“You ok?” Jared wrapped his arm around me.
“Yeah. Just a little startled is all.” I shook my head as I started to shuffle in the direction of the bar. I needed a glass of wine.
I was leaning on the makeshift bar when Micah sidled up beside me. “Sorry about that.” He blew out a breath. “I’ve been watching him all night in case he did something stupid.”
“It’s ok.” I glanced at him and saw the pained look on his face.
“No, it’s not. He’s been drinking, and he says stupid shit when he’s drunk. Don’t pay any mind to whatever he told you.” He smiled as he leaned closer. “Can I make it up?”
“What do you mean?” I sipped the white wine the bartender handed me.
“Finish that, and I’ll show you.” He smirked.
I tipped the glass back before turning to face him. “What did you have in mind?”
Micah offered his arm to me. “This way, Mrs. Benton.” He guided me out to the dance floor and spun us. As my hand went to his shoulder, his went to my waist. He began to guide us around the dance floor as if he was born to be there. Where Max was rough, Micah was smooth. It was odd that Micah was the one to take over the farm. It seemed to be more in Max’s wheelhouse, but he had no interest in it.
“Where’d you learn to dance like this?” I grinned up at him.
“Mama taught me. I needed to learn so I wouldn’t look like a complete fool at prom this year.” He winked.
“Your date was lucky. Not many guys care if they can dance.” I leaned closer and felt his chest rumble as he laughed.
“I’m not most guys.” As we moved effortlessly around the room, I couldn’t help but think that this was the conversation that I should have been having with the other Stanton brother, but I’d decided to stop trying to figure them out.
“You think he’ll be ok?” I looked toward the door when the song ended and Micah’s grip on me loosened.
“Yeah. He’s sleeping it off in his car. I took his keys so he couldn’t do anything else stupid.” He held up his hand and dangled the keys from his fingers.
“Maybe I should go talk to him,” I murmured.
“Um, no. Go spend time with your husband. You guys will be leaving for the night soon. Say your thank yous and goodbyes. I’ll take care of my brother.”
“Thanks, Micah.” I raised up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“It only took me standing up to my brother to get you to kiss me. I should have done this years ago.” Micah chuckled as he stepped back. “Enjoy your life, Hailey. Be happy. You deserve it.” He grinned before turning and walking outside into the darkness.
I don’t know what else happened with him that night. After he left, I went to find Jared and soon after that we left. I did deserve to be happy, and for a short time I was. It’s funny how things work out. We always want one more. One more hug. One more kiss. One more anything. We tell ourselves that if we just had one more moment, we’d be happy.
Chapter 10
Present Day
Hailey- age 28
I would give anything for just one more day, one more hug, one more kiss, one more anything. Saturday, July 23rd changed my life forever. Jared and I were having a lazy morning in bed. I hadn’t been feeling well, and he fixed me breakfast. We’d been house shopping for the last few months, and were finally set on moving out of our apartment. It was a sunny day, one that seemed perfect. It’s kinda funny how even ‘perfect’ can go terribly wrong.
Jared’s phone buzzed as we were flipping through the channels on the TV. It was a good friend of his, Drew. He was moving, and wondered if Jared could help him lift the heavy objects. Jared’s always been that guy, the one you can pretty much ask to do anything and he agrees to it.
Of course, being the nice guy that he is, he kissed me goodbye and left. I went about my morning, showering and preparing to run errands. I hadn’t heard from him in a few hours, so I tried calling him. It wasn’t a big deal that he was still out, I just wondered if he’d be home for lunch.
As I clutched the phone in my hand, listening to it ring on the other end, there was a knock at the door. I absently shuffled to the door as my stomach twisted, it had been doing that a lot lately. When I pulled open the door, there were two policemen standing there. “Jason?” I furrowed my brow.
“Can we come in, Hailey?” Jason removed his police hat and motioned to the officer beside him.
