Dr Sheldon then leads the way back around the building, back to the parking-lot where the Audi is parked. The chill in the air seeps through my clothes despite the warmth of the borrowed jacket and I shiver involuntarily.
“We’re still driving the pocket-rocket, I see,” Kyle remarks and then immediately jumps into the car looking very at ease in the driver’s seat.
“Kyle,” the doctor leans down, looking him straight in the eye, “I need to speak to Miss Petrova privately for a minute, if you don’t mind?”
Kyle raises both hands in the air in the universal sign of surrender and grins. It pains me to see Kyle’s smile on Adam’s face.
“Whatever you say, Doc, you’re the boss.”
“Oh, and Kyle,” Dr Sheldon adds, “Miss Petrova will be driving.” Kyle clicks his tongue in annoyance but moves across to the passenger seat, his long legs getting caught up in the gear stick. We walk a short distance away.
“Is this okay?” I whisper frantically as soon as we are out of earshot. “I’m not sure; I don’t even know if it’s allowed? Aargh!” I smother my face in my hands, stifling a scream of frustration.
“It’s okay, Paige, it’s good,” he soothes. “Kyle is obviously comfortable enough to go with you and that’s a good thing. Possibly he finds you familiar through your connection to Adam.” I look up at him, wondering how any of this could possibly be a good thing. “You must remember that Adam is not a prisoner here. He stays here voluntarily most days, but he could just as easily reside elsewhere and come in for his sessions provided that he was monitored closely. He’s not dangerous. He’s Adam. And the others are just that: Others; not criminals, not serial killers, just other people. You need to get to know all four identities if you are to fully understand the man you are dealing with. And hopefully,” he pats my shoulder reassuringly and smiles kindly, “hopefully one day soon it will just be you and Adam. Isn’t that why you’re here?”
I nod and head back to the car feeling only slightly more confident.
“Where should we go?” I ask Kyle and he grins.
“I’m easy,” he replies and I laugh, partly because he is funny and partly because of the nervous hysteria that I have been experiencing on and off since the moment Carl Sheldon walked through my door. Whatever the reason I feel better already.
“Yes, but I don’t live here in New York,” I reply, by way of explanation. “I’m from L.A.” He ponders that for a minute and then takes charge, directing me while intermittently whistling strains of The Beach Boys California Girls. We soon arrive at an upmarket apartment block and Kyle indicates that I should park in the underground lot.
“They serve the best coffee here.” He opens the door and gestures for me to go first. We are on the ground floor and there is a small deli close to the pool. He is right; the coffee is fantastic.
“How did you find this place?” I muse out loud.
“I live here,” Kyle answers, as if that were obvious.
“What?” I blink at him, looking around, although for what exactly I am not sure; possibly a sign that says 'Kyle’s Room'. I smile at the thought.
“You live here?” I ask again, my curiosity piqued. If Kyle lives here then Adam lives here. I am suddenly desperate to see Adam’s home; the one that he would have decorated himself, however badly.
“Can I see your place?” I ask Kyle automatically.
“No,” his answer is curt and almost rude.
“Why?” I splutter, slightly shocked.
“Because, I don’t know you,” he answers, speaking to me as if I’m retarded. “It’s my house. Respect my privacy, will you? The Doc might want me to spend time with you and I’ll go along with the Doc, but don’t think that because Adam has some pussy-whipped thing for you, that you have some sort of claim on me.”
I reel; taken completely aback. For the first time I realise that Doctor Sheldon is right; there are not four versions of Adam inhabiting this body; there are four completely individual people with their own personalities. And so far this one does not like me very much. Great start, Paige.
Kyle, however, seems to realise that he may have been slightly over-aggressive and he relaxes somewhat, leaning back in his chair and regarding me steadily.
“Listen, sweetheart, there’s only one way that strange women are allowed into my place if you’re that eager to see it,” he waggles his eyebrows suggestively and I cannot help but laugh.
