by Logan Chance
“I’m hungry, but not for food.”
Ben cracks a grin, lifting his head up and kissing my nose. “You just had me twice. I need to feed you or you’re going to pass out on my dick and I don’t want to have to explain what happened to an ambulance driver.”
I smile. “You’ve been working so much. This is the first time we get to spend a whole day together.”
He hugs me and I stuff my face in his neck, snuggling into my favorite spot. Ben and I have been inseparable for the last two weeks, but we’ve been busy working on the new ideas for the club, and Maureen’s wedding plans, so we haven’t had a lot of alone time. When Ben goes to work, I hang out with Willie and together we work on the take over plans. And if we don’t have to go to a wedding event we usually rush back to my place and have crazy naked sex until we’re exhausted and pass out. Today’s the first day we don’t have anything to do since Maureen’s wedding is tomorrow and I want to take full advantage of it.
“Let me feed you and I promise you’ll have my undivided attention for the rest of the day.”
“Fine, let’s order pizza. It’s faster.”
“Done.” Ben uses one hand to put the order in, and I hug him tighter to me. Last night I couldn’t sleep wondering if this is going to be it for us. Ben hasn’t promised me anything except he’ll be my date to Maureen’s wedding, and I‘m too afraid to ask him if this is our final days together. Are we going to become just employee and employer after the wedding cake has been cut? We've been having a good time together, we get along, and he doesn't seem to be bored with me. So that’s a plus. But I'm afraid maybe he's just wasting time with me until he's done rescuing me from Maureen. Ugh, I'm so confused on if this is real, because I really want it to be.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Ben steps back and puts his hands on my shoulder.
“Nothing.”
He cocks his head to the side, questioning me with his stare. I pull him closer, and he steps his tall frame in between my legs. I trail kisses up his neck as he growls against the shell of my ear.
“You’re trying to distract me,” he whispers.
“And it didn’t work.” I pull back, blinking at him, feigning purity.
“It did work.” He glances down at the huge bulge in his jeans and I smile. “Now are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“I’m fine, promise.”
“You can tell me. Is Maureen giving you trouble?”
“When isn’t Maureen giving me trouble?” I raise a brow.
“True, tell me what’s on your mind. You tossed and turned all night. I know there’s something bothering you. Is it the club?”
“No, it’s not the club. It’s just.” Before I can ask him if we’re a couple or just a fleeting fling until he meets his obligation, the doorbell rings.
“That was fast.” Ben heads to the door with me right behind him.
“Hello, Maureen,” Ben says, cracking the door open, giving me a chance to escape.
I turn around hoping she doesn’t see me.
“Clara, we need to talk.” She pushes past Ben marching right up to me.
I tug down Ben’s t-shirt I’m wearing and head to the kitchen. “Hi, Maureen, do you want something to drink?”
“Clara, stop. We need to talk.” I hop up on one of the stools and cross my arms. Ben comes up behind me and leans against the counter.
“Is there something wrong with the wedding?” I hope she doesn’t have some last minute disaster I need to help her clean up. If this is my last day with Ben before he leaves me after the reception I don’t want to waste it curling ribbon.
“No, nothing is wrong with my wedding, it's going to be perfect, which is why he can’t come.” Her pale pink fingernail points in Ben’s direction.
“Why can’t Ben come to the wedding?” Ben stands and places his arm around me. I lean into him, wishing my evil stepsister would melt away.
“Because he slept with not one, but two of my new bridesmaids.”
As I expected Maureen changed three of her original bridesmaids. She introduced them to us last night at the rehearsal dinner. Two of them looked at Ben weird, but I assumed it was because he's so good looking.
Stupid me.
Ben’s hand clamps down hard on my shoulder to keep me from pulling away just by his reaction I know without looking at him it’s true.
“That was a long time ago. I’m with Clara now and I don’t see what the problem is.” Ben’s tone is low and covered in frustration. I want to feel bad for him, but the reminder of who he is hurts too much to give him comfort.
“It’s a problem because I don’t want my stepsister’s boy toy causing drama at my wedding. My two bridesmaids are pissed you’re escorting my plain sister instead of them. I refuse to let them preen over you on my day. And you're no longer a use to me. I don't want sloppy seconds for my first wedding tryst.”
Ben kisses the top of my head before addressing Maureen. “You’re stepsister is anything but plain, and like I said it was a long time ago that I was with your bridesmaids. I’m sure if you tell them to behave there won’t be a problem. And I can assure you all my attention will only be on your sister. She’s the only one I want.”
I glance up at him and the sincerity in his eyes is right there for me to see. The smile that blooms across my face can’t be stopped. Ben smiles right back understanding I’m on his side.
“I agree with Ben. We’re together and as long as your bridesmaids can behave I don’t see why he can’t come to the wedding. And since you no longer want him he can be my date." I gag thinking of Maureen trying to get her claws in Ben at her wedding. Ben and I would laugh at her pathetic attempts to seduce him at her wedding functions, now knowing he's been with two of her bridesmaids I feel a tad bit pathetic. I refuse to show vulnerability in front of Maureen though.
