by Jaye Cox
"Where are you going?” he says as he grabs my arm―not hard, but enough to stop me from walking away.
"I’m going to my house. I won’t have you embarrass me like this, Rayne."
"Fine but if you walk out that door, then don’t bother calling me tomorrow.”
"That’s on you, not me. I've done nothing wrong and I won’t let you make me feel guilty about that." Snatching my arm from his hand I walk out to my car where I sit in the passenger seat I’m too drunk to drive. Gees, I can't believe love can hurt this much - isn't love supposed to be easy? I call Tommy and ask him to come get me. I’m not sure how he can understand me through all my sobbing, but he says he’s five minutes away so I sit in the car and wait, hoping Rayne stays inside until after we leave. That’s the last thing I need is Rayne and Tommy getting into another fight.
Dex walks out and asks if I’m ok- I tell him I’m fine and that I rung Tommy who is coming to get me. He tries to convince me to not pay any attention to Rayne, saying he had a hard night but wouldn’t tell me why. I tell him I don’t care what happened tonight, since no one will tell me anything anyway. I’m a bit shocked because this is the most Dex and I have spoken. He isn’t much of a talker; he’ll joke around and talk to the guys, but he seems standoffish and reserved toward everyone else until he gets to know you. Tommy finally pulls up. I lock up my car and get into his, wiping my eyes to try downplay the fact that I was balling like a baby, over the guy he told me to stay away from. "Thanks for picking me up."
"I would do anything for you; you're my best friend. I didn’t get a chance to thank you for being so great with Natalie after your mini freak out."
"No problems, she seems nice."
"So what happened tonight?"
"Nothing I want to talk about right now and nothing you would want to hear." We drive to Tommy’s house since he knows I wouldn’t really want my father knowing Rayne and I had a fight again. I look at Tommy and he makes me cry. He’s so sweet and I can’t believe I’m so lucky to have a best friend like him. He leans over and wipes my tears, "Don’t cry, Bells. You're too pretty to cry and crying makes your face ugly." I laugh every time he says that to me. He says it every time I cry and it makes me stop crying every time.
"Come on, let’s get you to bed,” he says. I follow him up to his room and he gives me a shirt to change into. Previously I would have usually change in front of him but since we are older and both have partners now, I ask him to turn around. I get in and make him sleep at the bottom, I throw the spare pillow at him and he turns around and picks it up off the floor.
"Don’t you think we’re too old to top and tail now? I hate sleeping with your toes in my face" he complains
"You’re such a liar, I’m not tall enough to put my feet on your face; It’s you who kicks me all night." He laughs and gets in at the bottom end of the bed. He thinks he’s funny when he tries putting his toe up my nose.
"Stop it," I say, smacking his foot away. "I need sleep."
"Well stop keeping me awake and go to sleep already.” I kick him and roll over and try not to think about Rayne and what this means for us because right now I’m so mad; but all I can do is quietly cry myself to sleep.
CHAPTER TEN
Waking up and I’m instantly reminded that I fell on my ass last night, my tailbone hurts like hell now that I’m not so drunk. I feel something on my forehead so reach up and pull it off; it’s a sticky note.
Went to get you some breakfast.
X Tommy
Finding my phone I see I have eight missed calls; five from Rayne and three from Sam. I’m not ready to talk to Rayne so I send off a quick text to Sam to let her know I’m ok and that I will see her tonight since we’re both working the same shift. I go to freshen up before Tommy gets back with my breakfast¸ which gives me time to think about Rayne and what happened last night. I know we need to talk about it, so I decide I’ll go see him once I’ve eaten, just to get it over with before I make myself sick worrying about it all day. I hear Tommy’s car pull up and go into the kitchen to wait for him. I really do need something to eat after drinking last night. "So what did you bring me to eat?" I ask.
"I got croissants," he says, putting down the bag and pouring us a glass of orange juice.
"So, what happened last night?" he queries
"Rayne punched Brantley, his band also plays at Paulie’s too, because we were playing pool while I was waiting on them to turn up. After that, we had a fight."
"Bells, I hope you know what you’re doing.”
