by I. T. Lucas
Well, almost as much. He was damn sure she didn’t have the urge to bite him.
The need to claim her, to have his shaft deep inside her while his fangs sank into the creamy skin of her neck, was overpowering.
He should disengage before doing something he was going to regret.
Ella wasn’t ready for an immortal male’s intensity. She needed patience and gentle coaxing, neither of which he was capable of at the moment. Except his arms refused to obey, and instead of pushing her away he clutched her to him even harder.
Slanting his mouth over hers, he lifted her up and deepened the kiss, devouring her. But that wasn’t going to cut it. There no way he was going to sate his hunger like that.
With a monumental effort, he let go of her mouth and put her down.
Looking dazed, Ella touched a trembling finger to her swollen lower lip.
“I’m sorry. Did I scare you?”
She lifted a pair of confused eyes to him. “What?”
Damn. She was in shock, and it was his fault.
“I got carried away, I should’ve been more gentle.”
Shaking her head, Ella patted her lip again. “You didn’t scare me. I was surprised, that’s all.” She put a hand on her hip and struck a pose. “Tell me the truth, Julian. Were you just pretending to read fertility research papers and were watching porn instead? Because you seemed awfully excited all of a sudden.”
For a moment, he thought she was serious, but then her lip started twitching. “Or maybe you’re just weird this way, and research papers make you horny.”
Grabbing her arm, he pulled her against him, his erection prodding her belly through his jeans and her shirt. “It was you. Watching you from the corner of my eye was very distracting.”
Ella chuckled. “I didn’t know cleaning could be sexy.” As she wrapped her arms around his neck, her eyes were hooded with desire. “Kiss me again, and don’t hold back. I loved the kiss.”
He was tempted, but in his current state, it was too dangerous. “I’d better not. I promised you that I would let you dictate the pace, but I’m barely in control right now, and I don’t want to push you to do things you’re not ready for.”
As a long moment of indecision passed, he could see several emotions drift through Ella’s eyes. Because of the strong mental blocks that she’d erected to guard against telepathic intrusions, she wasn’t broadcasting her feelings as loudly as most humans, and even with his empathic sensitivity, Julian had to rely on other clues to guess her moods.
The good thing was that Ella’s face was very expressive. The bad news was that she’d proven to be an excellent actress. To fool someone like Gorchenco, she had to be.
Finally, she nodded and pushed away from him. “Can we still go for a walk, or do you have to rush home and take care of business?”
Damn, she was blunt. Or was it sarcasm?
Again, it was hard to tell with Ella.
“Let’s talk about something else.” He took her hand and started walking.
“Like what?”
“College. I think you should rethink medical school. Merlin is right about nursing taking almost as long and being nearly as difficult. Why limit yourself? And you don’t have to work in the village once you get your license. You can work in a human hospital or open your own practice.”
“Same goes for you.”
He waved a dismissive hand. “Ignore me. I’m suffering a midlife crisis at twenty-six.”
Resting her head against his arm, Ella looked up at the sky. “During my hibernation period, I looked into some schools. Columbia seems awesome, but it’s very hard to get into. I have a high GPA, and I’ve done some extracurriculars, but that’s not enough to get me in.”
“You know that it doesn’t matter, right? You can’t use your real transcripts anyway. We will have to supply fake ones for you. Might as well give you amazing grades.”
She cast him a sidelong glance. “People go to jail for stunts like that, Julian. I hope that’s not how you got into medical school.”
“I worked my ass off. That’s how I got in. And we don’t falsify records for clan members just because they want to get into good universities. This is reserved only for extreme cases. Like you needing a new identity after faking your death, or a clan member who finished high school fifty years ago and now wants to go to college.”
“Do you fix their grades as well?”
“We use professionals to do those things, so I wouldn’t know, but it makes sense that we can make your application look a little better. I would not have suggested it if you were a lousy student, but you said that your grades were good.”
For some reason, Ella seemed disappointed. What did she want to hear? That he would cheat for her? Because he would.
“I’ll think about it.” She threaded her arm through his. “Right now I’m not ready to make any more big changes. I’ve had enough for a while. But I do need a job that pays. What I do at the sanctuary keeps me busy, and I love the chance to make a difference, but I need money too.”
Hmm, that was a problem.
Ella didn’t have a share in the clan’s profits, and even after Magnus officially adopted her, she wouldn’t qualify for one until she was twenty-five or went to college, whichever came first.
“I have an idea. It won't get you money right away, but once the charity starts bringing in donations, it will. Kian can nominate you as the charity director, and you’ll get paid a salary from the proceeds. Every non-profit organization has paid employees, and the director is usually paid well.”
Smiling, she lifted her chin. “Ella Takala, Director of Save the Girls. Sounds important. Maybe I should go study charitable organization management.”
“Sounds like a plan, but then who is going to run it while you’re away at college?”
“Good point. And I forgot that Ella Takala is supposedly dead. The director’s name is going to be Kelly Rubinstein.”
“That’s a shame.” He chuckled. “I think another makeover is needed. Somehow I can’t picture Kelly Rubinstein, director of Save the Girls, with spiky pink hair and fake piercings. I like the name you gave it, though. We should keep it.”
