by Cara Wylde
She was still asleep when I reached the cabin. Of course. I had barely been gone for an hour. I put Milo down, and he sprinted on his short, stubby legs toward her bed. She crawled in with her and poked her in the ribs. Rosalie moaned and turned on her side. Milo didn’t give up. He climbed on top of her, fell on his face, sat back up, then proceeded to pull at her dress to get to her breast.
“What… what’s going on? Oh.” She opened her eyes when Milo started suckling on her nipple. “Hi, little one.” She cradled him to her chest.
I cleared my throat to get her attention. She turned to me, her blue eyes darkening with fear and uncertainty.
“Brooks,” she whispered, and my name on her lips sounded so odd, so unnatural. It was as if I didn’t deserve to hear it from her. She should have called me “brute”, or “bastard”. “Where are Lincoln and Colt?”
Right. She wanted them more than she wanted me. It made sense. I’d been nothing but cruel to her, while both Lincoln and Colt had used their time alone with her to form a bond. I knew they were acting all tough when I was around just because what I had against Rosalie was deep and personal. I could tell they were showing her kindness every time they thought no one was there to see them.
“I don’t know,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm and even. “Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you.”
“Why are you here?”
“I have a proposal for you.” The idea had just popped into my head. Maybe I was being stupid, but Milo was my cub, and if he wanted her, then he was going to have her. “You will come live with me in my trailer and take care of Milo. I have to go to work. And I could ask the other she-bears, but they have their own cubs, and their own families and jobs. Besides, Milo likes you. You can nurse him until he gets used to eating food. And then…” I hesitated. “When he doesn’t need your milk anymore… You can go. I will allow you to leave this place and return to your world and your life.”
She was speechless. All she could do was stare at me with those incredible eyes of hers. Her lips were slightly parted, as if she were thinking about something to say but was at a complete loss for words.
“What do you say?”
Milo must have bitten her nipple because she yelped in pain and looked down at him. She hugged him tighter and tried to readjust his position.
“Well?”
“Yes, all right. I’ll come take care of your son.”
“Good.” I motioned for her to get out of the bed. I didn’t want to spend a second longer in this dreadful cabin. It reminded me of what Lincoln, Colt and I had done to her, and in hindsight… it had all been wrong. We were all better than this. We should’ve been, at least.
“Help me?”
I realized she must have been awfully sore. I walked over to her, snuck an arm under her knees, and another one behind her back, and lifted her off the bed as Milo was still cuddling to her chest. They weighed nothing. In my arms, she was small and frail. As I got out of the cabin, pushing the door shut but not locking it, she leaned her head on my shoulder. I took a deep breath in and released it slowly, subtly, hoping she wouldn’t notice the effect she had on me. I looked down at them. Milo was asleep on top of her, and she had her eyes closed, too. That showed a lot of trust on her part. But on the other hand, what could she have done? She had no power here, no control over her fate. I did what I wanted, and she knew it was easier to submit than to fight me. That made me feel a little sad.
I’d done this to myself. I’d gotten myself into this mess, and now I didn’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong. Yes, Krista was no more. Yes, Milo was going to grow up without his mother. But maybe I should’ve reacted differently to my tragedy. Maybe I shouldn’t have pulled Lincoln and Colt into the abyss with me.
In the trailer, I lay Rosalie onto the couch. Milo stirred and yawned, and I figured that she needed a break from him. From me, and from everything. I got him into the bed, then covered Rosalie with a blanket. She was sound asleep again. I lay next to my cub, but no matter how hard I tried, slumber wouldn’t take me. So I just stayed there, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Listening to Rosalie’s even breath.
“Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?”
Twelve
Rosalie
I woke up with a start and a very sharp yelp. I was dreaming I was back with my husband and that he was beating me for oversleeping again. I was ready to beg and plead, and promise to get right to work, but something felt different. Jack would have never just put a hand on my shoulder and shaken me awake without beginning to yell right away.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Brooks said.
I turned around to face him. He looked like he had just woken up himself. His eyes were droopy, his T-shirt crumpled, and his skin had red marks on it.
Why was Brooks in my house? Oh. Wait. I was in his. I looked around, my memories slowly coming back to me. I was in his trailer, not the cabin, and I had slept on his couch. I looked down at my bandaged hands, feet, and finally, shamefully, I felt myself. He hadn’t touched me last night. He hadn’t touched me once since the forest. I looked up at him, and while he must have realized what had just gone through my mind, he didn’t comment on it. I could no longer look into his eyes.
“Good morning,” I said with a voice I wished wasn’t so shaky. Even with Milo there, who knew what he would do? Milo! “I will get to feeding him right now,” I said, having found my excuse to flee, and got up from the old couch.
Brooks blocked my path, and his hand accidentally touched mine. I retreated, nearly falling back down on my ass. Surely, he wouldn’t… My gaze dropped to his pants. He wasn’t showing signs.
“Easy, I just need you to get breakfast going. I have to leave for work, and I don’t have time to do it myself. I overslept,” he added, and he looked and sounded a little sheepish, if that word could be used to describe a guy his size and well, species.
