by Ciana Stone
“I tried to be understanding. I knew Mike was doing it for us and for Max. But somewhere along the way, I started thinking about all the things I’d missed out on and all that I’d never get to experience.
“Mike was doing great, getting noticed. He had a real shot at one day making partner. He made junior associate and was kind of selected by one of the senior partners to groom for partner. He started getting included in on more of the social events, more cases, and more meetings.
“I felt left out. He had this exciting career unfolding and I was stuck at home changing diapers. I couldn’t stop thinking about all I’d missed out on. I never got to experience what it was like to be a college student, or a young woman exploring her options and choosing her passion. And in time, I came to resent it.
“I know it wasn’t Mike’s fault. I chose to marry him. But I was young and in love and incapable of understanding the consequences of that choice.”
Olivia considered her words and the message behind them. It took her a minute to summon the courage to be straightforward. “I understand what you’re saying, Mrs. Clearman, but this isn’t the same. I’ve been offered a very good paying job. I can support Max. I can even pay for his education. He won’t have to wait tables or work his way through school.”
“No, but he also won’t be able to experience college life the way you did. He’ll go to class and come home to you. He won’t make friends, he won’t broaden his circle of acquaintances aside from whoever you bring to the table, and he won’t take advantage of opportunities that might arise because of his commitment to you.”
“I would never stop Max from doing anything he wanted to— “
“I’m sure you wouldn’t. But it would happen, Ms. Warren. And in time he’d resent it and this grand passion you now share would fade, leaving you with a relationship fostered by obligation that would eat away at the love until it eroded it completely.
“Believe me, I know. His father, Mike and I tried. But once something is too damaged, it can’t be repaired. Once Max leaves for college, Mike and I will separate. It’s something we agreed on a long time ago. I don’t want that for my son and if you really care about him, you won’t either.
“Let him go. Let him explore and learn and decide what he wants. If, in the end, it’s you then so be it. But don’t rob him of something that he can never replace. He’s only going to get this chance once. If you love him, please let him go.”
Olivia didn’t know what to say. She wanted to argue. She would never stand in Max’s way. She’d support him financially and emotionally. He would have all the freedom he needed to discover his path.
Yet even as her heart threw up the arguments, she knew Max’s mother made sense. She’d known that all along. She’d told herself all of it a hundred times and she knew the right thing to do was end it. It just wasn’t what her heart wanted. “I’ll think about it.” It was all she could guarantee.
“Please do,” Mrs. Clearman said and stood.
Olivia walked her to the door in silence, closed it behind her as she left then leaned back against it and stared across the room. If she asked Max to come to New York with her, would she be destroying his chances to find his own path? Could they have what they thought they wanted and make it work, or were their desires a sure path to failure?
Did she do what her brain told her was right or follow the dictates of her greedy hearty? In short, did she choose based on what was best for Max or what she wanted? That was a question she needed to find an answer to very quickly.
On impulse, she picked up the phone and dialed. “Mrs. Sweet? Do you have a little time? I really need some advice. Oh, thank you. Yes, I’ll come right over.”
Chapter Seven
The Present
Max pushed back from the computer, stood and stretched. The last couple of days he’d made a lot of progress on the script, but today had been a struggle from the first word. His mind was further into the story. He woke thinking about the day Livi had left and he couldn’t get it out of his mind.
Maybe he should do like he did when he was writing the book. When he’d get caught up, held prisoner by a memory he’d write it. It didn’t matter if it was in chronological order. He had never planned on submitting it anywhere. He just wrote because he couldn’t trust himself to tell anyone about it.
Maybe that was what he should do. He opened a new file on his computer and flexed his fingers. He paid little attention to what his fingers typed. He was caught up in what was playing out in his mind.
August 2007
Max felt like a man preparing to be led to the gallows. He couldn’t stop time; nor could he slow it down. He could only feel it marching at him with relentless determination, each step robbing him of precious seconds.
Livi was leaving today. Was there no way for him to convince her to delay for just one more day?
He knew the answer to that. She’d already delayed her departure for a week. He was due to leave for UCLA tomorrow morning. It was almost time. They’d stayed up all night, made love with a desperation that bordered on madness and clung to each other with a fierceness that frightened him with its intensity.
Now she was gathering up her purse and keys, ready to walk out of the door and get in her car.
“Livi, don’t go.”
She turned to him. “I have to, Max.”
“No you don’t. You can stay. You can go to California. I can come with you. There are a dozen other options.”
“No, there isn’t.” She walked to him, placing her hand along the side of his face. “You know that.”
“I hate this! “
“I know.”
He pulled her to him. “Promise me this isn’t the end, Livi.”
“It’s not the end, Max,” she whispered and held onto him for a long time, her body shaking as she cried.
“I have to go,” she said and pulled back.
He followed her outside. She tossed her purse into the car and turned to him. He hugged her to him tightly. “Please stay.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t or don’t want to?”
