I ease back into him, right against his chest. I can feel his heart thump through my body. Or maybe mine through his.
“If you’re going to jump into the ocean and off roofs when I give you a compliment, I’m going to have to stop.”
I look up and over my shoulder. His face is so close.
“It’s not that. I’m in my head a lot.”
“I’m not. Perhaps I should be. I’d probably get into a lot less trouble.”
“Hayden, I’m just scared. My last relationship was for three years, and it didn’t end well. I don’t want you to be the rebound guy. I don’t want a summer fling. I also don’t think I’m ready to even think about something long-term.”
“Whoa, whoa,” he jokes. “What’s with all the pressure?”
“Come on, Hayden.”
“I get it. I don’t want any of those things either. I’m careless with my body, but I’m pretty protective of my insides. I’ve been the rebound and I’ve been the doormat boyfriend. I’ve been the friend. And believe me, I would be glad to be your friend. Friendship isn’t a consolation prize for not being able to get in your pants.”
I shake my head, unable to keep a smile from my face. “Hayden.”
“See? That. I blame this on you. When you say my name—it’s like you’re calling for me from far away and only I can reach you. I hear everything you’re saying. I’m the Nice Guy, Sky. I’m used to the territory that comes with it.”
“The Nice Guy?”
“Yeah. Every girl that’s ever broken my heart has told me that I’m just so nice. It sucks when girls prefer the guys that act like they don’t give a shit, or treat them like crap, or are the opposite of nice. My dad was one of those guys. My friends have married those guys. That’s just not who I want to be.”
I look down at my hands holding his, and his hands holding me. Bradley was a bad guy. Sometimes he’d turn mean, and it always felt like he did it so I knew where our places stood. But when he smiled at me, it was like a spell. I’d just forget, and chalk it up to a bad day.
“So where do we go from here?” Hayden asks. “We’ve established that we are more than friends. But it’s too soon for the long-term thing. Plus you’re moving—”
“Maybe.”
“Plus the unknown status of location. That leaves us with friends with benefits. Only that sounds smarmy. I can’t do that.”
He gives me a little squeeze.
“You could never be smarmy.”
“In my experience, some girls want that.”
“I don’t.”
“Then let’s just agree that we’re going to put a hold on defining or labeling anything.”
“That’s a shame. I’ve got a really great label maker for the wedding invitations.”
His strong fingers dig playfully into my stomach. With my cup long gone, he gives me his.
“I just know that I want to spend time with you and possibly know what it feels like to kiss your perfect mouth again.”
I have the urge to jump out of my skin. But he holds me tighter. The top of my head rests under his chin, in the nook between his neck and shoulder. I never fit in Bradley’s nook. He was too tall and despite all the sports he did, he had a hard time building muscles on his shoulders. Not Hayden. Hayden is all muscle, and when I lean back, it’s like his body was made to contour mine.
“I don’t think I’m ready to get involved.”
“We’re not getting involved, Sky. That sounds too much like a label. We’re exploring. When people explore it’s about the journey, the need to travel.”
His hands travel along my arms, brushing the chill on my skin.
“The need to discover the possibility of something life-changing.”
He presses a kiss on my temple. I shut my eyes and listen to the drum of my heart.
“You’re saying a lot of nonsense right now,” I say, sitting up from his hold. The breeze picks up and pushes my hair over my face. He leans on his elbow, and I take a mental picture of how he looks right here and now. Voices try to overpower my thoughts.
Don’t be an idiot.
Make yourself happy.
It was just one time…
I know all of these things, but it’s a lot to ask of yourself to take a chance on something new, when your past still has a grip on your present.
“All I ask is that if for some reason I’m not making you happy,” he tells me, “or if you decide you aren’t staying, be honest with me. People undervalue honesty these days.”
I nod, leaning myself closer to him.
“Friends,” I say.
“Friends,” he says.
