by M. D. Massey
When I release the arrow, it goes about a foot and a half and way off to the right before falling to the ground. I look at Axl with my eyebrow raised, waiting for him to step in and instruct or something.
He walks forward. “You gotta follow through.”
“I have no idea what that means.”
He picks up the poorly-shot arrow and gives it back to me. “Try again.”
I sigh and put the arrow on the bow, then pull the string back as far as I can.
“No, stand like this.”
He grabs my hips and moves me a little, then pushes my left leg back a tad. Then steps back to study me. He purses his lips and his eyes go up and down my body. He’s not checking me out, but it still makes the hair on my scalp tingle. I can’t help picturing his muscled chest while I remember how it felt to have his hot mouth on mine. My cheeks warm. They have to be bright red.
“Good.” He nods. “Now stand up straighter.”
He puts his left hand in the middle of my back and the other on my shoulder, shifting my body until I’m standing straight. When that’s done, he moves up next to me. His chest presses against my back. My heart races when he reaches around me to show me the right way to hold the bow. His warm breath tickles my neck. It’s distracting, but I try to focus on what he’s showing me. I don’t want to make a fool of myself.
“Relax,” he says. “Pull the back string till the feathers are touchin’ your cheek. Focus. Let out a deep breath, look down the shaft and make sure the arrow’s lined up with the target.”
I let out a nervous giggle when he says shaft.
“Focus,” he says firmly.
I exhale and push all thoughts of Axl and his body out of my mind. My eyes focus on the target, and when I think I’m good, I release the arrow. It flies through the air and sticks in the target. Not in the center, but not too far off either.
“Good.” Axl steps back.
A triumphant smile spreads across my face. Axl grabs another arrow and hands it to me, nodding in approval. He even has a little smile on his lips. It’s small, but it’s there. He’s so serious when he’s teaching.
I repeat the process, getting the arrow ready and pulling back on the string. Trying to relax. Axl steps forward and once again presses his body against mine, adjusting my stance. A bulge presses against my hip that wasn’t there the first time. A thrill shoots through me. It doesn’t take a genius to know what it is.
“You enjoying yourself?” I ask. I can’t help myself.
“Why?”
I lower the bow and turn to face him, moving my gaze to his crotch.
He shrugs, totally unembarrassed. “You know I got no control over these things, right? What’d you expect? I’m all pressed up against you. It ain’t like I’ve gotten laid recently or anything.”
I laugh. “You have a hand, don’t you?”
His lips twitch. “It ain’t the same.”
“Fine,” I say. “Whatever.”
I turn around and resume my stance, raising the bow and pulling the string back. Axl presses up against me again. The bulge is even bigger than before. I try hard to ignore it, but I can’t. Suddenly it’s all I can think about. Him throwing me on the ground and screwing me right here in the middle of the shooting range. My pulse quickens and I take a deep breath trying to focus on the target. But it’s impossible. All I can think about is the hardness pressed against my hip.
When I release the arrow it flies through the air, misses the target completely, and bounces off the back wall.
“What the hell was that?” Axl steps away from me.
I turn and smile at him, my face warm and my body hot. “I couldn’t concentrate.” I look at his crotch again.
His expression hardens. “Shit, are you kiddin’ me? You’re gonna let something as insignificant as my dick distract you? What’re you gonna do when you got some dead guy chargin’ you? You gonna freeze up?”
I didn’t expect his anger. For a second I can’t speak, but then annoyance builds up inside me. I glare at him. “What’s your problem?”
His jaw tightens. “You gotta get your act together, lady! You got that little girl dependin’ on you now. You can’t mess around with this bullshit or you’ll be dead and she’ll be screwed!”
His words sting because they’re true and he’s right and it hurts that he’s yelling at me. “Screw you, Axl!” I say, slamming the bow into his chest. I turn and storm out of the room. My entire body shakes. I nearly bump into Angus when I step out of the shooting range.
“What’s all the hollerin’ ‘bout?”
“Your brother’s an ass!”
He chuckles and puffs his chest out. He actually looks proud. “Taught him everythin’ he knows.”
I glare at him and head back to Emily. My face is on fire and I’m sure everyone who sees me will know immediately what happened. That Axl rejected me and I failed Emily. Again. It pisses me off that Axl can be so focused. What’s wrong with me? Am I really this weak?
Not anymore. From here on out I will be the person I’m supposed to be. That I’ve always been. Strong and resilient. A survivor.
25
“Everything okay?” Arthur asks when he sees me.
I press my lips together as I lower myself to the floor next to Emily. Her forehead is still cool when I touch it, and a shiver runs down my spine. She doesn’t have a fever. That should be a good thing, right?
I caress her cheek and her eyes open. She smiles.
I smile back and whisper, “How you feeling, Sweetheart?”
“I’m hungry.”
My smile spreads, becomes more genuine. When I exhale some of the tension rolls off me. She hasn’t eaten a thing since she was bitten. This is progress. “I’ll get you some food. You want to sit up?” She nods, and my smile widens until my cheeks ache.
Ava’s face lights up when she sees that Emily is awake. “Emily! You want to play?”