“Can’t” she replied and pulled back to look up at him. “I love you Max.”
“I’ll never love anyone but you, Livi.”
She blinked at the tears spilling from her eyes and kissed him. When she pulled away, tears were streaming down her face. She got in the car, started the engine, and looked out of the window at him.
“Goodbye, Max.”
Why did that sound so final? It was all he could do not to jump in front of the car and stop it. He fought the tears that threatened and watched her drive away. It would be okay. He would see her soon. No more than a month. They’d agreed. They’d make it work. Their love was strong enough to overcome the distance.
The Present
Max barked a harsh laugh. He’d been so foolish, so trusting, believing in a love that had obviously been one-sided. What a dumb jerk he’d been. He’d believed her, fallen for her false promises hook, line and sinker.
He’d spent most of his adult life fighting the pain of that time. He’d never loved anyone like that before or since. It brought him success, but also emptiness and he wanted to be free of it, to feel happy. He knew that he couldn’t as long as he carried it with him.
Which brought him to the question that he’d yet to answer. Would he ever be strong enough to forget?
****
Olivia got in the car and pulled out of the hotel parking lot. Her palms were damp and her stomach was in a knot. On the seat beside her was a large manila envelope. Her eyes moved to it momentarily.
She was terrified at what she was about to do, but she knew she had to. Over the last few weeks, she’d done a lot of self-examination and soul searching. She could now see the mess she’d made of her life. There might not be a way to mend the hurt between her and Max, but she had to mend the fabric of her life so that she could move on. And the time for mending was now.
So, she’d booked a ticke
t and come to Texas to see Max. Now, as she turned into the long drive that led to his house, her stomach threatened to rebel and she wished she’d foregone breakfast.
Suck it up. She told herself. You survived 9/11 and a bomb in Afghanistan. You can survive this.
She stopped in front of the house, picked up the envelope from the seat beside her and got out of the car. It was still early, just half past eight in the morning. Maybe he wasn’t awake yet. Maybe she should have called first. Maybe he wasn’t even home.
And as all the ‘maybe’s’ ran through her mind, the front door opened. Max stood in the opening, his hair mussed, eyes wearing a look of someone just awakened, wearing only a pair of thin cotton drawstring pants that rode low on his hips.
Olivia tried not to look, tried not to notice that he’d filled out into a very well built man. She walked to the door. “We need to talk.”
Max’s head did a movement that could only be described as a combination of a nod and a roll, a move that said “whatever” in a resigned and somewhat annoyed fashion. Olivia entered the house and stopped, waiting for him to close the door.
“I need coffee,” he announced and walked past her.
She followed him to the kitchen, placed the envelope on the enormous island that formed a seating area in the kitchen and took a seat on one of the bar stools. Max prepared coffee in silence, not looking in her direction until he was finished. Then he turned, walked to the opposite side of the island, placed his hands on it, and stared at her for a long moment.
“I’m listening.”
“I didn’t want to leave.”
He snorted a disdainful sound. “Ever hear the expression, action talks, bullshit walks?”
She tried not to feel the sting of his words. “I didn’t want to leave, Max. That’s the truth.”
“Then why did you?”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
He pushed away from the island. “That’s such horseshit. We always have a choice. You chose to leave. Just like you chose not to answer when I wrote or emailed. You chose, Livi. Chose your career. It meant more than me. Why can’t you just tell the truth?”
“That’s why I’m here, Max. And I am telling the truth. Leaving you was the last thing I wanted.”
“Then why did you?”
Olivia took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a moment, and let that day rush back into her mind, let the feelings overtake her. Then she started to talk.
August 2007
Olivia woke with a sense of dread. Saturdays were normally days she looked forward to. That was the day she and Max usually spent the entire day together, and more times than not, the night.
She usually woke, eager to jump out of bed and wait for him to arrive. Today was different. Today she had to tell him she was leaving.
Max had been arguing with his parents for weeks about going to UCLA. He didn’t want to go, and they were insisting he go. He’d told Olivia he didn’t want to go, and until now she had not spoken either for or against it. She didn’t want to be a factor in his decision even though she knew she was the primary factor.
In fact, each day made her more sure that it would be a mistake for him not to go. Max was smart and talented and there was no telling what he could accomplish. But he wasn’t going to do that walking in her shadow and if he went with her to New York, that’s exactly what he would be doing.
She loved him and she wanted to be with him, but there was no way she was going to deny him the experiences of college and finding his own path. Max had to stand on his own. If she took that chance from him, she believed he would one day resent it and they would end up like his parents – living a life of tolerance but no passion, joy or love.
And yet, even as she knew she was making the right decision she wanted to change her mind. She didn’t know how she was going to be strong enough to walk away. How could she face endless days and nights, never seeing him, never touching or be touched by him? To never hear his laugh or see what he was feeling shining in his eyes?
How was she going to survive that?
