by Donna Grant
She opened her eyes to look at the ceiling as she recalled the magical holiday season they’d shared. Her mind drifted through memories of when she and Con had had the manor all to themselves before everyone returned for the big celebration. Her parents and brother might be gone, but she had another family now—more sisters than she could ever hope to have, and brothers who were always around. And more coming each day. Rhi couldn’t wait to meet Jeyra, Varek’s mate.
The couple would need to return to this realm to perform the mating ceremony at Dreagan, but Rhi suspected that Varek would want to spend most of their time on Zora. She stretched her arms over her head, smiling brightly as she recalled her and Con’s mating ceremony. It had been a truly beautiful event, made even more special because she was finally with the only man she had ever loved.
Rhi turned her head and looked toward their bed. She frowned when she saw something red poking out from below the mattress on Con’s side. She got to her feet and went to investigate. Squatting beside the bed, she pushed up the mattress to reveal a red journal.
She pulled it out before she could stop herself, but she didn’t open it. Rhi instantly knew it was something personal. Something private. She should put it back, but as she began to do just that, she recalled Ulrik saying something about Con’s red journals and that they involved her.
Rhi bit her lip as she stared down at the book, debating what to do. Finally, she decided to just read the first page. If it wasn’t about her, she’d put it back.
“And if it is?” she asked herself quietly.
Rhi closed her eyes and dropped her head back. Con had told her numerous times since their mating that what was his, was also hers. She wasn’t sure that statement included journals, though. But now that she had found it, how could she put it away without looking? The Fae were entirely too curious.
She jumped, startled when a knock sounded. The journal fell from her fingers, hitting the floor. Rhi picked it up and set it on the duvet, then got to her feet. She swallowed nervously and started toward the door as she dropped her headphones to drape around her neck. With a tap, she paused the music. She pulled the panel wide, but no one was there. When she stepped into the hall, she saw Ulrik’s departing back.
“Did you need something?” she called.
He paused and turned to her, his face wrinkling apologetically. “I’m sorry. I forgot that you had the day to yourself.”
“It’s fine.” She smiled. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the meeting?”
Ulrik laughed, his gold eyes crinkling at the corners. “Just taking care of something at the distillery. I was looking for Eilish. I thought she might be with you. Then I remembered Con warned everyone to leave you alone today.”
Rhi smiled and shook her head. “He likes to take care of me.”
“It’s good you let him think he is.”
Her grin widened. Then she glanced around to see if anyone else was listening and lowered her voice. “You once said something about Con and some red journals.”
“I did,” Ulrik said as he walked to her. “He used to keep two sets. Brown ones he used to write about the Kings, Dreagan, and such—I think he did it to keep track of things when he was the only one awake but also because he didn’t have anyone else to talk to.”
Rhi didn’t like thinking of that time for Con. She couldn’t imagine spending centuries all alone while the rest of the Kings slept in their mountains. But that was why Con was King of Dragon Kings.
“And the red ones?” she pressed.
Ulrik stared at her for a heartbeat. “They were about you. I’ve always believed you should’ve gotten to read his words to see that his love never wavered. Unfortunately, he burned them when he believed he didna stand a chance of getting you back.”
“Oh,” she said, her heart hammering. She really wanted to get back to the journal now, but she couldn’t just slam the door in Ulrik’s face.
He frowned as he shot her a penetrating look. “Why are you asking?”
Rhi glanced inside the room. She could put the journal back and forget about it. Or…she could tell Ulrik and get his opinion. She opted for the latter. “I found a journal. A red one. The edge of it was sticking out from between the mattress and the box spring.”
“Read it,” Ulrik replied without hesitation.
Still, she hesitated. “They’re his private words.”
“About you.” Ulrik smiled and nodded. “You’re meant to read it.”
That surprised her. “Why do you say that?”
“Do you really think Con didna leave that there for you? Put just so? He doesna do anything without reason. You know that.”
Ulrik had a point. She tucked a strand of black hair behind her ear. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked away.
Rhi stepped back inside the bedroom and softly closed the door. Then she faced the bed. In the next heartbeat, she was on Con’s side, pulling the journal closer. Rhi touched it reverently as she walked to the hearth and curled up in the large chair.
She used magic to call up a mug of tea to the table beside her as she untied the red strings and opened the front cover.
I cannot breathe without you.
Chapter Two
I cannot breathe without you.
* * *
The first words on the page, written in Con’s bold strokes, caught her off guard. She ran her hand over the letters, the words blurring from her tears. She looked up and took a deep breath. Only when she knew she wouldn’t burst into tears again did she return to reading.
* * *
I’m not sure how I go through each day. I know I must because the other Kings depend on me, but without you here, I’m merely sleepwalking through life. I watch the sunrise and sunset. I watch the moon rise and set, and yet I know without a doubt that the only one for me is you.
