Katherine had never felt greater excitement in her life as she pinioned Jack beneath her, rolling against his side once she’d established his exact position and that they were not in danger of falling out of bed.
“I love you, too, Katherine.” He sounded sad and regretful. “That’s why I don’t think this is a good idea.” He hesitated. “I couldn’t bear the idea of hurting the person I love most in the world.”
She loved the feel of him, the contours and soft, springy hair of his chest, the responsive nipples beneath her fingertips. And she loved his words. Jack was making her feel like the most precious woman in the world right now.
“You’ll hurt me more if you send me away.” She’d heard the wavering in his resolve and it fuelled her excitement. Pressing her advantage, she ran her hands over his chest and hips and whispered, “Please, Jack. Don’t send me away,” and when he merely muttered that it appeared he couldn’t even if he wanted to, she wriggled out of her long nightgown, which kept getting caught up, and was soon naked and curled into his side, guiding his hand to her breast. “Touch me here,” she whispered, before fusing her mouth to his once more. A fierce desire in her lower belly made her squirm, and she was aware of a strange heat and moistness at the juncture of her legs that she’d never felt before. Well, not quite like this.
As his fingertips brushed her skin which had never felt more sensitive, Katherine thought she was going to die of want, though she wasn’t sure what was going to happen next.
She continued to kiss him, deeply and lingeringly, and when she drew back, whispered, “What happens now, Jack? There’s more, isn’t there?” She squirmed, excited and frustrated, rubbing the toes of her right foot up the length of Jack’s leg until he shuddered and whispered she should stop.
“Please, Katherine, I don’t want to hurt you.” He sounded strangled. “And I can’t help you because I’ve never done this before.”
“So you don’t know if there’s any more to it than this? Any more that married couples do, I mean?”
In the darkness she heard him chuckle. “I know what they do, I’ve just never done it, myself.”
“Then we can learn together.” She felt excited and happy. “You’re not suggesting I should petition someone with more experience than you, I hope?”
“Lord, no!” He laughed more robustly now, suddenly rising above her and caging her body with his. She could feel that strange hardness of his pressing into her belly, and she thought of the stallion she’d seen covering the mare in their Hampshire home and imagined what Jack must look like in the dark. She wanted to feel that hardness communicate itself to her. Instinct told her that she was ready, and the pain would be minimal. The heat and moistness must account for that.
“So, determined Miss Katherine wants to have her way.” Gently, he stroked her hair back from her forehead. Katherine thought she’d burst into flames at his touch. “Last chance, Katherine,” he whispered. “I might disappoint you, I might ruin you. I might hurt you. None of those possibilities makes me feel very confident that this is a good idea.”
“None of those things will happen,” she assured him through gritted teeth, gripping his buttocks and applying pressure that encouraged him to lower himself down upon her.
Into her.
With a soft groan of satisfaction, she relaxed as if to make room for him while he began to move, rhythmically, up and down and as he filled her body, her mind, too, was filled with excitement and satisfaction and pleasure.
She could tell that he was similarly enthralled and she wanted to keep up this wonderful feeling forever. For some time they rocked in wonderful tandem while a strange growing pressure built within Katherine but then Jack gave a sudden cry as he convulsed upon her.
And then was still.
Katherine was confused. Her own body was crying out for more, but Jack had stopped with no warning.
She wriggled beneath him. “Please, keep doing that, Jack.”
There was a moment’s silence. His body was heavy on hers and he sounded strained as he rolled off her. “Katherine…I can’t.”
Her disappointment, however, was short-lived as Jack cradled her against his side and kissed her cheeks and eyes and ears. He stroked her hair and she couldn’t help wriggling some more, not knowing what to do with the need still writhing within her, though it was diminishing and a lovely glow of closeness was taking its place.
In the darkness, his disembodied voice sounded anxious. “I’m told one gets better with practise. That wasn’t what you expected, was it Katherine? I don’t know what I expected, either. But are you all right?” He held her almost fiercely. “Was it what you wanted?”
