by Barb Han
“No, they can’t and I won’t pretend to understand what you’ve gone through,” he said in that infuriatingly calm voice of his.
“People have been through worse,” she said because that was the only mantra she knew. The one that had gotten her through several beatings and two attempted sexual assaults before the age of fifteen. Foster care could be great. She’d seen it work with the sheriff and his wife. And it could be the worst possible hell. She’d seen that side, too.
“Worse than what?” he pushed. “Being locked in a closet?”
“Those were good days at some places,” she said, anger a rising tide inside her.
“Being hit?” His calm voice barely breaking over the whoosh-sound thrashing in her ears.
“You’re getting closer,” she said. “Try being whipped with a cord but only in places that can’t be seen so you wouldn’t have to miss school the next day.”
“I’m sorry.” His words were quiet but he’d broken the seal on that topic.
“And then there was the time my ‘uncle’ Ralph forced himself on top of me while I was trying to do homework on my bed.” Her pace picked up. “I stabbed him with my pencil and he beat me to within an inch of my life.”
“I’m so sorry.” Those calm words broke through the anguish in her mind.
“Or how about the time I dropped the bowl of mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving so I was forced to pick my switch from the tree outside and then I was beaten before being locked in my room with no food.” She couldn’t stop now that those floodgates had been opened.
“You shouldn’t have had to go through that,” the calm voice said.
* * *
JOSHUA DIDN’T LIKE pushing her but there was so much she was keeping inside, burying. He knew exactly what that could do to a person. He’d lied to both his parents, said everything was fine when they were laying out their grand plans for the future, plans that he’d agreed to even though everything inside his body said no. He’d sat at the same conference table he had earlier with his family and let his future be laid out for him. And now he couldn’t take any of it back.
“People go through worse. Every single day,” she shot back. “There’s nothing special about me.”
“There’s where you’re wrong,” he countered.
“I’m not.” She stopped in front of him, her glare daring him to argue. Her shoulders were tensed, her hands flexing and releasing and there was panic in her eyes. Maybe she was afraid to feel special.
“Do you ever do anything to make yourself happy?” he asked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s a simple question. I’ll rephrase it. When was the last time you did something for yourself?” he asked.
“Why is that important?”
“Because it’s important for me to know,” he said as calmly as he could. The truth was that with her so close his heart was thumping in his chest. It was taking pretty much all the willpower he had to stand there, a foot apart, without touching her. There was anger in her eyes but there was something else, too. Trust.
“To be honest, I don’t really think about myself much.”
“Do you think other people are like that? That every person looks out for others in the way that you do?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I guess not.”
“You know they don’t. You’ve seen it firsthand. You’ve been bounced around, mostly to places that were a living hell. I’m amazed that you dedicated your life to upholding the law because one look at the statistics says you should be on the wrong side.” He’d seen enough of that side through the charity work his mother was involved in and the stats were downright depressing. Most kids brought up in an unstable environment ended up unstable adults. It was like bad seed planting bad seed, perpetuating itself all over again.
There was fire to her eyes now. Fire and spark. It was what he’d come to love about her. Hold on...
Love?
That was a strong word to describe his feelings.
“I had a choice just like everyone else. Bad things happen to good people all the time and whatever happens in childhood isn’t a child’s fault,” Alice said and he already knew he was in trouble with her. “But the day I turned eighteen I figured that I had a choice about my life. I could blame my rough situation on everyone else and be miserable. Or I could take charge of my life and find happiness. Not that I’m all that great about that last part. I make mistakes, but I’m giving my best effort.”
Alice stood toe-to-toe with him now. What she lacked in height she made up for in spirit.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he said. Staring into those blue eyes was like looking straight into the sun. He was going to get burned. He just didn’t know to what degree.
“I didn’t want to but I’ll tell you what scares me,” she said.
“Okay,” he said, arms folded, feet positioned in an athletic stance.
“I’m scared to death that I’ll mess up my kids. Or worse, they’ll end up in the system because their father didn’t want anything to do with them and I land myself in jail because I do something stupid,” she said.
“You’re doing better than you think,” Joshua said. “Your boys are amazing, happy.”
“Rambunctious,” she added and he had to smile.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” It was true enough. The pair of them were lively. But they were also like a sunny day after months of cold, hard winter. “You won’t go to jail. I’ll see to that.”
“And what if you’re not around?” she asked.
It was a good point.
“Where am I going?” he asked. He had every intention of making sure she was okay.
“There are two times when I’m truly happy,” she said and her words came out like a dare.
“Okay.” He readied himself for pretty much anything.
“One is when I’m with my twins and we have the whole day together with nothing to do but hang out and play,” she said and her entire demeanor softened.
“And the other?” he asked.
“Right now. When I’m with you.”
