by Jaye Cox
CHAPTER TWO
“You’re beautiful,” I hear coming from the other side of the shower door; I almost scream but I stop myself because I know it’s him standing there. My heart is racing and it’s not just from being scared half to death. It’s that Rayne just told me I’m beautiful, which can only mean he’s looking at me through the barely frosted, half shower screen.
Oh shit! What is he doing in here? Better yet, how long has he been watching me? “What are you doing in here, Rayne?” I yell out. I’m shocked he’s seen me...all of me. He passes me a towel through the open half of the shower with his face turned away as he walks to the door, keeping his back to me, but not leaving.
I cover myself up and he turns and smiles at me, “I was looking for you and when I heard you in the shower, I couldn’t stop myself, sorry. Well, then I had to watch, you’re so beautiful.” He says, I hear him sigh and he walks out, closing the door behind him. Once the door clicks shut, I immediately want him back in my space. He said I was beautiful! I should find the fact he was watching me shower extremely creepy, but I don’t; I find it arousing. The thought of him being so close, watching me, floods my mind with thoughts of him touching me in places no one has touched me before.
I walk into my room and he is lying on my bed, propped up against the headboard with his guitar lying across his lap. He doesn’t say a word, but I can feel his eyes on me watching my every move. He doesn’t even hide the fact that he’s looking at me as I watch him from the corner of my eye. “So why are you here? Where is Tommy?” I ask, as I go into my closet to change, keeping the door open just enough to hear his response.
“Tommy was too hungry to wait, so I offered to pick you up and we can meet him there. I hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t” I say. Why would I mind as I get to spend more time with him alone? Being alone with a guy like him should scare me, but it doesn’t it actually terrifies me - in a good way. Have you ever had a moment of bravery and do something so out of character for no reason at all? This is the first day I did. My insides are literally shaking as I drop my towel. I know he can see me through the crack in the door that has opened slightly more than where I left it. He knows I know he can see me. I feel his eyes watching me as I slightly bend to slip on my underwear and pull them up as slowly as I can. I hear him say “fuck” as the springs in my bed move. As I reach for my bra, all the hairs on my body stand on end, then I feel the heat from his body on my back. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation of chills running down my spine. I straighten out my body, he is now so close I can feel his breath on my neck. My breathing becomes shallow while my heart beats so erratically, if he touched me I might pass out from the rush of adrenaline. He runs his hand up the side of my waist without touching me and the heat glides over my body in waves. Just his near touch is enough to make me need more, to want more as his hand nears the top of my underwear. I’m holding my breath with anticipation as to what he’ll do next.
He lightly touches my waist with his fingertips and I instantly feel the sharp tingling sensation through my body. I’m so wrapped up in feeling his touch that when he moves his hand away almost like he’s been burnt by the feeling, he turns to grab his guitar and walks out the door, leaving me feeling dazed and confused.
I get dressed, running everything that happened through my mind; maybe I did something wrong? I tell myself not to overthink it and that I’m not going to get involved with him. He won’t be here long if his band doesn’t do well at the bar. I don’t need a broken heart, but who am I kidding, from the moment our eyes met this afternoon, it was like he had the key to my soul. I go to the bathroom and add a little makeup and blow dry my hair, making sure I look somewhat put together.
“Ready,” I say as I come down the stairs. I look at him and see his features almost pained and that does something to me, I’m obviously not the only one affected. There’s something between us that’s almost tangible and whether we know one another or not, it’s there, and I plan to see where it goes.
“Sweet. Let’s rock and roll,” he says, as he follows me out to the car like nothing even happened. I have no idea where the party is, so I call Tommy. I catch sight of Rayne in the car all kicked back, strumming his guitar. He’s mesmerizing. I’m completely lost in him when my phone snaps me out of my trance. “Hey Tommy, we’re ready to leave but I have no idea where we are going.” I listen to his response and feel my head spin, “No way! You did not tell me the party was at her house. I swear you’ll be the one owing me; we’re on our way.” I snap and end the call. I cannot believe the nerve of him. How did he think I would be ok with going to a Tammie Miller party? She’s the bitch who tried to make my life hell in high school; all because she liked Tommy and didn’t believe we were just friends. “What’s wrong?” Rayne asks looking up at me from under all that hair, I have to refrain from the urge to lean over and run my fingers through it.