Katherine sighed with pleasure. “I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but…it was perfect. And next time it’ll be even better.”
“Except that you know there can’t be a next time, Katherine. There won’t be. Ever.” She felt his sudden rigidness from his shoulders to his feet as he said it. “We shouldn’t have done it now.”
Katherine was equally anxious to dispel his fears. “I told you. Aunt Antoinette knows everything about these things. Please don’t concern yourself about me.”
“Of course I’m concerned about you, Katherine. I care about you more than I care about anyone. But…” His voice trailed off into the darkness, and there was a bleakness to his tone when he added, “I was referring to me when I talked about not understanding what we might have started…” He took her hand and laid it upon his chest. “What we’ve done changes everything…here, Katherine. I should have thought about the dangers of that. Being together like this…sharing this closeness…changes everything I feel about you.”
“It shouldn’t.” She tried to sound bolstering when, in fact, she was gaining an inkling about what he meant but seemed unable to articulate. She stared at the ceiling, one part of her revelling in their closeness as he gently stroked her, the other railing over the fact they must soon be parted. “We’ve always been the best of friends, and this isn’t going to change anything.”
She could feel his light breath on her cheek as he leaned on his elbow and gently traced the line of her nose. “It’s changed everything, and I think you know it.” He kissed her lightly then gave her upper arm a squeeze. “And now we’re going to have to part. We have to do it now in case we do something unbelievably stupid and fall asleep in the same bed. And then, on Monday, we’ll have to part forever.”
“Not forever, Jack!” Katherine whispered, close to tears at the thought. “You’ll come back one day.”
“And you’ll be someone else’s wife, and who knows but what will have become of me as I strive to make my way in the world.” He threw back the covers, sat up suddenly and pulled her across his lap, hugging her tightly. “I’m going to have to give you up to someone else, now, because we both know that I am in no position to take a wife where I’m going.”
Suddenly, Katherine was prepared to make that sacrifice. “I could go with you, Jack!”
“Perhaps. If you stowed away. And if you were madder than we both know you are.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “But you are here to find a husband, not to throw your life away on a fancy. Now, put this on, Katherine.” She felt the bundle that was her nightgown pushed into her arms. “You must go to bed and look upon this as some wonderful dream. Sadly, it’s as close as I’m ever going to get to my heart’s desire.”
With tears pricking her eyelids, Katherine drew her nightgown over her head in the darkness, and allowed Jack to steady her as he walked her to the door.
“I hope you’re not cross with me, Jack,” she whispered before parting.
“Cross with you? Lord, I’d forgive you anything, Katherine. Tonight just made that very clear.” He kissed the top of her head. “Now, good night, my dearest. Sweet dreams. I’m not sure how easy I’ll sleep after this. Or if I will. And don’t forget your earring.”
He pressed the pearl into her palm and curled her fingers over it. Then, before she could hurl herself back into his arms
, he’d closed the door. Knocking to be readmitted was not practical, but oh how she wanted to throw herself back into his arms and go back to bed with him; to do this all over again and to sleep the whole night through feeling his warmth beside her. And every other night after this.
But what Jack had said was true. The truth was that they were too young to be together.
Which was a tragedy because Katherine wasn’t sure she wanted to be with anyone else.
Chapter 10
“You’re very listless, my dear,” Aunt Antoinette remarked as Katherine sat stitching in the drawing room the following morning together with her aunt and Mama.
Katherine just shrugged, but the moment her mama was out of the room, she leaned over to her aunt and whispered, “Please can we take a turn about the rose bushes. Before Mama returns.”
Aunt Antoinette wasn’t stupid, but nor was she as genial as Katherine had expected her to be when Katherine hinted at what she’d been up to the previous night. No names were mentioned, and if Aunt Antoinette guessed, she said nothing.
