I was so jumpy around married men. I had been there and done that and would never do it again. Even if I hadn’t known Shitty Jimmy was married at the time, I was still carrying around the guilt. I kept a good, safe distance from all married men.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice and it was all shame on me. Hopefully, Philip would understand I wasn’t really an insensitive person. He’d understand and with a little luck, he’d forget I ever said a word about it.
Chapter 13
Philip
I parked my truck and headed inside the office, ready to start my day. Yesterday had been a bit of blur for me. I’d been trying to figure out how to deal with the Sadie situation. I couldn’t see anything terribly wrong with her drawing. After stewing on it most of the day, I finally decided to leave it be. Sadie was only seven and was still figuring things out. I wasn’t quite ready to haul her back into a counselor’s office just yet. I’d keep a close eye on her. If she appeared to be depressed or showed any signs, then I’d worry. For now, Sadie was being Sadie.
I walked in and found Clay leaning back in his chair, his phone in his hand. I picked up my delivery sheet, half listening to the conversation. He was quoting prices to a potential client. I still thought he was offering his—therefore my—services way too low. He insisted it was the way things were done around these parts and I was going to have to take his word for it.
He hung up the phone and looked around. “Hey, there, no Sadie?”
I shook my head. “I took her to school first.”
“Oh, I thought she was coming in with you. I got her a little treat,” he said with a smile.
“A treat?” I said with raised eyebrows.
He laughed. “Just some candy for after school.”
“You are going to rot her teeth out with all the candy you g
ive her.”
“That’s what honorary uncles do,” he said easily.
I offered a chuckle, but it wasn’t really heartfelt. He knew it and I knew it. “Honorary uncles can foot the dentist bill.”
He gave me a look that said he knew there was something off. “What’s up?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Nothing.”
“Liar.”
“I did it,” I blurted out.
He raised an eyebrow. “What did you to do?”
“I asked Jamie out to dinner. She said no, and I think it’s probably for the best,” I told him.
He held up a hand. “Wait, what? Start at the beginning.”
I took a deep breath. “I asked Jamie, the flower lady, if she’d like to go to dinner. She shot me down. Not just shot me down but got pretty pissed that I asked.”
He cringed. “Should I be expecting a call?”
I shook my head. “No, it was a misunderstanding. She thought I was a married man and asking her out.”
He sighed, shaking his head. “The ring. I told you the ring would get you.”
I nodded. “It did. Anyway, after I told her I was married, but not really, she agreed to go out with me, but I think it’s too soon.”
“It’s not too soon. For you to have asked her in the first place is a sign that it isn’t too soon. You’re interested in her, which says something,” Clay said.
I shrugged. “Maybe, but I think I need to wait. I don’t feel like I’m ready.”
“You’re ready. It’s dinner. You eat and talk. If things go well, great. If not, then you don’t see her again.”
I winced. “I shouldn’t have asked her. If it doesn’t work out, I still have to work with her or at least see her on occasion.”
“You might enjoy yourself, have you thought about that?” he asked.
“I don’t know. It feels weird,” I told him.
“It’s going to feel weird. You’ve been hiding away for a long time. It’s going to take some time to get into the hang of things. Remember, Jamie isn’t Tara. Don’t compare them. They are different women, and while Jamie can’t be Tara, she might very well be something else you like,” he encouraged.
I sucked in a breath, feeling the nerves in my stomach. “I know. I keep telling myself that, but it’s going to be hard. I haven’t kissed another woman or sat down and had a meal, let alone a conversation about my personal life.”
“You feel vulnerable,” he said matter-of-factly.
I immediately rejected the word. “I’m not vulnerable.”
“Not vulnerable in a weak way, but you feel like opening up to another person could be risky,” he explained.
I nodded. “I guess, yes. I don’t want to go through the hassle of putting myself out there and then have the relationship fizzle out. I don’t have that kind of time or energy.”
Clay laughed. “None of us do. Dating sucks. No one really likes it. It’s a pain in the ass, and it seems like you strike out more than you get a hit, but that’s the game.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t want to go through all that crap.”
“Again, none of us wants to go through it, but it’s part of life. When you and Tara met, you didn’t automatically fall in love.”
“Actually, we used to say we did,” I said with a smile.
“There was still a learning curve,” he pointed out.
“Yes, there was, but I knew from the very beginning I was going to marry her.”
He laughed. “Okay, but hell, maybe it will be like that with Jamie. You’re not exactly a serial dater. You asked her out for a reason. Trust your gut.”
“I have Sadie to think of,” I told him.
“No, you don’t. I’ll watch her.”
“Okay,” I said, surprising even myself.
“Great, Friday night.”
I laughed. “I’ll see if she’s even interested. I might have scared her off.”
“She’ll be interested. Look at you, you, big hunk of a man,” he said with a laugh.
I rolled my eyes. “Ha. Ha. I’ve got to get out of here. I’ll let you know if I need your babysitting services or not.”
“Good luck. Be nice and smile lots, the ladies love that,” he advised as I walked out the door.