I nodded, unsure of why he was being so civil, so restrained with me. He could have made me suck him off again – a bit of fun before work. Milo wouldn’t have been able to see us from behind the thick curtains of the bedroom area.
“Alright.”
I carefully side-stepped him and looked around his kitchen, which wasn’t more than a slab of wood, some cabinets, a coffee maker, and the world’s most ancient oven. I opened and closed every door, trying to see what I had to work with, which wasn’t all that much. How had his wife lived in such a way? This man only had one frying pan and two pots. Did they all eat raw meat, or what? Scrambled eggs and a side of bacon, and stale bread would have to do.
I cracked the eggs and warmed the pan while trying to ignore the sounds of him washing himself and the images of him lifting my dress and fucking me over the stove, while the eggs turned to black, ignored. What was wrong with me? Did I or did I not want this man to fuck me? I shook my head, mad at myself. Then it occurred to me how I’d spent the last few days, getting fucked in so many ways and positions, for hours upon hours, and I supposed this reaction was normal. I had grown used to sex. I had been trained to expect and accept it, especially since there was something in it for me too, namely orgasms and sensations and feelings I hadn’t experienced before.
I set his plate down and waited. I looked around, noting how different the place seemed to be now that it was bathed in rays of warm light coming from outside. It looked and felt less threatening, more homey, if a little shabby.
“You can eat too, you know,” he said and dug into his food.
“I’m not hungry,” I lied. The truth was there wasn’t much to eat in the house, and I wanted him to have a generous meal. Bears ate a lot, right?
Jack used to devour a dozen eggs a week, so surely Brooks would go through that in a day. I’d only had five to work with, and the bacon slices were thin, so perhaps he would still be hungry. I needed him to be okay with me. I didn’t want this – whatever this was – to turn into a repeat of what I’d had with Jack. Despite the fact t
hat the bear shifters hadn’t beaten me, despite that they’d just fucked me and given me orgasms, despite everything else… Jack was still dictating my actions. I couldn’t disappoint Brooks too. I couldn’t let him see what a mess of a housewife I was. I kept my eyes focused on my lap, where I was playing with the hem of my dress.
“Look, you’re not a prisoner here,” he started. “I will be gone most of the day. Take Milo, walk around, talk to people. You’ll be here a while. Just don’t tell anyone the truth.”
“What do I tell them?” I asked on autopilot.
“That you’re his nanny.”
I nodded, despite having zero intentions of going anywhere. He must’ve sensed that because he added: “Bears don’t mind humans. Those who might have an issue with your presence have been told you’re safe. There are a few of you humans around here; they’re all happily married. You can go out.”
I nodded, still sure I wouldn’t be going anywhere. And yet… I watched him eat. It just took this beast of a man three whole minutes to down the entire breakfast. He would be coming home ravenous.
“Brooks?” I chanced.
“Yeah, what?” he asked, chewing the last bit of bread.
“Could I have some money, please?”
He frowned, and I was sure he was going to yell at me. Jack never liked it when I asked him for money. “What for?”
“The cupboards and the fridge are empty. I won’t have any dinner ready,” I whispered. I didn’t know how he was going to take being asked for things.
“Oh,” he choked. “I hadn’t realized.”
He stood up, reached into his back pocket, and then let a few crumpled bills fall on the table we shared.
“I’ll have more tomorrow,” he said, swallowing and pushing his empty plate toward me to pick up and wash. “Go out. Shop. Get Milo something if he wants.”
I nodded.
He wiped his mouth with the napkin, went to say goodbye to his son, and with one last look around, he left, closing the door behind him. The space instantly felt bigger and wider, and it was like there was more oxygen, too. I rushed after the man and locked the door. The bolt would probably not hold against a bear’s strength, but I felt better knowing there was some sort of a barrier between me and the world outside.
“Jesus, Rosalie, when have you turned into a mouse?” I whispered to myself.
I peeked from behind the curtain to see if Milo was awake. He was, and he was playing with his tiny feet. I turned the scene into a sweet game of peek-a-boo, then fed him his first meal of the day.
I spent the better part of the morning cleaning up the place with Milo watching me from his crib, nibbling on toys, of which he didn’t have many. In fact, the items that were inside the trailer either belonged to incomplete sets, were mismatched, old or refurbished. It wasn’t a rundown place, far from it. But it did not scream of money and wealth either.
While Brooks’s trailer wasn’t all that big, men weren’t known for their cleaning or cooking skills. The unit consisted of two parts: the common area, with a few drawers, cupboards and storing spaces, a small TV, the kitchen-slash-dining area-slash-sleeping couch, and behind a curtain, the bed Brooks and Milo slept in when Milo wasn’t in his little crib by the window. I washed and dusted off every surface, gathering what couldn’t be used anymore in a trash bag. I changed the bedding, and I was going to open the door and the windows to let some fresh air in, when I remembered where I was.
Among bears.
I was standing defeated in front of the metal door of the trailer when Milo called out to me.
“Rose-ly!”
I dropped the trash bag and approached the crib.
“Say that again?”
“Rose-ly!” he repeated, more eager this time.
