by Lexy Parker
“I called him,” Sadie announced.
I reached for the phone in my pocket and realized it wasn’t there. “You called Clay?” I asked with shock, wondering when she’d grown up.
She nodded her head. “Yes. He’s going to babysit me while you go talk to Jamie.”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to go talk to Jamie.”
“I think Sadie has an excellent plan,” Clay said. “You need to go over there and talk this thing through.”
“Clay, I already told you, it isn’t going to work,” I told him, hoping he didn’t say too much in front of Sadie.
“It might, it might not, but you can’t leave it where it is. Figure it out, one way or another.” He walked into the kitchen.
I followed him and Sadie, and I watched him unpack a couple hamburgers and fries before handing some to Sadie. “Uh, hello, this is my house.”
“Daddy go talk to her,” Sadie said, sounding way too adult for my liking. “You have to fix whatever it is you did. Jamie is nice. You said that. And I like her.”
“It isn’t that simple,” I told her.
She shrugged a shoulder. “You have to try.”
“Yes, you have to try,” Clay agreed.
The two of them were not going to give me any leeway. I groaned, running my hand through my hair while looking at the two of them.
“Fine,” I muttered.
Sadie smiled. “Good.”
I stomped into my room, put on fresh deodorant but left the sweats I was wearing. I wasn’t going to get dressed up to get dumped. Technically, the dumping had already happened, but I didn’t need to look good to hash things out. I grabbed my jacket from the back of the door, stuffed my wallet into my pocket, and headed for the door.
“I’ll be back,” I told them both.
“Take your time,” Clay said with a grin.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think this is going to take very long.”
I drove to Jamie’s house, not knowing if she was home or if she would even talk to me. I had been a dick. I fully expected her to slam the door in my face. I had to try, though. If I didn’t try, I would always wonder if I screwed up my one chance to be happy again.
I knocked on the door, my heart in my stomach as I waited to see if she would answer it. When the door opened and I saw her face, I knew I had a lot to make up for. I could see the irritation and knew she was ready to slam the door in my face if I didn’t start talking.
“Can we talk?” I asked.
She glared at me. “Are you sure you can talk? I thought the silent treatment was how you handled things?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ghosted you. Will you please give me a chance to explain?”
She sighed, jerked the door open, and gestured for me to come in. I walked in and saw a laundry basket on the couch and the TV on but muted. She moved the basket off the couch and gestured for me to have a seat. I sat down, watching as she sat on the opposite end, keeping her distance from me.
“I’m ready,” she said.
“Look, I know I didn’t handle any of that very well,” I said. “Your friend was looking out for you. I can see that now.”
She nodded her head. “Dani has a tendency to be very forward.”
I laughed. “That’s for sure. I know we haven’t really talked about us, but I want you to know I do want to try.”
She looked down at her hands, and I got the feeling what she was about to say was not going to be good. My palms were suddenly sweaty, and I was thanking my lucky stars I had put on that extra layer of deodorant.
“Philip, I’m not good at relationships,” she said. “I’ve never been in anything serious or long term. I don’t like the whole idea of opening myself up and then getting my heart smashed.”
I nodded. “I understand. That’s not my intention.”
“It might not be your intention, but sometimes things just happen,” she said, her voice soft. “I don’t want to get hurt.”
“I don’t want to be the one to hurt you,” I told her, feeling like a complete asshole. “That was never my intention. If I did that, I’m really sorry.”
“I liked what he had, I really did, but I’m not sure I can do it,” she whispered.
I nodded, looking across the room at the pictures but not really focusing. “I’m not sure what to say. I don’t want to convince you to give me a chance, and then I end up hurting you. I don’t want you to feel that way.”
“I’m afraid to try because I’m afraid to lose you,” she said, finally looking into my eyes. “This past week has been rough, and we weren’t really together. I don’t know if I want to feel real heartache if you were to dump me again.”
