by Barb Han
“It’s not your fault, Joshua.”
“I put him in harm’s way. I may as well have tossed him to Perez and his men on a platter.”
“You had no idea any of this would happen,” she countered, not ready to let him take all the blame. “If you remember correctly you were just trying to save me and that’s what got you into this mess in the first place. You were doing the right thing in helping what you thought was a teenager in trouble. That’s how Perez spotted you. That’s why his men are after you. And all that is because I tried to do undercover work that I wasn’t authorized to do. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.”
“Not so easy. I make my own choices and I take responsibility for them. You didn’t ask for my help and I think we both know you wouldn’t have. I still have the bruise on my left arm from you being frustrated about that one. He’s my brother. I didn’t warn him about Perez. This is on me. Besides, you don’t get to corner the market on all the guilt.”
Was that true? Had she been making herself responsible for everyone around her? Always turning every situation that went sour into her fault? Yeah, the cowboy was probably right. Didn’t change the fact that neither O’Brien would be on the run or hurt if it hadn’t been for her carelessness.
“I should’ve known better. Perez was after me and I didn’t connect the dots that my own twin brother might be in danger. How stupid does that make me?”
“From my point of view?” she asked but it was rhetorical. “You’re always trying to put others first. That’s the whole reason you intervened in the field. And you’ve been trying to keep me out of trouble ever since. If anyone’s taking the blame for Ryder being jumped, it’s me. I never should have taken off like that without telling you.”
If he really believed what he was saying about himself what did he think of her? She’d messed up big time with Isabel. Did the cowboy blame Alice as much as she blamed herself?
The room went quiet and she could tell he was turning over what she’d said in his mind.
“You didn’t say what happened to your mom,” Joshua whispered after several silent beats had passed. “Is it okay to ask about her?”
“Yeah, sure. It happened a long time ago. Her body was found exactly two months after the day she disappeared. She’d been strangled and then dumped on the side of the highway. The case was never solved,” Alice said with as much detachment as she could muster. The truth was that she would never stop wondering what had happened to her mother and how different her own life might have turned out if she hadn’t been shuffled into the system. Would she be able to trust? Because not trusting anyone, ever, and always expecting the worst, was exhausting.
“That the reason you went into law enforcement? Needing answers in your mother’s case?”
“Probably. At least part of it.”
“The sheriff must’ve made a good impression,” Joshua said after another thoughtful pause.
“I admired him for how much he cared about people, strangers.” Her own father hadn’t cared enough to stick around but there was no use sinking into that self-pity hole. Feeling sorry for herself didn’t change her situation and only made her bitter.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about everything you’ve been through,” Joshua said. She could tell that he meant every word and there was something about hearing it that eased her burden. “No one and especially not a kid should have had to endure any of it.”
“It’s not your fault, but I appreciate what you’re sayin’.” It was pitch-black in the room and she couldn’t see a hand in front of her face if she wanted to and yet she felt comforted while talking to Joshua. What was it about darkness that made it seem safe to spill secrets? Or was it the cowboy’s presence that made her feel that way?
“It wasn’t yours, either,” he said quietly.
She let that thought hang in the air, waiting for her eyes to adjust.
“I know that you don’t want to lose momentum in the investigation, so I’m planning on going out tomorrow to recheck the site. I need to know what all you’ve gotten yourself into,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Sharing won’t be a problem for me. I won’t hold anything back as soon as you tell me which branch of law enforcement you work for,” she said.
Joshua sat there, silent, as her eyes were beginning to adjust to the dark. She could make out his basic form if not the details of his face. She wished she could see his expression so she’d know if he was about to lie.
“I’m on leave from my job as a cop in Denver, trying to decide my next move.” His steady, even tone said he was telling the truth.
“Why would you leave the force for a cattle ranch?” she asked, quickly adding, “Not that cattle are bad. It just seems like a drastic change.”
“My parents died and I inherited part of the family property. It was always assumed that I’d come back and take my rightful place with my brothers to help run things,” he said.
She picked up on the way he’d said assumed, like he had no say in the decision. Joshua O’Brien didn’t strike her as the kind of man who would roll over on something as important as the work he did. Before she could ask, he stood.
“I’m going to check on my brother. Do you need anything while I’m up?” he asked, the topic clearly closed.
“No. Thanks. I’m fine.”
He stopped at the doorway. “Are you really?”
“I will be when I get Isabel back.”
* * *
MORNING CAME AND the smell of fresh-cooked eggs and bacon streamed through the hallway and into Alice’s room. She eased to a sitting position, trying not to think about how much movement hurt. She needed to get back on track with the investigation but there was no way she could do anything in her present condition.
Joshua appeared in the doorway with a tray of what smelled like heaven on earth. “I thought you might be hungry.”
“Starving.” She figured it was a peace offering after the way things ended last night.
