“I have another question,” I said.
Varun’s mouth quirked into a small smile. “Please.”
“If I can’t enter the Library, how can I change fate?”
“There’s a way to change the past without entering the Library itself,” Varun said.
I waited.
“You’re not going to tell me?”
“All I can tell you is that there is another way. There are many ways, but you’ll know in your heart which is right for you.”
His fingers traced mine, and I could tell he felt what I did: an overwhelming need to be close. I shifted, moving beside him, his arm pressing against mine, my cheekbone against his shoulder.
“My heart wants to go back into the past and kill Sikander,” I said.
Varun nodded, releasing a slow breath. “I understand the instinct, but I’d suggest that you try to understand him. Sikander is a part of the fabric of this world, just as you are. You think of yourself as separate from him, but whatever good or evil or cruelty or kindness he has within him, you do too.”
“How can you say that?” I felt a wave of anger as I thought of what Sikander had done to my family. “There is nothing that Sikander and I have in common. And if I ever had the chance to destroy him, I would,” I said fiercely.
Varun smiled, as though he admired something in me. He brought my hand up to his face. He held it there for a moment, and something in me softened.
“Follow your will, Amrita. Trust your instinct. It may not turn out the way you wish, but your will has the power to lead you to new places.”
I traced his face with my thumb, surprised at how at ease I felt with him. He leaned forward, and for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead, he touched my mouth with his fingertips before his hand dropped into his lap and he slowly stood up.
I followed suit, uncertain of myself all of a sudden.
I remembered how annoyed I had been at him the first time we spoke. Now all I wanted was to be close to him.
His eyes continued to watch me. “I want to stay with you,” he said, holding me in his gaze before he continued. “But if I do, I’ll never be able to leave.
“If you ever need me, place the dagger in the moonlight and call for me. I’ll come. I promise,” he said, pulling my hands into his chest. “I think it’s time for you to go now too,” he said, nodding in the direction of the Sybillines.
I turned around to see that the images across the walls of the cave were beginning to fade.
“Now,” Kalyani said to her people. She was looking up at the sky. “The moon . . . it’s directly above us; now is the time to go,” she said, getting up.
When I turned back around, Varun had already transformed back into Saaras. He nuzzled my hand before he flapped his wings and flew away.
My hands felt cold where he had touched them, and I felt a wave of disappointment. I didn’t even say goodbye.
Thirty-One
“YOUR FRIEND IS ALL RIGHT. She’s ready to go,” Kalyani said, handing me two small satchels, each containing skins of water and some food. “I would invite you to come with us, but your story on this Earth is not yet complete.”
I nodded, but I still felt a wave of uncertainty.
“Have you decided where you’re going?” she asked me.
I shook my head.
“I should check on Thala,” I told her and walked over to the cot. Thala was sitting up, stretching. She looked as though she was waking up from the most restful sleep of her life.
I hugged her. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
But she had no interest in small talk. “Did you talk to him? Can he take us to the Library?” She pulled away, trying to read me.
I shook my head sadly.
“What do you mean?” She scrunched up her nose in frustration. “I saw you there, Amrita.”
“He wouldn’t,” I said. “We have to find another way.”
She appeared exasperated. “Did you even ask?”
“If it were an option, he would have offered.”
“I hope you’re both ready.” I heard Kalyani’s voice behind us. “We’ll need to depart together. Makara is ready to transport you wherever you’d like to go,” she said.
I nodded and thanked her, turning back to Thala.
“Well?” Thala glared at me.
“When he opens his mouth, don’t be scared,” Kalyani was calling out to the Sybillines who were lining up to exit the caves. They were talking among themselves, laughing, entirely unaware of where they were headed, and yet, they appeared blissfully happy.
Ignoring Thala for the moment, I got up and walked toward them.
“Kalyani, did you say we could go anywhere?” I asked.
Kalyani nodded. “Anywhere in the world. Makara is the gateway to all places.”
“Can we travel to the past?”
Kalyani smiled. “I don’t see why not.”
I threw my arms around Kalyani, embracing her tightly.
“Thank you,” I cried.
She laughed. “Thank you,” she said to me, her eyes shining. She was carrying a small bag with a skin of water and a quilt.
“That’s all you’re taking?” I asked her.
“I think where we’re going, we won’t need very much.”
“Do you think you’re going where my father and Mala went?”
“No. Everybody who leaves this world doesn’t die.”
“But how can that be?” I asked her. “That’s practically the only thing all human beings have in common. We’re born. We die. If you’re not dying, where are you going?”
“That’s the mystery,” she said. “We’re going where only the Sybillines can go.”
“Will I ever see you again?”
“That I can’t tell you for certain, but I have a sense that you might.” She smiled a mischievous smile, and I knew I would simply have to take her word for it.