“Nothing,” I spat, as I pull out of the driveway, I’m so pissed at Tommy for this. He knows how she treated me and how I feel about her. The whole ride, all I do is fume and try to come up with ways to ditch her party, but before I know it, we arrive and the party is already in full swing.
We go inside to find Tommy, Rayne must pick up on my nervousness because he grabs my hand, interlocking our fingers together. He gives my hand a tight squeeze and I feel the same surge of electricity run through my hand, but he doesn’t pull away this time.
He leads me through the swarm of people and into the kitchen where we spot Tommy out by the pool with none other than Tammie, who has made a home on his lap. I wish he would find a nice, steady girl and stop sleeping around with sluts like her. He spots us walking over and pushes Tammie of his lap as he stands and looks down at our hands, frowning.
Tommy and I don’t keep secrets from one another; we talk to each other about anything and everything and that includes sex, well not my non-existent o, but we do discuss his often. Our friendship isn’t weird to us as we both understand each other and don’t judge. Rayne lifts my hand and kisses it before letting it go, the instant he does I feel the loss.
“Have we met before?” I hear Tammie say, as she comes up to Rayne, running her hand up and down his arm and I feel a pang of jealousy deep in my stomach. How dare she just walk up and touch him like that. Tommy steps in between them and makes introductions, “Tammie, meet Rayne; he will be staying here for a while as his band got a spot at Paulie’s.”
“Well, I’m sure we’ll be good friends, Rayne.” Tammie says with a wink. I think I’m going to need a strong drink. Just standing here watching this makes me sick, especially since she was all over Tommy less than two minutes ago.
“I doubt that very much. I have plenty of friends. I have my band, Tommy, and Tiny Dancer here.” I’m taken back by his words, but I’m secretly doing cartwheels in my head. Not only did he blow Little Miss Tammie of, but he called me Tiny Dancer. He’s given me a nickname and I love it.
“Tiny Dancer?” I whisper. He smiles at me and continues his conversation with Tammie, she’s looking at him like he just ran over her puppy.
“That was rude, I’m sure I can find a place for you somewhere,” he says, taking away my sudden burst of happiness as I’ve now been friend zoned. I mentally chastise myself for even thinking someone like Rayne would even consider being with someone like me when there are girls like her. I felt something and I thought he may have felt too, but I was obviously wrong. I watch as Tammie pulls him into a crowd close by and within moments, he has his guitar out, playing for the group with Tammie hanging onto his arm. I don’t want to watch anymore, so I make my way to the kitchen and Tommy follows behind me. I pour myself a drink and pull my keys out of my pocket, handing them over to Tommy’s waiting hand. Neither one of us say anything but he knows something is up because I’m not a drinker - I barely got tipsy on my eighteenth birthday.
“Be careful, Bells. I would hate to see you get hurt.” I know he’s talking about Rayne.
“Nothing
to be careful about,” I lie knowing I am already feeling things I shouldn’t, but there’s no use in saying anything about it.
“Okay, Bells” he sighs, “Let’s go back out and have some fun; if you decide you want to leave, we’ll leave.”
“Thanks, Tommy. I appreciate the offer,” I say as I hug him tight. We go back to the pool where all of Tommy’s friends are sitting. They’re all joking around and having a good time while I sit there, close my eyes and listen to Rayne sing. Once he finishes the song, he starts to play a song I recognize from his Facebook page; You and Me by Lifehouse. I don’t even have to open my eyes to know he’s staring at me, but I look anyway. His eyes are completely focused on me―like he’s singing the song only to me. He’s impossible to read, but this surely isn’t something I’ve seen friends do. Tommy never looks into my eyes like that and sings.