“He can’t come to the wedding because I said so. Security has been notified to escort you off the property if you show up. Now, I have to go relax. My wedding’s tomorrow and I don’t want this stress to ruin my complexion.” Maureen rolls her eyes and walks out the door. I don’t bother following her.
“Do you think your dad will call off security if you ask him?” Ben’s eyes glitter with mischief.
“Maybe you shouldn’t go. I don’t want to give Maureen anymore ammunition for her to yell at me.”
The disappointment on Ben’s face makes me feel guilty, but the uncertainty of what we are to each other keeps me cautious.
“Just think, you get out of going to this stupid wedding without hurting anyone’s feelings.”
“You don’t want me to go?” Ben steps away from me, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
“I don’t want you to get escorted out or arrested. I think it’s best if you just don’t show up. Besides, you don’t want to go anyway. Right?”
“I don’t want to go to the wedding, but I want to be with you. Clara, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
My heart flips in my chest, but I squash its excitement. Mainly because I don’t want to get my hopes up. “Ben, we just started this...”
“Relationship. We’re in a relationship, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’m falling for you.”
“How can you say that? We’ve only known each other a couple weeks.”
What the hell are you saying? My brain yells at me. I’m sabotaging this with stupid words.
I need to stop talking, but something’s holding me from pulling him into my arms right now.
“I can say it because I know it’s true. Clara, you're special to me. This relationship is special to me.” Ben takes my hand entangling our fingers together.
“How can we trust this?”
Shut up, Clara. Shut up, my brain screams at me.
“Because I’m telling you the truth. I’ve never been in a relationship because it’s never felt right before. Not until you. Clara you’re the one. I know you are. You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same.”
Ouch, I know. I can tell by the sad look on his face I shouldn’t have said that. I need time to think.
Ben’s head whips back as if I hit him. He pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head before looking at me. “This isn’t too soon. And it’s bullshit if you think this is just a novelty between us. If you’re scared we’re moving too fast I understand, but you can’t tell me my feelings for you aren’t real. And I can’t change my past. I’m not sorry for what I did in the past because it led me to you. ”
“I need some time to think.”
“I’d still like to take you to the wedding. Even if they throw me out. I want to be there for you.” Ben’s hand reaches for me but he lets it drop before it touches me.
My vision blurs as tears cloud it. I refuse to blink, not wanting to shed my eyes' watery layer until I’m alone. “I don’t know, Ben.” I want him to take me more than anything. I want to tell this man I’m falling for him, but can I? I’m too afraid of what may come along with it. “I’m not sure I’m strong enough.”
“You’re the strongest person I know. Just look at how you work even though you get shit on for having a job. Look at everything you’ve done with Big Willie’s. And every day you put up the good fight not even knowing that you’re doing it.” Ben’s eyes search mine. “But, you know what, maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not ready for the responsibility of it all.”
Tears flood my eyes. “I think it’s better this way.” Even though my heart screams at me to demand he wrap his arms around me.
“I think it is too. Who was I kidding thinking I could be in a relationship.” Ben nods and moves down the hall to the bedroom.
I wipe the tears away before he comes back, dressed with his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He stops next to me, but doesn't look at me.
“It’s funny because I really thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong.”
When I don’t say anything he shakes his head and walks out the door.
My legs give out and I crumple to the ground, scalding tears track down my cheeks and I don’t have the willpower to wipe them away. I’m not sure how much time passes while I cry on the floor but when the doorbell rings I spring up and run to the door, flinging it open, scaring the shit out of the pizza man.
And not Ben.
Ben’s gone.
“Clara.” Maureen snaps her fingers in front of my face.
“I’m sorry what were you saying?”
“Oh my god, you’re not even paying attention. This is my wedding. This is my day. So, stop trying to steal my attention.”
I barely keep myself from flipping her off, mostly because she’s right. This is her wedding day and all the attention should be on her, and not my spacey brain or the humongous bags under my eyes. When Ben left and after I tipped the poor pizza guy a twenty for scaring the hell out of him, I sat on my bed, wondering where everything went wrong.
Anytime my phone would go off, I’d lunge for it, hoping it was Ben. It wasn’t. Fucking emails and social media updates have my abs burning from sitting up all night.
“Go see if everything’s ready.”
“Maureen, the wedding coordinator just went out to check on everything.”
“Clara, just go, and when you come back you better be ready to focus on me and only me for the rest of the day.”
As I walk away, I realize how wrong I was in the way I handled things with Ben last night. I was scared and pushed him away because I didn’t want to deal with his past. It was unfair, and as soon as I can I’m going to make it right. He shouldn’t be punished for his past since he hasn’t shown me anything but his loyalty, and now it’s my turn.
Chapter 18
Ben
As I leave Clara’s house, I'm a wreck. I want to punch something, hard. I end up finding my way to the garage to work out in our gym. I do everything I can to try to erase Clara from my brain.
