“I’d better go make a few phone calls,” James says.
“James—” I’m about to start kissing the ground at his feet. It’s like a thousand pounds lifting from my shoulders.
“Don’t you dare fuckin’ thank me,” he says. “I’m happy to do this.”
He goes off into the house to make his phone calls.
“You have no idea how relieved I feel right now,” I tell her. “Pepe and Tony are going to love it. They love watching his new spotlight on TV.”
She brings us more seltzer. “Hello, I opened a restaurant with only a minor emotional meltdown. I think I know what you’re going through.”
As I let the relief wash over me, my brain starts to remind me of other things I have to get done. The DJ. Finish the centerpieces. Tell my family that everything is going to be okay.
“So,” Lucky says. “Who’s the guy?”
I sit up. All of my anxious thoughts of wedding planning get replaced by a single thought. The guy. “What guy?”
“Don’t play dumb. I know that look. The one you called interesting. Spill.”
Lucky sits back in her chair facing me. She means business. If I try to make a run for it, I wonder if she’ll push me in the pool.
So I tell her. I tell her his name is Hayden Robertson the Third, and some people call him Tripp. She has the same disgusted reaction as I did and agrees she’d never call him that. I tell her that his perfect body fell at my feet and saw me in nothing but a thong and a form-adjusting bra. I tell her that every time I turn in his direction, I find his forget-me-not blue eyes watching me. Not just watching—admiring. I tell her about the number on the sand dollar and our rooftop date. About the bungalow, and saving River.
“That’s so gross it’s actually cute. He doesn’t sound real.”
“I don’t think he is. I think that my mind is so desperate to think there are good guys in the world that it fabricated him, and the illusion is so strong that everyone sees him, too.”
She takes a gulp of her beer and wipes her lips with the back of her hand. “You’re preaching to the choir, Sky. I mean, you know my love life just as well as I do.”
Bradley always kept me updated with Lucky’s latest. I don’t have to tell her. I’m sure she already knows.
“James isn’t perfect,” she says. “He’s stubborn as fuck, and so am I. God knows he has his share of demons. The difference is that for the first time in my life, I’m with someone I completely trust, not just with my body but with my heart.”
“I thought I had that,” I say. I hate the way my voice sounds, but it feels good to say it out loud. When I’m at home I have to hide that hurt. I have to put on a face that tells my world that I’m fine. But no one truly understands. They want me to be okay, they want me to be “over it” because it’ll make them feel like they can stop walking on eggshells. I guess it’s harder to let people who know you see you this way out of fear of being judged.
Lucky won’t judge me, I know that much.
“You’ll have that again,” Lucky says. “Maybe it’ll take a while, but there is nothing stopping you.”
“You know what the worst part about this is?” I say. “I actually like Hayden. I mean, I’m attracted to him. A blind person would be attracted to him. It’s not just him. He’s beautiful. He has this hair that’s soft to the touch and always golden. His body alone makes me want to take a cold shower. But it’s the stuff beneath that. He’s got this feeling about him that tells me he’s just good, you know.”
“What’s so terrible about that?” Lucky says. “Sounds like cake to me.”
Yes, delicious cake with honey drizzled on top.
“I don’t want to like him as much as I do. It feels too fast and too soon. I’m not ready, but knowing he’s so close makes me want to forget that I’m not ready and let him look at me in that way—the way James looks at you.”
Lucky pops a cheese cube in her mouth. She washes it down with her beer, the whole time studying me with those gray eyes.
“You’re fucked,” she says.
“Thanks.”
“I mean it, Sky. You’re going to lose yourself in your thoughts. It’s not good. I know you’re afraid of getting hurt. I’m the last person to urge you on to rebound fuck a guy just because. That’s not good, and neither is getting involved with someone while you’ve got feelings for your ex.”
“I don’t have feelings for Bradley anymore.”
She cocks an eyebrow, like she doesn’t believe me. Do I believe me?
“Okay,” she says. “But you’re not the only one who’s still messed up. You shouldn’t be ashamed because you feel. You’re a real human person with real human feelings.”
“Thank you, Lucky.”
“Oh, I’m not done,” she says. “Don’t deny yourself that good feeling just because you’re afraid to get hurt again.”
“You know,” I say. “The one good thing about my ex-boyfriend cheating on me with your mom is that now you and I get to be friends for real.”
She half smiles. “I will confess I secretly hated you for being so fucking beautiful. It’s disgusting.”
“Shut up.”
“Let’s get down to business. Now that James is catering the wedding, it means I’m invited. What should I wear?”
“Hang on,” James comes back in with his phone in hand. “Before you get started with the estrogen. We can do a tasting for your family in two days.”
“That’s perfect.”
James gets back on the phone and starts ticking off a list for the person on the other line.
“Everything’s happening so fast,” I say.
Lucky leans back into her cushions. “Yep. You’ve got to enjoy it while you can.”
Chapter 27
“Where have you been?” My mom looks like she could faint. Never did I ever even leave the apartment unless it was to school or the library. Now that I’m in my twenties, with a degree, and no longer living at home, she freaks out.