“Sure. Something wrong?” I stepped back, and since Jared hadn’t answered yet, I hung up the phone deciding to call back after Jason left.
“Can you sit down?” He motioned to the couch.
“Jason, you’re scaring me,” I murmured as I lowered myself onto the cushion.
“There’s been an accident,” he began. “Jared… a pickup truck… ran a stop sign…no survivors.” His lips kept moving, but I wasn’t hearing what he was saying. “Hailey?” I felt his arm wrap around me. Jared and I had been friends with Jason and his wife for years.
“I… I don’t understand,” I murmured as tears began to leak from my eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Hailey. Can we take you to your parents’ house?” Jason hugged me tighter. I nodded against his shoulder, and let him lead me out of the apartment.
I don’t remember much about that day. It was just this past weekend, but time seems to have stopped completely. I feel like I’m in this dream that I can’t wake up from. I’ve been staying with my parents for the last few days as my mom tries to keep me from breaking down. The funeral is tomorrow, and I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it.
ooooooooo
Max- age 28
When I woke up this morning, I knew life as I knew it would forever be changed. I was going home. My mom had called me last night to tell me that Hailey’s husband had been in a terrible accident. I didn’t know how to react, but I knew I needed to go back. I needed to be there for her even though she may not want it.
The last time I talked to her was on her wedding day. I’d told her I thought she made a mistake, and she slapped me for it. I’d left the wedding reception, and walked right out of her life. It didn’t seem like going home was a good idea, but I knew that she needed me right now. She needed someone to support her, and I’d be that someone.
The ride back was longer than I remembered. The sun was high in the sky, and a slight breeze blew through the trees. The country road wound around before me, and the cityscape soon became farmland. I’d left so long ago that I wondered how much had changed. Six years was a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things, but it seemed like a lifetime to me.
ooooooooo
I pulled into St. Ann’s parking lot just as a few ushers were starting to close the doors to the church. I quickly turned off my car, and climbed out. I’d planned to stop by my parents’ place after the service, and had opted to wear my suit for the trip. I brushed my hands down the front of my navy suit as I jogged toward the door.
When I stepped inside, I was met with the sweet relief of the air conditioning. July was one of the hottest months of the year here. I quickly slipped into a pew in the back, and said a quick prayer before turning my attention to the minister, and the family members up front.
Jared’s parents sat beside the Sullivans in the front pew. There at the end was Hailey. She was dressed in a modest black sheath with her hair tied back. Her shoulders were slumped, and they shook as she wept quietly. The minister began with a prayer, and then went into telling everyone how everything had a purpose, and God must have needed Jared to come home sooner than we thought.
As if it wasn’t hard enough, I watched Hailey slowly rise to give the eulogy. She lifted her head, squared her shoulders, and climbed up to the pulpit. She began telling the parishioners in attendance how much Jared loved the community, how much she appreciated everything everyone had done for her, and how much she would miss her husband. She went on and on with stories about the love and friendship she had with Jared, and how deeply he would be miss
ed. Through the tears, she pushed on telling of times they’d have a disagreement, and how they solved it. She spoke with conviction and held back her emotions. When she finished, she looked to the ceiling and thanked God for allowing Jared to be part of her life.
I sat there amazed at this woman. She wasn’t the girl I knew as a child; she was a strong woman who was taking life by the horns, and wasn’t going to be knocked down. When she made her way back to her seat, her mother wrapped her in her arms. Hailey collapsed against her and fisted her shirt as the tears she’d been holding back poured out.
When the service ended, the minister invited everyone to come to the cemetery for the graveside service. I had intended to go, but when the family exited behind the pallbearers Hailey saw me. Her eyes lifted just in time to meet mine, and the glare she gave me said she still remembered. She remembered what I’d said to her the last time we talked, and she wasn’t going to offer any forgiveness. She didn’t want me there, and I needed to leave. It was then that I made a direct line to my car, and granted her wish.