“Doc said that would be a good sign. She’s doing rounds at the hospital this morning and said she’d drop by on her lunch hour to check on her favorite patient.”
“Me?”
“I know she wasn’t talking about my brother.” He laughed as he set the tray on her lap.
“How is he, by the way?” she asked, taking the mug of coffee first.
“Sleeping. Better. He’ll be fine. He didn’t sustain a serious enough blow to worry the doc. She wants him to stay until she gets here and then she figures she’ll cut him loose.” Joshua took his seat, clasped his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees.
That wasn’t a good sign because his body language said he was closing up on her.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I have something to say and you’re not going to like it.”
She took another sip to clear her mind.
“I spoke to the sheriff this morning.”
She started to protest but he cut her off.
“Before you get riled up, hear me out.”
She picked up the fork and toyed with the eggs, staring intently at them.
“Here’s the deal. You already know about my law enforcement background and that’s why I know how important it is to follow protocol if you ever want your job back. I also know about the situation with Professional Standards—”
She tried to cut him off again with similar results.
“Maybe you don’t want to work in law enforcement again, and that’s fine. Either way, I want to give you the option.”
“You have my attention.” She dug into a chunk of scrambled egg and pushed it into her mouth. It was probably too late to save her job but it would be helpful in trying to raise the twins if she wasn’t in jail for obstruction. The thought of doing something that could separate her from
her boys, and especially with no father in the picture, threatened to eat away at what was left of her stomach lining.
“I know the feds are involved and you’ve ignored everyone’s warnings to butt out of this case. Tommy is a friend of mine and he wants to speak to you as a witness,” he said. “You don’t have to worry. He isn’t planning on arresting you or giving up your location to your SO.”
Alice chewed the eggs.
“Before you tell me what a bad idea all this is I’d like to point out that you’re in no condition to do any of this on your own,” he added. “You need me at the very least and I need to bring in help to do this the right way and avoid anyone else getting hurt.”
That much was true. She wouldn’t argue there.
“You have strict instructions to rest and I’ve been told to apply salve to your burns and redress them twice a day,” Joshua seemed to add that part to further his point of her needing to accept help.
“Is that why my burns don’t hurt? Some miracle salve?” she asked, considering his proposition. She thought about lighting the station wagon on fire, the blaze...and then remembered the printout she’d taken from in between the driver’s seat and console a few moments before she lit the paper and stuffed it in the gas line.
“Where’s my backpack?” She frantically scanned the room. The piece of paper could mean nothing more than a family gathering or restaurant location but she’d seen cases blown wide open with less.
“It’s in the kitchen.” He didn’t ask if she wanted him to get it. He seemed to sense the importance of it as he cleared the room and returned a few seconds later. “What am I looking for and where?”
“In the front compartment.”
Joshua pulled out the Google map, shooting Alice a warning look. “No. We’re not going to investigate this ourselves. You’re going to finish your breakfast and I’m going to send for the sheriff.”
“But—”
“Nothing. You’re in no shape to confront these guys and they most likely assume I’m dead.”
“They’ll know you’re alive when they read the news and learn there were no bodies in the trailer.”
“Details about the incident are being suppressed,” he said.
“Your sheriff has that much power?”
“Here locally, yes. But that’s not why.”
Alice knew what he was going to say before he said it.
“You already know the feds are involved because they told you if you didn’t leave this alone they’d haul you to jail on obstruction charges,” he said.
“So you already know,” she said. “They’ll do it anyway as soon as I surface. They have to know I’ve been involved.”
“Not necessarily. Tommy’s working on your behalf. Giving him this map will help prove that you’re willing to step aside and let them do their jobs. You act otherwise and none of us will be able to help you or keep you out of jail.”
“They would still be clueless if it weren’t for me. I’m getting further than they are on my own and they’ll mess everything up for me if I let them in,” she countered, knowing full well they didn’t care about her or Isabel. All they wanted was Perez.
“I understand where you’re coming from and I have to think that they do, too, on some level.” Joshua’s tone had softened. “So, I’m not asking you to do this for them. I’m asking you to do it so you can be around this Christmas for your boys. They need you. Isabel needs you. And we have to do this the right way or you could lose everything.”
The weight of those last four words sat heavy on her chest.
Everything the cowboy said made sense. She knew in her heart that he was looking out for her best interests and so was her SO. She could give it another chance with the sheriff’s support. The feds couldn’t be trusted. They’d been clear that they were willing to sacrifice Isabel for a bigger conviction. Granted, she wanted Perez or whoever had Isabel to go to jail for the rest of his life but Isabel would always come first. If Alice had the chance to swoop in and get Isabel away from Perez’s operation she wouldn’t think twice even if it meant jeopardizing the bigger case.
“Call your friend. I’ll tell him everything I know about Perez’s operation and what I’ve found out so far if he promises me to put Isabel first,” she said.