27
Ella
“I wish the sanctuary was closer to the village,” Ella said as the car switched to self-driving, which meant that they were almost home.
Her mother nodded. “I hate driving so long. It’s the most exhausting part of this volunteering gig.”
As the windows turned opaque, Ella removed her sunglasses and put them in her purse. They were such a convenient solution to the whole contact lenses and eye makeup routine. As long as she wasn’t going out shopping or on a date, Ella wasn’t going to bother. The sanctuary was safe enough, and the glasses were specially designed to fool facial recognition software.
The car entered the tunnel, and several minutes later parked itself in the underground garage.
“Did you make any progress in regard to the videos?” Vivian asked as they headed for the elevators.
“I didn’t bring it up yet. I’m rethinking my approach.”
Her mother cast her a sidelong glance. “Care to elaborate, or is it still in the thinking stage?”
“I haven’t made up my mind yet. The thing is, even though I’m making friends, it will take weeks or even months until the girls are comfortable enough with me to entrust me with their stories.”
“There is no rush, you know.” Vivian threaded her arm through Ella’s. “Kian donated the building for the halfway house, and your engagement ring will provide the money to run it.”
Leaning against her mother’s shoulder, Ella sighed. “I don’t have the patience to wait. I want it up and running, and then I want Kian to nominate me as the charity’s director so I can get paid for running it. I need money, Mom, and don’t tell me that all I need to do is ask. I don’t want to ask. I want to earn my own.”
Vivian laughed. “I stopped listening after I heard the word director. Are you seriou
s?”
“It was Julian’s idea, but yeah. Why not?”
“Indeed. Don’t you need to go to school for that, though?”
“That’s what I said. But then Julian pointed out that if I go to school someone else is going to have to run the charity. I doubt anyone would volunteer for that, and besides, it’s my baby. I’m not willing to give it up.”
Narrowing her eyes, Vivian attempted a stern look. “You are going to college, Ella. I don’t care if your charity is successful or not. I want you to get an education.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. But before I go to college, you have to transition. I’m not going to leave Parker and Magnus with no emotional support.”
“Blackmailer.”
“No, I’m not.” Ella lifted a brow. “You made me a promise that if I started dating Julian, you’d do it.”
“It hasn’t been two weeks yet. Heck, it hasn’t been even one. And anyway, that was before I knew about your dream visitor. I can’t check out while this is going on.”
Ella had no answer for that. Especially after what she’d said before. If she wasn’t willing to leave Parker and Magnus to deal with her mother’s transition without her, she could understand Vivian not wanting to leave her while she was dealing with Logan.
“That’s a problem, Mom. I don’t know how to get rid of him. Thank God for Parker, though. With his help, I can at least manage it.”
It reminded her that she wanted to speak to Carol about what was going on with Julian.
“I’m heading to Carol’s,” she said when they reached a fork in the pathway.
“Don’t you want to come home first and eat dinner?”
“I can’t. I promised her I’d come to see her as soon as I was back. And then I’m going to Merlin’s.”
“What about food?”
“I’ll grab something from the vending machines.”
Vivian didn’t look happy about it, but her mother was cool, and she wasn’t going to make a big deal out of a missed meal.
“Have fun, sweetie.” She kissed Ella’s cheek. “And say hi to Carol and the guys from me.”
“I will.” Ella gave her a quick hug. “You’re the best, Mom. Thanks for schlepping me to and from the sanctuary every day.”
The drive took over an hour in each direction, and Vivian wouldn’t have done it more than once or twice a week if not for Ella. Instead, she’d agreed to do the class every day that week.
“It’s my pleasure. Seeing the girls’ smiling faces as they bedazzle their outfits and their accessories gives me great satisfaction, and so does helping you with your project.”
Ella kissed her cheek. “As I said, you’re the best.”
Heading toward Carol’s house, Ella regretted not wearing something warmer. As usually happened at that hour of the evening, the temperature was dropping fast. Hopefully, the immortal would offer her some nosh because Ella didn’t feel like making a detour to the café for a sandwich.
By the time she knocked on Carol’s door, her arms were prickling with goosebumps.
“Oh, dear,” Carol said as she opened the door. “I don’t know what was louder, your knock or your chattering teeth.” She pulled her into her arms. “Come on. I’ll lend you a sweater.”
Passing through the living room on the way to Carol’s bedroom, Ella glanced at the vacant couch. “Where is Ben?”
“Went out. We have the house to ourselves.” Carol walked into her closet and a moment later came out with a pink sweater. “Here, it matches your hair.”
“Thanks.” Ella pulled it over her head. “I’m glad that Ben isn’t here, so we don’t need to go outside to have a private conversation. What’s the deal with this weather? Hot during the day and freezing at night.”
“This is normal for here. I guess San Diego is more temperate?” Carol headed back to the living room.
“It is.” Ella sat on the couch. “The differences in temperatures between day and night are not as crazy.”
“Did you have dinner already?”
Ella shook her head. “I came here straight from the sanctuary.”
