“I do not object on the grounds of prudence,” Kassquit said. “I do wonder if one of the reasons you wanted to bring rats here was in the hope that they might escape and establish themselves. That would let you pay the Race back for ecological changes caused by creatures from Home on Tosev 3.”
“Not fair,” Jonathan said. “If we had released the rats, you could accuse us of that. But members of the Race did it. We kept the animals caged. We were going to keep them caged, too. We know just what sort of pests they can be.”
Kassquit considered that. At last, reluctantly, she did use the affirmative gesture. “From you, Jonathan Yeager, I will believe this.”
“Why would you not also believe it from Dr. Blanchard?” Jonathan asked. “She knows much more about these things than I do.”
“Yes-why?” Melanie Blanchard echoed. “I mean you no harm, Researcher. In fact, I would like to examine you, if you do not mind. I probably know less about medicine as a whole than a physician from the Race, but I know a lot more about being a Tosevite. I might find something a physician from the Race would miss.”
Had Jonathan been in Kassquit’s shoes, he could have been grateful for that offer. If she got sick, what could the Lizards do about it? Not much, not that he could see. A human doctor, though, had to know how people ticked.
But Kassquit looked at Dr. Blanchard as if she’d just suggested vivisection. “I thank you, but no,” she said. “The Race’s techniques have always been adequate up until now.”
“No doubt,” Dr. Blanchard said. “But then, you have never been very ill, have you? You are still young, and you were never exposed to most Tosevite diseases. You are now beginning to reach the age where your body will show the wear it has accumulated. More regular examinations are a good idea.”
“I thank you, but no,” Kassquit repeated. “I will continue in my present way of doing things until it shows itself to be unsatisfactory.”
“This is not a good idea,” Jonathan told her. “Technicians maintain computers and other machines. You should also maintain yourself.”
“And so I do. And so I shall-with the Race,” Kassquit said. “If this proves inadequate, as I told you, I shall consider other options.”
Her determination was unmistakable. Jonathan scratched his head again. It didn’t add up-not to him, anyway. But Karen whispered in his ear in English: “She doesn’t like the doctor.”
Jonathan blinked. That hadn’t occurred to him. Once his wife pointed it out, though, it seemed so obvious that he wondered why it hadn’t. He also wondered why Kassquit didn’t like the doctor. They’d hardly had anything to do with each other.
Frank Coffey asked, “Would a member of the Race want a Tosevite doctor?”
“Certainly not.” Kassquit didn’t use an emphatic cough, but her tone of voice left no doubt about how she felt.
“All right, then.” Coffey was unperturbed. “Why would you want to use a physician of a different species when you have another choice?”
Kassquit looked at him. “You too would recommend that I trust myself to Dr. Blanchard?” She had a little trouble pronouncing the name, but less than a Lizard would have. When Coffey made the affirmative gesture, Kassquit sprang to her feet. “You are all against me!” she exclaimed, and stormed out of the refectory. The only reason she didn’t slam the glass door behind her was that its mechanism wouldn’t let her.
“What was that all about?” Linda de la Rosa asked in English.
“Is it me she doesn’t want to deal with, or is it because I’m a human being and not a Lizard?” Melanie Blanchard asked in the same language.
I think it may be you, went through Jonathan’s mind. He glanced at his wife, and would have bet she was thinking the same thing. Neither he nor Karen said anything, though. They might have been wrong. Even if they turned out to be right, who could guess why Kassquit felt the way she did? She was a riddle-sometimes, Jonathan suspected, even to herself.
His father said the same thing a different way: “Kassquit takes some getting used to. It’s not her fault she is the way she is, God knows. I do think she’s got a good heart.”
Jonathan nodded. Karen let out a distinct sniff. Among the Americans, though, she found herself outvoted. Snoutcounting, Jonathan thought. He was amused, but knew neither his wife nor Kassquit would have been.
Kassquit wanted nothing more than to avoid the wild Big Uglies. She wished she could have nothing to do with them. They did not understand her, they mocked her… So it seemed from her point of view, at any rate.
