by Clare London
Disgusting! Donnie thought angrily.
“Awkward for us all,” Will finished lamely.
“It wasn’t your fault!” Donnie blurted out. Who the hell were these people?
“I know. But when they tried to get me to drop my accusations, sweep it all under the carpet, I thought it was easier to leave. Both the practice, and my flat near my parents. But, I more or less jettisoned my social life as well.”
“Shit. That’s not remotely fair.” Donnie was almost shaking with indignation and pain on Will’s behalf. If he hadn’t seen Liam leave the restaurant with his guests a few minutes ago, he might have gone over and punched the fucker on the nose for being yet another person who’d let Will down.
Will laughed shakily. “Maybe not, but it was a perfect way to find out who my friends really were. Gerry was very rich and he had contacts everywhere we knew. When I complained about his groping, I soon found I was out in the cold from his whole network. The parties Liam mentioned? I’m no longer invited to anything like that. I left behind a more than comfortable life. A great apartment, the golf club, the sports memberships, the exclusive holidays.”
“Your whole world.”
“What?” Will blinked as if coming out of a daze. “Maybe it was. I’m not sure any more. It’s not difficult to keep the status quo in that crowd, Donnie. It just needs money and a certain shallow glamour.” The look in Will’s eyes was almost wistful.
“Do you miss it? That life, I mean. Not the groping!” Donnie added hastily.
And Will smiled genuinely for the first time since Liam had approached their table. “Not as much as I thought I would. Hardly at all, nowadays.”
Donnie was secretly, deeply glad Will wasn’t with people like Liam and his Uncle Gerry any longer. Maybe even with his parents. He was glad that Will had made his choice to go with his own career, his own life, rather than the coattails of some sexually harassing toad. “You have your own practice now, anyway. You’re an entrepreneur.”
Will’s laugh was more brittle. “Oh, this is all very amateur compared to the businesses I dabbled in before. My modest domestic practice won’t even register with them. They’d think it pathetic. Liam and his kind? They have real ambition.”
A lump caught in Donnie’s throat. Probably, Will didn’t mean to imply that he had no ambition of his own—nor, by extension, Donnie. After all, Donnie had never wanted to be a high-powered estate agent, or belong to a golf club. But he was proud of what Will was doing with his business, and didn’t like it dismissed so easily as unexceptional. Was that really how Will saw it? As pathetic? And did Will have as little respect for his employee as his practice? Donnie wasn’t sure why he felt so discombobulated, but his food felt suddenly dry in his mouth.
“Are you okay, Donnie? You look choked. I can order some more water.”
“Everything’s fine.” He held his breath, suddenly afraid Will would snap at him again for the platitude, but Will looked too weary.
They both finished their dinner—Will even managed a refill of the vegetables, and some of Donnie’s pie crust he’d left on the plate—but when he suggested dessert, Donnie pleaded a headache and Will readily agreed they should leave.
CHAPTER 15
Will had no idea where things had gone wrong.
He and Donnie were silent as they walked back to his car. Sometimes, when they were out and about, Donnie would slide an arm around Will’s waist, but tonight they walked a foot apart. He gave a surreptitious burp—he’d rushed his food when it had become obvious how uncomfortable Donnie was, and they needed to go.
“You okay?” Donnie asked.
“Just indigestion,” Will said hurriedly. It’d better be, he thought. He didn’t want any more disturbance tonight. All he’d wanted was to treat Donnie, to take him somewhere he’d appreciate the food, maybe get some ideas for his own cooking. See how things were done in different restaurants. And then it had all gone to shit, even before Liam came and pushed his way into their evening. Will ran those thoughts back in his mind and winced.
See how things were done…
Had that been too arrogant?
Donnie was so different, in many ways. He and Will laughed at similar things, they liked the same movies, they obviously had a sexual compatibility. But his background was from the other end of the social scale.