Suddenly, Thala was beside me. “Are you going to tell me what your plan is?” she asked, but I said nothing. I knew my silence would annoy her, but I wasn’t sure how she’d react if I told her the truth, and I couldn’t think of any other option than to take this leap.
I watched as Kalyani threw open the door to the caves, exposing Makara, a smile on his blue face.
Kalyani turned to me one last time. “Wait for us all to leave. Then it will be your turn. Tell Makara where you’d like to go. Any place, any time. I wish you nothing but luck. And I’m honored to have met you,” she said, bowing before me. “Choose wisely.”
“Thank you,” I told her, embracing her and Tamas one last time. “Good luck on your journey.”
“And good luck on yours,” she said before Tamas turned to Makara.
“Makara,” he gently said, “show us the way.”
Makara opened his mouth so wide that it was large enough to swallow any one of us. But when I looked into his jaws, I saw the same place that Kalyani had shown me earlier that day. A spiral of cosmos, the night sky, waiting for the Sybillines.
“Goodbye,” Kalyani said, as she stepped into Makara’s lips.
I gasped, and Thala gripped my palm tightly, but Kalyani was already gone. All that remained was a dark tunnel full of stars, a passageway into a place that was as mysterious as that sky.
I watched as Tamas followed Kalyani. One after another, all of the Sybillines walked through the portal until they had disappeared into that shroud of darkness and light, and the cave where they had lived for centuries was silent, deserted once again.
“It’s just like how it was when they found it.” I smiled, feeling an odd hint of recognition, a wave of déjà vu overcoming me. “Where do you think they’re going, Thala?” I asked.
Thala softened for a moment. “To a place that I can’t see. But it’s magnificent, I know that. Maybe one da
y, we’ll get the chance to go there too.”
Slowly, Makara’s mouth closed, and then we were looking into his face, playful and serene.
Thala turned to me. “But more important, where are we going?”
For a moment, I hesitated. I thought about all the places we could go. I could go back in time before Sikander came to Shalingar, but then Thala would still be a slave. I could return to my childhood, relive those blissful years, but what good was that bliss if I now knew what would come?
I turned to Makara. “Makara,” I said to him, trying not to betray my fear of him, “I want to go back in time. I want to go to the place where my mother and father met. Where they first met Sikander,” I said.
When Makara opened his mouth, the sight that I saw startled me. A pale blue sky. Buildings so tall that they grazed the clouds. Vast, bustling arenas, avenues so wide that they could contain a thousand chariots.
“Macedon,” Thala cried, and I was stunned to hear a small sob escape her lips.
I hung back for a moment, taking it all in. I had never before left Shalingar. There was still a part of me that wanted to sidestep Makara, make my way through the tunnel to find a way back home. But my home no longer existed.
I remembered what Varun had said to me. Follow your will.
And in that moment, I felt a surge of that will, aching to make things right. I knew that if I could change the past, the future would follow.
“Why there?” Thala asked.
“We’re going to find Sikander, the boy my parents knew. Before he invaded Persia and Bactria, before his armies and his slaves, before he destroyed all those lives. We’re going to kill him,” I said.
Thala’s eyes were wide.
“Are you coming?” I asked.
Thala nodded and reached for my hand. I closed my eyes. Together, we stepped into the past. Behind us, Makara’s mouth closed, taking us away from the Janaka Caves forever.
Thirty-Two
“WATCH IT.” An elbow nudged me in the ribs, and I whirled around to see a girl my age with golden hair and determined eyes glide by me to join a long queue of young people. A row of tables flanked the top of the line, and behind the desks were adults in green uniforms, handing out leather satchels and books.
I looked around, taking in my surroundings. We were standing within a massive stone stadium with rows and rows of seats reaching the sky. Clusters of students my age stood in groups on immaculately trimmed grass. There was an electric crackle in the air, a heady excitement.
Beyond the crowds, beyond the stadium, I could see the tops of stone towers that reached the sky.
“I’ve never seen buildings that tall,” I whispered.
My gaze traveled to a row of Macedonian flags flanking one side of the stadium. Above them was a large banner that read:
MILITARY ACADEMY OF MACEDON
And then I put it all together: It was the first day of school.
“This is where my mother and father met . . .”
My father must be somewhere in this very stadium. I furiously scanned the crowds, my head turning this way and that. But it wasn’t difficult to identify him. In a sea of blond heads and pale faces, there was a young boy with dark hair and dark skin like my own. He was standing alone, carefully regarding a map.
“That’s him,” I whispered to Thala, my voice breaking. I quickly wiped the tears that formed at the corners of my eyes. “How do I . . .”
But Thala didn’t wait. She crossed the stadium, with me reluctantly trailing behind her.
Soon, we were standing before him. He looked up, taking us in. He was lanky, with the same dark wavy hair that I remembered, the same warm eyes.