No matter what she wanted, though, she had to deal with the Tosevites. She’d been brought to Home to deal with them. No matter how revolting they acted, she couldn’t just walk away from her work with them. More than once, she thought, If I were a female of the Race, I could. Being what she was, she had fewer choices. She could not abandon the wild big Uglies. Half the time-more than half the time-members of the Race couldn’t tell her apart from them anyway.
She tried to avoid them at mealtimes. That didn’t always work, because they didn’t all eat at the same times every day. She stayed as far from them in the refectory as she could. That probably would have sufficed with the Race, whose members were sophisticated enough to recognize a good sulk. The Big Uglies, though, were as nosy as so many befflem, and just about as enthusiastic.
Because the American Tosevites usually ate breakfast early, Kassquit had started eating late. She didn’t like that, because she got hungry. She did it even so. But when Frank Coffey came in for a snack, he found her there. She hoped he would take care of what he wanted and leave her alone.
He didn’t. He came over to the table where she was sitting and said, “May I join you?”
“If you insist,” Kassquit said coldly.
A male of the Race would have taken the hint. She would have thought the Big Ugly might also; she hadn’t been subtle. But Coffey just said, “I thank you,” and sat down. Then he asked, “Why are you angry at Dr. Blanchard? What has she done to you? How could she have done anything to you? She just got here.”
“I am not angry at Dr. Blanchard!” Kassquit said-angrily. The wild Big Ugly sitting across the table from her did not respond. He just let the words hang in the air. They seemed so manifestly false, Kassquit felt she had to modify them: “She has not done anything to me-not directly.”
“Ah?” Yes, Frank Coffey was like a beffel that had taken a scent. “What has she done indirectly, then?”
“You ought to know.” Kassquit did not bother to hide the bitterness she felt.
“I do not have any idea what you are talking about,” the American Big Ugly said.
“A likely story,” Kassquit said. “You do not need to lie to me, you know. That is nothing but a waste of time on your part.”
“Lie about what?” Coffey asked. “You have completely confused me. I am sorry, but that is a truth. I wish I believed in the spirits of Emperors past. I would swear by them to convince you. What oath would you like me to use?”
“For a truthful person, oaths do not matter. For one who is not truthful, they do not help,” Kassquit snapped.
The Big Ugly made the affirmative gesture. “That is well said. You have known me since I came down to the surface of Home. I have been here most of a year now. What is your opinion of me? Have you believed me to be a truthful person, or one of the other sort?”
“Up until now, I believed you to be truthful,” Kassquit said. “Your behavior here, though, makes me doubt it very much.”
“What behavior here? What have I done?” Frank Coffey asked. “As I say, I confess that you have baffled me.”
Kassquit took a deep breath. “Your pretending not to know why I dislike Dr. Blanchard and what grievance I hold against her.”
“I do not know that. I do not understand it.” He used an emphatic cough. “That is a truth, Kassquit. For the sake of your own health, I think you would be wise to let her examine you. If you do not like her, I can see how you might be reluctant, but I d
o not know why you do not like her. She seems friendly enough, and she is a capable physician.”
“Friendly enough. Friendly enough!” Kassquit all but spat the words. “Yes, I can see why you would say so. I certainly can.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Did the American Tosevite make his interrogative cough sound sarcastic, or was that just a trick of Kassquit’s overheated imagination? She recognized the possibility, but she didn’t think so.
“As if you do not know,” she said furiously. “You all got along fine down here without the services of a physician. None of you has needed a physician.” Coffey started to say something-probably that you never could tell when someone would need a physician. She overrode him: “The real reason she came down to Home is obvious enough.”
“Not to me,” he said. “You had better tell me what this ‘real reason’ is.”
“Why, to provide you with a mating partner from among your fellow wild Big Uglies, of course,” Kassquit said.