You don’t kiss friends. You don’t dream of them caressing the inside of your thighs. You don’t imagine what your life would be like if they were it.
Hayden and I can’t be friends. Friendship is not a consolation prize if a relationship doesn’t work out.
But for now…I’m okay without the label, the definition. For now I want to sit under the starry night with a boy too good to be real.
“Sky.”
I respond with a kiss. His lips are a whisper against mine. He doesn’t move. He lets me kiss him, lets me set the pace of my mouth on his.
Kissing Hayden a second time is different than I thought it’d be. It’s surprising. It’s soft, softer still. Everything about him—his callouses, his pecs, the sharp jawline—is in direct contrast to his soft, beautiful lips.
He pulls me against his chest, a hand on my lower back. His skin against mine sets off a series of landmines in my mind. I’m aware of the underwear I put on this morning, the wine on my breath, I’m aware that I don’t know where I should put my hands because I want to put them everywhere. All over him. I’m aware of the moan that escapes my lips when he kisses me back.
He turns me seamlessly so that I’m resting on the blanket, pressed against the roof. It’s a good thing we’re over my bedroom. My foot kicks the remnants of our feast to the ground.
“You’re a mess,” he says.
“You have no idea.”
I pull him by his t-shirt back on top of me. I love the weight of him, how solid he feels. He tickles my lips with his tongue and I open up for him. He tastes like sweet, red wine.
I lift my hips to meet his and grin when I feel his dick harden against my thigh. With quick raspy breaths, he says my name, like a prayer, a wish.
The heat of his body answers mine. I move my leg to allow him to press into me, my hands lift his shirt at the waist, tracing the ripple of his taut muscles. I want to get lost in the feeling of him.
He moans against my mouth.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t be.” He licks his lip where I bit him. In the golden light of our lamp, they’re red and swollen.
Hayden gets up on his knees, and I wish he wouldn’t. The cold night fills the empty space he just left. I pull at the belt loops on his jeans, but he doesn’t budge. He smiles, a wicked and beautiful thing. He lifts his shirt over his head, and my breath hitches. It’s like he fills the entire sky, haloed by a dreamy light. He returns to me. I press my hands on his shoulders, but he takes my hands and secures them against the roof, over my head.
I kiss his jaw, every inch of it, the way I’ve wanted to from the beginning. I wrap my legs around his trim waist. My dress is all the way at my hips, giving him complete access to my soaking wet panties.
He presses a hand between my legs. He presses his forehead against mine, and I can see the struggle that flits across his face.
My senses are on edge. I want him to move his hand. I want him to tear off my thong. I want him to bury himself inside of me and never come out.
He growls against the skin of my neck, our pulses racing to a finish line that we cannot see.
“Oh, God, Sky.”
He lets go of my wetness. He takes my face up with both hands and looks at me. I feel so naked under his bright blue eyes. He kisses my cheeks, my nose, my jaw. He’s about to kiss my lips again, but a car
revs close by.
Doors slam and drunk singing makes its way up the driveway.
“Let’s swim!” Juliet says.
Someone shushes her, and they do a terrible job of being quiet. Hayden and I stay perfectly still. He chuckles into my shoulder. From here, we can see my cousins make their way into the backyard. All they have to do is look up and they would see me with my legs wrapped around Hayden’s waist, his shirtless body pressed against me.
I wish they would all just go away. I push my hips up to grind against him once.
Hayden sighs into my neck, pressing tiny kisses along the way. His voice is a whisper. “You’re bad news.”
“Come on,” Yunior says. “We’re going to wake everyone up.”
“Sky is so lame that she didn’t come.”
Yes, Sky didn’t come. And it’s going to be all their fault.
“I don’t know what Xandro sees in her,” Maria says, stumbling around, getting closer to the pool.
I freeze and so does Hayden.
“Shut up,” Elena says. “You’re just jealous.”