He was jumping up and down, wanting me to pick him up. I reached two shaky hands and lifted him gingerly. He knew my name. Something in my chest ached at that. His innocence and good nature were doing something to me. I always felt better when I held him in my arms. Such a sweet little boy… he never gave me any grief.
“Aren’t you?” I cooed at him, “Aren’t you my sweet little boy?”
I pressed a kiss to the top of his head as he suckled on my nipple, and he looked at me with those bright blue eyes.
“How can I not fall for you? How will I ever leave you?” I asked, expecting another giggle of incomprehension. He didn’t know that I wasn’t going to be here forever, that I was living on borrowed time, that Brooks could change his mind or something else could happen and then… then, what about me?
I ran my free hand all over his chubby little legs and arms, and tried to imagine him in some five, seven years, when he would no longer need a mom, or me rather, when Brooks would have found someone else. I didn’t like to think about such things, but that was my future. Our future. Milo would stay with his family, and I would get to go back to… wherever I was going before Krista rammed her car into mine and I kidnapped her cub. A tear landed on his cheek, and he stopped nursing. He looked like he was growing upset, so I faked a smile and sang to him half a lullaby I still remembered from my own childhood.
Perhaps some fresh air would do us both some good. There was no need to dwell on things neither of us could change. Perhaps he would even be happier with a bear mom instead of a silly human. I changed into another dress Brooks had left for me, trying not to think where he got all these women’s items. I would have hated for them to have been Krista’s. I then changed Milo’s clothes into pure cotton ones, so his skin could breathe. I settled him on my hip, pocketed the money I was given for dinner, determined to make the fifty dollars count, and with my free hand, I grabbed the trash bag and opened the door to freedom.
The sun was high up in the sky, the heat suffocating in the shade, and I was thankful for the dress.
I dropped the bag in the large containers right outside the trailer, ignoring the many curious looks thrown my way. I could feel them staring, murmuring to each other, wondering, but no one approached me, and I saw no reason to approach them. In fact, if everyone stood where they were and mingled with whom they already knew, I was going to be a very happy camper.
Milo was enjoying the outdoors, and I was enjoying his happiness. He’d point out things, like passing cars or dogs, and I’d tell him about them. I also told him about many things, like how my childhood had been, how my momma had brought me up, how she’d sung to me the way I had sung to him, how I’d been a bit of a tomboy, but had grown into a typical teenage girl – all sorts of things that he didn’t understand. But he kept watching me attentively, and it was nice to reminisce about better times. The sun’s warmth was doing wonders for my mental health. I no longer felt oppressed, depressed, beaten down and worried.
I spotted a park with some swings, and jumped and skipped my way to it, which I discovered Milo found very amusing. I was like his personal carousel. By the time we reached the swings, one of the two was occupied by another woman with her baby. The two looked like they belonged, with the woman swaying gently on the swing, her baby playing with her flaxen hair, and the sun making a halo on the crown of her head.
I hesitated.
She noticed.
“I’m not going to bite you,” she laughed. “Unless you ask nicely.”
“It’s not that,” I said defensively and hugged Milo tighter. He was squirming like never before. “I just didn’t want to disturb.”
“I think he wants to say ‘hi’ to my cub,” the woman said, and I shot her a surprised look.
The park was near the trailers, so it made sense that it belonged to the community, and Milo and I were safe. I let the boy slide down, and he rushed to the little girl. They sat on the grass and started playing.
“I’m Nancy, by the way,” she said and extended a hand.
“Rosalie,” I answered, and we both sat on the ground, next to the children.
“You live with Brooks, right?”
“In a way. I am Milo’s nanny.”
“Oh, yeah.
I heard about Krista. Poor Brooks… never a moment of peace.”
As much as I wanted to find out what she thought about the situation, I didn’t want to look like I was into gossip. She seemed to know Brooks, and the last thing I needed was for him to think I was digging for dirt on him. I needed to change the subject.
“So she’s yours, huh?”
Nancy looked at the little girl, beaming with pride. “My youngest, Roxy. I also take responsibility for those three daredevils,” she raised her chin, pointing at three teenagers playing a sort of wrestling game. “They have too much energy, I just can’t keep up. So their father’s in charge of tiring them down for me, and he also gave me this little diamond, because I missed being a mom again. They don’t want to be as affectionate with you when they grow up, you know? Whereas this one,” she said and tickled Roxy, “can’t get enough of me.”
“I guess,” I said.
“No children of your own?”
“No, not yet.”
“Ah, there’s time. You seem young. You just need to pester your husband to breed. I mean… help you with that.”
I smiled and said nothing. She was prying, and I didn’t particularly like that.
“Is it okay for me to be here? Seeing how I’m… not one of you?”
“I know you’re being gawked at. But you have nothing to worry about.”
“No one approached me.”
“Out of fear.”
“Of me? What could I possibly do?”
“Spill our secret. I know Brooks said you can be trusted. And yes, bears and humans have mingled in the past and given birth to halflings. But nowadays? We keep to ourselves. The trailer park is remote, and while most of the people here have been here for generations upon generations, the town doubled its size in the last twenty years, and an influx of new humans came, forcing us to hide better. We only shift in the woods now, and only after we make sure there are no intruders around.”