“I’m okay, but thanks for the offer,” I reply, but Kyle is not listening. He is staring intently at something over my shoulder. Curious, I follow his gaze to the pool and I recoil in shock and horror. Lying by the pool an older, very made-up woman is tanning, her predatory gaze making a meal of Adam. I mentally shake myself. She is making a meal of Kyle; Kyle, not Adam. Kyle leers back; his fingers drumming the table, he inclines his head and she smiles seductively. Oh no! This is not happening. Kyle smiles secretly. “Lila,” he murmurs, seemingly oblivious to my shock and revulsion. She reminds me all too clearly of the blonde woman in Adam’s apartment.
Kyle stands abruptly and walks through the french doors, going over to stand beside her. A minute later they are deep in conversation and neither is paying the slightest attention to me. I flip open my phone, desperately scrolling down to Doctor Sheldon’s number and hitting the dial button. I raise the phone to my ear; I am pretty sure that I may be having my first panic attack. I cannot do this. I cannot watch this. I consider going over and explaining to the cougar, filling her in on the situation, but I can only imagine what Kyle’s reaction to that would be. I am praying like crazy that Adam or any of the other alters will suddenly appear, but I realise that this is futile; I need to fix this myself. Just as Doctor Sheldon’s phone clicks onto voicemail I make my decision. I stand, and before I can consider the foolishness of my actions, I stride right up to Kyle, laying my hand intimately on his arm and, smiling confidently up at him, I take a deep breath and utter the words I know are going to land me in a whole heap of trouble.
“I’d like to see your apartment now.”
Chapter 8
It takes a moment for Kyle to register what I have just implied, and the second that he does it is obvious. His initial annoyed frown which formed the second I interrupted gives way to a broad, lecherous grin.
“See you around, Lila.” He winks at the blonde and I see a flash of annoyance cross her features.
“It’s Lola, Kyle,” she snaps, sounding irked. He does not even excuse his blatant faux pas; he simply turns and walks back inside the building with me following along behind him, wondering how I am possibly going to get myself out of this situation.
The elevator pings on the sixth floor and we walk a short way along the corridor. Kyle stops suddenly outside apartment 6D. He lifts his arm and rests it against the door gazing down at me.
“Are you sure about this, pretty lady?” he grins, and, feigning all the confidence I can muster, I smile back up at him.
“Of course I’m sure.”
I knew that he would not hesitate. Kyle is driven by his physical nature; he is not a gentleman and will take any opportunity offered. His mouth crashes down on mine and his teeth knock painfully against mine.
“Oh, you are so hot,” he breathes into my mouth and I stifle the urge to gag as his tongue thrusts far too deeply into my mouth to be comfortable.
I try and force myself not to panic. Kyle is sexual, yes. He is a chauvinistic pig, yes. He is as arrogant and as sure of himself as anyone I have ever met, but he is not a criminal. He is not sexually deviant. He is not a rapist. He will not force me; he wants me to enjoy myself. He is not trying to punish me. This is just sex; purely physical. I also know without a shadow of a doubt that if I refuse him now he will simply go back downstairs and finish what he started with Lila, or rather, Lola, down by the pool.
“Hey,” I pull myself away and force myself to smile up at him. “Not so fast. Can we take things a bit more slowly?”
“I’m not him,” he growls. “I’m
not a pussy. I don’t want to talk about your feelings and play with your hair. I want to fuck - pure and simple.”
I can’t help myself, I've never been good at dealing with being uncomfortable and this is by far the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my life. I burst out laughing. Kyle takes a step back and regards me incredulously.
“Do woman ever actually fall for that machismo act?” I ask, trying and failing to stop giggling. Kyle looks affronted for half a second before a grin breaks over his face.
“Sometimes.”
“Really?” I raise my eyebrows.
“Nah,” he shakes his head. “Look, Paige,” he draws out my name, “the thing is, I’m horny as hell and I find you extremely attractive, but I don’t know how I feel about your being involved with him.” He almost spits out the last word as though it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. “I figure maybe if we have some sensational, mind-blowing sex it might get you out of my system and I can go back to my life.”