"I love him, and I think he just needs to know someone will love him no matter what."
"Mmmhmm," he mumbles skeptically.
"Some people can't be saved, Bells. Some people just take you down with them." We finish eating in silence because I just don't think he understands what it’s like to love someone so much it hurts to not be around them.
"Can you take me to get my car please? I have to go get some clean clothes and all my work clothes are at Rayne’s."
"Yep. Let’s go if you're ready," he says, as he grabs his keys and shoves half my croissant in his mouth. He drives me to my car and tells me to be careful, while I tell him to stop worrying so much or he’ll get gray hair before he’s thirty.
As I unlock my car, I see Rayne, curled up asleep in the backseat. I forgot I gave him a spare key to my car. I shake my head deciding not wake him up yet because I really need my clothes. I’m still not ready to talk about last night right now, but he does look adorable all crunched up in the backseat. I just want to lean over and run my hands through his hair, but I snap myself out of my lovesick puppy stupor. When I pull up in the driveway Rayne is still asleep. I roll my window down and leave him there―I’m sure he’ll figure out where he is when he wakes up. I go straight to Rayne’s room and pack a bag of clothes so I can get ready for work. I don’t know what I was thinking, just looking at him makes all the bad fade away. They say love is blind but this is too much because I used to look at girls like me and wonder why they wouldn't just leave. I turn to walk out of the room and he’s standing at the door, just watching me.
"Can we talk?"
"I don’t want to do this now, Rayne. I need to get ready for work." He walks over to me and puts his head against mine. I close my eyes because I know I’ll cry if I look into his eyes. They always say so much more than his words.
"I love you so fucking much,” he whispers into my mouth before he kisses me but I just can’t do this right now. I pull away and walk out the door and just keep walking until I get to my car. I decide to call in sick because I can’t go into work crying. Paulie gives me the week off when I say I have the flu and claims he’s not getting sick when he has no one to look after him.
The week flies by while I spend most my time with Tommy, that is when he isn’t with Natalie, he even brings her over a few times and I like her a lot. She doesn’t seem like the jealous type either, which is good. I don’t hear much from Rayne anymore, he tried calling me nonstop the first night but keeps tagging me in videos on Facebook, which I watch nonstop and cry myself to sleep. I just needed time to process and distance myself, but all that has happened is me realizing just how much I do love him, despite all his faults.
When I get to Paulie’s on my first day back, I thank God Rayne isn’t here yet. I get nervous and wonder if he’ll come alone or bring someone I know because guys like Rayne don’t wait around for girls. They’ve gotten quite a fan base now, so I know he has plenty of girls willing to do things I’m not ready for yet. Sam hasn’t said anything about Rayne tonight, which is unlike her. She has to know everything that happened but I figure she must have her own stuff going on. I don’t ask her about it tonight, afraid she might want to talk about me. The bar starts to fill up quickly and we’re slammed when I see the guys come in to set up. Morris comes up to the bar and Sam gets to work on their drinks while I serve people standing on the other side of the bar. I look over and see Morris whispering to Sam then she leans over the bar and
he gives her a quick kiss on the lips. I feel a little jealous because I want the type of love they have―one that’s easy and comes naturally.
Rayne gets up on stage and introduces the band, "Hello, everyone. How are you all doing tonight?" a few people yell out their answers, while some whistle and clap.
"Say hello to Dex on the drums." Dex does a little drum roll and lifts his sticks in the air. "Now for Morris on bass," Sam yells out from behind the bar and I laugh at her. She’s crazy about him. "And I know how much you ladies love Romeo on guitar," Romeo does a little solo and the girls go nuts. I can’t believe how loud they are. "I’m Rayne and I’m the voice behind all these ugly mugs, and we’re Kaleidoscope Memories. Tonight our set is going to be a little different than usual. You see, I fucked up big time and I need my girl to forgive me. I’m hoping by the end of the night she knows how much I love her and this first song is so she knows, without a doubt, that it's her; always and forever. So, this one’s for you, Tiny Dancer.