“Out.” I say. I’m starting to feel the dread that comes with trying to keep secrets.
“Sky,” Pepe and Tony rush into the living room from the kitchen.
Leti and River come out of their rooms. Maria and Yunior and all one thousand of my cousins turn from the TV.
“Okay, I have a few things to say.”
“You really—” Maria starts to say.
“And you, most of all, need to be quiet.” I hold my finger up to silence her. “I know that I should have told you guys about the caterer, I just really didn’t want to upset you. I wanted these next few weeks to be perfect, but it seems like every time I turn around something is going wrong.”
“Oh, nena,” Pepe says, coming over to me. “You know you can share the workload. You don’t have to do everything by yourself.”
I look at my mom. I learned from the best. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but growing up, she did everything by herself. She took care of me, Pepe, and even Aunt Salomé when Leti’s father died.
“Ma, I’m sorry I yelled at you. But you have to let me make my own decisions.”
She doesn’t stay for the rest. She walks out of the living room and up the stairs to her room.
“I deserve that,” I say.
“We’ll just have to figure something out,” Tony says, holding Pepe around the waist.
River raises her hands. “How do you feel about hotdogs?”
Tony just says, “Uh….”
“Guys,” I hold my hands up. “It’s done. I have someone.”
“Who?” Pepe asks.
It’s hard to hear them over Maria squawking something about how lucky I am, and Daisy crying about how her dress itches, and Grandma Gloria saying they’d better at least know how to make rice and beans, and River looking indignant like I just stole her thunder.
“It’s a surprise,” I say. Before they can riot and protest, I continue. “You’ll find out in two days. It’s going to be so worth it. I know I’ve been a little crazed the las
t few months, but you’ll see. I will give you the perfect wedding.”
“We have faith in you,” Tony says. “We can’t wait.”
“What about the DJ?” Maria asks.
I bite my tongue.
“I’ve got that covered,” Leti says. “Don’t worry your bitchy little head off.”
• • •
I step outside into the cool night air, leaving my family with something to gossip about. The evening is warm, and now that I can cross one thing off my list my mind wanders to last night. I picture myself in Hayden’s arms, and my skin is instantly covered in a delicious warmth. I pull my phone from my back pocket to call him.
The call is interrupted before I can hit the little green phone symbol. I nearly drop the device out of my hands. It flip-flops like a fish trying to get out of my grip. But it’s not a fish. It’s a phone. And the person calling me is Bradley.
My heart thunders in my chest. I think about what Lucky said, that I might still have feelings for Bradley. I keep thinking about him, that’s for sure. I know that when someone is part of your life, they leave a mark, whether bad or good. I know that I can’t keep comparing guys to Bradley forever. Sometimes the hurt has to fade, even if it doesn’t disappear.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Sky!”
It’s strange hearing his voice. I haven’t even let myself listen to the voicemails he leaves me. It’s like a memory that’s fading, and I find myself straining to recall the details of his face.
“Bradley.”
There’s silence. He didn’t think I’d pick up. I didn’t think I would either. Now we aren’t sure what to say because we’re both surprised. At least I still know how his mind works.
“I heard you’re in town.”
“Guess Luck’s still mad at me.”
My eye twitches a little bit. I can picture him leaning back and smiling as he speaks.
“I guess so.”
“Baby—”
“Don’t.” I sigh. Something inside of me hurts again. I know that men cheat. I know that women cheat. I know that there isn’t a science, and that you’re hoping that it doesn’t happen to you. I know that when it does, you’re more ashamed that you didn’t notice, or you didn’t want to notice. I’m ashamed that I’m ashamed. That I shouldn’t feel that way because I did nothing wrong.
“I’ve missed you so much. I’m going nuts without you.”
“I’m sure you’ve survived well enough.” I chuckle. The first few weeks, I missed him so much I thought about making a U-turn on the Queensborough Bridge and going back to Boston. But I didn’t.
“I need you—” I start to say.
“I need you too baby.”
“No, Brad. I need you to listen to me.”
He scoffs.
“I need you to stop calling me. I need you to go back home.”
“Sky, Sky, Sky. Why can’t you just forgive me? Why can’t we go back to the way things were?”
“Because I saw you! Because I saw the way you were with her. For weeks I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with you. I thought that I wasn’t making you happy. Do you know what that’s like? And sure enough you were happy. It just wasn’t with me.”
I can hear the frustration in his voice. “I made a mistake. You and I belong together, Sky. I know it. We’ve invested too much time in our relationship to throw it away.”
“You’re talking about us like we’re stocks.”
“You’re different, Sky.”
Maybe I am. I stayed with him for that reason…the investment. I didn’t stay for love. And I’m not staying now.
“I am different,” I say. I’m leaving a career behind. I’m not afraid of not knowing my next step. Just kidding, I’m terrified. But at least I’m confident that I want whatever my next steps bring me. “But you know what? I’m the only one out of the two of us who needs to be okay with that.”
“We’re not finished,” he says. “I love you. I still love you.”
“Don’t you get it? We were over long before I left. You ended us.”