For the first time in his life, Will felt like a fish out of water. He’d thought things like that didn’t really matter, if two men were attracted deeply to each other. If they could love each other. Now he wondered what other clues he’d been missing.
He’d always dated among his own crowd. He didn’t really have a choice. Not that he was forced into anything, but the men he met in his family’s social circle were usually supremely confident, often domineering, and if they set their sights on Will, it was just assumed he’d accept gratefully. To be honest, he’d never had any lasting interest in any of them. That life was often trite and even distasteful: the men were selfish and uninteresting. Sex had always been a bit of a disappointment, never the magic he’d been told to expect.
Like it was with Donnie.
And then, over dinner, Will had spilled all the final, sordid details of Gerry’s harassment. As he’d spoken, he’d watched Donnie’s eyes get wider and angrier. Not that he should have secrets from Donnie, but why should Donnie have to suffer Will’s problems as well?
He’d never felt as alive with someone as he did with Donnie. It wasn’t only that Donnie didn’t expect anything in return except for Will’s enjoyment—no commercial favours, no social introductions, no constant eye on what better opportunity was on the horizon—but because Donnie genuinely enjoyed being with Will. And wonderful, exciting, mischievous, empowering sex with Will. At least he seemed to, so far.
Oh God.
How long before Will fucked that up too?
In the car on their way back, Donnie said quietly, “What Liam said, about your expansion plans. What are you thinking of?”
Will was more cheered. This was something good, something that could re-open the connection between him and Donnie. “I’ve been waiting to tell you. I have great plans for the practice.”
There was the slightest pause before Donnie answered. “Yes?”
“There’s a couple of suitable sites on the other side of town. I’ve been thinking of taking on another place as well as this one on the parade. Maybe take on a partner or alternate my days between the two. It would give me a much wider practice area.”
“Wow. Yes, of course. That sounds great.”
Will wasn’t sure why Donnie’s tone didn’t sound as enthusiastic as the words, but he rushed on, “And you’ll be an excellent practice manager.”
“I… what?”
“We could get another receptionist in for the lower level jobs, and you’re ideally suited to co-ordinate both sites. Keep it all in order for me.”
They’d reached the parade and Will parked outside the hairdressers and Donnie’s flat. Something made him pause before he reached over, as he usually would. “What do you think of that?”
“I wouldn’t want to move from here,” Donnie said.
“No there’s no need, of course not. My own flat is nearer the new site anyway. We can move base between the two, depending on when and where I’m on duty.”
Donnie made a soft noise, a sucking in of a breath. “Is this already in progress?”
“Heavens no, not yet. I have to work out the finances. But the premises can be visited now and assessed. To see if it will work well for me.”
Donnie’s voice was… well, Will would have said prickly, though he’d never heard that tone from Donnie before.
“And Liam will be looking into that for you?”
“Well, I’ve been looking myself. But it is his business, it would make sense if he knows the properties around here. Not that it matters what firm I use. It would just be a commercial arrangement.”
“Maybe it does matter, Will.”
“What d
o you mean?”
Donnie didn’t reply for what felt like ages. Then he took a deep breath and even smiled. It was a ghost of a smile, nothing like his usual grin. “Forget I said anything. Everything’s fine.”
That bloody phrase again! Even Will could see that things obviously weren’t. He didn’t know what to say. Donnie was there, mere inches away. But, for some reason Will didn’t understand, it felt like miles. “Nothing’s set in stone. We can talk about it in the flat.”
Donnie drew yet another deep, careful breath. “How about we go to yours tonight?”
“I… It’s still a terrible mess. I haven’t had time to unpack everything.”
“That doesn’t matter. I don’t care.”
Will remembered the charming yet chaotic mess in Donnie’s own flat. “I know you don’t—”
“Unless you don’t want me there?”