I couldn’t stop myself. I scooted over, grabbing her hand. “I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t dump you. I know I should have talked to you. That was wrong of me. I’m not going to make any excuses. That was wrong, and I admit it. I can promise you that if we have any of these problems in the future, I will stick around long enough for us to try and work it out.”
She looked down at our hands clasped together. “Fear is your choice, and my choice is no fear,” she said, looking up to meet my eyes.
I dropped her hand, and my heart stopped in my chest. “What did you just say?” I asked her.
She waved her hand. “Nothing. It’s something my brother used to always say.”
I jumped up from the couch and walked to where the pictures were positioned on the table. I picked one up and was flooded with memories—good and bad.
“Oh shit,” I whispered, staring down at the man I had been stationed with at Camp Pendleton.
“What?” she asked, walking to me, looking at me with confusion.
“Is that your brother?” I asked with awe. “Gage the Gunner?”
She shrugged. “His name was Gage.”
“Holy shit. I know him—knew him. And oh my god, you’re little Jamie.” All the pieces fell into place.
She raised an eyebrow. “He was three years older than me.”
“Holy shit,” I said again in total disbelief.
“You knew him?” she asked.
I smiled, nodding my head. “We were both at Pendleton together,” I said, remembering a time when life had been so much easier. “He was in a different MOS, but we had a lot of mutual friends and tended to hang out on our days off. I went scuba diving with him a few times.”
She smiled. “He loved scuba diving.”
“Wow, I cannot believe you are little Jamie,” I said, picking up another picture of Jamie, Gage, and Dani all smiling together. “He used to talk about you a lot and Dani. He always said she was tougher than any of us Marines, and if given the chance, she’d kick all our asses. I see what he meant now.”
“I can’t believe you knew him,” she said, looking at the picture. “What a crazy, small world.”
“Maybe that was why I was immediately drawn to you,” I told her. “I felt like I knew you but could never really understand why. Gage talked about you all the time. He told us stories about you and the antics you would pull. He shared the treats you would send him. He told me about your parents as well.”
“I felt it too, that connection, like we just fit,” she whispered.
I put the picture down and turned to face her, putting one hand on her cheek. “I’m really sorry for my behavior this week. Will you please give me another chance?”
Her blue eyes were shimmering as she stared back at me. “Yes.”
I felt a wave of relief wash over me so powerful, it nearly dropped me to my knees. I smiled down at her, so glad Clay and Sadie had ganged up on me and practically forced me to come here. I held her face in my hands before lowering my lips to hers. It was like coming home after a long deployment. Her lips felt so good under mine, so right. I was afraid to move. I didn’t want to break the contact. I wanted to stay right where I stood for a good long while.
Her arms went around me, and her hands moved up my back as she pulled me closer to her body. The kiss intensi
fied. Neither of us making a move to slow it down. I pulled away, looking into her eyes.
“I didn’t come here with this in mind; you have to know that,” I whispered, feeling guilty.
She smiled. “It’s okay. I want this. Don’t apologize for it.”
I nodded, dropping my mouth to hers again. I refused to feel guilty for the way I felt about her, for wanting her as much as I did. It was too right to be wrong. We’d figure the rest out later. In that moment, I knew I needed her and wanted to show her with my body just how much I cared about her.
“Bedroom,” I whispered, wanting to make love to her on a bed and not bent over the couch in a frantic sex session.
This time was going to be different. She took my hand, leading me to her bedroom. She closed the curtains, plunging the room into darkness with the cloudy day outside making it feel like night. I watched as she moved around the room, lighting a few candles before she came back to stand in front of me. She felt it too. This was what we had both been waiting for. I was going to take my time with her and not worry about rushing home or thinking about anything other than the woman’s body before me. She was my sole focus.
