But will that be enough if Colby gets a deal? Will I have to make sure that I’m polished and preened every time I step out the front door? The more time I have to think about everything that is going to change for both of us, the less comfortable I become. I like my anonymous life. Will it be possible to hold onto that in the future?
Eventually, I run out of primping to do in preparation for what is supposed to be a casual dinner with people Colby has come to know as friends. And really, how silly is that? This isn’t me. I’ve never been the girl who frets over an outfit or obsesses over how she looks. Not by a long shot. But suddenly, I am. How I appear right at this moment is very important to me, when it was the furthest thing from my mind before I got on that plane to come down here.
It’s not until I find myself sitting at the desk in the living area, pulling up various searches in Google that I begin to wonder if I know myself at all. My entire life, it’s been ingrained in every fiber of my being that I would be nothing if I didn’t go to school. Never wanting to disappoint my family, I buried my nose in the books, striving for the perfect grade point average so I could have my pick of schools when it came time for college. And when I was accepted to my parents’ alma mater, I didn’t bother looking any further because they were so proud of me, excited that I was following in their footsteps. Looking back, I can’t even figure out how I chose my major. It’s not as if I grew up wishing I could do math all day, every day for as long as I live. I know there’s more to accounting than simple math, but I’m beginning to question why I thought it was what I should do with my life.
This might be the first time in my twenty-one years that I’ve taken a look around and realized I’m not sure I even want to be on this road anymore. I’m the one pushing Colby to make all of his own dreams come true, but I haven’t even dared to dream about how I want my own life to turn out because I might let down those closest to me.
Chapter 7
Colby
“I’m going to courier some paperwork over to you tonight. I want you to take a few days to look at it. I would even encourage you to ask Aaron for the name of a good attorney to help you take a look at everything,” Pete says as he sips on a glass of high-dollar scotch. Not that there’s any other type in this bar. Even dressed in the best clothes I had in my closet, I feel out of place in the lavish hotel bar. I’m encouraged by the fact that Pete isn’t coercing me to sign a contract without looking at it, making sure I understand what I’m getting myself into.
My mind is still reeling from listening to him tell me how much potential he sees in me. This is a man who has earned his reputation in this town because he has an innate ability to see what an artist can be, not only what they are in that moment. And from the sounds of it, he doesn’t plan on wasting any time. He wants to get me into the studio as soon as possible to start working on an EP and if everything goes right, there’s a chance I’ll be on the road before the end of the year.
“Thank you, sir. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I’ll talk to Aaron to see what he says.” My gut tells me that if he was going to try and swindle me, he wouldn’t push me to have the contract looked over by a professional, so I’m tempted to rip the envelope open the moment it comes and sign on the dotted line. But that would be irresponsible of me and I’ve heard tales of people doing just that, only to find out they were essentially signing away their life as well as their creative license, all in hopes of seeing their name in lights. I don’t want to be one of those horror stories because of my eagerness.
As we settle into more casual conversation, I wish Lea was here with me. I’m glad I listened to her and called for this meeting while she’s in town so I can run upstairs and wrap my arms around her the moment Pete leaves, but it’s not enough. I want her to witness what’s happening. I want her to get to know Pete so she understands what he’s doing for me. But most of all, I just want her. She’s the reason I’m sitting in this club chair, across from a man I never dreamed I would have a chance to meet, much less work for, and she deserves to be a part of all of this.
Finally, Pete glances down at his watch and stands. “Colby, I will see you Friday night. If you have any questions before then, please don’t hesitate to call.” He extends his hand and shakes mine with a grip that says he’s all business before motioning for me to lead the way out of the bar. “I’m looking forward to getting you into the studio to see what you can really do. Welcome to the team.”
He turns to walk out the front doors and I’m rooted in place, his parting words playing on repeat in my mind. It’s a good thing he’s not looking at me or he would see that it’s starting to sink in and I’ve been rendered completely stupid. I can’t speak, can’t even move from the marble tile where I’m standing. I still have to look at the contract, but I can see myself being a part of something bigger than myself for the first time, all because of Pete’s confidence that I will sign when the time comes.
By some miracle, I manage to get a hold of my composure as I walk through the lobby of the hotel toward the elevators. I want to sprint, but I’m pretty sure the hotel staff is already curious about how a couple as young as us are staying here. No need to draw any more attention to our presence.
The door to our suite bounces off the wall, almost closing on me as I throw it open. Now that I’m back at the room, there’s no way I can contain my excitement. I pull Lea out of her chair, wrapping my arms around her waist to spin both of us around the room. “Baby, you’re not going to believe this! He’s sending over a contract tonight, he wants me to take a look at it and he’s going to talk to Cameron about getting me into the studio by the end of the month.”
Lea shrieks, clutching my neck tighter as she kisses me deeply. The moment our lips part, I continue. “Before that happens, he’s going to sit down with me to find some set musicians to work with me on an EP. If that works out and we all get along, they’ll stay with me and we’ll be going on tour with Missy Harrington once she’s well enough to get back to work. Oh, my God, I can’t believe this is fucking happening! Thank you, baby! Thank you for making me do this, even when I didn’t think it would be worth it!”
