by J. L. Beck
“Come on, Bree. You can’t spend the rest of your life in this bedroom,” Jared spoke from the doorjamb.
Burying myself deeper into the pillow, I screamed. I wanted to hurt someone. Something. Anything to help dull the pain slicing through my chest. People said time heals all wounds, but I think it’s a lie. Wounds don’t heal. We just learned to deal with the pain of losing them differently.
“Jared, I will pull a fucking knife on you if you come in here and tell me what to do again.” I had no filter. I had no reason to care if I hurt others. I was out of control. Like a feral animal, I would attack anything or anyone who got too close.
“You don’t scare me… I care about you, and even though I know he’s gone, you have to carry—”
“Shut up,” I growled not wanting to hear him. I didn’t want the words to be said simply because it made the ache in my chest worse. Nothing made it more apparent than having the truth spoken, and I wasn’t ready to face the truth.
“God, Bree. It’s been two fucking weeks,” Jared all but screamed, his temper rising with every word.
“Two weeks, Jared. Do you hear yourself? Two fucking weeks since I lost the person who made me breathe. The person who I lived for.” I sat up in bed throwing the pillow at him. He caught it with one hand, throwing me a dirty look.
“Look, I know it hurts but—”
“What the hell do you know about love, Jared?” I butted in not allowing him to finish his sentence. All he did was stare back at me. We both knew he hadn’t a fucking clue about love—what it entailed, how it made your heart race. How it made your palms sweat, your eyes dilate, how every hair on your body stood when he or she walked in the room.
“One more week, Bree. One more week is all you get before we leave here and you get your shit together.”
“Fuck you,” I spat at him hatefully. I was an adult. I could do whatever I wanted to do. In fact, I would now. As I rifled around the bedroom for clothes, I thought back to the moment we drove away. I should’ve been mad at him. I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve made him leave. Instead of being mad, I wasn’t. I was hurt, but I knew why he did it. Didn’t mean it was okay, though.
I could hear the doorbell ring off in the distance. It distracted me for a millisecond. It wasn’t Zerro. He would never come bursting through the door ever again. Voices sounded in the living room. Pulling my sweatpants off, I pulled on a pair of jeans and pushed my feet into my boots.
The voices grew louder until I decided I needed to see what the fuck was going on. My hands gripped the blade in my hand—the one his mother had given him. It was the only thing I had left of him.
I opened my door, and the sound of a voice I knew very well met my ears. I could already picture his whiskey colored eyes peering into my own. His breathtaking smirk, the way his muscles moved with him in an elegant manner. I shot off like a rocket down the hall not even caring how insane I looked. I wouldn’t stop at anything until I felt his hands against my own.
My eyes met his for a fraction of a second, and I had my arms wrapped around him. I panted against his chest, happy tears falling from my eyes.
“Piccolo…” he whispered into my hair while cupping the side of my cheek. I melted into his touch as I sighed in relief. I never thought I would hear him say that again. After ten minutes of standing in the same position, I released him.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so fucking sorry.” His apology was sincere and as I stared into his eyes, I could see the pain we both shared.
“Where were you?” I questioned right away. If he wasn’t here with me, then he had to be somewhere. There was no excuse.
“I was being held by the FBI.” He shot someone a look, and as I turned to see the direction of said look, my eyes landed on Devon. When did he get here?
“You were with Devon?”
“Yes. Devon is FBI. He was planning to take down Mack. I was being held for a bunch of charges from the past. They had no proof, but they did end up striking a deal.” His eyes twinkled as he smirked.
“What kind of deal?”
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a badge. “You’re looking at FBI agent Alzerro King, baby.”
My eyes grew wide as I took a step back. He was an FBI agent. Zerro the Mafia King was playing on the right side of the law.
With everything in me, I jumped on him kissing him with a fierceness I couldn’t contain.
“I love you,” I said softly.
“I love you, too, Piccolo…”
Epilogue
Bree
One year later
“Alzerro King,” I squealed as I crossed the threshold of the apartment. It was covered floor to ceiling with various colored balloons. It looked like a rainbow blew up in our house.
Silence followed suit as I pushed the mass of balloons out of the way so I could walk through. What the hell was going on?
“You had better have a god damn good reason for all this shit in here,” I growled. My hands were full of books. I ended up being able to take night classes at one of the local campuses. Though I was way behind on my past degree, I was able to catch up pretty fast and transfer credits over. It had always been my dream to finish my degree in nursing. I wanted to be able to help those who were the most sick. Healing them reminded me of my mom.
As I found my way into the kitchen, I threw the books onto the island watching them scatter across the marble countertop. Where was that man? Butterflies fluttered within me. Are James and Jared here? I thought Zerro had said something about them coming over, but being so busy, I hadn’t noticed. Though we were busy—Zerro with the task force and me with school, we were finding ways to grow with James and Jared. After all, they were the only family I had.
A throat clearing behind me made me turn around. My stomach was in knots, and my heart was beating out of my chest as my eyes landed on the biggest bouquet of roses I had ever seen, and the man I love was holding them.