She didn’t know, but she knew she had to. For him. Olivia groaned and pulled the covers up over her head. She wasn’t ready to face this day. Not at all. She’d never be able to tell him she was leaving, that it was over.
God, there had to be another way.
Suddenly she sat straight up. Damn, had she gone stupid lately? She’d been agonizing over something she could fix. Lots of people had long-distance relationships. Why couldn’t she and Max? His parents would never know if she flew to California to see him, or bought him a ticket to New York.
Yes! Suddenly she was excited about the day. The old saying was wrong. It was possible to have your cake and eat it, too. Her mind was in a whirl, thinking about the weekends they would share, all the sights and sounds they would experience together, all the nights they’d lie in each other’s arms.
The doorbell rang, and she jumped up to throw on a robe. Leave it to Max to lose his key again. Last time they found it between the cushions of the sofa. She ran to the door and threw it open.
His father, Mike Clearman stood on her front porch.
“Mr. Clearman! Is everything okay? Has something— “
“I won’t take up much of your time, Ms. Warren,” he interrupted. “This is for you.”
She accepted the manila envelope he extended. “What is this?”
“It’s a complaint I will file to bring charges against you if you prevent Max from going to UCLA.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m prepared to go to the district attorney with accusations of statutory rape, child molestation, or sexual assault – anything I can get to stick – if you don’t leave my son alone.”
“Rape? I never— “
“I’m sure you didn’t. But you did take advantage of a boy’s feelings for your own selfish desires and now because of you he’s threatening to pass up an opportunity of a lifetime. I won’t let that happen, Ms. Warren.
“In case you’re not aware, sexual crime can be extremely damaging to a person's reputation, especially when the charges involve having sexual contact with a minor. You had sex with a minor and that can result in several charges, including statutory rape, child molestation, and sexual assault. Any of these charges that result in a conviction carry strict consequences. You could be imprisoned and you’d be required to register wherever you go as a sex offender.
“I never had sex with Max when he was under age.”
His father leveled a hate filled look at her. “I may not get a conviction, Ms. Warren, but I’ll damn sure ruin your reputation and damage your career beyond repair. I promise you that. I’ll make it my life’s mission.”
She could see he was serious. He had her backed into a corner and she couldn’t see a way out. “What do you want, Mr. Clearman?”
“I want you to convince Max to go to UCLA. Tell him anything you want, just get him to go. And once he does, don’t ever see or contact him again.”
“And if I do?”
“I have a number of years before the statute of limitations runs out on that,” he gestured to the envelope in her hand. “And I won’t hesitate to use it. I’ll ruin you, Ms. Warren. When I’m done, you’ll be lucky to get a job shooting porn. Do you understand?”
Olivia didn’t know what to say. She simply nodded.
He gave her one last hard look, then spun on his heel and walked away. Olivia watched him get in his car and drive away. Finally, she went back inside. She opened the envelope and extracted the sheaf of paper inside.
It was all legalese, but one thing was clear, he wasn’t bluffing. He was prepared to go to war against her. She had no idea if he could successfully have her prosecuted, but was smart enough to know that he was right when he said he could ruin her.
She looked up from the papers and looked around the room. Everywhere she looked, she saw a memory of Max. That’s when it hit her. That’s all she would have. She’d say goodbye to Max and all she would
have would be memories.
There would be no happily-ever-after for her.
The Present
Max stared at her for a few moments, took a step back and shook his head. “That’s a lie.”
“No, it’s not. Your parents would have done anything to keep you from being with me, Max. They…they thought they knew what was best for you. Your mother had come to see me, too. I told her I wanted you to go to New York with me. I’d pay for you to go to college and we could be together.
“I thought—I thought that maybe in New York things would be different, people would accept our age difference. Then she came to see me. She told me how she and your dad rushed to the altar when she graduated from high school. They couldn’t, wouldn’t wait. She had just recently turned eighteen and they snuck off and got married. Things were hard for them. She worked as a waitress while he was in college and in law school. They barely saw each other, but they stuck it out – through law school and through six long years as an associate at a law firm. They had a child, and vowed to stay together for Max’s sake.
“But she was never really happy. She’d missed out on so much – college and what not. He gave up his partnership in Raleigh and they moved to Matthews where he opened his own firm. They were together only for the sake of appearance and you. They’d agreed a long time ago that once you graduated high school they would divorce.
“They didn’t want you to make the same mistake. They wanted you to go to college, explore, and find your own path. And they didn’t see that including me.”
His reaction was worlds away from what she’d hoped. His jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed and his face flushed. She wondered if he was going to speak and suddenly he exploded.
“You fucking liar!” Max’s jaw was clenched so tight the words hissed through his teeth. She’d seen him angry before but never like this. His face flushed and his eyes narrowed. “My parents love me. They’d never have done anything so heartless. They’d never have intentionally hurt me that way and you’re – you’re a liar and I want you to get the fuck out of my house. Now!”