by Nina Lane
“Can I get two games?” a customer asked.
Reluctantly, I turned my attention to him. The minutes couldn’t tick by fast enough. By the time my shift ended, I was impatient as all hell.
I’d never felt like this for another woman. I’d only had a few girlfriends, whom I’d probably gone overboard trying to treat well. I hadn’t realized until Josie how scared I was that I’d end up like my father. Despite what she’d said to me, what if his evil was in my DNA?
Smothering a fresh wave of fear, I texted Josie that I’d meet her at the Ocean Carousel and hurried across the pier. The ride featured over fifty sea creatures—exotic fish, walruses, octopi, sharks, otters, and lobster.
Josie stood at the entrance. When her gaze landed on me, the smile that bloomed over her face hit me right in the heart.
“Hey, you.” She pointed her thumb toward the carousel. “Want to take a ride?”
“Only if we ride the whale.”
“I was thinking the same thing.”
After I stopped at the ticket booth, we climbed onto the carousel. The massive humpbacked whale, sporting a goofy grin, red lipstick, and long eyelashes, was the only creature made for two riders. I helped Josie into the front saddle and got on behind her, closing my thighs around her hips. I nuzzled my nose into her hair that smelled like lemongrass.
The tinny, upbeat calliope music started. But again, the lights and music faded. There was only the softness of Josie’s body, her back against my chest, her scent enveloping me. When the ride came to a slow halt and she started to climb off, I wrapped an arm around her waist.
“The ride’s done,” she said, though she made no move to leave.
“I paid for five.” I tightened my arm around her and brushed my lips against her cheek. “But that was a mistake.”
“Why?”
“I should have paid for ten.”
Ah, that warm, admiring look from her again, like I was someone special.
My chest tightened. Even if I did let myself think of this as more than a fling, I couldn’t give her much. The only way I’d have money was if I caved and took the deal for my trust fund. Otherwise I had nothing. I’d make a pittance with only a BA in Marine Sciences. If I applied to grad school, I’d face another five or six years of student loans and mounting debt.
With any other girl, I wouldn’t have even considered the future. But Josie and I had a history. For the first time in my life, a future with her seemed possible. Maybe inevitable.
Unless something happened to fuck it up.
The carousel started again, music jingling and lights flashing.
And something always happened to fuck it up.
Chapter 6
Cole
* * *
Josie’s birthday was on July second. I could hardly remember my own birthday—probably because my parents either forgot it or ignored it most of the time—but Josie’s had been embedded in my memory for the past ten years.
There wasn’t much I could do for her birthday, but I needed to prove I cared about her, even if I was still fooling myself about a stupid fling. If a fling meant I wanted to spend every minute with her, couldn’t wait to see her again when we were apart, and felt like I was flying ten feet off the ground every time she smiled at me…then, yeah, sure. We were having a fling.
I didn’t have the money for a fancy restaurant or expensive gift, so I baked her a lemon cake and sang “Happy Birthday.” When she blew out the single candle, I made a silent wish alongside hers.
I wish I could have you forever.
* * *
Ten Years Ago
* * *
“Cole!”
I walked faster. My blisters were rubbed raw and hurt like hell. I needed new sneakers.
“Cole. Cole!”
With a sigh, I stopped and turned. Josie chugged toward me, her backpack bouncing and her ponytail flying. She was small, even for a nine-year-old, which was why it made me even madder that those dickwads had been bullying her last Halloween. Like it was cool to pick on a little girl.
Except part of me wished I hadn’t rushed in to help her. She’d been bugging me all winter, asking me to come over and build a snow fort (“super big, like Fort Sumter!”), have dinner (“Mom’s making some kind of noodle dish that you’re supposed to have after skiing but I can’t remember what it’s called”), play games (“We got this super cool game called Mousetrap but we have to play it on the table because Teddy still eats stuff from the floor.”)
I’d turned down every invitation. That hadn’t stopped her. She was incredibly annoying.
But I waited for her to catch up to me.
“Come on.” Breathless, she stopped and pushed her hair away from her eyes. “I want to show you something.”
She ran ahead into the woods. Dropping her backpack to the ground, she grabbed a heavy knotted rope hanging from a tree branch. “My dad and I came out here last weekend and made this. We saw a scarlet tanager. It was really pretty, red and black.”
She shimmied up the rope faster than a boy. A platform had been nailed to a few branches, like a little treehouse. Josie tossed the rope down to me. “Come on up.”
“We need to get to school.”
“It’s super solid.” She jumped up and down like she was testing the boards. “We’re going to put up a tarp and stuff for a roof next weekend. You can use it whenever you want.”
“Come on, Josie.” I pointed to my ratty old watch. “We’ll be late.”
She peered down at me. “What if there were no watches or clocks?”
“We’d tell time by the sun.”
“What if it was cloudy?”
“Then we’d always be late. Like we will be unless you get down right now.”
She grabbed the rope and slid down, hitting the ground with a thud. “Cool, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Race you!” She took off on the path toward downtown, her short little legs taking her out of sight in seconds.
Such a pain.