Frank Coffey stared at her. Again, he started to say something. Kassquit didn’t stop him this time. He stopped himself-by starting to laugh. And once he started, he could not stop. Raucous Tosevite mirth poured out of him. Kassquit thought it would never end. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the torrent slowed.
“I see nothing funny about it,” Kassquit said in icy tones.
That only started the wild Tosevite laughing again. This time, the fit did not last quite so long. But when it ended, tears left bright streaks down Coffey’s cheeks. “Oh, dear,” he said, wheezing and gasping for breath. “I think I hurt myself. But I could not help it. I am very sorry, Kassquit, but you packed an impressive amount of misunderstanding into one sentence there.”
“I do not believe I misunderstood anything,” Kassquit said. “You had better explain to me why you think I did.”
“It shall be done, superior female.” Coffey began ticking off points on his fingers. “Dr. Blanchard did not come down here to become my mating partner. The two of us have not mated. We have never discussed mating, not even once. We have not made advances at each other. I have no idea whether she would be interested in mating with me. If I had to guess, I would doubt it. I know for a fact that I am not particularly interested in mating with her.”
“So you say,” Kassquit jeered.
Coffey nodded. Then he used the Race’s affirmative gesture. “Yes. So I say. And it is a truth, too. I see you are a citizen of the Empire. You certainly do not understand how things work among wild Big Uglies. And I ought to ask you a question of my own: why do you care about what Dr. Blanchard and I may or may not do?”
“Because I was hoping to mate with you myself,” Kassquit answered. Had she been raised as a wild Big Ugly, she might not have been so blunt. But then, had she been raised as a wild Big Ugly, she would have been different in so many ways, the question wouldn’t have arisen in that form.
“Oh,” Frank Coffey said, and then, “Oh,” again in an altogether different tone of voice.
When he didn’t say anything else for some little while, Kassquit asked, “Well? What do you think of that?”
He wasn’t laughing any more. Kassquit didn’t think she could have borne it if he were. Despite her prodding, he didn’t answer right away. When he did, he spoke slowly and thoughtfully: “I think you know I would be lying if I said the idea of mating with you had never crossed my mind.”
“I had thought that, yes,” Kassquit agreed. “That was why I was so upset when Dr. Blanchard came down from your starship. She is one of your kind in a way that I cannot be. I thought-I feared-she would make a better partner for you.”
The brown Big Ugly did laugh then, but, Kassquit judged, much more at himself than at her. He said, “I have trouble believing anyone named Melanie could make a good partner for me-but to understand that you would need to know the American Gone with the Wind, not the Race’s book of the same name.”
Kassquit didn’t understand; the American Gone with the Wind meant nothing to her. She did finally start to believe that he wasn’t eager to mate with Dr. Blanchard. And if he wasn’t… “This idea had crossed your mind, then, you say? And what did you think of it when it did?”
“Obviously, part of me liked it very much-but that part has never been what anyone would call fussy,” he replied. No matter how far removed from the affairs of wild Big Uglies she was, she had no trouble figuring out what he meant. He went on, “The rest of me was not nearly so sure-is not nearly so sure-that would be a good idea. You are isolated from our ways of doing things. I was very much afraid I would be taking advantage of you.”
“Why?” Kassquit asked in genuine puzzlement. “Would we not both take pleasure from this? How is that more advantageous to you than to me?”
“Things are more complicated than that-or they often are, anyway, back on Tosev 3,” Coffey said. “We do not have a mating season the way the Race does, and emotional attachments between partners are usual with us. In fact, mating among us does not just spring from previously existing emotional attachments. The act of mating, the pleasure of mating, giving pleasure to another in mating, helps cause emotional attachments. Do you have any idea what I am talking about?”
“Oh, yes,” Kassquit said softly. She remembered all too well how bereft she had felt when Jonathan Yeager left the Race’s starship and returned to the surface of Tosev 3, and how devastated she was when she learned he was making a permanent mating arrangement with Karen Yeager. That had seemed like betrayal-nothing less. If Frank Coffey were to abandon her for a wild Tosevite female, too… She shoved that thought aside and made the affirmative gesture. “I understand exactly what you mean.”