Tammie hasn’t left his side, still hanging on to his arm while he stares and continues to sing to me. She’s noticed what is happening, but I don’t care. Everyone else fades away; it’s just me and him. Once the song is over, I break eye contact and look down at my hands, but when I look up again, his attention is back on Tammie and her gaggle of friends as they start throwing out requests.
There’s no doubt he is loving all the attention and why wouldn’t he? He’s amazing. I watch Rayne with his “groupies,” while listening to Tommy and his mates talk about Basketball. I’m feeling like an idiot and I’m also bored to tears by sports talk. I wish I could come up with a good excuse to get the hell out of here; instead I excuse myself and go to find the bathroom to take a breather and get myself together so I can get through this night. Tommy offers to walk with me but I tell him it shouldn’t be too hard to find. Once I finish in the bathroom, I go back to the party and take some time to look around for anyone else I may know here. I think it could be a long shot since no one I know even likes Tammie, but she does throw the most talked about parties. I see that half the kids here are underage but it’s the only place they have to go in this small ass town. I start watching a few guys I went to school with play a drinking game. One of the guys notices me standing next to him and asks me to have a seat. He introduces himself as Ben, he’s cute, in a nerdy sort of way, which instantly makes me feel at ease so I sit. He begins to explain the game of F.U.B.A.R―Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition. You start with a deck of cards and place them all face down in a pile. Then, each person draws one card at a time until all the cards are drawn or you become too wasted to continue. I don’t think I’ll remember many of the rules, but Ben offers to help me if I need him to.
Since I’m new to the game, they let me pick first and I pick a two. Ben slides two shots my way and I down them both. As the game goes on, I find everyone is picking me to drink, but I don’t care, I’m having a blast. Rayne never enters my mind once for the whole hour, and now I’m drunk, sitting on some random guy’s lap while playing a stupid drinking game. Before it gets to my turn again, I excuse myself to use the bathroom again. I manage to stumble up the stairs and knock on the door and when no one responds, I open the door and what I see tears my heart out. It feels like it shatters into a million pieces and makes me want to vomit; Rayne is standing there with Tammie plastered to his body. “Do you mind? We’re busy here,” she says.
“Sorry, but I did knock; I didn’t mean to interrupt you two,” I say as I close the door and rush down the stairs. I should’ve known, but who am I to judge? I’m drunk and won’t let my tears fall, I can’t. Wasn’t I just sitting on a guys lap? Even though I had no intentions of anything happening, I sure as hell didn’t think much of it and I was actually having fun. What I wasn’t prepared for was being drunk and seeing Rayne with Tammie. I’m being ridiculous, why should I care what they were up to? I don’t even know him.
I’m ready to leave, but I don’t go off looking for Tommy and as I don’t want him to see me all emotional and get pissed for no reason, I walk outside dodging Ben and his friends, to find a quiet spot to sit. I am struggling to control the build up of tears which are trying to find their way out, but somehow I finally do. I wouldn’t be acting this way if I hadn’t been drinking but my common sense has left me and I can’t understand why I’m letting him affect me this way. I hear commotion and open my eyes to see Rayne coming toward me like a mad man on a mission. He doesn’t look happy but I don’t care, it’s not like I meant to walk in on him. They certainly could have continued on after I left, so why is he out here, ready to rip my head off. Well, he can piss off and leave me alone. I don’t need another friend, well I do, just not him.
The countdown to midnight begins as I stand up and look up at him and he walks right up to me and kisses me. I’m so shocked that I just stand there stunned, not comprehending what is happening. When he pulls back, I begin to feel light-headed so I back up against the house and slide down, putting my head between my legs. I try to close my eyes but I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster and I want to get off. I’m obviously too drunk to function properly at the moment.
I feel myself being lifted, which makes my stomach roll, so I keep my eyes closed tight, praying that I don’t throw up. I can hear talking and thinking it is Tommy I slur something about him being the bestest best friend in the whole world and how his friend Rayne can suck it. I feel someone stroking my hair and I can’t do anything but drift off to sleep.
