"Pity," he murmured, rinsing his brush in turpentine and wiping it on the kitchen roll, "I was just getting acclimatized to the whole idea."
She kept her voice deliberately light. "I can take your jokes on most things, Jack, but not where babies are concerned. Sally Bennedict destroyed any credibility you might have on the subject the day she destroyed your little mistake."
He looked very thoughtful. "As a matter of interest, am I being singled out because I'm a man or are you planning to lay that same guilt-trip on Ruth in years to come?"
"That's different."
"Is it? Can't see it myself."
"Ruth wasn't two-timing her husband," she muttered through gritted teeth.
"Then we aren't talking about babies, Sarah, and whether or not I have the right to change my mind, we are talking about infidelity. Two different things entirely."
"In your book, maybe. Not in mine. Committing yourself to a person is no different from committing yourself to a belief. Why, if you couldn't bear to impregnate your wife, were you so unconcerned about impregnating your mistress?" Two spots of colour flared high on her cheekbones, and she turned away abruptly. "Let bygones be bygones. I don't want to talk about it any more."
"Why not?" he said. "I'm having a hell of a good time." He linked his hands behind his head and grinned at her rigid back. "You've put me through hell these last twelve months. You yank me out of London without a 'by your leave' or a 'do you mind?'. Stick me in the middle of nowhere with a 'take it or leave it, Jack, you're only my shit of a husband.' " His eyes narrowed. "I've put up with Cock Robin Hewitt strutting his stuff about my kitchen, leering at you and treating me like something the dog threw up. I've smiled while mental midgets pissed on my work, because I'm just the bum who likes nothing better than scrounging off his wife. And on top of all that I've had to listen to Keith Smollett lecturing me on your virtues. In all that time only one person, and this includes you, ever treated me as if I were human-and that was Mathilda. But for her, I'd have walked out in September and left you to stew in your own complacent juice."
She kept her back towards him. "Why didn't you?"
"Because, as she kept reminding me, I'm your husband," he growled. "Jesus, Sarah, if I didn't think what we had was worth something, why would I have married you in the first place? I didn't have to, for Christ's sake. No one held a gun to my head. I wanted to."
"Then why-?" She didn't go on.
"Why did I get Sally pregnant? I didn't. I never even slept with the horrible little bitch. I painted her portrait because she thought I was going places after the Bond Street dealer clinched my one and only sale." He gave a hollow laugh. "She wanted to hitch her wagon to a rising star, the way she's hitched it to every other rising star she's ever met. Which is what I painted, of course-a lazy parasite with pretensions to greatness. She has hated me ever since. If you'd told me she was claiming me as the father of her unwanted baby I'd have set you straight, but you didn't trust me enough to tell me." His voice hardened. "You sure as hell trusted her, though, and you didn't even like the bloody woman."
"She was very plausible."
"Of course she was plausible!" he roared. "She's a fucking actress, and I use the word advisedly. When are you going to open your eyes, woman, and see people in the round, their dark sides, their bright sides, their strengths, their weaknesses? Dammit, you should have let your passions go, clawed my miserable eyes out, slashed my balls-anything-if you thought I'd two-timed you." His voice softened. "Don't you love me enough to hate me, Sarah?"
"You bastard, Blakeney," she said, turning round and raking him from head to toe with glittering eyes. "You will never know how unhappy I've been."
"And you have the nerve to accuse me of being self-centred. What about my unhappiness?"
"Yours is easily cured," she said.
"It damn well isn't."
"It damn well is."
"How?"
"A little massage to ease the stiffness and then a kiss to make it better."
"Ah," he said thoughtfully, "well, it's certainly a start. But bear in mind the condition's chronic and needs repeated applications. I do not want a relapse."
"It'll cost you, though."
He eyed her through half-closed lids. "I thought it sounded too good to be true." He dug in his pocket. "How much?"
She cuffed him lightly across the head. "Information only. Why did Mathilda have a row with Jane Marriott on the morning she died? Why did Mathilda cry when you showed her your painting? And why did Mathilda leave me her money? I know they're all related, Jack, and I know Cooper knows the answer. I saw it in his eyes last night."
"No massage if you don't get the answer, I suppose."
"Not for you. I'll offer it to Cooper instead. One of you is bound to tell me in the end."
"You'd kill the poor old chap. He goes into spasms if you touch his hand." He drew her down on to his lap. "It won't make it any easier if I tell you," he warned. "In fact it'll make it harder. I know you too well." Whatever guilt she felt now, he thought, would be nothing compared with the agonies of wondering if she had unwittingly conned Mathilda into believing she was adopted. And what would it do to her relationship with Jane Marriott? Knowing Sarah, she would feel duty-bound to tell Jane the truth, and push the poor woman away with a surfeit of honesty. "I made Mathilda a promise, Sarah. I really don't want to break it."
"You broke it when you told Cooper," she pointed out.
"I know, and I'm not happy about it, any more than I was happy about breaking my promise to Ruth." He sighed. "But I really did have no option. He and the Inspector were convinced the will was the motive for Mathilda's murder and I had to explain why she made it."