Chapter Fourteen
Joshua knew that he was going to pay for this later, but he hauled Alice against his chest anyway. Her scent, fresh flowers and clean, filled his senses. He’d memorize that scent for when she disappeared into her own life in Tucson and he spent lonely hours on the job. A flash of his apartment in Denver invaded his thoughts. There’d been very little furniture, only the necessities for day-to-day living. There’d been months on end of cold, gray skies. Looking back, it seemed so...empty.
Instead of wallowing in that thought, he buried his face in her hair. Her hands were on either side of his face now and she was guiding him to her lips.
They’d need to take it easy and that was going against everything inside Joshua’s body. Strung taut, his muscles vibrated with tension that begged for release. He would have to take it slow, careful. Counter every primal urge inside him because he wanted to go fast and hard and lose himself inside her.
When their lips touched, electricity hummed inside his body searching for an outlet.
His arms were already around her waist as he bent down and scooped her up, her legs wrapping around his midsection. His erection was already painfully stiff, pressing against the denim of his jeans, and he’d never wanted a woman like he wanted Alice. Her skin was soft, silky against his.
“Take me to bed,” she said and his feet were already moving, their breath quickening. His heart was a hammer against his rib cage.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He eased her down on the floor at the foot of the bed.
She grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. He watched for any signs of pain that movement caused and was relieved when th
ere were none. Any indication and he’d force himself to stop, somehow.
“You can’t,” she said with a look in her eyes that said he couldn’t physically hurt her anyway. Emotionally, well, he didn’t even want to go there. He was already in too deep.
Joshua had another problem. He needed to slow their frantic pace or this whole thing would be over before it had a chance to get good. He smirked. “You’re beautiful, Alice.”
“No, I’m not.” She blushed, her cheeks flush in the light from outside his window.
He ran his finger along her lacy bra before unsnapping it in the front. She shrugged out of it and her full breasts felt silky and hot against his palm. Her nipple beaded and he groaned. “Then you don’t see what I see.”
Her hands were already tugging at his shirt, so he discarded it on the floor next to her pile of clothes. His jeans and boxers followed a half second later and he stood there, naked, just as she was. Her body shone in the moonlight and it was about the sexiest thing he’d ever set eyes on.
He started with her shoulder and kissed her, tenderly. He moved down to the stab wound on her side and feathered a kiss above the bandaging. Moving slowly, his lips grazed her ribs until he could easily access her bare breast.
Alice mumbled something he didn’t pick up with a little moan as he took her nipple in his mouth.
And then his lips trailed down across her firm belly. His movements were fluid, careful. The next second, she was on the bed, positioned at the edge, her legs apart.
He pulled a condom from his bedside table and fumbled as he rolled it over the tip of his erection, hands shaky with need...a need for Alice. And then he was inside her, her hands around his midsection, urging, as he drove deeper.
The sound of pleasure that tore from her throat egged him on. He pulled back and then thrust again. She joined his movements, slow and precise at first, that built to a frantic pace as both struggled to breathe, needing release.
Her muscles tensed and her breath held, so he drove faster and harder until she shattered around him. A single thrust and he detonated inside her in an explosion that rocked his core.
For a long moment, neither moved, frozen in time, neither wanting it to end.
Until they repositioned onto his bed, under the covers, their arms and legs tangled, warm bodies together in the chilly evening.
Joshua held on until he could feel her even breathing, her sweet sounds of sleep.
And then he let go, too, full of the knowledge that he was in serious trouble with her in his arms.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING, Joshua stretched, untangled his limbs and then forced himself out of bed to make coffee. He could lie there all day with Alice, her warm smooth skin pressed to his.
Okay, he’d better cut it out before he created a problem that couldn’t be fixed while she was sleeping. He finished his first cup and opened email on his laptop. His itinerary was there. He’d leave tomorrow morning on an early o’clock flight. He needed a ride to the airport.
Ryder would be up since it was already light outside so Joshua called his brother’s cell.
“Did you hear about the meeting tomorrow morning?” Ryder asked. “Eight a.m.”
“No.” Joshua scanned emails until he found one from Dallas. He quickly read it. “What does Uncle Ezra want now?”
“Same thing as always, I guess. Our land,” Ryder said.
Joshua had no interest in fighting the same battle over and over again. It was already time to let go and move on.
“I need a favor,” he hedged.
“Okay.”
“I need a lift to Houston Hobby early tomorrow morning.”
“Where are you headed?” Ryder asked.
“Just some business I need to take care of.” Joshua tried to sound casual.
“We have that meeting,” Ryder said.
“You’ll be back in time to make it. I’ll call in from the airport,” he said, felling another bite of guilt because they both knew he wouldn’t.
“Where are you headed?” Ryder asked, leaving it alone. Joshua was grateful.
