I want to remember what seeing Hayden naked for the first time is like. It’s like every inch of his body was carefully crafted to perfection. Thin blond hairs trail from his belly button, an arrow that shows me where I need to go. When I press a kiss to the head of his penis, it lengthens. I have a desperate need to know what Hayden tastes like, and when he says my name, like he’s begging, I can’t take it anymore.
I take him into my mouth. I get on my knees on the bed to get at a better angle. I grab his shaft and suck on the tip. He moans, and I take my mouth off. I press a finger to my lips. His eyes are far off and dreamy. His hand threads through my hair and tugs, guiding me back to him.
I grab his hardness and massage it with both hands, letting the tip rest on my tongue.
“Shit,” he whispers.
I love the way he reacts to me. Love that he tugs my hair some more. Love the wetness that follows his grunts. His precum tastes sweet. Leti says that’s what happens when guys eat lots of fruit. I lick the wet trail and take his length as far as it can. I relax the back of my throat so I don’t gag.
He pulls on my hair so hard that I moan. The moan vibrates against his tender skin and his dick throbs in my mouth. I wet my finger with my tongue and trace tiny circles around the sensitive skin of his head.
“Sky, you’re driving me crazy.”
“That’s the point.”
He bites his lip and grabs me, pushing me onto my back. He finds the snaps that keep my teddy together and pulls them open.
“Sky,” he whispers in my ear. His warm breath makes me tingle. “I want to know what you feel like.”
His finger traces a line through my wetness until he finds my clit. When I arch my back, he presses down in slow, delicious circles.
“Hayden,” I tell him. “I need you now.”
He nuzzles into my neck. “As you wish.”
His thick, strong finger slides into my pussy. My walls squeeze around him. I ask for more and he inserts another finger. I bite back a moan. I grab the mattress with one hand and his dick with the other. I move my hand up and down. He presses harder against my body, sliding a third finger in.
He bites my ear and in response, I jerk him off faster. He hooks his fingers inside of me. I don’t know if it’s the combination of getting each other off, or if he found the mythical g-spot, but I start to come undone. My center pulses as I come, wet, all over his hand.
“Sky,” he says. “Sky…”
“Come,” I whisper. I close my eyes, lost in the feel of his fingers inside me, touching a part of me that’s coming awake. He moans against my ear, and I grab onto him as he comes on my belly. I trace the slippery top of his head, and watch his eyes lust after me. I bring the finger to my lips and taste him.
“You are so fucking sexy.” He collapses beside me.
I giggle, and stretch into the delicious feel of his body in my bed. “You.”
He reaches over me for something on my bedside table. “I brought these for you. You sounded upset.”
I laugh quietly. “How can you tell? We were texting.”
“I can tell.”
I take the two roses and smell them. They’re a deep red and fully bloomed. I trace their petals along his skin. I feel something that goes beyond the orgasm he just gave me. It’s a spark that I’m afraid to light, but it’s trying desperately to be seen.
“Hayden?”
He’s started to drift off to sleep. “Hmm?”
“Will you be my date to the wedding?”
Chapter 34
In the morning I watch Hayden sleep.
If he’s beautiful to look at when he’s awake, then I don’t know what to call this. His face is completely tranquil. His mouth is slightly open. That bottom lip is so kissable that I lean forward and do it. When I lean back, my Prince Charming answers me with a tiny snore. God, even that’s cute. He spreads out his whole body. My thin white sheet does little to cover his morning wood.
There’s a knock on my door. I jump up and reach for my bathrobe. I brush my hair a bit. I open it up a crack. It’s only Leti.
“Hey, hooker. Everyone’s going to the beach. We need to air out the bad juju from the house.”
“Oh, I’m not feeling so hot. See you later.” I start to close the door on her face, but she catches a peek of the sleeping god on my bed.
She shakes her fists and squees.
“Shh,” I whisper.
“Okay, Sky,” Leti says dramatically. “Feel better.”
