"Does what?"
Liz had had zero caffeine yet, so she wasn't as sharp as she would be about an hour from now.
"Do tricks. You were staring at it so long and hard I thought it might jump off of the bed and dance around."
Her cheeks hot, Liz shook her head. "No, it doesn't do any tricks. I was just... reorganizing my clothes."
Nodding, Dani sat on the bed next to the suitcase. "Reorganizing, huh? What are you thinking? Maybe putting your dirty clothes on one side and your clean on the other?"
"That's an option."
"You have many options," Dani said softly. "Be careful how you choose, though. Don't make a decision in the heat of the moment. Think it through to its inevitable conclusion."
They weren't talking about packing suitcases anymore, if they ever had been. This was why Liz was friends with these women. They knew her, better than she knew herself.
With a sad sigh, Liz sat down on the other side of the luggage. "I think that the inevitable conclusion might be ugly and painful."
"That's your fear talking. You're letting it run your life."
I am, but...
"It's stronger than I am."
The admission hurt, like a sharp knife to the gut.
"I seriously doubt that. You're one of the strongest people I know."
Liz laughed even though she wasn't feeling all that funny. "You're lucky that you didn't just burst into flames. That was a huge whopper you just told there."
"Not a lie." Dani smiled and casually crossed her legs. "You are strong. You've had to be. You just never seem to give yourself any credit for it."
"I don't think that I'm strong enough."
"With that attitude, maybe you're not."
"Is this the tough-love portion of the morning?"
Dani was known for her pragmatic approach to life, and she didn't suffer fools gladly.
"It can be if that's what works. So let's talk about it. You pulled out your suitcase because you were thinking about packing your shit and leaving. Tell me...were you planning to talk to us or were we going to get a short and cryptic note about how you don't want to let us or Noah down?"
Her friend had quickly zeroed in on Liz's rationale, although now that the sun was up it didn't seem like such a great idea.
"I would have told you."
"That's nice. Would you have told Noah? Let me guess...nope. If you told him, you'd end up chickening out."
"I love you, Danielle Elise, but sometimes you can be a real bitch."
"I can," she said proudly, her smile widening. "I practice in front of the mirror when no one's around. But I actually don't think I'm being a bitch here this morning. I think that I'm just telling the truth and you're not enjoying that as much as I am. Am I right?"
Liz didn't answer because they both already knew what she was going to say.
"I can see that my advice really isn't wanted so I'll keep it to myself." Dani stood, walked over to the closet and began removing the few outfits that Liz had hanging in it. "So let's get you packed and on the road. You'll probably want to eat breakfast first since you have a long drive."
Hold on...
Liz jumped up and placed her hands over the hangers. "What are you doing?"
"Helping you pack."
Not quite sure what to say, Liz took the clothes from her friend's arms. "First of all, I don't need any help packing. And second, I haven't made any decisions. I was only thinking about leaving. Is this some sort of bullshit reverse psychology? That stuff never works even on five-year-olds."
"You were just thinking about it?"
Liz looked her friend right in the eye. "Is that a crime?"
"No, but I can't believe you were even thinking about it."
She couldn't? Really?
"Perhaps you haven't been paying attention."
"I've been paying attention. You've had a rough couple of years, but I never, ever thought that you would bail from your best friend's wedding less than thirty-six hours before the ceremony. That's some cold, selfish shit right there. If you think this is in any way okay behavior maybe it's better if you do go."
Liz dropped the clothes on the floor, tears burning the backs of her eyes. "I wasn't...I wasn't really going to leave."
Dani threw up her hands. "Help me understand. You had your suitcase out and you admit that you were thinking about leaving. But you really weren't going to go? I'm confused."
Shame burned in Liz's heart and tears trickled down her red cheeks. "I'm confused, too. I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong, good or bad. I want to stay here with Noah but then I think that I might be hurting him worse than if I left. He wants me to be all healed, everything sunshine and roses. I want to be better for him but it's not that easy, and frankly I'm tired of all of this bullshit. I just want my life back. And just to be clear, I'm tired of saying that I want my life back. I'm just tired of it all."
Her legs seemed to crumple underneath her and she ended up sitting on the floor in a pile of clothes. Dani knelt on the floor and wrapped her arms around Liz as all the misery of the last two years came spilling out. She was wracked with sobs and Dani simply rocked Liz until there were no more tears. She was worn out and dehydrated.
Falling back against the wall, Liz took several shuddering breaths, her whole body shaking in the aftermath. "Well...that sucked. I thought tears were supposed to be cleansing and make you feel better."
Dani frowned. "That didn't help? I thought a good cry might so I pushed you a little."
"It didn't."
"Sorry."
They both laughed for a moment at the ridiculousness of the situation until Liz remembered why she'd been crying in the first place.
"I wouldn't have left. I was just..." Liz groaned and rubbed at her red and swollen eyes. She must look a real mess. She wasn't a pretty crier. "I wanted to run away and leave it all behind. Stupid, huh? It would just follow me."
"I get it. I really do. We all wish we could wave a wand and make it all disappear but we can't. I hate that you're afraid all of the time."