Chapter 38
Jamie
I stood before him, feeling more vulnerable in that moment than I had ever felt before in my life. He was looking at me with sweet tenderness that was far more arousing than the usual unbridled passion I saw in his eyes. I reached my hand up and stroked it over the stubble on his jaw. I guessed he hadn’t shaved in several days. He looked jagged, rough, and very masculine, but his eyes were soft and gentle.
He reached for the hem of my shirt, slowly pulling it up. I lifted my arms straight up, letting him pull it off me. I wasn’t wearing the sexiest bra. I hadn’t anticipated seeing him or him seeing my underwear. I reached for his T-shirt and lifted it as high as I could before he took over the job of removing it. My hand went to the tattoo over his heart, feeling the connection to the Marines and my brother with the single image.
His hands moved to the waistband of my yoga pants, pushing them down my thighs. I stepped away from him and peeled them off, pulling off my panties as well. He reached up and unhooked my bra, leaving me standing completely nude in front of him. My chest moved up and down as I took in deep, ragged breaths. Standing nude in front of him was erotic and scary at the same time. I reached for his sweats, pushing them down until he stripped them off.
We stood before each other, completely stripped down in every way. Our eyes locked as we stood in the dancing candlelight. I made the first move, touching his flat stomach before stepping close and pressing my lips against his shoulder, slowly moving around him, trailing my fingers over his torso as I went. I ran my palm over his perfect, round, firm ass as I moved, my mouth trailing kisses across his back.
When I had completed my circle, it was his turn. His rough hands spanned the width of my stomach as he held me close against him, his erection nudging me as he moved around my body. My hair was up, leaving my neck exposed to his kisses. By the time he made his way around to face me once again, I was barely able to draw a full breath.
He stepped toward me, pulling my body against his as he plundered my mouth with his tongue. I moaned in pleasure, feeling completely connected with him. Our bodies were ironed together, front to front, his hot skin searing my own as I tried to crawl inside him, desperate for more intimate contact.
“I want to love you with my tongue,” he whispered. “I want to show you that dreams can come true.” He smiled.
I shuddered, already imagining what it would feel like to have it happen in real life and not just a wild fantasy.
“I—” He stopped the protest I was about to issue with one finger pressed to my lips.
“Get on the bed,” he ordered.
I had butterflies in my stomach as I sat on the bed, scooting my naked body over the blanket until I was in the middle. He crawled up next to me before moving between my legs, his hands pushing them wider to make room for his broad shoulders. I was nervous as hell. I couldn’t explain why, but with him, the whole act felt so much more intimate.
“You—”
“Shh,” he said again, dropping to his elbows between my legs.
I was shaking, I realized. I was so nervous, anxious, and felt so completely exposed I was shaking like a leaf. One finger reached forward, brushing over my folds, parting me and making way for his tongue. The first swipe of his tongue over my center had the nerves vanishing, and lust replaced them. I nearly came off the bed when he lapped over me with more pressure, sending shockwaves through my body. My hands gripped the blanket as I tried to stay steady. I wanted to scream and writhe and tell him to never stop what he was doing. My dream had been good, but what he was doing with his mouth was amazing.
I whimpered and moaned, my head thrashing back and forth on the bed as he sucked and nibbled at me. I was lost. My body was no longer mine to control. I was at his mercy. The slow spiral of ecstasy erupted into one fiery explosion of pure passion. He drank from my body until I had nothing more to give.
“Oh my god,” I moaned as he kissed my naval, sliding up my body.
“You taste amazing,” he said with a smile.
“Your tongue feels amazing.” I giggled, completely unashamed to admit it.
He moved over me, prepared to enter me, but I stopped him, pushing my hand against his chest. “Roll over.”
“Jamie, you don’t have to,” I said. “This isn’t a tit for tat thing.”
I cupped my breast as I leaned over him. “You can have the tits after I have a taste of you,” I told him.
His laughter died on his lips as I moved my mouth over his dick. He grunted, jerked, and ran his fingers through my hair, pulling the scrunchie out as I sucked him deep into my mouth.