“Scuse me!” Maria loud whispers. “I am engaged. I don’t need to be jealous. She’s not doing something right if her man was stepping out on her like that. Now she’s got Xandro strung along like a puppy dog.”
“You’re being a bitch,” Elena says, and turns around and leaves them.
Hayden looks at me. I don’t know what is more embarrassing. The fact that my cousin is airing out my dirty laundry behind my back, or the fact that Hayden is here to listen to it.
I can’t stand the sadness, the questions in his stare so I turn my face. I’m about to throw the empty bottle of wine in the direction of the pool, but I don’t have to.
“Guys!” Yunior says, fumbling over a potted plant. “Help me get Andrea upstairs. She’s puking all over my car.”
“You deal with it,” Maria says. “That’s what she gets for doing so many shots.”
Part of me wants to go and help them, but the other part of me wants to go to my room and lick my wounds.
“Come on,” Yunior hisses.
Juliet is the first to go help. Maria stands at the poolside and watches the blue water ripple. She picks up a ball bouncing on the surface, turns it in her hands, and throws it as hard as she can.
When they’re gone, Hayden kisses my cheek. I want to ask him to come in, but I don’t want to talk about what he just heard. That was for me to tell him when I felt ready.
Hayden folds the blanket and throws it over the roof onto the balcony. He puts the trash and lamp in the bag and heads down first. I concentrate on my feet on each step of the ladder until I get to my balcony. I decide to keep the bag of provisions for next time. I really want there to be a next time.
My heart hammers in my throat. I don’t want him to go just yet. I lean over the side and kiss him.
“I had a nice time,” I tell him, nuzzling my nose into his shoulder.
He traces his finger up and down my arm. “Sky.”
I smile and collect myself. My lips feel swollen, my panties are most certainly uncomfortable, and I’m sure my mascara makes me look like a raccoon.
Hayden takes my hand and kisses it. “See you tomorrow.”
I watch him go down the ladder with the ease of a cat. He props the weight of it on his shoulder, like he’s picking up a stack of pillows. He has to get it back to the other side of the house where the construction is happening. The metal rattles, but after my family’s racket, I’m sure no one will notice.
After I shower and as I drift off to sleep, I close my eyes and think only of his face. I don’t know if it was love at first sight. But now I can’t deny that it sure is something.
Chapter 19
The only thing that can bring me down from the Cloud Nine that is Hayden’s lips is sitting down to breakfast with my family. My mother gives me a curious eye. I scroll through my emails and try to avoid it.
“When did you get to bed?” she asks.
“Way before these clowns got home,” I tell her. You’d think that because I’m the one who stayed home, I’d be off the hook. You’d think wrong.
Las Viejas give me their side-eye, and Maria holds her hungover head with both hands. Her skin is a pale green, but not as green as Andrea and Juliet. The only one who doesn’t look the worse for the wear is Elena. I remember her defending me, sort of, against Maria’s words. She gets a smile from me.
Some of the roofers walk across the backyard, and my heart jumps when I wait for Hayden’s blond head. Then I remember he’s banished to building the wedding gazebo.
My mother watches me stare at them, and calls for my attention. “You have to stop being so rude to Xandro. He’s an old family friend.”
“Just because we lived in the same building together,” I say, talking with my mouth full, “doesn’t mean we’re friends.”
“Escuchame, Sky,” my mother says. Listen, Sky. “I raised you better than to be so rude. Give the boy a chance. He’s from a good family. He goes to church. He’s handsome. He’s a doctor.”
Everyone is nodding.
“I’m sorry, I thought we were having breakfast, not discussing my love life. It’s nobody’s business.”
“Don’t talk to your mother that way,” Maria says.
Anger fills my mouth and threatens to turn my fantastic mood into kindling. Then I see him, Hayden, walking past the glass doors that lead to the backyard. He can’t see me through the reflection in the glass. He looks at his own image and rakes his hair back. His body drips with sweat as he carries a stack of boards over his shoulder.