It’s not until I finish talking that I realize I’m out of breath. Did I take a single pause through everything I just said? The smirk on Lea’s face pretty much assures me that I didn’t.
“I told you it would be worth it,” she says softly, brushing her lips across my neck before nibbling on my ear. Her reaction is far more subdued than I thought it would be and that concerns me.
“Baby, this is what you wanted me to do, right?” I ask, my mind jumping to the worst possible conclusions. After all, good things don’t usually happen to me. I don’t deserve to be this happy. The criticism from my father replays in my mind on a constant loop. The fucked up thing is that, right now, I know it would kill me to have to choose between Lea and my music. “If it’s not, you need to tell me now. There’s still time for me to say I’m not ready for any of this and I can go home with you and--”
She silences me with a kiss, the most effective way to stop my monologue. “It’s not that. I’m excited for you, I swear! I’m just not looking forward to having to go home. I wish I could be here with you. It’s going to suck having to listen to you tell me about your day over the phone.”
I sense that there’s something she’s not telling me, but I won’t press her for more. When she’s ready to tell me, she’ll come to me and we’ll curl up on the couch to talk through whatever it is that’s weighing on her mind.
By the time we pull up in front of Aaron’s, it’s getting difficult to not be annoyed by Lea. Maybe it makes me a shit person to say that when we get to spend so little time together as it is, but it’s the truth. We should be riding high together, but every time I look over at her sitting in the passenger’s seat, I feel like she’s this weight pulling me back down to Earth. And for once, it’s not the grounding force I need, it’s eerily reminiscent of how I felt when I tried telling my parents about my music teacher prais
ing me when I was in school. Bitterness, doubt, and resentment. Everything I never wanted to feel again.
“Are you sure you want to do this? We can go back to the hotel if you’re not up to hanging out tonight.” I reach across the seat for her hand, bringing it to my lips to kiss her fingers. There has to be something I can do to get her out of whatever mood possessed her body while I was out of the room.
“I told you, I’m fine. It’s just…” her voice trails off and she quickly turns her head to look out the window.
“Baby, talk to me. This isn’t you and frankly, I’m freaking out a bit here.” I’m starting to feel like she’s pissed off at me about something, but I’ll be damned if I can come up with anything I’ve done wrong. “Are you upset that I didn’t talk to you before telling him I was interested? Is that it?”
She shakes her head, but offers no other indication of what’s going on. I reach for the door handle when I see Devon making his way down the driveway. “Look at me,” I say firmly. When she does, I feel my chest tighten at the sadness in her eyes. What the fuck is going on? “We need to talk about whatever’s going on, but we’re about to having very persistent company. If you want to head back to the hotel early, just let me know, okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” Lea grumbles, opening her door to step onto the grass. Taylor comes running through the yard, almost pummeling Lea to the ground as she jumps into my arms.
“Colby, I missed you,” she cries, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. This is the first time I don’t feel like a guest in the Donaldson home. Lea’s been saying all week that they’re my family down here and I haven’t had the heart to tell her it’s not like that. It could be, but I’ve been letting my insecurities keep me at a distance, never wanting to get too close to Aaron and Rebecca because then I won’t feel like quite such a fuck-up when things don’t work out and I’m forced to head home a failure. “Is this Lea? She’s just as pretty as you said she is.”
Lea’s hand comes over her mouth, trying to stifle her giggle. I kiss the top of Taylor’s head, not only because she’s right, but also because she just did something I had no clue how I was going to achieve. She put that beautiful smile back on Lea’s face with only a few words.
Taylor wiggles out of my arms and hugs Lea, who is now crouched down to the little girl’s level. “I’m Taylor,” she says confidently. “Do you want to go see my room?”
She doesn’t wait for Lea’s response before gripping her fingers and pulling her to the front door. It won’t surprise me if I walk upstairs and find them wearing floppy hats and fur boas in a few minutes, ready for a tea party with Taylor’s stuffed animals.
Devon gives me a fist bump and we walk to the house at a more leisurely pace. He tells me about baseball and how his dad throws like a girl.
“I heard that,” Aaron warns, stepping into the garage from the back deck, the place you’re most likely to find Aaron on a sunny, weekend afternoon. The smell of barbecue in the smoker wafts through the air. “Devon, can you please go tell your mom that Colby and Lea are here?”
Devon runs inside, the door slamming behind him, leaving us alone in the garage. From the inquisitive look on Aaron’s face, he knows about my meeting with Pete. Apparently, there’s a gray area when it comes to what information is shared with whom in this industry.
“So, I’m assuming you’re going to be giving your notice at the bar soon?” he asks as I follow him to the back deck. How self-centered am I that I hadn’t even thought about what it’s going to do to Aaron when I leave? Shit, he’s letting me stay here because I work for him. It figures that the day I start to see this place as home will turn out to be the day I have to find an apartment of my own. Probably a good thing anyway, I can’t imagine they’d want me here for too much longer.
