by Ciana Stone
“I’d really like that.”
“Good. It’ll be good for you. There’s nothing like being with family to lift the spirits.”
Olivia smiled. She wasn’t sure she believed that, but it was a nice thought. And it would be good to see Billy and the girls again.
*****
Max parked his car between a pickup truck and a compact car in the grocery store parking lot. He wasn’t in need of a lot, but he’d had to get out of the house so making a grocery store run had seemed like a good choice. He wasn’t in the mood to socialize, just get out of the house for an hour or so, and hopefully away from the thoughts that had control of his mind.
Just as he closed his car door, Bryson Weathers walked up.
“Hey, Max. How you doin’? Are those ranch hands JD found for you working out okay?”
Max smiled. He had grown up and gone to school with Bryson. They had not been close friends, but they’d been friendly enough and Max had always liked Bryson. When he bought the horse ranch here in Cotton Creek, Bryson’s oldest brother JD had helped him find people to work the ranch.
“Great, I really appreciate all he did.”
“So, you gonna stick around a while this time?”
“To be honest, I don’t know.” Max replied. “The place is changing.”
Bryson nodded. “Yep. Lots of new people. The town is struggling to keep up.”
“So, JD mentioned that you’re engaged to Hannah Sweet.” Max turned the conversation to Bryson.
“I am.” Bryson grinned.
“She still as pretty as she was when we were kids?”
“More.”
“Well, congratulations.”
“Thanks. Say you should stop by the Honky Tonk Angels Bar and Grille sometimes. That’s Billy Sweet’s old place. He gave the girls a stake in it and they’ve fixed it up. Still the best barbecue in Texas, too.”
Max put a hand to his belly. He hadn’t eaten yet and the idea of barbecue had his stomach rumbling. “You know, I might just do that.”
“Well tonight’s good. Being Friday, they just pulled a pig out of the pit. I’m headed over there around six. Why don’t you ride over and join me and Bronson for dinner? You remember my brother Bronson, don’t you?”
“I do. And I just might do that.”
“People are probably eager to see you now that you’re a big-time writer and film person.” Bryson added.
“I don’t know so much about that, but I think I will ride over. So, I better get my shopping done. See you at six.”
“Looking forward to it, buddy.” Bryson shook his hand with a grin.
Max smiled and headed into the store. If nothing else, running into Bryson had lifted his spirits. He hadn’t been to the bar since he’d been back and it might be nice to see who would be there that he might remember.
*****
Olivia spotted Billy Sweet the moment she walked into the Honky Tonk Angels. He was a little grayer, a little stockier but his smile was still as kind and infectious as ever. “Mr. Billy, it’s so good to see you.”
“Livi Warren, as I live and breathe. Come gimme a hug, sugar.”
Had it been anyone else, she’d have taken it as being hit on by an older man. Coming from Billy Sweet, it was like being engulfed in the arms of your favorite uncle. Olivia smiled when he released her. “The place is beautiful Mr. Billy.”
He grinned and took her hand to wrap it through his arm. As he escorted her toward the center bar, he gestured with his free hand. “A tornado durn near tore the place down over a year ago. We had it rebuilt and my girls and me run it now. You remember Cody and Hannah?”
“How could I ever forget them? I so wanted them to be my little sisters.”
“Well, they were – and are, sugar. At least according to the heart. Well, hey, there’s Cody now.”
Olivia saw a petite brunette with long hair and what appeared to be the bump of a pregnancy belly emerge from swinging doors to one side of the center bar. “Cody!” Billy called out.
When Cody looked in the direction of her father’s voice and saw Olivia a big smile came on her face and she ran over to them. “Livi? Oh my god, it is you!”
Olivia and Cody hugged for several seconds. When they parted, Olivia smiled and gestured to Cody’s belly. “When are you due?”
“Late spring, early summer.”
“You’re married?”
“Nope.”
“Oh. Okay, so you’re going to raise the baby by yourself?”