Still, her aunt was as anxious as she was unhappy. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? I fuelled your bravado with tales of my own folly. But I’m a breed apart, Katherine. Your mother and I couldn’t be more different, just as you and I could not be more different. Your mama has a heart that revels in the love of one man. I, on the other hand, could never commit myself to one man. Yes, you ought to look shocked for it is not a trait that is tolerated in our society, and were I not married to your Uncle Quamby, I would be spurned—an outcast—for pandering to my proclivities, my eternal quest for novelty. But you, my dear Katherine, need to find a love that will last forever. What you did last night was…pure experimentation. Dangerous! I did not mean to give you licence to behave as you have done before marriage because too much can go wrong.”
Katherine tried not to sound tearful as she defended herself. “But you said you had the means to prevent anything going wrong. You told me that, and I, therefore, believed you meant that of all my fellow debutantes, I was the most fortunate, as I could find out before marriage if this was the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Because you had the means to ensure I didn’t get into trouble.”
“Oh, Katherine! That’s only part of it. What about the potential damage to your reputation? Not every gentleman is discreet. What if he says something where he ought not, and you are pilloried, your chances of a good marriage ruined?”
Katherine shook her head vigorously. “He’d never do that, Aunt Antoinette. I’d trust him…with my life.” She gulped. “And I don’t regret doing it because it…made me realise I truly am in love.”
“Then that is wonderful news! It’s the very reason you came to London.” Not once had Aunt Antoinette slowed her graceful promenade, for she was an artisan at remaining graceful at all times, Katherine noted admiringly. She turned her face to Katherine and tilted her head. “Is it Mr Marwick? Very soon to be Lord Marples, I’ve heard tell. I did warn you against him, but if you’ve already been so foolish as to disregard all my advice, then you have my blessing.” She sighed, adding, “And your mama would be pleased to see you settled this season. She does worry, you know.”
Katherine wasn’t going to tell her aunt that she was in love with Jack. Somehow she sensed that nobody would think that a good thing at all. So she let Aunt Antoinette assume she’d been with Mr Marwick and asked, to hopefully deflect further questions about herself, “Do you mean because of her own troubled season?”
“Oh, she had more than one, as I’ve told you. Our mama was determined Fanny was to marry Lord Slyther, Mr Marwick’s uncle, and you can be assured that when Grandmama visits in two days’ time, she’ll be most satisfied that you have caught the eye of Mr Marwick.”
“Why did Mama not like Lord Slyther?”
“He was not what anyone could consider a…desirable bridegroom…in the physical sense, if you understand, so Fanny begged to be given a final chance to find a potential bridegroom who could offer as much as Lord Slyther in terms of title, address, pin money, and a carriage and two horses for your grandmother. Fortunately, your mama found your dear papa. As you can see, it was the perfect match. And that’s what Fanny wants for you. So you like Mr Marwick very much, do you? He makes you happy?”
Katherine bit her lip, then gave a slight nod. She suspected Jack might even be packed off early if there were any suggestion that he and Katherine had formed a closeness that she knew her family would consider unacceptable. Not because they didn’t like Jack, but because he had nothing to offer Katherine.
The trouble was, though, that after Katherine had been with Jack, even the sight of Lord Derry and Mr Marwick had the very opposite effect of making her feel happy, highlighting just how deficient they seemed in relation to her childhood friend.
Her lover. She shivered at the thought.
While she hadn’t disliked kissing Mr Marwick, Jack’s kisses had ignited something magical and joyous inside her. How could she possibly be satisfied with Mr Marwick as a husband after that?
No, after being with Jack, she knew she’d have to find a suitor who made her feel as wonderful as he made her feel.
The trouble was, she wasn’t sure how easy that was going to be.
Katherine was not sure she liked the idea of being the object of her venerable grandmother’s eagle-eyed scrutiny for the next two days. Lady Brightwell had been critical of her youthful high spirits when she was eight, and no doubt she’d find Katherine equally wayward at nearly eighteen. She certainly would if she knew what was in her heart.
Nevertheless, wayward though Katherine might be, she also tried hard to please.
So, when Lady Brightwell stood in as her chaperone for the evening, Katherine was determined her behaviour would be exemplary.