My mother follows my eyes to Hayden. He turns around and makes his way back to his station.
“Sky, give Maria some of your pills for her headache.”
I have the good kind of painkillers. That’s a benefit of being a nurse. None of that over-the-counter sugar-coated medicine. I look at Maria and remember her words. None of them are dying. They need a sports drink and some sleep. My family doesn’t realize that being a nurse doesn’t mean that I’m a pill factory. They also don’t realize that treating a hangover isn’t why I went into medicine.
I pick up my plate and decide to take my food to my room.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, my voice sickly sweet so they know I’m lying. “I ran out.”
• • •
After I scarf down my breakfast, Leti knocks on my door.
“You look thoroughly fucked,” I tell her.
She sits down next to me and eats the remnants of my toast. “You should try it.”
“Where’s River?”
“She didn’t come home last night?”
I shake my head.
“Do you think she’s getting into trouble again?”
Leti and I stare at each other like we’re trying to convince ourselves that everything is all right. A bright orange leaf flies in from the balcony and lands at my feet. It’s the first sign that the summer is going to come to an end soon, and for the first time in three months I’m not ready.
“No, I think she just wanted to get out of the house.” The truth is, I hope River isn’t getting into any trouble. The last time she hit rock bottom, it was hard to pull her out of it. I’ll be there for her no matter what, but she’s never been one to ask for help.
“Would she tell us if she was?”
I shake my head. “Probably not.”
“Well,” I say, picking up my empty plate. “We can’t wait for her. We have to get the seashells for the centerpieces.”
Leti rolls her eyes and mumbles, “I bet that’s why River’s not here. Hiding from your wedding chores.”
“Shut up,” I say. “It’s nice.”
“Why can’t we just buy a bunch of seashells?”
“Because,” I say, “this way they’re special.”
I don’t tell her that when I conceived this idea, I was drowning myself in Pinterest. Nothing makes you wallow in the feeling of being dumped as much as looking at pretty things on
the internet. Wedding things. Wedding things you’ll never have with the guy who broke your heart. But wedding things you can gift to your favorite uncles.
I scroll through my email to find the picture I want, but my inbox is full of wedding stuff. I remember I flagged the email from the DJ and read it.
I stand up from the bed, forgetting that my plate’s on my lap. It falls to the floor and smashes in half. I shut my eyes and hope that I’m reading correctly.
“Sky, you’re freaking me out.”
I give her my phone and wait for her to read the email.
“That little shit!” she shouts.
“Can he even do that?” I ask. “We paid the deposit.”
Leti shakes her head. “I’m going to one-star his ass. Who names themselves DJ Dee Troyt?”
“I think I’m having a heart attack.”
Leti looks at me, unconvinced. “No, you’re not.”
I press my hand on my racing heartbeat. I can hear my voice rise in pitch. “First, there’s a hole in the guest room so everyone’s getting shoved into one basement. Then, the caterer doesn’t tell us they’re going out of business. Now, the DJ is cancelling on us. I’m supposed to be putting this together, Leti. This is all on me! What am I going to do when Pepe and Tony find out? Oh, sweet Mother Mary, I’m going to have to tell them about the caterer right now, aren’t I?”
“Sky?”
“This is horrible. I’m the world’s worst wedding planner. No, I’m the worst niece in the world.”
“Sky!”
Leti’s hand smacks me across the face.
“Thanks, I needed that.”
The floor creaks outside my door. I run over and stick my head out to see who it is, but the hallway is empty. I shut the door and press my body against it.
“Get a grip,” Leti says. “We can’t panic.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You get to come and go as you please.”
She sasses me with a sway of her head and a purse of her lips. “Excuse me, Pepe and Tony are my uncles, too. Have you stopped to think that the reason why you ended up planning all of this by yourself is because you wouldn’t let anyone really help?”
Love on the Ledge Page 10