“I haven’t decided anything yet,” I tell him. “And even then, I’m not going to bail on you. Things are just starting to turn around at the bar, it’d be pretty shitty of me to leave you hanging after everything you’ve done for me.”
“Colby, you need to think about what’s best for you.” He hands me a beer and places one hand on my shoulder. “I respect what you’re saying, but you’re not going to have time if Pete’s serious about the timetable he has planned out.”
“Oh, yeah. I suppose you’re right.” I drop back into one of the wooden Adirondack chairs a bit harder than intended and wince at the sharp pain traveling up my spine. How is it that I’m the one trying to make a career out of my music, but so far, everyone else has been doing all of the thinking for me? I’m seriously fucked if my head doesn’t start engaging soon. “Well, let’s wait and see what the contract says before I make that decision. For all I know, it’ll be crap and not worth it.”
The stunned look on Aaron’s face mirrors the doubt in my words. A man like Pete Tyler doesn’t write up worthless deals. It has nothing to do with the artist’s ego and everything to do with his time. He is far too busy to blow sunshine up anyone’s ass. Aaron sits in the chair next to me, looking out over the backyard to where Devon is now playing catch with the neighborhood boys.
“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” he asks without glancing in my direction. From the distant look in his eyes, I wonder if he’s thinking about the fate of my future or the decisions he’s made in his own past. I wonder if there are times when he regrets giving it all up.
The truth is, fuck yes I’m having second thoughts. I walked into that hotel room expecting the enthusiasm Lea has shown every fucking day for the past few months and was met with something a far cry from jubilation. What it was, I have no clue because she won’t talk to me about it. And if she’s not with me, I’m not sure this is a journey I want to take.
Before summer, there wouldn’t have been a single doubt in my mind, but the day Lea agreed to be with me was a turning point in my life. It was the day I was handed everything I wanted and needed in my life. Her love. Her faith in me. Her strength to push me to be better, no matter how much it killed her to watch me walk away. And her faith that she wasn’t saying goodbye to me forever when I stepped onto that bus. The closer I get to achieving my dreams, the more I wonder if I’m being naïve and idealistic to think that I’ll be able to keep Lea happy as I work my way up the ladder in the music industry. Seeing her less than enthusiastic reaction when I got through with my meeting makes me think the day will come when I’m forced to make a choice.
“How do you know that it’s worth the risk?” I ask in response. If anyone knows what I have on the line right now, it’s Aaron. “Do you ever wish you hadn’t given up on your music? Is it worth never singing again if it means having the woman you love in bed with you at night?”
“Apples and oranges, boy. There’s no comparing anything about where I was to where you are today.” He checks the smoker, messing with the vent before grabbing each of us another beer. “I didn’t have half the potential you do. And there was a hell of a lot more to lose with Rebecca than there is with Lea.”
“So you don’t think Lea’s worth giving it all up for?” I’m pissed at his assumption because that woman means everything to me. She has one of the purest hearts I know, she’s smart as hell and makes me laugh. And that’s just the start of the long list of things I love about her.
“Didn’t say that. What I mean with that is I had to decide between a music career that likely wasn’t ever going to amount to anything and a woman with two kids I would die for. They might not be mine biologically, but it wasn’t long after we started dating that I knew they were the ones I couldn’t live without. All three of them.”
As if to help prove his point, Devon comes running through the yard, panting by the time he reaches the top step of the deck. “Dad, did you see that? I hit it all the way over to the Mickelson’s yard! I can’t wait for spring ball!” Aaron congratulates his son, ruffling his short brown hair as he pushes him to join his friends and keep playing.
“That is what I gave up music for,” he says, pointing to the yard. �
�If I had managed to defy the odds, I probably wouldn’t be here to congratulate him when he’s proud of himself. I couldn’t tell him that being the best isn’t everything when he falls short. If I was on the road, he’d be no better off than when I wasn’t in their lives because he still wouldn’t have a father in his life. And a boy needs that to grow into a strong man.”
I pick at the label of my beer, wondering if Aaron knows how deeply his words cut. If my own father was more like the man sitting next to me, I could talk to him about these decisions. But he’s not. He’s the man who pushed me to be something I’m not and then pushed me away when he realized I would never be the person he imagined I would become since I was a baby. He assumed that having a son meant he’d have someone to take over the shop when he decided to retire. As I got older, he talked about how I could go to college first and run the business side until that day came. The day I told him none of that was going to happen; I might as well have slapped him in the face.
“Where is this coming from? Ever since the day I picked you up at the bus terminal, all you’ve been able to talk about it your music. And how you wanted to prove to Lea that you can be a man she’s proud of.” He leans back against the railing of the deck, hovering over me, arms crossed over his chest. “Seems to me you’ve done plenty to make her proud. How’s quitting going to help you achieve any of your goals?”
Even though he’s only ten years older than me, I feel like Aaron was put in my life to be the father-figure I always longed to have. He’s not letting me off the hook, but he’s not telling me that I’m stupid, either. He’s pushing me to come to my own conclusions. Guiding me to make the right decision rather than the easy one.
Dare to Dream (Truth or Dare #2) Page 5