CHAPTER THREE
I wake up slowly, only to realize I’m not alone and I’m lying against Rayne’s chest while he glides his fingers down my waist to just above the top of my panties, but I can’t remember taking off my clothes. Actually, I can’t remember much from last night after seeing him and Tammie together in the bathroom. That memory is etched into all the corners of my brain. He slides his fingers under the top waistband of my underwear and it turns me on and my body wants it to happen, how does one person feel so right and so wrong at the same time? I remove his hand and shove him off the bed and away from me with as much force as I can. “What the fuck?” he yells, looking confused. “Tiny Dancer, why did you just push me onto the fucking floor?”
“Keep your filthy hands off of me,” I say; I’m angry over what I saw last night, whether I have a reason to be or not.
“My hands are not filthy.” He can keep telling himself that if it makes him feel better. Guys like him - this is what they do. I jump of the bed and get right in his face but he doesn’t even move, he just smiles. “They are and it’s not okay to touch me after you’ve had your hands all over Tammie. I AM NOT A SLUT!” I practically shout.
He’s still smiling at me, but he starts to laugh and I instantly feel stupid; what am I doing? I almost forget why I was so angry at him which means I am pathetic. One smile and I’m willing to forget everything about last night. “What’s so funny?” I snarl.
He continues to laugh and looks down at my body which reminds me that I am naked; all except for my bright pink G-string. “Aggggg!” I scream, covering my top half with my arms.
He infuriates me, how can he not take this seriously right now? Maybe serious is not in his world of casual hook ups and lots of women. I’m just some silly girl. He pulls his shirt off and hands it to me. I take it and turn around to put it on, trying my best to keep some dignity here.
“Listen, I’m sorry for laughing. Your clothes were a mess so I took them off, unless you wanted to lay in your own vomit. I cleaned you up and put you to bed and I stayed with you because you were wasted and I wanted to explain to you what you saw last night.” I don’t say anything, so he continues, “What you saw last night was nothing. Tammie followed me into the bathroom and you showed up just a few moments later, and that was it, I want you. You have no idea how fucked up this is, I truly want you, but after how highly Tommy talks about you, you deserve better, I’m a fuck up. I like my life the way it is and I’m far from being a good guy, it’s something I will never be. I’m not Prince fucking Charming, riding in on a white horse to save Daddy’s little princess.”
“For your information,” I s
ay stepping up onto my tippy toes to try get up as close to his face as possible, “I didn’t ask for Prince fucking Charming to come and sweep me off my feet, and it’s a little insulting for you to think that after knowing me for less than twenty four hours. I’m not going to pretend to know what’s going on, but I want you too. From the moment I laid my eyes on you, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I know you felt it too, so don’t try to deny it. I don’t know what it is or why it’s happening, but it is and that obviously scares you. Why else would you have acted the way you did last night, and gone off with Slutty McSlutbag? I finish my rant and realized I’ve been poking him in the chest the whole time. He’s looking between me and my finger and the look in his eyes is raw and I don’t know what to think of it until he grabs my body pulling me against his, he leans his weight into me so I am forced to take a step backwards where I am now pressed between the wall and his body, I don’t want to move as I like the way his body feels up tight against mine. I struggle to breathe, but it’s not because he has all his weight on me.
He is so close I can feel his breath on my face as he says “That’s just it; that’s me; that’s who I’m. I find the slutty girl and fuck her, only to never have to see her again. A quick fuck is less complicated.” he says, and then he whispers “but I do feel it and it fucking terrifies me because I will hurt you and I will ruin everything good about you, do you understand?”
I start to put up a fight as I feel the tears building in my eyes. “What if I don’t want to be fucking perfect? Did you ever think about that? Do you know what it’s like to have all that pressure on my shoulders? To be perfect at everything? It’s so hard. What I want is to just feel what it’s like to be free. What if you’re that for me―my one chance to have something real because whatever that feeling is when we touch, it hurts, but it’s worth every second of the pain.