Emily climbs out of bed, and the girls run over to a tent that’s set up for display. They duck inside. Giggles and whispers float through the thin walls. My body relaxes even more. I had no idea how tense I was until now.
“Sounds like she’s doing better,” Jessica says as I dig through the boxes.
I pull out a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter. “I know. I was starting to get really worried. She must have been in shock.”
“Can any of us blame her?”
“Not really.”
Giggles break through the room and the mood lightens drastically. Everyone seems to let out a collective sigh of relief. Conversations get louder, people move around more. We were all worried.
I make Emily a sandwich, then take it and a juice box to her. I slip my head through the door of the tent and smile at the two girls. “You need to eat, Emily, and then you can play. Okay?”
She nods and takes the food from me. I watch her for a second longer before heading back to the group.
“What a wonderful sound that is!” Arthur says with a smile.
I squeeze his hand, way too overwhelmed to say anything. Axl comes out of the shooting range and my eye catches his. His face is still hard, but the corner of his mouth turns up. He really does love that kid.
I plop down next to Jessica where I have a good view of the tent and let out a deep breath. “I never thought something as small as a laugh could make you feel so good.”
She looks toward the tent and smiles, but it looks almost painful. “I was a teacher. There were bad days, but those good days made it worthwhile.”
“What grade did you teach?”
“First. It was my first year, but I loved it. I could have done it for the rest of my life.” She sighs and shakes her head.
“Well, it looks like you’ll have two students,” Sophia says.
Jessica’s eyes light up. “I hadn’t even thought of that. That’s something at least.”
She’s quiet for a second, then her mouth turns down and her eyes fill with tears. “I can’t believe everything tha
t was here just a month ago is gone. It still feels like a dream.” She plays with a ring on her left hand. A large diamond sparkles back at me.
“Oh Jessica, I’m so sorry.”
She stares at the ring like she doesn’t know what to do with it. “He proposed on the fourth of July. We were going to get married next summer. I’d just bought my dress…” Tears stream down her cheeks. She wipes them away with the back of her hand. “I can’t believe I’ll never see him again.”
I search desperately for something to say. I can’t think of anything. All these people have lost so much, and I just can’t relate. I guess there’s something to be said for not having any friends or family. The world ended and it barely affected me. In fact, I have more now with this group than I’ve ever had in my entire life.
“We all know how you feel,” Sophia says.
I nod, because I don’t want them to know it isn’t true. There’s something pathetic about admitting you’ve always been alone.
Emily giggles and it pierces my heart. I’m not alone anymore. I have Emily. And Axl…
I search the room until I find Axl. He’s by the gun counter, putting ammo into a cardboard box, and the second my eyes land on him my heart pounds faster. Like it’s trying to jump out of my chest so it can be near him.
“I’ll be right back,” I say as I get to my feet. I walk over to him, and my heart thumps faster with each step.
Axl purses his lips. “Sorry for bein’ an ass.”
An apology isn’t what I expected, and it takes me a second to find my voice. I touch his arm. The contact takes my breath away. “No, you were right. I’m just not used to having someone else to look out for and I need to be reminded. I’ve always been on my own, so this is new for me.”
His eyes flit down to my hand. “Was still an ass.”
“Yes, you were, but I’m used to it.”
His face relaxes and the corner of his mouth turns up. “She’s a good kid.”
“She’s amazing.”
His eyes search mine, and that thing inside me stirs. He glances toward my mouth more than once and I gnaw on my bottom lip. The desire to kiss him is so overwhelming I have to hold myself back. We can’t do that. Not in front of everyone. We need to talk about what’s going on between us.
Mitchell appears out of nowhere and the intimacy of the moment melts away. Axl tenses and my stomach jolts. I’d love to kick that asshole in the balls.
“Looks like you were right about the girl,” Mitchell says.
Axl’s eyes harden. “Knew I was.”
Mitchell holds his gaze. He tilts his head to the side and bites his lower lip. “What exactly did you do before the virus hit? You seem to have a very eclectic knowledge base.”
Axl’s jaw tightens. He shakes his head and turns away from Mitchell. “Don’t matter now. All that matters is I’m prepared to survive this thing and you ain’t. How’s all that money workin’ for you?”
Mitchell frowns. “You need to think carefully about who you’re making enemies with.”
Axl spins around and gets right in Mitchell’s face. “Is that a threat? I ain’t scared of you, and you ain’t nothin’ special no more. You need to get that through your head. We’re equals now.”
Mitchell smiles and there’s something sinister about it. “No, we’re not.”
He walks away, and my stomach clenches. “He’s not going to let us into that shelter.”
“Never thought he would,” Axl says.
“Then why are we going?”
“Gotta try. It’s our best chance at survivin’ this thing.”
I sigh and all the earlier tension returns to my body. My shoulders are tight and sore. I’ve always carried my stress there. “I’m going to check on Emily, it’s getting late.”
Everyone seems to be settling in and the store has grown quiet. Even the girls aren’t giggling anymore, and I’m not surprised to find them laying down in the tent. After all the sleeping Emily did today, I can’t believe she’s tired already, but she seems to be.