“Oh heck no. The baby’s daddy and I live together. Riggs. Jaxon Riggs.”
“I’m so happy for you.” Olivia said. “You’re so beautiful, Cody. I wish I had my camera.”
“Then you’ll have to come back sometime when you do. Oh, wait, I know. Come for Christmas.”
“Oh, I don’t know if I can.”
“Yes, yes, that’d be perfect.” Another female voice came from behind them. Cody grinned and Oliva turned to look.
“Hannah?”
“Come’ere girl.” Hannah wrapped her arms around Olivia. “Oh my god, it’s good to see you.”
“Same here. And wow, you’re gorgeous.”
“Why thank you, big sister.” Hannah said and grinned.
Olivia smiled at the compliment. “It’s so good to see you. I stopped by the bakery and saw your mom and she said I should come here. The place is incredible. I can’t believe you two are running it.”
“With help.” Hannah smiled at her father then turned her attention back to Olivia. “So, back to Christmas. Please do come. Cody and Riggs have a great place just outside of town with lots of room, and I have room at the place I’m renting in town.”
“And there’s always room at our place.” Billy added.
Olivia looked around at the Sweets. “I will try. Seriously. I’ve missed you all so much.”
“Well, you’ve been busy becoming a Pulitzer prize winning photo-journalist.” Cody pointed out. “Hey, we have framed photos of you behind the bar. We cut them from newspapers when you got your awards.”
“Are you serious?”
“Are you kidding?” Cody scoffed. “You’re family and we’re all proud.”
“Well, thank you. And I’m sorry I’ve been so… MIA, I guess.”
“It’s okay.” Hannah put her hand on Olivia’s shoulder. “We all get caught up in our own lives.”
“Well, well.” The high-pitched voice had Cody, Hannah, Billy and Olivia all freezing. The same expression of dismay appeared on all their faces. Nellie Mae Baker and her sidekick, Netta walked up to them.
“I never thought I’d see you have the gumption to show your face in this town again.” Nellie Mae declared with one hand going to her hip and her chin thrusting up. “Why the nerve.”
“That’s enough Mrs. Nellie Mae.” Cody said in a tone that sounded suspiciously threatening.
“Don’t you that’s enough me, Cody Sweet. You’re a one to talk, standing there all swollen with child and not a husband to be seen, but we’ll get to you later. Right now, you—“ She pointed to Olivia. “You should be purely ashamed to show your face after what you did to that poor boy Maxwell Clearman.
“You nearly put his mama in her grave and truth be told were probably the reason those folks split up after Maxwell went to Californy to go to college.”
“Mrs. Baker, I don’t think –“ Olivia was trying hard not to lose her temper.
“I don’t care much what you think, Missy. You gave up your right to any respect from the good folks of Cotton Creek with your shenanigans with that boy back then. Bless him, you probably scarred him for life.”
“Wasn’t that him we saw with the Weathers boy outside?” Netta asked.
“Indeed it was.” Nellie Mae answered.
“Max is here?” Olivia asked and grabbed Cody and Hannah each by a hand. “Come on.”
She turned, looking around. “Which way to the back door.”
“Here.” Cody led the way into the kitchen. “Look, you
don’t have to leave.”
“I do.” Olivia argued in a soft voice. “I don’t want any trouble. And not just for me. Please don’t let those old biddies harass Max.”
“Stay.” Hannah urged. “No one believes you did anything bad, Livi. Well, at least no one who matters.”
“I appreciate that. And I don’t think I’m guilty of doing anything horrible either. What happened back then … it – it wasn’t bad or ugly and I hate it when people try to make it that way. But people did get hurt and that hurt still hasn’t healed so it’s best if I go.”
“Will you come back?” Cody asked.
“I will. For Christmas.”
“You promise?” Hannah asked.
“Yes. I do. In fact, give me your phone numbers now.”
They all exchanged phone numbers and then hugged. Olivia walked out of the back door and gave them a wave. “I’ll see you soon.”