“Of course not! I mean, that’s not it.” Will wasn’t entirely sure what the issue was, actually. It had always seemed more convenient to stay at Donnie’s, because they both had to get up for work in the morning, and the surgery was only a few doors away. Will envisioned his rather bleak, barely-furnished flat on the other side of town, with his mother’s taste stamped all over it, and his personal possessions still in packing cases from the move because he had a bone-deep reluctance to drag them out and examine the paltry things left from his richer, yet in many ways poorer life. And how he didn’t want Donnie to suffer that sterile atmosphere, too.
He just couldn’t find the words to explain all that.
“I didn’t think you minded. You always say it’s fine.” Too late, he realised what he’d said.
“Yes. I do, don’t I? As you so kindly pointed out.” Still with that ghost of a smile, Donnie reached for the door handle, to leave the car.
“Donnie. Wait.”
“No.” Donnie wouldn’t meet Will’s eyes. “I’m really sorry about everything you’ve been through Will. I want to help you through that. But, to be honest, at the moment, this is all going a bit fast for me.”
Will felt physically, gut-deep sick. “You mean about the practice?”
“Yes. I… yes, mainly that.”
“It’s a perfect opportunity for us both to have a better life,” Will said desperately.
“Thanks for that,” Donnie said, in a voice that sounded nothing like grateful. “But that’s the problem, you see. I like it here. This is my life, and I like it exactly as it is. I think you should have asked me about this earlier. I’m not sure what time I’ll have, to take on a more responsible position. I’m on Maisie’s organising committee as well now.”
“That’s only temporary, isn’t it? And I can help you sort that out. I’ve got friends of the family who can make a donation—they support all sort of local causes already. I also know a guy who runs an event planning company. He can run the whole campaign for the new house.”
“Is he local?”
“What?”
“These events?” Donnie’s tone was extra-patient now, as if talking to a small child. “It’s important they’re local. The first outreach house was launched because of work from everyone in the community. We converted and decorated the house from tradesmen’s donations, and Maisie and I organised a team to furnish the place, searching secondhand stores for good furniture, making curtains and soft furnishings where we couldn’t afford new. Henry even donated some old waistcoats that were hardly worn, they made fabulous cushions.” The words were coming faster, shakier.
“It sounds like a lot of hard work.”
“It was. It was exhausting.”
Will was totally, worryingly perplexed. “I thought… I thought I’d be helping. So you don’t have to take on all that stress. So you can concentrate on your job, and—I’d hoped—on us.”
“You did, did you?”
The small knot in Will’s stomach was growing; tightening. The nausea settled at the back of his throat, a horrible mix of bile and fear. “Donnie, you said everything was fine.”
“Maybe I changed my mind. I’m not sure how to express it. Maybe it’s because our worlds suddenly seem more different than I imagined. It seems that you’re railroading right over everything.”
“I’m…?” What did Donnie mean? Railroading over what? Surely it was a good thing that Will still had a small network of his own he could call on. So why shouldn’t he? Why did Donnie have to bear all this on his own? Why wouldn’t he let Will take that burden off him? The questions were drowning him, without any answers to throw him a lifeline.
“Is this about Liam?” Was that the issue? Will should never have let that stupid git join them in the restaurant. Liam didn’t deserve, even in name, to be in the same car with them: with Donnie. “I assure you, we’re not—”
“For god’s sake, Will!” Donnie twisted suddenly in his seat, fully face to face, his eyes wide and blazing. “It’s not about Liam. It’s about me!”
There was a sudden, pained silence. A distant siren wailed in Will’s left ear. A young couple came out of the supermarket, jogging past the car with plastic bags in their hands, arguing furiously but laughingly about something Will couldn’t make out.
“Let’s talk it through,” Will said slowly. “The way I see it working is—”
“No,” Donnie said, very snappily for him. “I don’t need things explained again. I’m not an idiot.”
“I didn’t say you were!”