Subtle. I lock the door behind her and go back to bed. I can hardly sleep with him just laying down in my bed. It’s like leaving out a piece of cake and expecting me not to eat it.
I trace a finger along his erect shaft. A smile spreads across his face. He grabs my hand and brings it up to his face to kiss. “Hey you.”
I rest my head on his shoulder. “Excellent news. Everyone’s going to the beach, so we have the house all to ourselves.”
“That’s an interesting development.” He turns lazily towards me and pulls me into a strong hug. “How come?”
“I think after yesterday’s fiasco, they need to all get out of the house.”
He lifts his head to meet my eyes. “What happened?”
What didn’t happen? “The cake topper came but it was a hetero couple. Pepe thought it was a personal attack. I think that when they were filling out the form online, they didn’t change the second one’s sex, but there’s no way to really find out. I went out yesterday to try to get one, but nothing. Isn’t this a big wedding town?”
“Earlier in the season maybe.” He kisses my shoulder. The white lace teddy is on the floor, but I still wear the matching bra. His hands find my breasts and squeeze. “So I have you all to myself today?”
I press myself against him, sling a leg over his side to press him into me. “Yep. Do you have to do anything today?”
“Not that I can think of, but I’m not at full brain power right now.” His hands trail down my spine and cup my ass. “Oh, wait.”
“Nooo, no waiting.”
He chuckles. “This is good, I promise.”
“Okay.”
“I have a surprise for you tonight. Gazebo at nine.”
I nod, but I’m not thinking that far ahead right now. I’m more interested in the way he turns me on my back and holds my hands over my head. His weight makes my breath catch. I love how solid he feels. He presses into me. I part my legs to give him better access.
“God, you’re fantastic.” His dick presses against my wetness, teasing me.
“And you’re not even in me yet,” I laugh.
This feels nice, being able to make light of something that means a lot to me. I’ve never been able to just have sex with any guy that I find attractive. River tells me it’s a waste of my youth, that one day I’ll be married and stuck with the same chump. Leti wants to be able to say that she’s fucked a guy in every country she travels to.
Me? I need to feel the spark. With Hayden, it’s more than that though. It’s full on fireworks. When he looks at me, I know he doesn’t want to be anywhere else. When he looks at me, I feel like he’s committing this moment to memory, because I’m doing the same thing.
Which is why, as much as I’d hate to ruin the moment, I have to pull back from his kiss.
“I’m on birth control,” I say.
“So am I,” he says.
“Hayden…”
He wraps his arms around me and flips us so he’s on the bed and I’m on top. I sit up to straddle him. I lean forward so the ends of my hair tickle his chest. He reaches up to touch my breasts.
“Sky, you’re the first girl in months. After I found out my ex was cheating on me, I got tested. I’m clean as a whistle. You?”
The minute I saw Bradley and Stella together, I went to my unit and had a test done. “Me, too. Nurse’s orders.”
I press my breasts against him and kiss him. Then, our stomachs grumble in synchrony.
“I’d be embarrassed,” he says
, “if your stomach growl wasn’t louder than mine.”
“Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, and I’ll make some breakfast.”
He grabs my hand and pulls me hard against his lips. “Hurry, or I’ll come and get you.”
I untangle myself from the Adonis in my bed, throw my bathrobe back on, and head downstairs.
There is a most definitely bounce in my step. I’m going to have sex with Hayden Robertson. The thought makes me giddy and wet. Sure, I’ve been horny before. But that’s nothing a bottle of wine and a battery-operated device can’t take care of. Being with Hayden soothes parts of me I thought were permanently damaged.
As I crack eggs in a pan and throw in salt, pepper, and a little bit of Adobo, I realize that you can’t let someone else damage you. Even when your heart breaks, it still belongs to you. You have to take it back and mend it yourself, because no one is going to do it for you. Letting myself get close to Hayden makes me feel awake, like the sun is just a little bit brighter.