As I drove to Jamie’s flower shop, I thought about what I would say. I’d barely seen her yesterday and neither of us had broached the subject. I half wondered if she had changed her mind. I saw the shop and immediately felt that little tingle of nerves in my belly as I drove around back and parked. The worst that could happen was that she said no. I would survive. It might even be for the best.
I had taken a chance and asked. That was progress. The next woman I asked out for dinner, I wouldn’t be nearly as nervous. It was going to take practice. I’d get it down. I’d get back into the swing of things, even if I wasn’t really looking forward to the dating circuit.
I strolled to the back door, ringing the buzzer, which was promptly answered by Jamie. Her hair was up in a pretty, messy bun and she was wearing an apron over her jeans and sweater. It was a very cute look and immediately made me think of her in my kitchen, baking something delicious.
“Hi,” she said with a warm smile.
“Hi,” I returned, smiling back.
“Come in. I was just putting the last order together. It was a last-minute emergency order for a new baby,” she said, walking toward her workstation.
I followed her and smiled when I saw the pretty pink flowers arranged in a pink vase. It wasn’t hard to figure out the new baby was a little girl. I remembered when Sadie was born and the number of flowers, balloons, and other pink gifts that had rained down on us. It had been an explosion of pink that resembled a Pepto-Bismol eruption. Those had been some of the best days of my life.
“Those are very pretty,” I complimented.
“Thank you. How are you? I didn’t get a chance to talk to you at all yesterday,” she said casually.
I nodded. “Yesterday was hectic.”
“I understand,” she said, not looking at me as she added the finishing touches to the bouquet.
“So, I have a sitter for Friday if you were still interested in going to dinner,” I said, feeling a knot in my stomach as I said the words.
She immediately spun her head to look at me. “Perfect. That sounds great.”
“Really? I mean, good, great,” I said, surprised she had been so quick to say yes.
I had been preparing myself for one excuse or another. Her rather enthusiastic acceptance buoyed me.
“Yes, really,” she said, handing me the flowers she’d been working on. “I’ll grab the other orders.”
I nodded, watching as she reached into the cooler and grabbed out a box with flowers brimming over the top. I headed for the door with her behind me. With the deliveries tucked in safely to the back seat, I turned and looked at her.
“I can pick you up after six if that works?” I suggested.
She nodded. “Yep, I close at five. I’ll jot down my address and give it to you tomorrow. I don’t live too far from here.”
I grinned. “I’ll have to rely on the GPS. I’m still getting used to the street names.”
“Do you have your phone on you?” she asked.
I nodded, wondering why she was asking. “I do.”
She held out her hand. “I’ll put in my number and address.”
“Oh,” I said, handing it over, feeling a little zing when our hands brushed together.
I watched as she tapped the buttons with her fingers before handing the phone back to me. “There you go. If you need to be later or something, just shoot me a text.”
I nodded, still a little dumbfounded she’d eagerly agreed to go. “I will. Have a good day,” I said, feeling like an idiot.
She smiled and waved before she went back inside. I put my phone in the holder on the dash and stared at if for a second. It had been a long time since I’d gotten a woman’s phone number. It was a strange feeling, but one I
was actually enjoying. I had a date! I actually had a date with a beautiful woman. I was looking forward to adult conversation. I loved my little girl with all my heart, but sometimes, a guy just needed to be able to talk freely without little ears around.
I had friends back in Seattle and we did get together on occasion, but that wasn’t anything like a date. It had been me and some of the guys from my unit getting together for drinks and talking about old times. Then, without warning, I suddenly felt panicky. What the hell was I going to talk to a woman about?
“Fuck,” I muttered.
My life was Sadie. Before that, it had been the Marines. Both subjects would be boring for her. I didn’t watch TV, rarely listened to the radio, preferring to stick with the music I liked instead of the latest and greatest auto-tuned crap being pumped out at rapid speed.
Once again, I was nervous as hell. I hoped she was better at the dating thing and could lead the way. I was going to be a fumbling idiot. I groaned. This whole business of finding someone you could fall in love with and spend the rest of your days with was not for the faint of heart. The idea of growing old alone had its merits. Anything to get out of the whole dating thing sounded very appealing.
I shook my head. I couldn’t give up and let life pass me by. Tara would hate it. She would have wanted me to take advantage of every precious minute I had. I couldn’t give up. I was strong enough to handle the dating world. Hell, maybe I would get lucky and Jamie would be the only woman I had to date.
“Fat chance,” I grumbled, heading down the road to make my first delivery.
Chapter 14
Jamie
I couldn’t stop smiling as I walked back inside. I had a date. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a date. Not only did I have a date, but the guy was extremely handsome and there was something about him that drew me in like a moth to a flame. Maybe it was the hard-to-get thing or maybe it was his height and his body. Actually, it was all of it. He was the total package. He had a child and a deceased wife. Those two little details could be difficult to deal with. I loved kids and had hoped to have some of my own by now, but life had other plans.