“I know you didn’t, but that’s how it comes across sometimes. Poor old Donnie, messes things up, needs careful guidance. First Henry was like that, now you are. Even Maisie talks to me sometimes like I need help crossing the fucking road.”
Oh God. Things were going wrong, so awfully wrong. How come every time he opened his mouth, he said the wrong thing? “You’re not being fair. I don’t think of you like that. I can’t help being older, and maybe I have more experience of things. Let’s face it Donnie, you’re not the best at saying no.”
Donnie suddenly seemed to grow in height. His shoulders rose, his neck straightened. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’m saying no now.”
“You’re…?”
Donnie leaned on the handle and opened the door with a wrench. He was still rigid with tension. Will watched him step out, close the door behind him, and pause a moment by the half open window.
“May I come up tonight?” Will all but whispered, even though his hope was fading fast of a more pleasant end to the evening.
“Not tonight,” Donnie said. “I need to think things through. In fact, I’d like to take tomorrow off. All the appointments are in the diary, there’s nothing unusual. I’ve programmed the phone to take messages when I’m not there.”
Will’s mouth opened then snapped closed. He nodded. “Of course. Whatever you want.”
“I’ll see you the morning after. I won’t be late into work.”
“Donnie—!”
But Donnie had darted across the pavement, slipped his key into the front door, and then vanished up the dark stairwell to his flat.
And Will was still sitting in the car.
CHAPTER 16
Donnie finally got up at six a.m. the next morning because he couldn’t seem to sleep for more than an hour. Then spent half an hour cleaning his tiny bathroom until it gleamed. And brooding all the time.
Last night. Shit. It had been such an awful dinner with Will, for so many reasons. And now today was going a similarly crappy way. What on earth had possessed him to ask for a day off? He probably wasn’t even entitled to holiday yet, he’d only been at the surgery for a month. Will could probably fire him for this. Fired from two jobs in a month. Had to be some kind of a record.
Will won’t fire me.
But. Oh bugger. The look on Will’s face when Donnie said he couldn’t come up for coffee. After Will had faced his horrible memories, and shared them with Donnie—Donnie had held him at arm’s length, all because of his own resentment. They could have been cuddled up here all night, talking about the future, n
ot the past. And, let’s be honest, having the usual hot sex.
Talk about cutting his nose off to spite his face. Donnie had come back to his flat, all alone, taken a cold shower, eaten all the rest of his chocolate chip cookies—the ones Maisie hadn’t been “emancipating” into her own cupboard over the last week—watched the start of three crap movies, then gone to bed. And barely slept. He could have done the laundry, but he childishly wanted the sheets still to smell of Will, from the last time he stayed over.
When he could have had Will, the man, there instead.
And what about the offer to help Will run his proposed empire? Yes, Donnie knew he was being both melodramatic and petulant. It could be an exciting opportunity. But had Will ever asked him what his ambitions were? Did he think the whole of Donnie’s life came in the package with the dating and…
The hot sex. Okay, he was back to that.
On a good morning—a way better one than this one—he would have rolled over about now onto Will, while they were still half asleep, and given Will a stupendous blowjob. Well, Will had always said they were stupendous. Recently, Donnie had been encouraging him to get even more adventurous. A finger slipped into Will’s arse during a hand job made him curse to the heavens as he came, to the extent they had to have sex before the hairdressing staff arrived downstairs. And Donnie had agreed a code with Maisie to inform her when Will was staying over, by hanging rainbow laces from his bedroom window. Then she wouldn’t come charging up for breakfast and gossip, without prior notice, and interrupt them having…
Yeah. Hot sex.
He missed Will. And not just the sex. After they both got up, they would shower, get dressed, check each other looked smart enough for work, then they’d pop downstairs and the few doors away to the surgery. They might even hold hands. They’d share a light kiss and a joke, then step into work mode and review the appointments list together. Together. It was a great routine.
It had been, anyway. Had he overreacted when Will seemed to be sweeping them both away on a sea of startling change?