“But—”
I’ve had enough. Something in my chest starts to swell and I know I have to let go. “Goodbye, Bradley.”
I hang up and hold my phone to my chest. I nearly jump out of my skin when I feel someone standing behind me. River pulls a drag on her cigarette. She doesn’t say anything, just nods, like she’s proud of me.
I’m proud of me, too. I run up to my room and make myself comfortable. I find the number I was looking for before I got interrupted. Watching the phone ring gives me butterflies, and I decide that I love the feel of it.
He picks up on the second ring. “I was just thinking about you…”
Chapter 28
When everyone is packed away in Pepe and Tony’s SUVs, Hayden pulls up to the driveway. He washed his truck so you can see the bottom half of it. Leti and River both whistle as he steps out of the car and walks towards us.
He’s wearing a crisp white shirt and dark blue jeans. The spice of his aftershave tickles my nose when he kisses my cheek. He rakes his hair back over and over again.
“Damn boy,” Leti says. “You clean up real good.”
“So do you,” he tells her.
She picks up the hem of her flower print dress and curtsies.
River feels left out. “What about me?”
“You, River Thomas, are stunning.”
She gives him a sardonic smile, like she doesn’t believe him. River is River, and will never not wear a black band shirt and ripped shorts. Her aviators hide the dark circles under her eyes, and a thick leather wristlet hides a bruise where that brute Will grabbed her.
“Sky,” Hayden turns to me. “You look—”
The cars, stuffed with my family, honk at us. “Hurry it up!”
“The wine isn’t going anywhere,” Leti shouts back.
We file into Hayden’s truck. He backs up and, because he’s more of a local than any of us, leads the way. I watch his face the whole time. It’s disappointing to see him wearing a shirt, but the fabric does beautiful things to his muscles. He’s like candy waiting to be unwrapped and licked down to the core.
“God, you’re sick in love,” River says, watching me watch him.
“Shut up.” It’s the best comeback I have, because she’s right. I am sick. Sick in the head with feelings for a boy who is too good to be true. A boy I might not see after this summer.
At the vineyard there are, surprisingly, zero cars in the lot. It’s a perfectly beautiful summer day and it’s still tourist season.
“Is it open?” Leti runs up the driveway to the main door.
Pepe and Tony walk up holding hands.
“I called last night,” Tony says, “to tell them we have a large group coming.”
Hayden heads to the front of where my family looks like a mob ready to storm the vineyard. I don’t miss the way Maria’s eyes linger on Hayden’s ass. Can’t really blame her. All of his body parts should be immortalized in a statue. In my room.
“Hey,” Hayden tells them, standing directly in front of the double doors. “Hey guys. I’m Hayden. Most of you remember me from falling through the roof.”
Half of the family laughs.
Pepe gives me a side eye and winks.
“Is he actively trying to die?” River whispers.
“What are you doing?” I hiss at him.
Then an older couple comes out. They hug Hayden like old friends. The lady hangs a sign on the door that says. “Closed for private event.”
“You’re here!” the old man says. “Welcome…come in. We’re all set up for you. You must be Tony and Pepe.”
He walks up to my uncles and shakes their hands. “Hayden told me you’re the party that placed the wedding order. This is Clara, my wife. We’re happy to have you, even on such short notice. Hayden’s like the son I never had. We’d do anything for this boy.”
Uncle Tony has never looked so perplexed in his whole life. “Thank y
ou so much, but I’m confused.”
Hayden is right at their side. “Sorry, Sean. I wanted it to be a surprise.”
Sean’s eyes widen. “So you all have no idea what’s happening.”
Tony wraps an arm around Pepe. The two of them chuckle. “No, but we do love surprises.”
“Hayden, do you want to tell them?”
Hayden smiles. The wind plays with his hair. The sky frames him perfectly, and in this moment I feel like falling.
“Happy Wedding Week,” Hayden tells them. The he looks at me when he says, “I know it hasn’t been as smooth as you wanted it to be, but I hope this helps. You have the place for the next two hours.”
Tony and Pepe pull Hayden into a massive hug. Everyone claps a little, even Maria.
One by one, they follow Sean and Clara into the house. River and Leti bring up the rear, holding their thumbs up to Hayden.
“I can’t believe you did that,” I tell him, reaching for him. “How did you make this happen?”
He shrugs, like it’s not a big deal. “I know everyone, and they love me.”
“I can see that.”
“No, really. Sean’s hired my dad’s company for years. Over that time, he and Clara took a liking to me.”
“You’re amazing.” I land a kiss on his cheek. He presses me closer to him so I can feel him get a semi against my hip.
“You’re amazing.” He takes my hand and leads me inside. “Shall we?”
• • •
For two hours we drink wine. Pepe and Tony are showered with champagne (literally) when the girl behind the counter accidentally shakes it too much and loses her grip on the cork. It goes flying into the air and Yunior catches it, prompting him to shout, “I’m next!” like he just caught the bouquet.
Hayden doesn’t drink and stays close to River, who has her arms crossed over her shoulder because she has to sip on water.
“If I have a sip,” she says. “I might just puke. But I deserve it.”
Love on the Ledge Page 15