I wait for the toast to toast, and the scrambled eggs to scramble. I grab the orange juice and put in a splash of prosecco because that’s how I feel—like a bottle of bubbly ready to burst.
The doorbell rings. It’s early for mail, but things have been arriving non-stop all summer. I tie my bathrobe so that I don’t give the delivery person a peep show. I set the eggs off the fire, feeling as badass as James Hughes.
When I open the door, I feel like I’m still dreaming. No, this isn’t a dream. This is a nightmare. The fright of him makes me jump. I drop my glass and it splatters on the ceramic tiled floor. I go to shut the door, to push him back and slam it in his face, but he doesn’t go. He’s stronger.
“Sky, listen to me,” Bradley says. “Just give me a chance.”
When I step back, pain shoots up and down my leg. I see blood, but I have to keep walking back.
“Get out.”
He looks the same, but not. His hair is longer than usual. He’s grown facial hair, which makes him look older. His clothes are rumpled, like he slept in them and then drove the five hours to get here.
“Sky, baby, I know you don’t want to see me, but I promise. I promise that I’m not with anyone. Losing you was the worst mistake I’ve ever make. I love you, Sky. I love you.”
I step back, dragging glass and blood in a zigzag trail. The pain in my foot gets so sharp that I let myself fall down. Everything I’ve been trying to hold onto, all the happiness I’ve found in the last months, comes undone at the seams.
Bradley reaches for me. I’ve forgotten what his touch feels like. It’s something I’ve pushed so far away that he might as well be a stranger.
“Sky, you’re hurt.”
I slap his hands away. “You have no right to be here. Get out!”
“Sky?” Hayden shouts from upstairs. The steps creak with his weight. He’s running. He stands at the top of the steps looking down at us. He sees the glass. The blood. He’s wrapped a towel around his waist.
“Who the fuck is this?” Bradley asks.
“Get out, Bradley!” I’m stuck on repeat, but I’m too stunned to say anything else.
“Not until you tell me who this is!”
Hayden looks from me to Bradley. Hayden is mine. That’s what I should say. He’s mine. Instead, I force myself to stand, balancing on my good foot.
“You’re a real piece of work, Sky,” Bradley says. “You tell me that I lost faith in us, that I broke us, but look at you, moving on perfectly well.”
I laugh in his face. “Did you think I’d sit around for the rest of my life waiting for you? You broke us, Bradley. I would never in a million years, if you were the last breathing man left on this planet, want anything to do with you.”
He steps back, like my words slapped him. “You don’t mean that.”
“Why?” I ask, not to him but to the heavens. “Why can’t you take no for an answer? It’s you and it’s Xandro. It’s like you’re not fucking happy unless you’re the one ending things. Well you don’t get that, okay? I get to end it. I get to end it.”
“You’re being hysterical,” Bradley tells me.
Hayden looks at me like he doesn’t recognize me. I know that if I ask him to, he’ll physically remove Bradley. But Hayden isn’t my lackey. He’s my—love? How can I love anyone when my life is a mess?
“Get out.” It’s final, and he hears it. He turns around and slams the door behind him.
Chapter 35
Hayden catches me before I fall back down on the floor.
“My kit is in my room.”
He carries me up the steps and gently sets me on the bed. Our romantic breakfast is cold, but I’m not hungry anymore. Hayden comes back with the kit and opens it up for me. I fold my foot so I can see the damage.
“I need a warm washcloth and the tweezers on the sink.”
I whimper when I pull out the biggest piece of glass. I rip an antiseptic wipe, just like I did for Hayden the first time we met. I’ve done this to so many people while telling them it only hurts for a second. I feel like a bitch because it hurts for more than a second. It burns like hell.
Hayden comes back with the other things I need. I bring my foot closer to my face. Normally, I’d want him to be impressed that I’m so flexible, but by the seriousness of his face, I don’t even begin to guess what he’s thinking.
“Napkin please.”