Her tone must have carried conviction, for Coffey did not argue with her any more. He just said, “Knowing all this, you would still wish to go forward?”
“I would,” she answered. “I may end up unhappy. I understand that. But I feel empty now. Next to empty, even unhappy does not seem so bad.”
“That… makes more sense than I wish it did,” the wild Big Ugly said. He nodded-again, Kassquit thought, more to himself than to her-and laughed quietly. “In that case, superior female, there is an English expression that seems to fit here: my place or yours?”
Kassquit needed a moment to figure out what that meant, but only a moment. “Why not mine?” she said.
They rode up the elevator together. Kassquit hung the PRIVACY, PLEASE sign in front of her room. Then Frank Coffey said, “Wait. I had better make sure you do not become gravid. Let me get a sheath. I will be back right away.”
He took a little longer than Kassquit had expected, but not long enough for her to complain when he returned. It had been a long time since she lay down with a male Tosevite, but she remembered what to do. And he knew how to stimulate her. He turned out to know better than Jonathan Yeager had. At first, that surprised her. Then she realized Jonathan Yeager must have been almost as inexperienced as she was. And then she stopped caring about such things.
Afterwards, Frank Coffey was careful to keep his weight on his elbows and knees and not on her. “The Race’s language does not have words for this,” he said. “ ‘I thank you’ is not nearly strong enough.” He kissed her. “I hope that says something.”
“Oh, yes.” Kassquit felt near tears. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed this. “Oh, yes.” She used an emphatic cough. It didn’t seem adequate, either. She kissed him this time. A member of the Race wouldn’t have understood. He seemed to.
Ttomalss knew he had too many things going on all at the same time. He kept waiting to hear whether Pesskrag and her fellow physicists were making progress in their experiments. He monitored what the wild Big Uglies were up to, and reported back on that to Atvar. The retired fleetlord also seemed to be running in too many directions at once.
“Rats! ” he said to Ttomalss out of a clear sky. “We have got to find those creatures and get rid of them, Senior Researcher, or this entire world will suffer on account of them.”
“I have discussed this matter with Sam Yeager,” Atvar said unhappily. “He is not enthusiastic about moving. He is not obstructive-he will relocate if we insist. But he is not enthusiastic. Diplomacy is, or can be, a nuisance. I hesitate to displace him if I can accomplish my goals by other means.”
“How many more rats have you recovered?” Ttomalss asked.
Even more unhappily, Atvar answered, “One after that which Senyahh killed. And it was not captured here in the hotel but in the park across the way. That is another reason I hesitate to displace the wild Big Uglies: it may already be too late.”
It may already be too late. Ttomalss didn’t respond to that. It was the Race’s usual lament when dealing with the Tosevites. Here, it was liable to be true in more ways than Atvar had meant it.
After leaving the fleetlord’s suite, Ttomalss left a message for Pesskrag. The physicist took her time about calling him back. Maybe she was busy experimenting. Maybe she’d finished experimenting but had nothing new to tell him. Maybe she was just sick and tired of him. Till she did eventually answer, he couldn’t say.
What with everything else that was going on, Ttomalss hardly had the chance to turn an eye turret toward Kassquit every now and then. Her room in the hotel was not electronically monitored, as were those of the wild Big Uglies (not that those microphones had yielded much; the American Tosevites appeared to have antimonitoring electronics of their own). Not only was she assumed to be on the Emperor’s side, but she had also strongly objected to being monitored back on the starship orbiting Tosev 3.
Without that continuous monitoring, Ttomalss had to rely on what he observed when he and Kassquit were together. He would have done better observing one of his own species. He knew that. However acculturated Kassquit was, her basic responses remained Tosevite, and alien.
One morning at breakfast, he said, “You will correct me if I am wrong, but do you not seem more cheerful than usual?”
Homeward Bound (colonization) Page 39