It had been a day and an evening since she’d seen Jack. He’d gone out of town on business related to his trip away, and Katherine had endured a long and tedious evening the previous night at a ball hosted by one of Lord Quamby’s cronies. Mr Marwick and Lord Derry had been in constant attendance, though she’d tried not to dance more than twice with either.
Tonight, she was at the rather flamboyant Lady Primrose’s residence, and her grandmother was having a field day criticising every female who crossed their path.
“Much too much bosom on show,” the old woman now muttered as a very pretty young lady with a swanlike neck, wearing a gown that seemed like a continuation, in a confection of lace-edged flounces, swept by. Katherine wasn’t about to disagree but was glad she was wearing the demure pale-pink-silk her mother had advised her to wear.
Her grandmother turned. “So, my girl, I believe you’ve caught the fancy of Mr Marwick soon to be Lord Marples. A very fine young man, well connected, with a most impressive moustache. I do approve.”
Katherine nodded, just as that gentleman arrived in their midst, bowing with a flourish. “You are looking like an exquisite rose, Miss Fenton,” he declared. When he realised Lady Brightwell’s identity, he appeared most impressed. “My uncle held you in the greatest esteem, Lady Brightwell.” He glanced at Katherine. “Perhaps you do not know that your mama was in fact betrothed to my uncle. Sadly, he died the day before they were due to wed.”
Katherine’s mouth dropped open. She’d not known the prospective marriage had been quite so perilously close.
His mouth turned up in a look both wry and admiring. “Perhaps that accounts for the more than usual attraction I feel for you.” He cleared his voice and glanced at Lady Brightwell. “Though I should not speak so in front of your grandmother. It’s hardly seemly. Beg pardon, ma’am. The Brightwells are known for having this effect on the gentlemen.”
Lady Brightwell seemed not to mind in the slightest. “You can say such pretty words and get away with it, any day, young man,” she said playfully, flicking her fan at him. “Now, off you go and escort my granddaughter onto the dance floor.”
Katherine inclined her head at Mr Marwick and smiled as he squi
red her into the centre of the throng. He was a good dancer and a charming man, and he knew how to compliment a lady. She heaved in a breath. But there were other equally charming men she had yet to meet. If she only had the desire to.
“May I?”
Her heart ratcheted up with sudden intensity as she recognised Jack’s familiar tones, and she beamed with pleasure, not waiting for Mr Marwick to acquiesce, but saying, warmly, “You know Jack is going away the day after tomorrow, sir, so I’m sure you’ll not mind.”
She didn’t wait to see what effect that had on Mr Marwick. She was just aware of a wonderful sense of completeness being in Jack’s arms and felt not the slightest embarrassment at the fact that the last time she’d seen him was naked in his bed.
“Lovely as ever, Katherine,” he said with a smile, “and the gentlemen are like moths to the flame. You certainly are taking London by storm.”
He seemed sad, she was glad to note but said, though the words pained her, “You must be very excited at the prospect of adventure, Jack.” She forced a smile. “If I could stow away without spoiling everything for all those who have such hopes and plans for you—and for me—I’d do it.”
“Good Lord, Katherine, I’m not sure if you’re teasing me or not.”
She glanced at her feet. “I mean it. Though, of course, I can say it because it’s safe to, can’t I?” She gave a rueful grin. “We both know how impossible it would be, but I can dream. And that’s what I dream about.”
“You…do? You dream about running away with me?”
“Yes, but I’d never do it. You couldn’t get on in the world with me a drag upon your coattails, and you’re too proud to accept success unless it’s earned by you. Besides, my parents would disown me, I believe. My grandmother would certainly wash her hands of me.”
“I fear we are both in a similar predicament, then.”
Katherine gripped his shoulder and pressed herself against him briefly. She wanted to bury her face in his jacket, but of course she couldn’t do that here. Desperately, she wished for time alone. “Jack, you’re going away tomorrow and I can’t bear it,” she whispered. “Please let me come and see you tonight. To your room so I can say my final farewell.”
The Accidental Elopement (Scandalous Miss Brightwells Book 4) Page 7