"Noah wants to make it all better, too."
"Of course, he does, he loves you. That's normal."
"You don't know for sure that he loves me."
"The hell I don't. Trust me, he does."
This was pure Dani. Always so sure of herself.
"I love him," Liz admitted. "I really do."
Dani nodded. "I know you do, hon. You want to save him from having to go through this with you but you're not getting it. He wants to do this."
"He doesn't know what he's getting into."
"That's a possibility," Dani agreed, levering up from the floor and beginning to hang the clothes back in the closet. "But he's a grown ass man, Liz. He's not some naive kid that doesn't know what life is like. Don't infantilize him, because you don't want him to do that to you, either. You're both adults and can make your own decisions. Don't think that you can make his for him."
Cuddling a sweater close to her chest, Liz swallowed down the acid that was burning her throat. She was literally sick to her stomach at the thought that Noah would get tired of her issues.
"I'm scared."
That's what this all came down to. Fear. But this time she wasn't afraid of being a victim. She was terrified of getting her heart broken.
"There are no guarantees," Dani replied. "I wish I could tell you that there were. I will say that no matter what happens with Noah - or any other man in your life - we'll be here to help you through it. You won't be alone...even when you try to push us away. We'll hang in there. You couldn't get rid of us if you tried. We all deserve each other."
Liz wasn't sure she deserved these amazing and wonderful friends but she wasn't about to question it. She'd simply make sure that when they needed her, she was right there by their side.
"I'm going to need your help. I can't do this alone."
Dani smiled and pulled Liz in for a hug. "No one could do i
t all alone. That's the secret of life. Good friends. My mother told me that when I was a kid. I can't believe I've never said it before to you."
Sniffling, Liz scrubbed at her wet cheeks. "What would I do without you three?"
"Luckily we don't have to even wonder. Now let's get these clothes cleaned up, this suitcase put away, and then make some breakfast for Mallory and Celia."
Liz wasn't alone. She never had been actually, but she'd been reminded today. She had friends, and maybe even love...with Noah. Life didn't look all that bleak from this vantage point.
"Let's do it. I'm starved."
"Mallory's getting married tomorrow," Dani sang as she hung up a cotton blouse. "Maybe you'll be next. Noah and Liz sitting in a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, second comes marriage..."
Giggling at her friend's antics, Liz snapped the suitcase shut with a loud click. This fucker was going back in the closet and it wouldn't come out until she was ready to go back to Denver. Preferably with Noah.
"One step at a time. Let's worry about the love part first."
Noah, I love you. Do you love me, too?
25
When Liz and the other women arrived at the Anderson ranch, they were amazed to see three huge tents in the backyard that had been erected for the ceremony and reception. There were also several trucks delivering chairs, tables, linens, dishes, silverware, and so on. The Anderson were a wealthy family but even they didn't have enough forks for three hundred plus people.
"It's like the circus except on a whole different level," Mallory breathed. "I mean...I knew that we'd rented three tents but I guess I didn't get just how gigantic they were going to be. We could fit all of Tremont in them."
"That's a good thing because just about all of Tremont is going to be here tomorrow for your wedding," Celia laughed. "My question is where are they all going to park?"
Liz could answer that question. That was one of the items she and Mallory had worked on before the other two arrived in town. "In the south pasture. There will be a mini bus to transport the guests from the parking area to the wedding, and then back again later. We'll have several running so there shouldn't be a wait."
"What if it rains?" Dani asked, her gaze sweeping the area. She had to be imagining giant mudholes all over the backyard. Honestly, Liz had been afraid of that as well, but she'd been assured that it rarely rained this time of year.
"Don't even say that out loud," Mallory groaned. "That would be a nightmare. Luckily the weatherman says that there isn't a cloud in sight until next Thursday at the earliest."
Mallory was nervous and it showed. A lot. A bunch.
She wasn't bordering on basket case but before lunch she'd cried over the flowers and the florist had panicked. It wasn't anything major, just a small miscommunication regarding the centerpieces, easily and quickly rectified, but the usually unflappable Mallory had been crying tears over...daisies.
In fact, she'd been crying off and on all day. When she wasn't crying, she'd suddenly stop what she was doing, her expression horrified, and then she'd panic about an item on their to-do list that she didn't think was done. They'd assure her that she'd taken care of it days ago and then she'd relax again, only to have it happen about an hour later. In between she'd be fine and happy as if it was any other day. It was emotional whiplash, and once more Liz reminded herself that if she ever got married, she'd elope. She didn't want to go through this herself. The problems she had now were bad enough. She didn't need to add any voluntarily.
Liz could only wonder if Carter was exhibiting any nervousness now that the wedding was almost upon them. The big day was tomorrow.
"There's Carter," Mallory said, relief in her tone. The men were exiting the house through the back door and heading toward the tents for the rehearsal. "I hope he's picked up the tuxes from the tailor. They close at two today. I'd better make sure."
When Mallory was out of earshot, Celia quietly cleared her throat. "We need to keep her calm until tomorrow. At the rate she's going, she's going to be hanging from the light fixtures by nightfall."