Sarah stared at Mathilda's portrait. "She made it because she was buying her rite of passage into immortality and she didn't trust Joanna or Ruth to deliver the goods for her. They would have squandered the money while she trusted me to build the "something worthwhile in her memory.'" She sounded bitter, Jack thought. "She knew me well enough to know I wouldn't spend a bequest on myself, particularly one to which I felt I had no right."
"She wasn't that cynical, Sarah. She made no secret of her fondness for you."
But Sarah was still absorbed in the portrait. "You haven't explained," she said suddenly, "why you went to stay with Sally that weekend?" She turned to look at him. "But that was a lie, wasn't it? You went somewhere else." She put her small hands on his shoulders. "Where, Jack?" She shook him when he didn't answer. "It had something to do with Mathilda's weeping and, presumably, her will, too, though you didn't know it at the time." He could almost hear her mind working. "And whatever it was required your absence for that weekend without my knowing where you were going." She searched his face. "But for all she knew she would live for another twenty years, so why tell you something now that wouldn't have any real impact until after she was dead?"
"She didn't intend to tell me. I was a very reluctant recipient of her confession." He sighed. Sooner or later, he realized, Sarah would find out that he had stayed with her father and why he had gone there. "A year or so after Joanna was born, she had a second daughter by Paul Marriott, whom she put up for adoption. For all sorts of reasons she persuaded herself that you were her lost daughter, and she told me she'd changed her will in your favour." He gave a wry smile. "I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do. Say nothing and let you inherit under false pretences? Tell her the truth and shatter her illusions? I decided to put the decision on hold while I went to see if your father had something I could show her." He shook his head ironically. "But when I got back Mathilda was dead, the police were searching around for a murder motive, and I was the only person who knew Mathilda had left you a fortune. It was a nightmare. All I could see was that you and I would be arrested for conspiracy unless I kept my mouth shut. We couldn't prove I hadn't told you about the will, and you had no alibi." He gave a low laugh. "Then out of the blue you offered me my marching orders and I realized the best thing I could do was grab
them with both hands and leave you thinking I was a miserable bastard. You were so hurt and angry that, for once in your life, you didn't try to hide your emotions, and Cooper received a hefty dose of transparent honesty. You showed him everything from shock about the will to complete bewilderment that I'd been able to paint Mathilda's portrait without your knowing." He laughed again. "You got us both off the hook without even realizing what you were doing."
"Thanks very much," she said tartly. "And what would have happened if I'd been overjoyed to see the back of you?"
His face split into an evil grin. "Well, just in case, 1 took out an insurance policy by moving in with Joanna. She's better-looking than you so you were bound to be jealous."
"Bollocks." But she didn't elaborate on whether it was the looks or the jealousy that was evoking her scorn, "Did Mathilda tell Jane she'd had Paul's child? Was that what the row was about?"
He nodded. "But she told her it was a boy."
It was Sarah's turn to sigh. "Then I doubt it's even true. She could have fantasized a baby just as easily as she fantasized her uncle's suicide"-she shrugged-"or had an abortion or smothered the poor little thing at birth. I think it just suited her to resurrect the fantasy in order to create a thoroughly guilty and embarrassed legatee whose strings she could pull after she was dead.'! She turned back to examine the portrait again. "She used and abused us all, one way and another, and I'm not sure I want to be manipulated by her any more. What do I say to Jane and Paul if they ask me why she left me her money?"
"Nothing," he said simply. "Because it's not your secret, Sarah, it's mine. Duncan did her one good service by destroying her diaries. It leaves you free to build a memorial to her in any shape or form you like. In ten years, Fontwell will see her only as a generous benefactress because there'll be no evidence to prove otherwise." He cupped her face in his hands. "Don't abandon her now, sweetheart. Whatever her motives were and whatever she did, she entrusted you with her redemption."
"She should have entrusted it to you, Jack. I think she probably loved you more than anyone in her whole life." Dampness glistened along her lashes. "Does she deserve to have people think well of her?"
He touched her tears with the tip of his finger. "She deserves a little pity, Sarah. In the end that's all any of us deserve."
This is the diary of Mathilda Beryl Cavendish. It is my story for people to read when I am dead. If anyone finds it they should take it to the police and make sure Father is hanged. He made me do something wicked today and when I said I was going to tell the vicar, he locked me in the cupboard with the scold's bridle on my head. I WAS BLEEDING. He cries a lot and says it is Mother's fault for dying. Well, I think it's Mother's fault, too.
It was my birthday yesterday. Father says I am old enough and that Mother would not mind. She knew about men's needs. I am not to tell ANYONE or he will use the bridle. OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Mother should never have done such things, then Father would not do them to me. I am only ten years old.
I HATE HER. I HATE HER. I HATE HER...
FB2 document info
Document ID: 36c9596a-f649-4d0e-a00d-4c748afcaf8d
Document version: 1
Document creation date: 24.7.2011
Created using: calibre 0.8.10 software
Document authors :
Walters, Minette
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Scold's Bridle Page 33