He goes and brings one to me. I pull out two smaller shards of bloody glass and set them on the napkin.
“Can I do anything else?”
I shake my head. “It’s not too bad.”
“Why do feet bleed so much?” Hayden asks.
“Blood vessels closer to the skin.”
“Oh.”
When I’m satisfied that there isn’t any more glass in there, I wash it with the wet cloth and bandage my foot. I pack everything back up, and throw away anything with blood on it. I pull the sheets off the bed. There’s probably no saving them, but I’ll give it a try.
Hayden stands against the wall and I sit on the edge of the mattress.
“Are we going to talk about it?” he asks.
I feel tired. A dull ache starts to fill my head, my heart. I might have wrapped my foot too tightly because it feels like my heart is throbbing in my sole.
“Do you remember the ex I talked about? From Boston?”
“That was him?”
I nod. “He’s been calling and texting, which is why I have my phone turned off most of the time.”
“Sky, why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because!” I shout defensively. “I didn’t think he was going to show up here.”
He’s quiet for a little while. I want to be alone. No, I need to be alone.
“What did you mean…about Xandro?”
I sigh. “When I went to look for the cake toppers my mom forced me to go with him. He pulled me into a restaurant. I felt trapped. What was I supposed to do? Scream that he wanted to take me to lunch?”
“Yes,” Hayden says. “You should have. No one should make you do anything that you don’t want to do.”
“Well, after hearing a lecture about how I have no right to reject him, I threw my wine in his face and put him in his place. He’s not going to bother me anymore.”
“You promised me, Sky. You promised that if he got out of hand you would tell me about it or get help. Now there are guys coming out of the woodwork.”
I stand up to face him, but I hobble. He helps me stand, but I don’t want to be touched. I don’t want anything. “You make it sound like there’s a fucking army knocking on my door. I didn’t ask for Xandro, okay? I didn’t ask Bradley to come here. I just want to be alone.”
Hayden stands up straight. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands so he keeps one holding up his towel and one over his chest where my bite marks have left an imprint. My heart is racing in my chest and my thoughts are zooming all over the place. I need time to think. This house is so big, and yet, it feels so small.
“This is my fault,” I say. “I should’ve been concentrating on the wedding, not fooling around.”
“Fooling around?” he asks. “Is that what I am to you? Just fooling around with the help?”
My heart breaks again. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Don’t tell me what I meant, Hayden. You just storm into my life saying all of these things that make me feel like there’s nothing wrong with me. Then you get jealous—”
“I told you why.”
“Yes, and I’ve been there. I know what it’s like.”
“I’m sorry, Sky. Should I not treat you the way I have? Have I been too good to you? That’s what you’re complaining about, right? That there must be something wrong with me because I’m not your cheating ex-boyfriend or some jerk who forces himself on you. Maybe if I were more like that you’d find it in your heart to love me.”
“I…”
I do love you. It’s on the tip of my tongue. Looking at Hayden, hurting him, it tears me up inside. I want to take all of my words back. I didn’t mean anything. I want to tell him that I love him. That beyond time or reason, he’s made a place for himself in my heart. Not because he forced his way there, but because he earned it.
“Hayden.”
He picks up his clothes from the floor. He’s going to go. He’s going to go and I know that if I let him, he won’t come back.
My words are lodged in my throat. I can’t really breathe. Maybe it’s best. Maybe I haven’t given myself enough time to be alone. I might be over Bradley, but seeing him again made all of that hurt resurface. I never want to feel that way again.
Hayden stands at the door. He’s giving me a chance to ask him to stay. When I don’t, he shakes his head and turns around.
He says, “Goodbye, Sky.”
Chapter 36
For the next two days, I don’t hear from Hayden.
When Steven and Yunior think it’d be funny to skateboard off the roof and into the pool, only to dislodge a couple of shingles and sprain a pinky and ankle respectively, Robertson Roofers sends two guys we’ve never seen before.
Love on the Ledge Page 18