With that, she headed for the parking lot where she’d left the rental car. It was time to get back to the hotel, get packed and head back to New York, where her job and her life waited. And where her secrets were safe
Chapter Five
It had been two weeks since Olivia returned to New York. In that time, she’d looked at the box Max gave her a dozen times a day and still she hadn't opened it. She wasn’t sure what she was afraid of. Emotional pain? More regret?
Unable to stand the solitude and the threat of the box she called her best friend, Lydia Ozoro and invited her for drinks at one of their favorite bars.
Olivia decided to forego trying to hail a cab. It was twelve blocks, but the walk would do her good, clear her head. She made it to the bar ahead of Lydia and ordered a Jameson on the rocks. It wasn’t until after the drink was delivered she realized she’d ordered her despondent drink. She almost shoved it aside, but figured it was a shame to waste good liquor.
Lydia arrived, took one look at Olivia, and ordered the same. “You look like shit warmed over, girl.”
“Well, gee, thanks Lyd. Nice to see you, too.”
Lydia passed the sarcasm off with a wave of her hand. “You ready to tell me what’s been eating you? You’ve been mean as a snake ever since you got back from Texas.”
Olivia took a sip of her drink, gathering her thoughts. No one but Lydia knew about Max. Hell, no one but Lydia knew the whole story of Olivia’s life. Not even the shrink she’d been seeing for the last two years.
“Max.”
Lydia’s eyes widened, and she reached across the table for Olivia’s hand. “You having flashbacks to when you were in that bombing? If it’s the PTSD acting up maybe you— “
“That’s who I went to shoot, Lyd. In Texas.”
“You have got to be kidding?”
“I wish.”
Lydia made a face. “Hold on. I thought you were going to shoot some hot director?”
“Yeah. M.E. Clearman. Maxwell Edward Clearman.”
“Fuck me sideways! Didn’t you know before you left it was him?”
“No. You know me. I don’t follow that stuff. Hell, I don’t even read the magazine and it pays my bills.”
“Word, girlfriend, it might pay to stay up with current events.”
“That’s a little like twenty-twenty hindsight.”
“Yeah. So, how much has he changed?”
“Not much. No, a lot. No, both. He’s older, more handsome. Confident.”
“And rang your bell?”
Olivia propped her elbows on the table, lowered her face into her hands, and stared at the tabletop. “He wanted to know why I left him.”
“Oh, oh. Did you tell him?”
Olivia shook her head. “I couldn’t.”
“Well, why not? It’s not like you did something horrible or evil, Liv. You did what you thought was the right thing. And it’s not like you had a choice.”
“And look where that landed me,” Olivia replied.
“Okay, we are not going there, again. You can’t blame everything that’s happened to you on that.”
“Can’t I?” Olivia looked up at her friend. “What if I hadn’t left? What if I’d followed my heart instead of my head? What if I hadn’t been so fucking scared--?”
“Now hold on,” Lydia’s voice took on a scolding tone. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to you beat yourself up again. You thought you were doing the right thing. And yeah, you were scared about what people would say. It’s not like it is now. Cougars are mainstream today. Then, it was a different tale. If a woman hooked up with a man a dozen years younger, it was cradle robbing. There were prejudices then that don’t exist now.
“And, “she raised one index finger for emphasis. “Had you not left, you wouldn’t have become one of the top photojournalists in the world. You wouldn’t have won a Pulitzer for your work during 9/11 and in Iraq and… you wouldn’t have come to New York and found the best friend in the world you could ever wish for.”
Olivia smiled at the tail end of the diatribe. “I know. I do. I know all that, Lyd. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate all the opportunities and success. Not to mention having the best friend in the world. But looking back, I have to ask if it was worth it. I’m forty years old and all I have is a couple of nice awards, a little money, and an empty bed. I’m tired of being alone.”