“What is this?” My eyes were already filling with tears and I wasn’t sure what was going. Things had changed between us. In a way, we became even more in accord with one another.
“This…” He smirked gesturing to the balloons, roses, and me. “Is for you. Since the day my eyes landed on the photo of you at your mom’s farmhouse, I knew I had to have you. Even if it were for one little taste, it would be worth it.”
Taking a step forward, he placed the roses in my arms. “From that moment on, you ripped me apart—challenging my every move, meeting my every step. You loved me, even when I thought I was unlovable and when I thought there was no way we could survive this mess.”
Tears were flooding my eyes, and the emotions swirled within me causing my body to quake with need. I needed him like I needed air.
His fingers cupped the side of my cheek gently, pushing away the tears.
“I knew I would want you to be my wife the moment you saved my life. It was my duty to care for you, to protect you.”
Was he going to ask me to marry him? I couldn’t breathe my chest was so full of love. Slowly he dropped to one knee, and I lost it.
“Will you, Bree Forbes, marry me?”
There was no hesitation in my words. “Yes.” And then I kissed him like I hadn’t seen him in days. Like that first day when I saw him after two weeks of thinking I had lost him. Our love story was tragic and in ways, even brutal. Some would call it fucked up, but I would call it inevitable. We, falling in love—it was meant to be.
Invincible
A Kingpin Love Affair
VOLUME three
J. L. BECK
Prologue
Tegan
“Dev! Dev, where are you going? You can’t do this to me! Please, come back to me. I can’t do this without you! I can’t be alone—”As my chest cracks open, and as I watch him take a step away from me, his face is etched with deep sadness.
“I can’t do this with you. I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t force myself to make this work. It’s over.” T
he words rip through me as my mind catches up with my body. Tears stain my cheeks and my body shakes uncontrollably… How could he… Was our love ever enough?
I wake up with a gut-wrenching scream ripping through my throat. The t-shirt I fell asleep in is stuck to me, my body covered in sweat as I force myself to catch my breath. Breathe, Teg, just breathe. But for the life of me, I can’t catch my breath and a part of me doesn’t want to. A part of me wants to stop breathing because then maybe my heart won’t hurt. It wouldn’t be a battered, damaged, lifeless, blood pumping organ only existing in its own personal world full of mayhem.
When they tell you about love in books, they forget to tell you not every single love story has a fairy tale ending. That sometimes you have to jump through hurdles and go months, maybe even years, with heartache before discovering what love really is. They don’t tell you about the nightmares that will come. The ones where no matter how much you try to reach the person you once loved, they get further and further away from you. No matter how much you yell, scream, and shout out their name, they can’t hear you. They forget to tell you how you will find yourself crying more than you smile and never feeling anything except the coldness that has surrounded your heart.
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but I think it just makes you think. Think about what you had with that person, the love you have lost and what you could’ve done differently to save it. When I look back on my love story with Devon Mitchell, I want to feel more than just what we were. I want to know that deep down we had tried everything possible to be what we were. This is our love story…
Chapter One
Tegan
The Past—Eight Years Ago
I would like to say I saw the end of us coming, or I saw the heartache and change in him months before the actual incident, but I didn’t. For whatever reason, I was blinded by his love or maybe it was so much more than that. Let’s take a trip down memory lane.
“Tegan, you better be ready to go in five seconds, or I’m leaving you here. It might be your graduation, but no one is going to wait for you.” My mother was, well, a mom. She didn’t sugarcoat shit, and she most definitely didn’t tell me anything I wanted to hear. Ever.
“Coming,” I yelled, adjusting my hair in the mirror. It was the end of May, and though it wasn’t hot enough to turn the air conditioning on, it was still warm. My thick auburn curls stuck to the back of my neck, and as I pulled them away from my skin, I wiped the sweat away.
Great. I was a sweaty mess. Excitement bubbled just under the surface as I put my cap on and sprung from the bedroom. For one fleeting moment, I stopped in the middle of the hall allowing all the feelings to sink in. I was a high school graduate, I had a wonderful boyfriend, and a new life was just within my grasps. I could see the future in clear sight. My heart was beating out of my chest as I started walking down the hall toward the steps that led downstairs.
“Tegan, I will not—” My mother’s words halted as I came into her line of vision. She took me in, her eyes running over my cap and gown.
“You look beautiful…” she said softly, her motherly tone disappearing. I could tell she was proud of me. Words weren’t needed when her eyes filled with tears. That was her way of saying, Way to go, Teg. You have defied all the odds bestowed before you.
“Thank you, Mom.” I thanked her, not wanting to ruin the moment by throwing in an ‘I got it from you’ joke. My mother was a single parent and she worked her ass off to get where she was. Nursing school was no walk in the park with a one-year-old. However, she did it and managed to get me where I needed to be. If anything, it was I who should be proud of her.
“Ready to go?” She switched the subject blinking away the tears. Just like that, her walls came back up, blocking her heart from the pain. She had always been that way. Forcing herself to be distant, even from her own daughter.
“Yup, let’s go,” I mumbled, gripping my wallet. Even with all the events that played before me, I was still excited about this evening. Headed out to the car, I got in and buckled up. As I waited for my mom, my thoughts turned to Devon. I was more excited to see him than to actually graduate.