Her sandwich and juice are sitting on the floor of the tent. Only one tiny bite has been taken out of the sandwich and the juice box is still full.
“I thought you were hungry?”
“It tasted yucky,” she says, making a face that suddenly reminds me of her father. That’s a pleasant thought.
I wish she would eat, but I don’t have enough experience to know what to do about it. “Are you feeling okay still?”
She nods and I crawl inside, so I can feel her forehead. It’s still cool.
“Okay. Are you ready for bed?”
“We want to sleep in here,” she says.
I smile and kiss her forehead. “I’ll make sure Ava’s mommy says it’s okay.”
Both girls squeal with delight and I laugh. Hopefully, Mitchell turns out to be a better person than I think he is and he comes through for us.
“I’ll be right back.”
Sophia offers to sleep in the tent with the girls. I help her get sleeping bags set up before tucking Emily in and kissing her on the head. I’m so relieved she’s okay that I hug her longer than I should. My heart aches with joy when her tiny arms squeeze me back. She’s going to have times when she’ll miss her parents, but right now it feels like it’s always been just the two of us. And everything is going to be fine.
“Goodnight,” I whisper, then crawl out.
I end up on a king size air mattress, and I’m not the least bit surprised when Axl lies down next to me. I scoot closer and my body relaxes even more. Within seconds I drift off to sleep.
When I open my eyes the store is pitch black, and the only sound is the heavy breathing of my companions. Axl’s arm is draped across me. The pressure in my bladder is intense, but I’m comfortable and cozy with Axl’s warm body next to mine. Getting up is the last thing I want to do.
I do my best to ignore it, but Axl shifts in his sleep and when his arm presses against my bladder I almost lose it. There’s no way I’ll be able to make it until morning.
Gently, I lift Axl’s arm and roll off the mattress. It creaks under my weight and Axl’s eye twitches, but he doesn’t wake up. I grab a flashlight and head to the back. The chilly air tickles my skin. I shiver and wrap my arms around myself, rubbing them while I quickly make my way to the bathroom.
It’s so dark. I should have brought a lantern. The flashlight doesn’t do me a lot of good when I have to set it on the floor. The beam shines straight up, casting eerie shadows across the inside of the stall. The hair stands up on the back of my neck. I want to get back to the group. Being in this bathroom alone is freaking me out.
When I’m done, I grab the flashlight and practically run through the store. All I want is to curl back up on the mattress with Axl. Where it’s warm and safe.
My feet stop moving when I pass the tent. Maybe I should check on Emily before I go back to bed. Just to reassure myself that she still hasn’t developed a fever.
When I push the canvas door aside, I cover the beam with my hand to mute the light. I don’t want to blind them. I pan it around and inhale sharply. I have to be seeing things. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, but when I open them nothing has changed. Emily isn’t in the tent. I move my hand away, so I can use the full beam, then feel the sleeping bag to be sure. But it’s empty.
My heart is pounding like crazy. This is stupid. I need to calm down. She probably got on the air mattress with Axl. I climb out and move the flashlight across the room, searching the sleeping faces for Emily. She isn’t on the floor anywhere, and she isn’t on the air mattress with Axl. I even check with Angus, but he’s asleep by himself on a cot.
Emily is nowhere in sight.
My heart almost explodes.
“Shit,” I whisper.
She must have had to pee or something, that’s the only explanation. I tiptoe through the sleeping group of people and head to the bathroom. Once I’m a safe distance from the group, I start to whisper her name, shining the flashlig
ht up and down the aisles.
I don’t find her before I reach the bathroom. She has to be inside. It’s the only explanation. But when I step in and call her name there’s no response. I check the stalls, but they’re empty, and my brain is working so fast I can barely focus. Maybe she went into the men’s room by accident? But when I check, it’s empty too and my stomach twists so tight that for a second I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up.
I swallow and do my best to hold the panic in as I step out of the bathroom. My shaky voice echoes through the store when I call Emily’s name. Just like before, I’m greeted by silence. Where could she be?
The quiet sound of footsteps makes me jump.
“Emily?” I say again, shining the flashlight toward the sound.
The footsteps get louder and my pulse races. I take a few steps down the aisle and my hands shake. Why? There’s nothing scary inside this store.
The footsteps move faster. Closer. They aren’t Emily’s. They’re too heavy, too loud to belong to a four-year-old. I clench my hands into fists and try hard to ignore the pounding of my heart as I walk forward.
“Who’s there?” My voice is so shaky it scares even me.
I turn the corner and slam into something hard and solid. And warm. The flashlight slips from my hand and the beam of light spins as it rolls across the floor. Hands grab my shoulders. I jerk away and let out a little yelp that sounds more like a wounded animal than a terrified person. But my heart pounds so hard it makes it impossible for me to focus or react in a rational way.
“Vivian, you scared the shit outta me.”
Axl. Shit. My heart races and his hands slip off my shoulders. I’m still trembling when I grab for the flashlight. I need to calm down.
When I stand up, Axl shakes his head. “What’re you doin’?”
“Emily wasn’t in the tent. I was looking for her.”
He purses his lips and his eyes go past me, toward the bathrooms. “Did you check the bathrooms?”
“Empty.”