“Up north. Have to talk to someone there. I’ll be back tomorrow night and I’m hoping to get another ride,” he said, giving his brother the details. “You can fill me in on the Uncle Ezra situation.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Ryder said and Joshua was pretty sure he picked up on a hint of disappointment in his brother’s voice.
He hated feeling like he was letting his family down.
“Thanks, bro. See you tomorrow morning,” he said. He moved to pour his second cup of coffee as Alice entered the kitchen.
“What was that all about?” she asked and he wondered how much she’d heard.
“I have a meeting tomorrow out of town. It’ll be an in-and-out trip.” It wasn’t a lie and yet it sure burned like one. Joshua moved to her, kissed her. She looked amazing wearing the flannel shirt he’d left out for her. “How about a cup of coffee?”
She didn’t immediately respond, just bit her lower lip and then nodded.
Joshua poured two cups and handed one over.
“I can’t stop thinking about those marks.” She picked up her cell phone and located the picture she’d taken last night of the floorboard at the compound. She set the phone down in between them, studying it while she sipped her coffee.
Joshua was grateful for the change in subject. He didn’t want to lie to her, couldn’t lie to her. And yet he wasn’t ready to tell her, either. He was stuck in a weird space not knowing what he really wanted. Ask him yesterday morning or the days leading up to it and he would’ve answered that he wanted that job more than anything else. Last night had changed things. Now, with her in his house, he wasn’t so sure. He’d go to the interview and see how he felt after. He’d know one way or the other once the job was offered, if the job was offered.
The rest of the morning was quiet. He picked up breakfast from the main house after seeing her twins off with Marla back to Tucson. Joshua had another one of those weird feelings in his chest, a stir from somewhere deep, as he buckled them into their seats on the helicopter.
Alice spent the balance of the morning online trying to figure out what the scratches in the picture meant—I III II B / I-I—and came up empty.
Joshua had had a few food supplies delivered so he fixed sandwiches for lunch and made her promise to rest on the couch. Curled up with his laptop, she looked right at home there. And a very big part of him was ready to claim her as his. But then there was something else on Joshua’s mind. Something that had been eating away at the back of his mind and he needed to talk to her about it because he was falling down a rabbit hole with his emotions and he needed to know if this, whatever this was, was a good idea.
“When you were talking about Fischer the other day, you said he’s ‘technically’ the father of your twins.” Joshua paused for a beat. “What does ‘technically’ mean? He either is or he isn’t.”
“The only tie he has to my boys is shared DNA,” she responded and her voice was even, indicating no deception.
“That is the substance that binds a person together,” he countered. “It’s what makes families and that’s powerful if you ask me. Not something that can be shoved aside or ignored.”
“True. If he wants a relationship with the boys, I would never stand in his way. They have a right to know their father as much as he has a right to know them. As for anything between the two of us, well, that possibility died when he walked out two weeks before they were delivered. I gave it a chance before and nothing has changed since. We spoke the other day and I let him off the hook with helping care for the boys. He sounded more relieved than anything else.”
“It’s pretty clear that the man still has feelings for you,” Joshua said.
“Yeah, well, me and my boys are a
packaged deal,” she said quickly. “As for Fischer and me, I’m done.”
Joshua took a sip of his coffee. He wanted to think over what she was saying. He couldn’t imagine not knowing his own sons. First of all, the twins were pretty darn cute. They had personalities to match. What if Fischer spent time with them and decided he wanted to play Dad? Would it be right for Joshua to stand in the way of a family?
Knowing how important sharing the O’Brien name with his brothers meant to him, she would easily be able to understand why he’d see this issue more as blank and white. But then, she had to have figured out that no O’Brien would walk away from his own child.
“Besides, there are stronger and more important forces in the world than shared genes,” she said after a thoughtful pause and he realized that she’d been staring at him the whole time.
“Yeah, like what?” Joshua asked.
“Love.”
Chapter Fifteen
By the time Alice woke the next morning, Joshua was gone. The bed felt too big without him and she lay there an extra few minutes breathing in his unique masculine scent—clean and spicy—that lingered on the pillow and sheets.
Alice threw the covers off and her feet over the side of the bed keenly aware of the fact that it was Friday. She stretched, amazed at how fast her burn was healing. Her stab wound was better, too. She’d have to remember to send Dr. McConnell flowers when this whole ordeal was all said and done. Alice shuffled her feet into the kitchen and then made a fresh pot of coffee. It was her second favorite scent, next to Joshua’s. Speaking of which, he’d said that he’d call once he landed in...wherever he’d said he was going. Or did he?
She probably forgot. Her mind had been preoccupied with the case.
After a few glorious sips of coffee, she phoned Marla to check on the boys. Her sitter didn’t have anything new to report except how excited they’d been at riding in the helicopter again. Marla admitted to being thrilled about that fact herself.