“Don’t you mean Adam’s life?” the words are out before I can stop them.
“I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart.” His words are cutting and I force myself to see it from his perspective. Adam being healed means that Kyle disappears.
“So,” I change the subject abruptly, confused by the sudden sympathy I feel for Kyle, “are you going to let me in or not?” I gesture at the still locked apartment door.
“Are we going to have any fun?” he asks, staring at my boobs.
“What if I said that I hadn’t decided?” I ask, testing the boundaries.
“I’d say that that is not exactly a no.” He turns the key with his right hand and opens the door, sauntering in first and throwing his keys onto the dining-room table. I follow him hesitantly, surveying the flat. Adam’s taste is just as bad as I suspected. He really does have the most awful stuff. And, as I suspected, absolutely nothing matches, but now I see this for what it actually is: Four separate people have had their own influence in the furnishing of this apartment; four very different people, each trying to create his own space with disastrous consequences. I keep my opinion to myself and turn to ask Kyle a question but the words die on my lips.
He is standing right behind me holding a wicked-looking kitchen knife, a terrified expression on his face.
“Who are you?” he asks, holding the knife between us and darting panicked glances at the door. I force myself to remain calm and remember that none of Adam’s alters are dangerous or psychotic. I focus on the knife and something important registers. He is holding it in his right hand.
“Jacob?” I question tentatively. This is not Adam or Kyle and Simon is left-handed.
“Who are you?” he asks again, cocking his head to one side.
“I’m Paige,” I answer, keeping my voice calm and making no sudden movements. “I’m a friend of Doctor Sheldon’s.” The doctor’s name seems to reassure him and the knife drops to his side.
“What are you doing here?” he asks quietly.
“I’m here to help. I’m a friend, Jacob.”
“They’re close,” he whispers and I nod my head.
“Who's close, Jacob? Is it Kyle?” I prompt.
“All of them,” he answers, clutching the front of his shirt nervously. “They're always around; like vultures, circling and circling. They're just waiting for me to mess up.”
My heart constricts in pity for this pathetic person and I find myself wondering again what could possibly have happened that could have caused such a trauma.
“Why don’t we sit and talk for a while?” I hear myself saying. “Maybe it will take your mind off them.” I pat the empty spot next to me on the settee and he perches timidly on the edge. He is very fidgety, constantly moving one or another part of his body. I can imagine that most of Adam’s emotional exhaustion originates from this personality.
“Where do you go Jacob, when the others take over?” I begin as gently as possible. Doctor Sheldon believes that Jacob is the key to Adam’s recovery and I am determined to make him feel comfortable with me. He shivers involuntarily and then answers, “It’s dark...When they shut me out. I’m alone and it’s dark.” He hugs his knees and I feel tears well in my eyes. He is so pitiful.
“Would you like some tea?” I ask.
“That would be nice.”
He follows me into the kitchen and I set the kettle to boil and rummage around in the cupboards until I find two mismatched cups. One is white with black stripes and the other has a picture of a woman on it whose bikini disappears when the mug is filled with hot liquid. I stare at both of them, still not quite sure what I am up against. These men are such different people. It’s like a bad episode of speed-dating. I try and match the mug to the identity. Kyle is pretty easy; he's such a pig. The plain black and white I eventually link to Adam. He is like that; everything is black and white, there are no grey areas. It’s one of the things I love about him. I miss Adam. I came here for him and so far all I have got are his crazy alter egos. I heave a sigh and make the tea.
I sit opposite Jacob at the breakfast table.
“Jacob, do you like Doctor Sheldon?” I ask and he nods quickly.
“Yes.”
“Do you trust him?” He nods again. “Why are you so hesitant to confide in him?” I push and he starts to look slightly disconcerted. “I care about you, Jacob,” I quickly add, trying to make him feel more comfortable. There is something very endearing about Jacob, he is almost child-like in his naiveté and in his crippling shyness. “I would really like to help you, if you'd let me?” I let the question hang in the air and then I change the subject.