“Deal. He’ll do the right thing. You can trust him,” Joshua seemed to read her worried thoughts.
Show her a cop with blind faith in people and she’d expose the real Santa Claus.
Chapter Eight
“Thanks for coming on such short notice,” Joshua said to Tommy at the front door.
“I’m not sure how you convinced her to talk to me.” Tommy glanced around the living room.
“We want the same things,” Joshua responded. “Trust is going to be an issue for her.”
“She’s a cop, so I figured as much,” Tommy said.
“It’s more than that. Her dad abandoned her at a young age. Her mother was murdered. Then she was shuffled around the system.” Her fierce determination to protect Isabel made even more sense to him now. Because of a mistake she felt that she’d condemned a young girl to the same fate as her own—a fate that hadn’t been kind.
“I’m guessing that didn’t work out too well for her,” Tommy said.
“Not until a retired sheriff and his wife stepped up to the plate. She was in high school by then.” Joshua also figured it was the only reason she’d agreed to speak to another sheriff instead of one of her own. He could also see the attraction in becoming an officer because cops were all about the camaraderie, about being a family. Her earlier defensiveness about needing to feel like she was pulling her own weight made more sense to him now, too. He was slowly breaking down that wall and, he hoped, gaining her trust in the process.
“I see,” Tommy said with a frown. He would understand the implications of her life better than anyone. “She sounds like a strong woman.”
Joshua nodded. On the outside? She was tough. But she’d constructed a fortress around her heart. It took a lot of strength to walk away from her boys in order to throw everything she had into finding Isabel and he could see that decision hadn’t come lightly by the depths in her blue eyes. It took sheer determination and grit to do what she was doing. And that was one of the many reasons he wanted to do everything he could to help. “We better not keep her waiting.”
Joshua led Tommy into the guest room where Alice waited. Her hands were clasped, resting on her lap. The bandage wrapped in gauze covered her entire right forearm.
“Thank you for agreeing to see me, Ms. Green,” Tommy said after introductions.
“Call me Alice.” Her body language, clasped hands and tension lines creasing her forehead, said that she was not at ease.
Ryder appeared in the doorway. “Whatever’s going on, I want in.”
Joshua would remind his brother that he was in no condition to help catch a guy like Perez if it would do any good. It wouldn’t. So, he said, “I’ll get another chair.”
By the time he returned, Tommy was sitting in the guest chair, leaned slightly forward with his torso angled toward Alice. Joshua set the kitchen chair down next to Tommy and then sat on the foot of the bed.
“First off, I wanted to thank you for what you did on-site,” Tommy began.
“Anyone in this room would do the same for me,” she countered with a glance toward Ryder.
Joshua had noticed she didn’t like receiving compliments. He needed to change that. She should know how brave everyone thought she was. And strong. And beautiful, that annoying little voice in the back of his head said again. Annoying or not, the voice was right. Even banged up and defensive she was beautiful.
“I’d take you on my team any day,” Tommy said, the comment making the tension lines bracketing her mouth ease. That was the best compliment a cop could r
eceive.
“Thank you, Sheriff,” she said and then changed the subject. “Have you figured out what that map is about?”
“We can talk about the map in a second. I appreciate what you did for Ryder. He’s more like a brother to me than a friend so I owe you. I was also thanking you for making the call to the sheriff before you set the station wagon on fire,” he said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Alice moved her right arm to her side as though shielding it from Tommy’s view would make him not notice it. And that’s exactly how Joshua knew she was guilty. He’d been so grateful that she’d helped Ryder that he hadn’t really thought about much else.
Tommy leaned closer. “I’m not condemning you for setting the fire. I might’ve done the same thing given what you were up against if I’d thought of it. In case I haven’t made myself clear, I’m grateful that you did whatever was necessary to save my friend.”
Alice had believed it was Joshua in there and from the looks of it she’d been willing to sacrifice herself to save him. He shouldn’t be surprised. She’d been doing the same thing for Isabel even though she was putting herself in grave danger doing so and she’d done it for him when she realized Perez would be after him. He’d find a way to convince her to stay on the sidelines and let law enforcement do their jobs. Or he’d do it himself. No way was he allowing her to risk her life anymore.
“What makes you so sure it was me who made the call?” She wasn’t exactly denying it.
“Because dispatch received an anonymous call before the fire was set based on the preliminary report from the fire marshal. He chalked it up to a computer glitch or human error, thinking the time stamp was wrong on the call. You know what I think?”
Alice didn’t respond but she suddenly became very interested in a patch of blanket on her lap.
Joshua put his hand on her leg to offer some measure of reassurance.
“You phoned it in right before you lit that fire,” Tommy continued. “I’m guessing you were already injured and you figured you might not have time to call once everything was in motion.”