I probably should have just gone back home. The two-hour drive wasn’t that bad, but something inside of me made me stay. Whether she knew it or not, she needed me. Instead of turning left out of the church parking lot, I went right. When I arrived at my parents’ house, everything looked the same, but different at the same time. I could hear noise coming from the barn, but the smell of fried chicken that was wafting out of my mother’s kitchen had me heading that way first.
ooooooooo
“One piece!” my mother warned me as she slapped at my hand.
“I heard you.” I grinned as I lifted the chicken to my lips. Nothing was better than my mama's cooking. This was her way of comforting people; she cooked for them.
“The Sullivans will be here as soon as the service ends. You should go change.” She shooed me out of the kitchen.
“Is Hailey coming with them?” I murmured. After the look I got at the church, I didn’t want to cause a commotion here at home.
“I didn’t ask.” Mama shook her head. “That poor girl has been bombarded with people since the day he died. I’d love to have her here, but I want her to come on her own time.”
“I know what you mean.” I sighed as I turned and began the climb up the stairs to my childhood bedroom.
ooooooooo
I haven’t been in here in years. It’s as if my Mama kept it as a shrine to me. The walls are still a muted blue. Plaid curtains and a matching bedspread still cover the bed. My bookshelf in the corner still displays my football trophies, and the corner of my desk is stacked with books.
I tossed my bag on the end of my bed, and reached up to yank my tie loose. Getting out of these clothes and into something more comfortable was priority number two today. Helping Hailey through her grief was still number one.
I rummaged through my bag for a t-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts before quickly dressing and heading back down stairs. Just as my feet hit the bottom step, there was knock at the door. “Come on in!” Mama called from the opening to the kitchen.
The door slowly opened, and Mr. Sullivan’s head popped around the corner. “Hey, Max.” He smiled at me as if I was his long-lost son. “It’s nice to have you home.”
“Thanks, sir. It’s nice to be home. I just wish it was under different circumstances.” I sighed as I attempted to peer around him. “Where is she?”
“She’s driving her own car.” He offered a tight smile before stepping through the door. I stepped back as Charlie and Ann made their way to the kitchen. Soon after, Dad and Micah came in from the garage.
I watched from the living room as they washed their hands and prepared to sit down. Mama kept looking over at me, but I didn’t want to move. I wanted to wait for Hailey. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and tell her how sorry I was. I wanted to tell her that I’d be there for her, I’d do whatever needed to be done to make her life easier. I wanted to tell that the past didn’t matter, and I’d be the friend she needed even if she didn’t want me.
I stood there waiting for probably another fifteen minutes before Mama ushered me to the table. They were waiting to say grace, and Charlie had told her not to wait for Hailey. He didn’t know if she’d come, and didn’t want to hold up supper.
Just as we started passing the plate of fried chicken around the table, I heard the crunch of gravel under tires in the driveway. I knew it was her, and I lifted to my head to stare at the door, only it never opened. “I’ll be back in a bit.” I stood from my place, grabbed a napkin, and wrapped a few pieces of chicken in it. Mama nodded at me before lifting the mashed potatoes to pass.
ooooooooo
I rushed out the back door, much like I did as a kid, and jogged around to where her car was parked, only she wasn’t in it. I glanced around looking for her, but there were no signs to be seen. The path that connected our houses was still there among the trees, only it wasn’t as worn as it used to be. It didn’t look as if she’d gone that way, so I took a chance on the only other path in my yard.
The grass was high from lack of traffic, but the direction was the same. I wound through the trees until I saw her. She was sitting in the grass, much like she did as a child, with her knees bent in front of her. Gone was the black sheath, and in its place was a floral sundress. Her shoulders shook as a sheen from her tears glistened against the tanned skin of her cheeks.
“How’d you find me?” Her voice was low and filled with warning.
“I know you,” I murmured as I slowly stepped forward. I sat down beside her, leaving space between us in case she told me to leave. “I thought you might be hungry.” I held out the napkin holding the chicken as a peace offering.