“You have all your stuff for your classes in the fall ready?” Of course, the conversation would switch straight to more school. My mother didn’t like my... what did she call it? My infatuation with boys, and one, in particular. She thought Devon was the devil, a man who would lead me astray and away from the important things in life. She had no idea how wrong she was.
“Yes, classes are done. I’m registered. I have the dorm map. I have everything ready. You sound more nervous than I do,” I remarked, rolling my eyes as I stared out the window and into the open field. It was a good thing I wouldn’t be too far from my hometown. I wasn’t sure I could handle it.
“I am nervous—for you, of course. I know how different college can be, how leaving home can change your life.” I couldn’t tell if she was referring to her own past or my future, but I didn’t like where this conversation was headed.
“You need to calm down. The only thing I’m doing with my life is going to college and spending time with Devon. I haven’t done anything wrong. Hell, I’m still a virgin, Mom. If I wanted to whore myself out, I already would have.” Anger was laced with my words as I spat them at her. I didn’t mean to hurt her, to say such harmful things, but I was tired of being compared.
Her hands gripped the steering wheel harder as she pulled onto HWY 80 heading toward the high school. The rest of the trip followed me in silence as we both seethed in our own rages.
By the time we parked in the high school parking lot, I was about ready to scream. The tension in the car was similar to wearing a turtleneck in the middle of July. Unbearable, itchy, and sweaty. I wanted out.
I reached for the car door handle, not even caring about saying goodbye. It wasn’t like me to walk away from something without resolving it, but I had no intention of getting into this conversation. I knew Devon, I knew what my future entailed, and I knew none of her fears would become my reality.
“I just want the best for you, Tegan. I don’t want you to end up like me, throwing everything away for some boy who never really cared…” I could feel the hurt in her words and see the anguish in her eyes. She was scared. She was afraid because when she looked at me, she saw herself.
“I’m smart, Mom. I got this.” I patted her on the hand, giving her a reassuring smile before exiting the car. I didn’t want to have to explain to her how much Devon meant to me. I didn’t even want to tell him how much he meant to me.
“It’s about damn time you made it here. For a second, I thought you might miss your own graduation,” Caroline, my best friend said. Her blonde locks were blowing in the wind, and her green eyes were looking down at me. She was tall for a girl. At close to five-nine, she ended up being taller than most of the guys she dated. Me? I was a messy five-one. Fun size, as Caroline liked to call me.
“As if I would miss one of the most memorable days of my life,” I joked, scanning the crowd of classmates for him. We were all standing on the makeshift stage they had somehow assembled outside.
“I haven’t seen him yet…” Caroline whispered in my ear knowing I was looking for him. She knew my feelings. She knew what Devon and I shared was bigger than some high school fling. It was dumb to think someone was your soul mate in high school, especially when everything was so full of change.
“Fudge sickle,” I cursed under my breath, turning around to find my seat. If I couldn’t find him, then I could at least look for something I could find.
“Hey, wait for me,” Caroline yelled as I weaved through the masses. Many of the people before me wouldn’t remember me. I was a wallflower. I cared more about school work and getting somewhere than partying or becoming popular. No one told you this, but after high school, your popularity would mean nothing because wherever you started over, you would be back at the bottom.
“Welcome, Class of 2007. Please, take your seats,” Mr. Erickso
n bellowed into the microphone. People started moving around, and as the crowds cleared, I spotted him. He was just stepping onto the football field. His hair was that sandy blond color that reminded me of the beach. His eyes were pools of emerald green fields. His scent reminded me of home, and every time he was within the same vicinity of me, I felt him. My body, soul, and mind called to him.
As if I were calling to him with my mind, he looked up from his feet, our gazes clashing with one another’s. He sought me out, a dazzling smile conveying on his face. He wasn’t a prince charming, but he was mine.
“He’s here,” Caroline whispered into my ear as she poked me in the back. My last name was before hers, but it just so happened she wasn’t too far off from mine. She was able to sit behind me.
“I know,” I said back unable to wipe the smile from my face. The fact I was graduating today meant almost nothing to me. If anything, it was my ticket to freedom. My ticket to a better life.
I watched him as the rebel he was made his way up the steps. Everyone else was already seated, and as he walked past the front row to his seat a couple rows behind me, I shuddered. Mr. Erickson made sure he gave him the death glare for being late and then the procession started. People talked, memories were spoken, but through it all, my mind wandered. I couldn’t focus.
When the time came to collect our diplomas, I walked across the stage, listening to the hoots and hollers. My family might’ve been small, but they were loud. Blush formed across my cheeks as I took my seat.
A vibration could be felt against my thigh, and I knew it was my phone. Looking around to make sure I couldn’t be seen. I slid my hand under my gown and into the pocket of my dress.
Devon: Meet me by the bleachers when we’re done.
It was one simple text, explaining nothing. I turned around to find him, but he was already gone. Was he not staying to receive his diploma? As they called Caroline’s row, and then the next, the minutes ticked by and eventually, I texted him back asking him where he was.