“Good, then you can join me.” Carol motioned to a barstool. “I love cooking, and I don’t like eating alone. Usually, I have Ben to feed, but since he’s not here, I’m glad that you haven’t eaten so I can feed you instead.”
She pulled out two plates and ladled a pile of spaghetti on each. “My spaghetti bolognese is to die for, if I may say so myself.”
“It smells amazing.” Ella wanted to attack the thing like a hungry wolf, but she was wearing a pink angora sweater that wasn’t hers. “Do you have a napkin I can stick in the collar? I don’t want to put stains on your sweater.”
“Good thinking.” Carol got up and pulled out two aprons from the broom closet. “I’m a messy eater too.” She handed one to Ella.
“Thanks.”
For several moments, Ella just chewed, pausing only to utter the occasional moan. “This is so good.”
Carol chuckled. “If you’re making so much noise when enjoying food, I can only imagine what you sound like during sex.”
“You mean good sex, the kind I haven’t had yet.”
Momentarily embarrassed, Carol pushed a lock of hair behind her tiny ear. That probably didn’t happen often. The woman could talk about the most intimate of subjects without breaking a sweat.
“Yeah, I forgot. Sorry about that. Except, if you’re here, that’s probably what you want to talk to me about.” She narrowed her eyes at Ella. “I hope you are not still thinking about the island.”
“I can’t,” Ella said over a mouthful of spaghetti. “Mr. D will recognize me.”
“Mr. D?”
Ella had been sure that by now the entire village knew about her dream visitor and her compulsion problem.
Finishing chewing, she put the fork down and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Did you hear about what happened to me at the exhibition?”
“Someone said something about Julian carrying you home. I assumed you either didn’t feel well or were swept off your feet.” She winked.
“I had a bad headache.”
When Ella was done telling her story, Carol frowned. “You think that he’s compelling your attraction to him?”
“How else can you explain it? Navuh’s son is handsome, and he can even be charming when he wants to, but he is so bad it practically radiates from him. I don’t want him. He is not the one for me. Julian is.”
“But you said that you’re not attracted to Julian. That’s not a good sign.”
“I didn’t say that. Julian is gorgeous, and smart, and kind, and everything a girl could ever want in a guy. He just doesn’t excite me as much as Mr. D does. So, it’s either because the Doomer is messing with my head or because of what I’ve been through.”
“Meaning?”
Ella sighed. “To put it in the simplest terms, Julian is pure, and I’m not. I don’t feel worthy of him, but before you give me a speech about how wonderful I am, it has nothing to do with me as a person not being good enough, well, maybe a little. But the main problem is that I feel kind of dirty.”
Carol took her hand and clasped it between hers. “It’s all in your head, Ella. You have this scratchy recording playing on a loop in there. Get rid of it and put on some good music. Imagine that you are made of a special kind of Teflon. Nothing bad can ever stick to it. It will just wash off. Good things, on the other hand, stick to you like paperclips to a magnet.”
“Is that what you do?”
“I don’t need to. I’ve never felt dirtied by sex. I could not have been a courtesan if I did. For me, sex was always a game, one that I was very good at, could use to my advantage, and enjoyed immensely at the same time.”
“What about when you were captured?”
Carol’s expression darkened. “That’s complicated. The cruelty was much worse than the sex. For me, anyway. But I got over it. My tormenter paying for it with his head helped.”
“Yay for Dalhu!” Ella
pumped her fist. “I forgot to thank him for it.”
Carol chuckled. “You were kind of busy trying to break through a compulsion.”
“Yeah. About that. So, what do you think? What should I do about my wayward hormones misfiring? Or is it firing in the wrong direction?”
“You need to figure out what excites you and why. I’m not discounting the possibility that the Doomer is compelling your attraction to him and at the same time blocking you from being attracted to anyone else, but there might be a simpler explanation. Women are complicated creatures, and we each have our preferences and triggers and so on.” She smiled. “Sometimes I feel sorry for the men. Figuring out what makes a woman tick is not easy. They have to work hard at it.”
Running her fingers through her spiky hair, Ella scrunched her nose. “I have to be honest with you. If Mr. D was blocking me, it would make sense for me to feel nothing at all. But that’s not the case. Last night, Julian and I kissed, and it was exhilarating, but then Julian pulled away because he was afraid of pushing me into doing things that I was not ready for.”
“Was he right?”
Ella nodded. “We both got carried away by the intensity of the kiss, and for a moment there I wished he would do more, but then I got scared. Not of Julian, because it would be insane to be afraid of a sweet guy like him, but of my own response. What if he touched me intimately and it brought back bad memories? I don’t want to associate any of that with him.”
Carol smiled sadly. “At some point, you’ll have to take a risk and try. Don’t let fear stop you from having the life that you deserve.”
“I want a clean start with Julian. I don’t want any contaminants from before crossing over to my relationship with him.”
“I can’t tell you what to do, but I can share a little secret with you.” Carol took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Life is full of compromises, and we don’t always get what we want. Still, it’s better to get some of it than none at all.”
28
Julian