“Not really.” She glanced at it before turning back to stare at the pond.
“You have to eat, Hails,” I begged as I held it in front of her once again. “Jared wouldn’t want you to starve.”
That was the wrong thing to say at the moment. Her head whipped in my direction, fire flashing in her eyes. “What the hell do you know about what Jared would want, huh? You have no right to be here!”
“Hailey.” I moved so I could face her. “I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through right now, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we’ve turned into this.” I motioned between us. “Jared was a good friend of mine, and I guess…” I trailed off as I looked out at the water. “I guess I just want to do right by him, and be here for you in whatever way I can.”
I watched her face as it morphed from anger to hurt. The tears that had stopped started back up again, running in rivulets down her cheeks. Her lips began to quiver as her eyes met mine. The girl I once knew had grown into a woman, one that I didn’t know very well and this right here was unchartered territory for us.
“I loved him so much.” She swallowed. “I don’t know how to do this without him.”
“Do what?” I was confused.
She sat there a beat staring at the water before her eyes met mine. “Raise a child.” Her hands went to her stomach, an unspoken motion of protection.
Time stopped in that moment as anguish filled her features. She looked so lost, and as the tears came back tenfold, I began plotting in my head how I could do this, help her. “I’ll help you.” I reached for her, placing my palm on her shoulder.
“How? You don’t live here.” She blinked.
“I’ll move.” I shrugged. “Can’t be that hard to get an accounting job around here.”
“You’d do that for us?” She slid closer to me. “Change your whole life… for us?”
“You’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you.” I coaxed her into my arms and held her tight. “I’ve missed you Hails, so much.”
“I’ve missed you too,” she murmured as her stomach growled.
Chapter 11
Hailey
I couldn’t tell you what day it is. They all run together now. After leaving the Stanton’s, I’ve spent days curled up in bed. Between the grief and this baby, I feel
like I’m drowning. Jared’s things are right where he left them. His razor still sits on the bathroom counter; his tie from work is draped over the armchair in our bedroom. His side of the bed still smells like him, and his half-used bar of soap is still in the shower. It hurts to see it all, but I can’t bring myself to move it.
Some days are better than others. Today isn’t one of them. Today, all I want to do is lie here wrapped in his t-shirt. It’s the closest thing I can get to a hug. There are days when I pretend that he’s still here, just running late. I’ll find myself fixing two servings of food, or checking my voicemail to see if he called. One day, I accidently called his cell phone. When his voicemail picked up and I heard him telling me to leave a message, it sent me into an emotional downward spiral.
I know that some of this is normal, but I also know that some isn’t. I blame those days on the baby. The baby. I ask myself every day how I’m going to do this by myself. Jared and I weren’t even really trying. I went off birth control a few months ago, and we said if it happened then it happened, but we weren’t going to rush it. Well, it happened and now I’ve got this little person growing inside me who won’t have a daddy.
I always envisioned my husband being there for all those important moments. We’d pick out nursery furniture together. We’d argue over names, but eventually he’d let me win. He’d rub my feet after a long day. We’d cry tears of joy as our little creation appeared on the ultrasound screen. Now, I can’t help but sob as I wrap my arms around my flat belly, wondering if this baby knows how much his daddy wanted him.
I haven’t seen or heard from Max in over two weeks. I knew when he told me he’d help, he didn’t really know what he was agreeing to. We hadn’t spoken to one another in over six years before the day of the funeral.
My parents have stopped by a couple of times, but even they don’t truly understand what I’m going through. They want me to move back home. Mama says that she’ll fix up a room for the baby, and I can stay as long as I want. The problem with this is, I don’t want to leave the apartment. As much as it hurts to be here with all of the memories, I can’t let go of Jared. I stare at his side of the closet and want to do nothing but wrap myself in his clothes. I want to smell him, but I’m also afraid of losing that smell. What happens if I touch his things too much? His pillow is already starting to smell more like me than him.
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