“We all love you,” Dex yells once Rayne is finished. I don’t look at him because I know it’s me and I hear them start singing Tiny Dancer. I get tears in my eyes because I can’t believe them; they’re crazy. He knows how much I loved the song when we watched Almost Famous together. We get busy and I don’t get to pay much attention to many songs, but Rayne makes sure he introduces a song when it’s for me.
"The next song is Howie Day’s, Collide." I listen to the lyrics of this song since it’s a slower song than they usually do. The song is very sweet. His voice comes through the speakers and it’s like sex in the air. He finishes that song and starts another that I recognize as Spin by Lifehouse. I’m trying hard to not make eye contact because I know if I do, I’m a goner. I’ll forget everything and already I’m fighting back the tears.
"While these guys take a break I’m going to ask Sam to come up and help me with this next song.” Sam gives me a huge smile and bounces up to the stage where Morris is setting up her keyboards and Rayne has his acoustic guitar, sitting on a stool.
"This song is for you; my Tiny Dancer." As soon as they start playing, I know the song is Halo it’s beautiful. Especially with Rayne’s voice, with all its huskiness. I never thought he could pull off a Beyoncé song. I lose all my self-control and look up at him to see he’s already looking at me, and in that moment, I can see how sorry he is as well as the love he has for me. He says it all with his eyes and all the bad stuff just melts away until I can’t remember or just don’t care why I was angry. I love this man so much that living another day without him would cause me so much more pain than anything he could do to hurt me. I call out to Tim to watch the bar just before Rayne finishes singing. I push through the crowd that’s formed and try to jump up onstage, which really isn’t easy at my size. He stands up and leans down, takes my hands and pulls me up to him. Gaining my feet I launch myself at him and knock him to the ground and I kiss him and he kisses me back accepting all the hurt and pain that my kiss holds. I need him to feel the pain he has caused me and to understand the depth of my hurt. Everything around me disappears and I don’t care where I’m or who can see me, until I hear some wolf whistles and “fuck yeah’s” coming from the crowd. I look up and see the whole bar is watching us and I’m sure my face has gone as red as my hair. Rayne laughs then pulls me in for another kiss. He helps me up and grabs his mic. "I think she forgives me - the fuck if I know why, but I think she does."
I nod my head and everyone starts clapping but I have to hurry back behind the bar where Sam is now; back to serving drinks, "You could have warned me." I say.
She laughs and says, "That wouldn’t have been as fun though, would it?"
"You all suck."
"You love us and you know it," she states.
"Since we have Tiny Dancer back on the dark side, maybe we should go back to our normal set?" Romeo asks.
Once the guys finish up and pack all their instruments up, Rayne and Morris come and sit at the bar and wait for Sam and I to finish cleaning up. Rayne walks up to me with a huge smile on his face, "I have a surprise for you.”
"You were that confident I would forgive you, huh?"
"No, but I was hoping you would."
"I’m finished now so we can go," I say as I walk around the bar.
I drive us all home since Dex and Romeo left earlier, Rayne is in an exceptionally good mood as he turns the radio on and sings the whole way home. We all laugh at his rendition of Redfoo’s, Let’s Get Ridiculous.
Once we get to Rayne’s, I go and change so I can find out what his surprise is. I’m shocked when I walk into the kitchen where Dex has his tattoo gear set up and is wiping everything down with disinfectant.
"What are you doing, Rayne?
"You’ll see.”
He lies on his side and Dex shaves behind his ear and then applies the stencil, but I can’t see what it is so I sit and watch from the kitchen bench. Once they are done, Rayne gets up to show me the design, it’s a silhouette of a dancer with musical notes surrounding it. Stunned I sit back and watch as Dex does his tattoo.
"I wanted to share a first with you. I’ve never gotten a tattoo before because it’s the one thing I had control over."
"So, you want one too?" Dex asks me.
"Really? You would give me a tattoo?"
"Get your ass up here and show me what you want." I draw a rough draft of what I want, it’s an infinity symbol with love written on one side and it ends on a music note. No matter what happens between us, I will love Rayne forever – he has taught me so much about myself.
Dex free hands the design on my wrist. "I love it, Dex." I say before he even asks if it’s how I want it. "Ok, this might hurt a little since you’re so boney."