But nothing works.
She’s all I can think about.
Axel and Damien come in and stop me from breaking my knuckles open on the punching bag.
"What the hell is going on?" Damien demands.
I cross my arms over my chest refusing to tell them, not really wanting to say what happened out loud.
"If you don't tell us, we're calling Clara." Axel takes his phone out of his pocket.
"Stop." I lunge for the phone, but I'm too late and he tosses it to Damien. "Fine." I slump against the weight bench and tell them everything.
I tell them about Maureen, and how Clara and I had a fight.
"She has a point," Axel says after I finish.
"What? You're my brother, you're supposed to be on my side."
Axel grins, "I am on your side, but you have to admit worrying about running into women your boyfriend has slept with kind of sucks. You need a strong woman to be able to handle that."
"Clara's strong, and I can't change my past but I would never hurt her."
Axel smiles like I just figured out an impossible math problem.
"Clara is strong, and she can most likely handle your past. She was upset and pushed you away. I bet she's wondering how to apologize to you right now," Damien says, clapping me on the shoulder. "You're both going to have to swallow your pride and your fear if you really want this."
"I need to think." I get up and head to my room.
So, when I woke up this morning, I knew I had to make things right. I won’t let her push me away because of my past. And I won’t push her away because I don’t think I’m ready.
Because newsflash, I’m more than ready.
I’ve never wanted anyone more in my life. And for the past few weeks it’s been easy to be in a relationship. I’ve spent my whole life afraid of the ‘R’ word and the big ‘L’ word, but funny thing, I had nothing to fear. Because when you meet the right girl, it comes so easily.
Seriously.
“Where the hell are you going looking so sexy?” Axel comes over, helping me straighten my bow tie.
“I’m going to Maureen’s wedding.”
Axel pats my bow tie and steps back, surveying his handy work.
“What, you’re not going to talk me out of it? Remind me, both Clara and Maureen uninvited me yesterday. Tell me I should be completely sure about such a big decision.” My hands are on my hips and I’m ready for a fight. In fact, a fight sounds perfect.
“Shit,” Damien says, pulling his wallet out and putting a hundred dollar bill in Axel’s outstretched hand. “I should’ve known you wouldn’t stay away. Why couldn't you wait until after the wedding?”
“You two bet on me?"
"Yes, and I thought for sure you would wait until the reception.”
“Thank you for being impatient.” Axel pockets his cash. “You better get going. You don’t want to be late.”
“Go get her, big brother,” Damien says, throwing me the keys to my Range Rover.
With determination, I walk past them and burn out as I pull out of the driveway.
When I make it to the vineyard where the wedding is taking place, I worry I won’t be able to find Clara until after the ceremony. I toss my keys to the valet and follow the signs pointing me to where the wedding is taking place.
I turn the corner and run right into the girl I’m searching for. “Don’t you make things convenient?”
“What are you doing here?” She grabs my wrist and pulls me into an abandoned corner.
“I’m here to be with you. I meant what I said, Clara I’m falling for you.” Her head falls onto my chest and I stroke the bare skin of her neck.
“Thank god. I was going to find you after the wedding and tell you the exact same thing.” She lifts her head and meets my eyes.
"Clara, you were the first wo
man to see beyond my body. I've always thought my physique, my muscles, were the only good thing about me. It’s what other people made me believe when they bullied me. And I didn’t really know how to handle all the attention from the ladies. So, I kind of went overboard. But you saw me. Even if I couldn't work out every day I know you’d still be my side, and that means the world to me."
Clara pulls me close, kissing my cheek, and then snuggling into my chest. “I think you saw the real me too.”
“Shall we do this thing?” I glance around, wondering what this wedding will be like.
“Maureen’s going to be pissed.” Her voice is muffled in my shirt but is still clear enough to make out.
“I promise not to show up to her second wedding.”
Clara stands up and grins at me. “So, you’re going to make me do the next one solo?”
“I figure this little stunt will get us both banned from the next one.”
Clara throws her head back and laughs. My fingers reach out and trace her cheek, unable to keep myself from touching her. Maureen picked out light pink for the bridesmaid’s dresses, and Clara’s a damn knockout. It makes her creamy white skin shine and I want to lick every bit of it. Her blue eyes sparkle and her red lips beg to be kissed.
“You think you’re going to be able stand me for that long?”
I pull her against me, exploring the bare skin of her back the low cut has given me access to. “I think I’m going to be able to stand you for a really long time.”
She opens her mouth, but I’m not in the mood to keep talking. I kiss her, enjoying the feel of her soft lips against mine. Clara clings onto me and my hand reaches down and bunches up the skirt of her dress.
“We can’t do this here,” she says, not letting go of her death grip on my suit.
Once again, reality of where we are brings me back from the brink of insanity Clara always keeps me on. She rubs my lips with her index finger.
I snake my tongue out, licking the digit.