I picked up her backpack, the bright-red one with huge yellow daisies and the name JOSIE printed in blue letters. When she was wearing it, you could see her from a mile ahead. It was like a neon sign screaming, “I’m Josie Mays!”
I trudged the rest of the way to school. Kids filed toward the open doors, talking and laughing in groups. I caught a few glances. Nothing new. Four anonymous complaints had been filed against me already this year, all from people who said I was “threatening.” Probably Richard Peterson and his crew.
Looping Josie’s backpack over my arm, I stopped at my locker and twisted the combination.
“Mr. Danforth.” The vice-principal Mr. Reynolds, a tall skinny man with a graying mustache, paused beside me.
I opened my locker and stepped back to let him search it. This happened at least once a month.
Reynolds pursed his lips and eyed Josie’s backpack. “Is there a reason you are in possession of that?”
“Yeah. She left it in the woods, and I—”
“Excuse me?” A suspicious glint appeared in his eyes. “You were in the woods with Josephine Mays?”
“No…I mean, yeah, but…”
He snapped his fingers and extended his hand. I gave him the backpack and turned to my locker.
“Come with me, Mr. Danforth.”
Irritation gripped my neck. “What for?”
He leaned closer, his eyes narrowing behind his glasses. “Come. With. Me.”
I slammed my locker shut and followed him to the office. He pointed to the front counter in a silent order for me to stand there. He went into his office and picked up his phone.
The two secretaries and admin gave me pointed looks, their mouths set. They didn’t even know why I was fucking there.
“Mr. Danforth.” Reynolds came out of his office, still holding Josie’s backpack. “Are you aware that Miss Mays didn’t report to class?”
Alarm flickered in my gut. Much as I hated to admit it, I didn’t like the
fact that Josie spent so much time alone in the woods. She was always by herself, and she was way too little to be there without someone older to keep an eye on her.
At the same time, the girl knew her way around the forest. She’d been the one to show me the way out.
“I didn’t know that,” I told Reynolds.
He stared at me. “Can you please explain what you were doing in the woods with Miss Mays?”
My alarm turned into anger. Can you please explain what the fuck you’re implying?
The secretaries stopped to listen.
“We were walking to school.” I curled my hands into fists. “We took a shortcut. She forgot her backpack. I brought it to school.”
“Why didn’t you give it back to her immediately?”
“She ran ahead of me.”
“She ran away from you?”
“She ran ahead of me.” Tension locked my shoulders. Maybe I should have dropped my gaze, looked deferential, but I couldn’t fucking stand the way he was needling me. I stared back at him, my chin up and every muscle ready to fight.
“Oh, there you are.” Josie’s relieved voice came from the hallway.
Reynolds and I both turned. Josie hurried into the office, her face flushed with exertion.
“I went to your homeroom, but you weren’t there yet, then I tried your locker, but you weren’t there either, so I came here and…surprise!”
She waved her hands around like she was showing off a new car.
“Josie, where were you?” Reynolds turned to her, his expression shifting from threatening to gentle. “Mrs. Fillmore said you didn’t come to class.”
“I was looking for Cole.” She patted my arm like I was a pet dog. “I knew he had my backpack.”
Reynolds slanted his gaze from Josie to me and back again. “And why did you think that?”
“Because we were walking to school and took a shortcut, and I forgot my backpack. I was pretty sure he’d bring it to school. He’s very responsible.”
She pointed to the sign above the desk, which was one of three printed with the school “positive behavior” words: Be Responsible. Be Respectful. Be Safe.
Reynolds narrowed his eyes, but handed her the backpack.
“Mrs. Walker, can you please give Josie a late pass to class?” He put his hand on Josie’s shoulder. “Josie, I recommend you walk to school with your sister or other friends and avoid any shortcuts.” He pointed to the Be Safe sign. “We want to ensure all students are safe.”
“Okay.” Josie shrugged into her backpack and continued to stand there.
“You may go back to class.” Reynolds gave her the late pass.
“What about Cole?”
“I’m dealing with him.” He made a shooing motion toward the door. “Hurry, or you’ll miss the morning announcements.”
Josie eyed him a bit warily and glanced at me. I gave her a short nod. She hesitated, then turned and left the office, looking at me over her shoulder again.
“Listen, Mr. Danforth.” Reynolds stepped closer, like he was trying to intimidate me with his size. Hah. He was half the size of my asshole father. “Stay away from that girl. Your father is an upstanding, respected member of this community. I would hate to have to call him with concerns about your behavior. I’m sure you don’t want to cause him any trouble either.”
No, I didn’t want trouble. I just wanted to get my mother and myself out of his fucking house. And that alone was trouble.
“Can I go now?” I finally said.
Reynolds glared at me. “Go. You’ll have to take a tardy.”
I forced myself to saunter out of the office, even though everything in me wanted to run and run and keep running until I’d left this godforsaken town forever.
I turned down the corridor and started toward my locker again.
“Cole!”
Shit.
“Josie, go away.” I spun the combination lock and pulled open the locker door.
“But what happened?” She hurried up beside me, her thumbs hooked into the straps of her backpack. “Why was Mr. Reynolds looking so mad at you?”