“That’s your choice, Liv. Now don’t give me that ‘eat-shit-and-die’ look. You know it’s true. You sabotage every relationship you have as soon as the guy starts getting serious. You’re not alone because you can’t find a man. You’re alone because no man you find is him.”
Olivia sat up as if someone had jabbed her in the back with a sharp stick, staring at her friend in shock.
“Gawk, all you want, you know I’m right,” Lydia said. “And now suddenly he shows up and he wants answers. Is that all he wants – just answers? Or is he like you, measuring every woman he meets against a memory, and finding the woman coming up short? Maybe it’s time you finally faced him and yourself about what happened and figure out how to move past it.
“Cause, honey girl, I love you, but even I have my limits and this Debbie Downer mode you’re hanging onto is starting to wear on me.
“You’ve got everything in the world going for you. Success, money. Hell, you survived a fucking bomb. You’re talented, smart, and beautiful and there’s no reason you shouldn’t be enjoying the hell out of your life.
“But you won’t let yourself because of Max. Those six months you spent with him have become a fucking prison and you’re like someone with Stockholm syndrome. You won’t let go and let yourself be happy.”
“Lyd, it’s not— “
“Liv, it is. Look, I do love you and I’m saying this because I do. Find Max and answer his questions. Ask the ones you have. Then figure out how to let go and move on. It’s time. It’s way past time.”
Olivia wanted to argue, but what would be the point? Lydia was right. She was holding herself down, afraid to move forward and afraid to look back. She was in limbo and it was self-created.
Time for her to take control of her life again. And the first step was finding out what was in the box Max gave her.
She hugged her friend, thanked her, and literally ran home. Once there, she took the box from the top of the dresser and sat down on the bed.
One deep breath and she opened it. Inside were letters and printed emails. Hundreds of them. She dumped the box on the bed and started sorting, according to the dates on the postmarks and headers of the emails.
The oldest was dated in August of 2007 and the most recent just a few months ago.
How could he have written so many? She looked at the letters. Most were unopened, marked as undeliverable, but some had never been mailed. The emails were the same. Emails he’d composed that had all gone unanswered or never been sent.
He must have saved everything.
Suddenly it seemed vital that she know what he had to say. She started with the oldest, tearing open the envelope to remove the folded pages.
Dear Livi…
*****
Olivia had not slept and had existed on caffeine and granola bars for three days. She’d read Max’s letters and emails repeatedly.
It was hard to imagine that he’d continued to write all these years. Even more of a surprise was the photos included with some of the letters, photos of times they were together. She never realized he was taking so many shots of her. Particularly not photos of her while she slept. She had taken several out of town gigs while Max worked for her, and had taken him with her.
Being determined to keep distance between them as much as possible, she always booked two hotel rooms. Not that they’d used them. More times than not, they ended up in her room, watching television, eating takeout and talking. Max normally fell asleep on the foot of her bed, or if there were two beds in the room, on the empty bed.
Or so she thought. Apparently, he was quite busy while she slept. While it made her a little uneasy to see photos of herself asleep, she had to acknowledge his skill. With little to no light, he’d managed to manipulate the exposure and produce some great images.
She picked up one from the bed. She remembered the place because of the ugly curtains they had made fun of. In the photo, the light from the overhead bulbs along the walkway in front of the rooms seeped through a part in the curtain, casting a slanted ray across her on the bed.
She was on her back with her face turned toward the camera. The bedcovers were tangled, covering her from navel to knees and the tank top she wore had risen, exposing her torso.
Olivia studied the image and thought of that weekend. It took place just a few weeks before Max’s high school graduation. They were in Corpus Christi to shoot a wedding.
May 2007
It was a beautiful beach wedding and Olivia was psyched about the great shots they’d gotten. Held at one of the luxury hotels, the parents of the bride had spared no expense, including the healthy fee Olivia charged.
Once the reception was over, they packed up and headed back to their rooms. They’d been given a nice suite with an adjoining bedroom. The bride’s mother insisted they take a few bottles of champagne with them as additional thanks for their hard work.