I know you’re out there somewhere. I long to search for you. I tell myself that a glimpse of your smile or seeing how your midnight strands gleam in the moonlight would be enough. It’s a lie I tell myself nearly daily because I know if I do look for you, I won’t be able to go on without you beside me. It would slay me to see you now and not have you.
It wasn’t until you were gone that I realized how full you made my life. Now, it’s an empty existence.
* * *
Rhi dragged in a ragged breath as she teared up more at the anguished words on the page. Con put these writings in a journal, knowing that no one would ever read them. They weren’t contrived to elicit a response because they had only been for him.
She hugged the book to her chest and drew her knees up as she bent her head forward. For countless decades, she had raged about Con and the love he had so carelessly tossed away. She had cursed him, cursed love. Each new day that she faced, she’d made herself live it to the fullest to show him that she didn’t need him. Because she had known that their paths would cross again someday, and she wanted him to see that she could go on without him.
It had been petty and selfish, but she’d wanted to make sure she looked good when it happened. Mostly because Con never let any emotions show, and she was determined to do the same.
And their paths had crossed again—when she least expected it. She’d been gutted when Con so nonchalantly walked into Charon’s pub. When his black gaze landed on her, he hadn’t seemed to care that she was there, nor had he given any indication that they had once shared a love unlike any other.
At least, that’s what she had believed at the time. Now, reading just one page of the journal, she knew that he had hurt just as much as she had.
Rhi sniffed and wiped at her eyes as she straightened. She wanted to read more, but at the same time, she didn’t know if her heart could take it. She set the journal on the table beside her forgotten tea and got to her feet. Her gaze swept the room, lingering on the bed where they had spent so many hours making love, and even more lying in each other’s arms, simply talking.
They talked a
bout anything and everything.
They made plans.
They laughed.
The months since their reunion had been the most glorious of her life. They even outshone the first days together when they had fallen in love. Maybe it was because both of them had experienced so much in between. She was a different person. She still loved him the same, but she was different. Just as he was different.
Life had shaped them, but love had brought them back together. A handful of months together had wiped out all the centuries of loneliness, anger, and hatred. That’s how powerful love was.
Rhi walked to the bed and curled up on Con’s side.
Con stood at the back opening of Dreagan Mountain and looked out as snow flurries danced in the wind. His gaze was focused on the mountains, but his mind was on his mate.
“The view never gets old, does it?” Ulrik said as he walked up.
Con glanced at the King of Silvers. “Never.”
“I was surprised you ended the meeting early. I thought we had a full one.”
Con smiled. “My mind is otherwise occupied.”
“By thoughts of a certain Light Fae who is even now waiting in your chamber?”
“Aye.” Con’s blood heated just thinking about Rhi. “I still can no’ believe she’s here. I fear I’ll wake up one day to discover it’s all been a dream.”
Ulrik snorted. “That willna happen. I’m no’ sure how, but we both came out of a hellish time with two incredible women.”
Con turned to face Ulrik. “That we did. It feels good—right—to have my mate.”
“But?” Ulrik asked, one black brow quirked.
“Rhi and Shara are Fae. They’re used to living a long time. The other mates are human. I still worry that things willna be so great in the future.”
Ulrik drew in a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s a valid concern. One every King understands. There isna a need to dwell on that now. We’ll deal with it when the time comes.”
“That’s no’ how I work, and you know it. I look at all conceivable possibilities and determine which is the most viable option.”
“I’m the same, but I hoped to take your mind off that,” Ulrik replied with a grin.
Con chuckled and glanced toward the front of the mountain and the manor. He heard the other Kings’ laughter as they moved through the tunnels.
“They’re excited about finding the dragons,” Ulrik said.
Con nodded slowly. “As am I. At the prospect of no’ only seeing my dragons but my children, as well.”
“We’re prepared for anything, though,” Ulrik told him.
Con swung his gaze to meet Ulrik’s gold eyes. “Rhi has such high hopes for how things will go with the twins. She’ll be devastated if it goes badly.”
“So will you.”
“Aye. There is so much I want to say to them, but I doona know how or where to begin.”
Ulrik dropped his arms to his sides and smiled. “It’ll come to you when they’re standing before you. Everything that happened was out of your and Rhi’s control. And the twins’, as well. Try to remember that.” Ulrik swung his gaze outside. “I can still hear the dragons’ roars if I close my eyes.”
“Or while flying.”
Ulrik looked at Con and raised his brows. “Shall we?”
In answer, Con took off, running out of the mountain before leaping into the air and shifting. He stretched his wings and flapped them to gain altitude. It was always good to be in his true form. He looked down over the mountains of Dreagan where the Dragon Kings had hidden for millennia.
A flash of silver caught his attention as Ulrik sped past him. Con smiled and flew faster to catch up with his friend.
