by Dane Bagley
A million thoughts raced through Steve’s head. He sat on his bed with his elbows on his knees, alternated between rubbing his face and resting his chin in his hands, while staring off into space. The irregularities of his mission, were, so far, swallowed up in its successes. This irregularity, however, would not lend itself to exoneration so easily. The Space Force would not tolerate it, and in all likelihood, neither would public opinion. They would tolerate politicians, sports and movie stars, and royalty behaving this way; but not military heroes. He had been told that the President had gone public with the information, and that he was going to be a household name. Tammy, too, would be extremely famous. Whatever happened from here on out, Tammy returning pregnant with his child would be a major embarrassment to the President, the Space Force, and to him and Tammy; this situation was going to go very badly.
Still, he did not feel only despair. There was within him a seed of excitement, and a feeling of love. He loved Tammy, and he already felt some love for this tiny child of his and Tammy’s. He considered a thousand ways to get around the circumstances, but none were feasible. He and Tammy would be disgraced. He would be a classic figure—the fallen hero. Even worse, a full investigation could no longer be swept under the rug. Every mistake made, or risk taken, would now be brought to light. He would no longer be a hero at all; he would be considered a lucky fool. Any further mistakes would be magnified and prove his foolishness and incapability. Tammy would also become an object of scorn and ridicule. He could take it on the chin, but she—he could not bear to think. Time was on his side, but he could see the end from the beginning, and no success or choice would turn this situation around.
He had told Tammy that they would figure something out, but neither of them believed that. She was devastated, and it was his fault. Still, as he reflected, the idea of raising a family with her brought some light onto the darkness of the circumstances. Perhaps, with time, the controversy would be forgiven, and their place in history would be restored. It would not be pleasant, though, in the meantime.
He lay back on his bed, knowing that sleep would be impossible, even while feeling overcome with fatigue.