He starts up the tattoo machine and it’s not so bad, but it does burn a bit. Rayne’s standing next to me, watching, and after five minutes, we are done. "Thanks, Dex," I say, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Under all his tattoos, he really is quite handsome.
"I’ll have your real surprise tomorrow."
"Really? What is it? Just tell me."
"Never,” he says as he takes off running into the lounge room.
"If I catch you, then you have to tell me." I chase after him and he jumps onto the couch. I run over and jump on, but as I get up, he jumps over the back and pokes his tongue out at me and runs down into the hallway. I don’t see where he goes, so I presume he went into his room. I walk into the room and there’s no sign of him so I turn to walk outside and he’s right behind me. He doesn’t give me time to blink before he crash tackles me onto the bed. We are both laughing and it’s nice to see this playful and relaxed side to Rayne. "I’m ready" I blurt out. I’m finally ready to have sex, ready to take that step. I love him and I know he loves me, so I don't have any reasons to keep holding off.
"You're ready?" he says, raising his eyebrow at me like a just spoke a different language.
"To have sex."
"Wow. Are you sure? I won’t do it here, I want your first time to be special. In all my fucked up mess of a life, you are my light and you deserve this one thing to be fairytale special. I know I’m far from Prince Charming, I’m more like Prince Charming’s evil twin brother."
Close enough, but I say, “Still in the Charming family, right?" We lie down and Rayne tells me a little about his mother and siblings; he has a brother who is seventeen and a sister who’s fifteen. They live about half an hour from here, and he tells me how lovely his mum is and how the band goes to her house once a month on a Sunday for lunch. He also tells me about his father, but doesn’t go into much detail except he only occasionally visits him and that’s only when he absolutely has to. I ask why, but he says it’s not important and I don’t push him since he’s opening up to me right now. I don’t want that to change this to bad memories. "Will you come meet my mum tomorrow?”
"Is that my surprise?"
"Maybe," he says with a smile.
"I would love to meet your family," I say with a yawn.
Stripping down to just my underwear and Rayne drops his pants then we jump into bed. I wasn’t expecting to but I was staring at his dick again completely fascinated He’s so comfortable with his body and within moments he starts snoring. I have no idea how he can just fall asleep instantly. I’m so excited he wants me to meet his family tomorrow that I can’t sleep, so I decide to send of a text to Tommy, letting him know I won’t see him until Monday. Then I upload a few pictures of Rayne sleeping onto Facebook and see that Romeo tagged me in a few pictures from tonight. I plug my phone in and curl up into Rayne and attempt to go to sleep.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sunday morning sees me get up earlier than usual as I have so much running through my mind; will his mum like me, or his sister? I’m not good with girls, they usually always hate me. Tommy says it’s because I’m beautiful and girls are always mean to the ones they see as competition but I find this absurd. Why would anyone be jealous of me? I was very plain with my blonde hair and a size six frame. I’ve always been awkward and skinny, with next to no bum. The only thing that’s a decent size on my body are my breasts. They are still small on a scale of small to huge but on me they look big. I would say my face is cute; my lips are full as Tommy’s dickhead friends like to say, I have ‘come suck me’ lips. Overall, I think I’m pretty enough, but not competition for other women. I decide to shower before the guys wake up, especially Romeo. He takes twice as long as I do in the shower; although it does smell nice in there once he’s finished. I’ve never met a man with so many products and just then I hear a door and see it’s Romeo, so I make a run for the shower. He’s not beating me today. I make it seconds before he gets there and quickly lock the door.
"That’s not fair." he groans
"You snooze, you lose, Romeo." I say laughing - I love all the guys. They’re all so important to me now, like we’re a big family and I love it. I love my family too but I wish my father would come around and meet Rayne and the guys. It would be so nice for him to accept them. I make my shower as quick as I can, since I know Romeo is dying to get in because he can’t function until he does. He won’t even leave the house if he doesn't shower. I go into the kitchen on a coffee hunt after my shower knowing there’ll be some ready. Dex has to have coffee if he’s getting up before lunch time and that’s where I find him and Romeo, in the kitchen.