“Never mind.”
“It wasn’t because of me, was it?” Mild horror rose to her eyes over the idea that she’d been the cause of any problems.
I sighed. Part of me kind of appreciated her concern. Not many people were all that concerned about me.
“No,” I assured her. “It was just a misunderstanding. Now go back to class.”
“Okay.” She eyed my locker—books on a wooden shelf I’d built, notebooks in a stack, a plastic pouch filled with extra pens. “Wow. You’re like a New Caledonian crow. They make tools out of sticks and stuff, then store them away all neat and tidy for later use.”
A laugh rose to my throat. She was as weird as I was, just in a different way.
“See you later.” She started to walk away, then turned back. “Hey, I’m having my tenth birthday party this summer at Eagle Canyon. I want to invite you, so can I have your address?”
“I can’t go.”
Her brow wrinkled. “You don’t even know the date.”
“Yeah, well, I’m busy.” I took a few books from my backpack. “Sorry.”
Her hurt silence roared in my ears. When I glanced over my shoulder, she was gone.
The next day, I found a birthday party invitation—red with big yellow daisies—stuffed into my locker. I threw it in the trash.
I started walking to class. Turned back. Before I could think, before anyone could see me, I grabbed the crumpled card from the garbage can and shoved it in my pocket.
I never responded.
Chapter 7
Josie
* * *
July was hot and busy. Tourists and locals crowded the Water’s Edge Pier and the downtown cafés of Lantern Square. Between my summer school session, Cole’s two jobs, and his search for a third, we didn’t see a lot of each other. But even a few minutes in passing was enough to lighten my heart for the rest of the day.
We texted and talked frequently, though every now and then he still put up a wall—okay, maybe it was more of a screen—as if he were trying to convince both of us that this was still temporary.
After a week-long battle of pleading and cajoling, I managed to convince him to join my family for one of our dinner-and-board-game Sunday evenings.
“Answer this riddle,” my father said the first time Cole came to our old Colonial house on Poppy Lane. “‘Voiceless it cries, Wingless flutters, Toothless bites, Mouthless mutters.’”
“The wind,” Cole said. “That’s from The Hobbit.”
My father lifted his eyebrows, clearly impressed. “Not bad.”
“He used to ask all of Vanessa’s boyfriends that riddle.” Teddy dug his fork into a plate of spaghetti. “None of them ever got it right. Hey, I have a better one. What do you call a person who never farts in public?”
“A private tutor.”
They exchanged grins that cemented a mutual admiration.
Later as my mother and I were cleaning the kitchen, she nudged me in the side and whispered, “You should paint him.”
I glanced through to the living room, where my father, Teddy, and Cole were playing a game of cards.
“He’s a work of art just as he is.”
“But he’d be an incredible model.” My mother followed my line of sight. “Do you think he’d model for our figure drawing classes?”
“Mom!” I pinched her arm. “I don’t want him getting naked in front of an entire classroom.”
“Well, aren’t you a lobster?” She pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose with a slight huff.
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re a bit shellfish about your man.”
I laughed. With good reason, thank you.
I’d waited a long time for Cole Danforth, hardly daring to believe that my longtime crush on him would flourish and grow into…this. Bluebells, cotton candy, silver dollars, hummingbirds. The
ripe, rich delight of knowing I was wanted.
After one of his Friday night shifts at the carnival, we returned to his room above the boathouse. It was a typical college boy’s single with a bed, kitchenette, and a table for both dining and doing homework. It was also surprisingly neat, with his books arranged on a narrow shelf and the bed made. Several boxes of sugary breakfast cereal—one of his weaknesses—sat lined up on the counter.
I kicked off my flip-flops and curled up in a chair while he showered. I gazed at the large world map on the wall, dotted with multicolored pins—all the countries and cities Cole hoped to visit one day. Maybe I could go with him.
“You want to go out?” He emerged from the shower, scrubbing a towel over his wet hair. His worn jeans, slung low on his hips, emphasized his burnished chest, the pectoral muscles sloping down to his tight abdomen whose ridges I wanted to trace with my tongue.
A low pulsing started in my belly. “I want to stay here.”
He stilled, his eyes darkening. Slowly he lowered his hands from his hair. “You sure?”
“Oh, I’m sure.”
He tossed the towel onto the bed and crossed the room, taking my hands and pulling me right up against him. Our bodies connected. The sensation of his warm, damp skin burned right through my T-shirt and bra, increasing the tension coiling through me.
Cole put his hand against the side of my face, studying me with those sea-blue eyes and that faint expression of disbelief that always made me feel somehow magical.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
He stepped closer, backing me up against the wall. He skimmed his gaze across my lips. My pulse went into overdrive. Butterflies danced inside me the instant before he lowered his mouth to mine. Trapped between the wall and his solid frame, I lost myself in what we’d been and everything we still would be.
He kissed me long and deep, knowing exactly what I liked and how I liked it. He stroked his tongue over mine, nibbled my bottom lip, kissed the corners of my mouth. Tingles of excitement rained through me.