"It isn't going to be easy," Liz warned. "Mallory has always been prone to nerves. Remember when she had to give that speech in Communications class?"
Dani grimaced at the memory. "She threw up right before. Let's hope that doesn't happen tomorrow."
"Ginger ale," Celia declared. "And comfort foods. It will settle her stomach."
Liz spied Noah coming around the side of the house. She'd ended their evening badly last night and she wanted to apologize. "Excuse me for a minute. I need to talk to Noah."
Dani smiled and nudged her forward. "Take your time."
To her surprise, Noah greeted Liz with a kiss. She'd expected a chillier reception.
"Hey, can we talk? I need to apologize–"
He shook his head. "No, I need to say I'm sorry. I was way out of line last night."
Tilting her head, she couldn't help but giggle. "Are we proficiently adulting again? It feels like it."
Noah's smile widened. "I think we are. Damn, we're mature as hell. I have this strange urge to update my home insurance policy."
This was one of the things that Liz loved so much about Noah. His goofy personality that meshed so well with her own.
She grabbed his hand. "I'd still like to talk to you. Can we...?"
"Absolutely. How about the gazebo?"
Since the last time they'd been there, she'd heard all about this magic gazebo.
"Sounds good. Let me see if Mallory is okay with it. I know that we're here to rehearse."
Mallory didn't mind as the minister was running late, so Noah and Liz slipped away from the others. It was another beautiful day, sunny and warm with just a hint of a breeze. Liz settled onto the wooden bench and snuggled into Noah's side. He was strong and solid, and she allowed herself the luxury of leaning on him for a few minutes.
"I wanted to apologize about last night," she began. "I know that you were frustrated about me wanting to be alone. I don't think that I explained myself very well."
"No, honey, you did fine. It was me that was making the situation more difficult than it needed to be. You were right when you said that I didn't like what you were telling me. I'm sorry about that, and about being a jerk in general about it all. I had a talk with Jason this morning and I think my head is on a bit straighter than it was last night."
That's interesting. And sweet. He sought out another's opinion.
"You talked to your cousin? What did he say?"
"That I had to be okay with where you are now. That I had to understand that getting better isn't going to be a straight line and that some issues might never go away. He reminded me that I'm not a superhero and I can't fix all of this for you, although I wish I could."
"Wow, he's good."
"He's been in a traumatic situation. I thought he was pretty much all better but he set me straight about it."
"So you're okay if I need time to myself?"
"I am, although I admit that it won't be easy."
"I can deal with that."
His smile disappeared. "I was talking to Jason about another topic, actually. I asked him to check on whether it was possible for Kenneth McGuire to still be alive. Any way at all."
Liz had to remind herself to breathe.
"And?"
Her heart pounded so loudly in her ears she wasn't sure she'd even hear his reply.
Noah shook his head. "He's really dead. Jason personally spoke to the warden. He was there when McGuire died. He's really gone."
No doubt. He was dead.
Taking a shaky breath, Liz nodded. "So that's that. It's good to know. Thank you for asking your cousin."
"Are you okay?"
Am I? Yes, I am. I'm good.
"I am. Of course, that means that I'm seeing things which isn't great, but McGuire faking his own death would have been even worse." Liz frowned as a thought occurred to her. "Were you hoping he was alive?"
"I wasn't hoping either way.
I just wanted to make sure."
"That's good. So where does that leave us?"
"At a wedding rehearsal. Ready to get Mallory and Carter married?"
"I was born ready."
Things were looking up. She had good friends, a wonderful man, and wedding cake to look forward to.
Liz had run inside the main house to use the bathroom after the rehearsal and before they all left for the rehearsal dinner in town, which was being held at a local restaurant that Mallory and Carter had rented out for the evening. She and Noah were going to drive together and she didn't want to keep him waiting too long. Add in the fact that she was starving, and it meant that she put on lipstick at record speed and flew out the backdoor to meet up with everyone at the tents.
She hadn't gone far when she heard the sound of a child crying. It was soft but distinct. There was no mistake. A child was definitely crying somewhere.
Making her way through the maze of delivery trucks, Liz followed the sound, calling out to the child. One of the delivery workers must have brought their young son or daughter with them today and they may have become separated.
"Hello, where are you? Can you tell me where you are? I want to help you."
"But who will help you?"
A pointy object was stuck in Liz's lower back and she froze, holding her breath for what seemed like forever waiting for the person to speak again. The voice was not Kenneth McGuire's, however. It was definitely female.
"Now slowly turn around," the voice commanded. "Keep your hands where I can see them."
Liz raised her arms from her sides and then slowly turned so she was facing the voice.
The voice was a middle-aged woman with salt and pepper hair, holding a cell phone in her left hand and gun in the right, pointed directly at Liz.
It was Kenneth McGuire's mother. But this time she wasn't crying or being sad. She pressed a button on the cell phone and the crying sound stopped.
It had all been a ruse. Liz was caught in a trap.
I am such an idiot.
"Mrs. McGuire," Liz said, taking a shaky breath. She didn't like looking down the barrel of a gun the second time in her life any more than the first.
Dancing With Danger (Danger Incorporated Book 10) Page 17