“Oh fuck.” He ground out the words, sounding as if he were in pain.
I pushed deeper, taking him in until he was practically touching my tonsils. I moaned, tasting his arousal.
“Fuck!” he cried out, his hand slapping the bed next to my head.
His other hand was on my head, his fingers massaging my scalp as I worked the man into a frenzy. I loved feeling the power in my mouth. I could feel him fighting to hold on to his control. I wanted to strip him bare, expose him like I had been exposed. Only then would he feel that same magical release that made him vulnerable to me.
“Oh, sweet Jesus, your mouth,” he moaned a second before yanking me up his body with one swift motion and deposited me on his throbbing, wet cock.
I slid over him, my body wet and ready for him. He felt bigger, the need pulsing through him, pounding inside me as he clenched his jaw tight, fighting for the strength to hold out.
“Look at me,” I ordered from above him, reaching out and grabbing his chin.
His eyes opened. The steely green looked so much darker in the candlelight. I began to move, slowly at first, giving him a chance to slow his racing heart. He stared at me, indescribable emotions flitting across his face as he watched me make love to him.
“You’re so beautiful,” he rasped.
“Thank you.”
“I want this, like this, all the time,” he grunted the words, clearly still fighting for control.
I rotated my hips, running my hands over my body, cupping my breasts as he watched me. “Me too,” I moaned.
“You feel so good. I want to stay inside you forever. I feel whole.”
“I like you inside me,” I breathed. “You’re welcome to stay forever.”
He leaned forward, kissing me before using his hips to rock against me. The shift in position scraped his shaft over previously untouched territory. Shivers of pleasure raced up my spine.
“God, you feel so good, so tight and so hot,” he moaned.
“Take me higher,” I begged.
I moaned, dropping my head back and breaking eye contact. His words were tickling my very soul, fueling the fire in my belly that was sending heat through my body. His hands pushed mine out of the way, massa
ging my breasts as I rode him slow and easy. I felt him move and looked down at him. In a display of killer ab strength, he sat forward, wrapping his arms around me and holding me against him.
My mouth moved to his, kissing him as I continued rolling my hips. Making love was a new experience for me. I felt as if our souls were dancing as our tongues dueled. We were completely joined. The orgasm that had been building since the first one ended slowly erupted, like a volcano in slow motion. I felt my body stiffening, every muscle clenching as I froze, unable to move.
“There you go. I’ve got you. Release it all.” His mouth dropped to my collar bone and slid up my neck, clamping his teeth on my flesh as I reached the crescendo of the slow-moving climax.
A soft keening sound erupted from my throat as I found sweet ecstasy in his arms. I felt him stiffen and heard him gasp before a long moan escaped his lips. Heat exploded inside me as he found the release he’d been holding back. I felt him stiffen and then soften as if he was able to relax completely for the first time in years. His arms tightened around me, squeezing me to the point I could barely breathe before he finally released me. He fell backward, bringing me with him as I collapsed on his chest.
“Wow,” I whispered.
His soft chuckle vibrated against my ear. “That’s one word for it.”
“My little dream didn’t even come close to comparing to how good that was in a conscious state.”
His soft laugh rumbled over me. “I agree.”
I shivered, a chill in the room now that my body was covered in a fine sheen of perspiration. He reached out and grabbed the corner of the blanket, pulling it over the two of us. I made no move to get off him. I knew I had to. He had to get back home. It was something I had to accept if I wanted to be with him.
“Jamie,” he said, the deep timbre like music to my soul.
I groaned. “I know, I know,” I mumbled, rolling off him.
He grabbed my wrist. “Wait,” he said when I moved to get off the bed.
I laid back down beside him, our shoulders touching as we both lay on our backs. He lifted his hand, holding it up. The wedding band was there, reminding me of everything I didn’t have. I winced, feeling the pinch of pain that always came when I remembered his heart belonged to someone else.