“What do you like to do?” I ask.
Jacob smiles timidly. “I like computers,” he admits timidly and I frown slightly. I can switch a computer on and I know the basics of Microsoft Word and Publisher, but that's about it. “And I like dogs,” Jacob adds quickly.
“Me too!” I gush in relief. I am pleased to have something, however small, that I can use to get close to Jacob. There is no doubt in my mind that Dr Sheldon is right. Jacob is the secret-keeper; he is the child inside, the part of Adam that cannot let go of the trauma that started this whole horrible mess.
I am staring at Jacob but not really seeing him, trying to work out how I can use this to my advantage when I see him twitch. His whole head jerks slightly and his eyes become unfocused for a second. When they refocus, he stares at me, a look of pure delight and relief washing over his beautiful face.
I don’t care that I have spent the last hour in the company of two completely separate people who look exactly the same; I would know Adam anywhere. His blue eyes are crinkling at the corners as his sexy smile spreads slowly across his face and I launch myself to my feet, knocking over my chair in my haste. He stands and opens his arms just as I throw myself at him, kissing his face, his eyes, his cheeks.
“Paige! Paige, I’m so sorry!” He manages to get the words out between my kisses and I can taste the tears on my lips, but I don’t know whether they are his, or mine. I hold his face between my hands and gaze up into his beautiful blue eyes.
“Oh God, Adam, I’ve missed you,” I choke on the words and I bury my face in his shoulder, breathing in his smell and listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.
“I’m so sorry, Paige,” he murmurs into my hair. “I should have told you; right at the start. I just didn’t know how, and by the time I did, I was in too deep and I was terrified that I would lose you.”
“You could never lose me,” I whisper and I feel his arms tighten around me.
“When I came to, I realised what must have happened and I was determined to tell you the truth. I was losing control and I needed to get back here, but I wanted you with me. When I couldn’t get hold of you and you wouldn’t speak to me, I realised something terrible must have happened. When Frank confirmed it, I was sick to my stomach.”
“Frank confirmed it?” I ask, wondering what he could possibly mean. He nods and the ghost of a smile plays on his lips.
“I went over there looking for you. Frank hit me.” I gasp in astonishment, my hand flying to my mouth. “Yeah,” Adam continues, “he slugged me, right in the eye. I had a shiner for two weeks. He called me a two-timing sack of shit and promised that if I went anywhere near you again he would rip it off.”
“It?” I laugh, shaking my head in disbelief.
“That’s what he said,” Adam chuckles, shrugging his broad shoulders. After a moment he becomes solemn again. “I deserved it,” he adds sadly. “I can’t believe he did that, that you had to find me like that.” He sounds so distraught and for the first time I see it from his perspective. His body is ultimately a vessel for whatever the others want to get up to when they are in control, and in Kyle’s case, this is sex with random strangers. I cringe inwardly. Poor Adam.
“Stop worrying about it.” I bury my hands in his black curls and lose myself for a moment in his sapphire blue eyes. “It wasn’t you. You would never do that. I know that now.” I run my hands down his neck and rest them on his shoulders before continuing, “We will get through this. Together,” I say and I mean it.
He holds me at arm’s length for a minute before crushing me back to his chest, his strong arms encircling me and his nose buried in my hair.
“Paige,” he speaks my name like it is a talisman and I close my eyes.
Yes, it is worth it, I think. As hard as this day has been, as hard as this journey will be, it is worth it. I love this man with every fibre of my being; he is my other half. Without him I feel I am living a half-life. Being with Adam is like doing something that scares me every single day, it is exhilarating, exciting and heartbreaking all at the same time. I need Adam; I do not want to live without him.
I run my fingers through his hair and then infinitely slowly and hesitantly, he lowers his mouth to meet mine. As our lips touch, I feel a familiar jolt deep in my belly and my body instinctively curves toward him.
“Paige,” he whispers, rubbing his nose against mine, his eyes closed.
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