Without a doubt, without hesitation. I am yours.
Chapter Three
Rhi sat up, her gaze going to the window in time to see Con’s glimmering gold scales as he flew high in the sky. But he wasn’t alone. Ulrik was with him. She smiled at the two friends. There had been so much pain between them, but it was sorted out now, and Ulrik had returned to the fold where he belonged.
It was like everything had come full circle. From Ulrik returning to Dreagan, to her and Con finding love once more. She thought over the last few years and everything each of them had endured to get where they were—the foes they had fought, and the heartache they had suffered. It was a testament to Con’s strength that he had stood steady as an oak through it all.
Her head turned to the table where the journal lay. Rhi returned to the chair and reached for the book once more. She heated the tea with a wave of her hand and took a drink before opening the cover once more and flipping to the second page to begin reading.
* * *
I try not to write in these journals. I don’t think they do much good, except to remind me that I sacrificed my mate for the well-being of my brethren. I find no peace in sleep because I lie in bed each night and imagine you in my arms. Even when I shut my eyes and manage to drift off, you fill my dreams.
But what dreams they are.
We’re together, you’re laughing, and we have a future before us. It’s everything I imagined life would be when we found each other. The joy, the pleasure. The contentment.
Then I wake and realize that none of it is real. I go to war with myself over going back to sleep—except going deeper into dragon sleep and never waking up again. At least then, I know you’ll be with me. That’s what the dreams do. They tempt me, entice me with the life I crave to share with you.
The life I shattered for the good of the Kings.
There isn’t a place on Dreagan you haven’t touched. Nowhere I can go on our sixty thousand acres that doesn’t make me think of you. I often go to the mountain where I first saw you standing with the wind blowing your beautiful hair. I remember your silver eyes piercing me straight to my soul.
And I knew instantly.
I chose you that day. I choose you over and over again.
Without a doubt, without hesitation.
I am yours.
* * *
Rhi looked up and released a breath. She turned the page. None of them were marked with dates. She had no reference for when he wrote any of it, but all that showed was that he had grieved deeply for the loss of their love.
Only someone in Con’s position could truly understand why he had chosen to end things with her. He had sacrificed his happiness for his brethren. To keep them together after everything they lost. And when he had first told her, she had been furious.
Then, she recalled who Con was. The King of Dragon Kings, chosen by the magic on the realm to lead the Kings. He was the strongest of them all. The one who bore the weight of all decisions and consequences. The one who found ways to keep the dragons safe, and the Kings together. The one who forged a new path for the Dragon Kings.
Rhi had fallen in love with him for who he was—all of him. The good and the bad. Had he told her of his plans for why he wanted to end things, she would’ve talked him out of it—just as he had suspected. They would’ve remained together, but how long would their happiness have lasted when the Kings’ jealousy proved too much?
Con had seen all of it and somehow managed to do the one thing that would keep the Kings together and give him a chance to win her back in the future. The Kings hadn’t agreed with him sending Darius to break things off with her—and neither had she—but she probably would’ve done the same in his position.
Her love for him was vast. But to let someone go for the greater good took resolve and courage that she simply didn’t have. She would’ve clung to him and their love, the world and the Kings be damned.
And that was why Con was King of Dragon Kings and not her or any of the others.
And it was why she loved him beyond reason.
She went back to reading.
* * *
I saw a wildcat today while walking the Dragonwood. It reminded me of the time you came across the kitten hiding in the bushes. I would have allowed nature to t
ake its course, as it does in all things. But not you. You refused to leave until you knew for certain that the cat was safe.
When you realized that it was injured, you spent the entire day coaxing it, convincing it to let you near enough to see what was wrong. It worked, though. You were able to see the thorn caught in its paw.
You could’ve used magic. You could’ve asked me to heal the wildcat. Instead, you wanted to be near it. And it wanted you. It never took its eyes off you as you gently pulled the thorn out. Only then did you look my way, silently asking me to give the animal some relief.
I didn’t hesitate to use my magic on the creature.
For many years, I saw that wildcat on Dreagan. He searched for you.
We both do.
* * *
The tears flowed freely now. She remembered when she had found the kitten. The wildcats of Scotland were rarely seen, and she had known instinctively that he was hurt. Con had remained beside her the entire day, giving advice and helping whenever and however she needed it.
Except she remembered the kitten’s healing much differently. After she’d removed the thorn and saw the state of the wound, she had been about to attempt her magic. Before she could, Con had used his healing power.
The kitten had remained for a few moments, but once it realized that it was no longer hurting, it bounded off into the brush. She and Con had stood arm-in-arm, watching until the cat disappeared.
Less than a week later, things ended between Con and her. Sadly, she had been so consumed with anger and grief that she hadn’t even thought of the wildcat again until now.
But Con had.
Today, I would’ve exchanged a thousand years of my life just to touch you.