“Hi,” Thala said, holding out her hand. “I’m Thala. This is Amrita. Are you a first-year too?”
He smiled, and another overwhelming wave of emotion coursed through me. I never realized what a relief it would be to see my father smile again, to be near him again. I willed myself to stay composed.
“I am a first-year,” he said to us. “Chandradev.” He reached for my hand. “You look familiar,” he said, furrowing his brow.
“She’s from Shalingar.” Thala raised her eyebrows, knowing that this would elicit a response from the sixteen-year-old version of my father.
“You are? Me too!” he said with such excitement in his voice that I had to grin. “I thought I was the only one. Is it . . . it must be your first time away from home too?” he asked.
“I’ve been away for a little bit,” I told him. “We’ve been . . .” I looked at Thala, carefully considering my next words. “We’ve been traveling for some time. But I . . . I already miss it so much. People tell me it gets better, but it hasn’t yet, at least not for me.”
He nodded. “I’m so glad you’re here.” He smiled. “It’s reassuring to know that there’s someone else from home at the Academy. It’s so different than anything I’ve ever seen,” he said, glancing around. I noticed his gaze landing on a girl about my height. She smiled at us. Her eyes were green, just like mine.
“We don’t know anyone here,” Thala said, glancing from the girl to Chandradev. “Have you heard that . . .” Now it was Thala’s turn to consider her words. “That the emperor’s son is in our class?”
Chandradev nodded, holding out a piece of parchment and showing it to us. “It says here that he’s supposed to be my roommate. Sikander is his name,” he said. “I was going to try to find him before the induction assembly.” He looked up. “I wonder which one he is.”
“Let’s go look for him,” I suggested, instinctually grabbing for his arm and tugging at him to come along with us, as I remembered doing with my father when I was younger.
We made our way across the stadium, introducing ourselves to new students.
“Do you know Sikander?” I asked again and again.
Everyone we spoke to was acquainted with Sikander, or at least with stories about him.
“I heard he knows every famous person in Macedon,” one girl quipped, while a boy turned to Chandradev and said, “You’re his roommate? Lucky you, he can get you into any party in the city.”
“He knows more people than Zeus himself,” yet another boy told us.
But Sikander was nowhere to be found.
“Well, his reputation precedes him.” Thala shrugged. She turned to me then, whispering under her breath. “Do you know that girl over there?”
I discreetly turned to look. It was the girl with the green eyes who had smiled at me.
“Why would I know her? Need I remind you of the circumstances that got us here?” I sarcastically quipped.
Thala shrugged. “Just . . . she looks familiar.”
“Maybe she knows Sikander.” I pulled Thala along with me until we were just behind the girl. I tapped her on her shoulder, and when she turned, I did a double take. Something about the shape of her jaw, the way she tilted her head and regarded me, was startlingly familiar.
She met my silence with a warm graciousness. “Hello,” she said, gently extending her hand. “I’m Thea. What’s your name?” Her wrists were small and bony, like mine. Her fingernails were the same shape as my own. Even her build, slight but strong, was so much like mine that I had to fight everything in me to stop looking at her. It was an instinctive knowledge, so clear that I couldn’t shake it. I was holding my mother’s hand.
“Amrita,” I told her, even though it took a minute for me to get my name out of my mouth.
“Pretty name. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She smiled, casually adjusted the bag on her shoulder, and tied her hair into a bun atop her head. I followed her gaze and realized that Chandradev had followed us too. He was standing behind me, watching Thea with curiosity in his eyes. I turned back to Thea. She was nervous, fidgeting—waiting to be introduced, I realized.
“This is Thala.” I gestured to her, and Thea politely
said hello. “And this is my . . . Chandradev.” I caught myself.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Chandradev said to her, reaching out his hand. They both stood for a moment, gazing into each other’s eyes. Neither of them said anything. They just continued to grin at each other, their eyes locked.
I turned to Thala and shrugged, but she was determined to keep things moving. She raised an eyebrow at me before she lost her patience.
“Do you know a . . . Sikander?” she asked Thea, who quickly let go of Chandradev’s hand and turned back to us, emerging from her trance.
“Of course I know Sik! We’ve been in school together since we were five years old. He should be here,” she said, furrowing her brow. “Then again, Sik is always late. Maybe we’ll see him at the dormitory. They put all the first-years in a residential hall together. So we’ll be together quite a bit. But, yes, Sikander will show up when he wants. It’s his way.”
“He can just do that?” Chandradev asked.
“I guess you can do anything if you’re the son of an emperor.” She rolled her eyes.
“He’s the son of an emperor too.” Thala gestured to Chandradev.
My parents began to talk then and were so engrossed in each other that it was impossible to get a word in edgewise. I gestured to Thala and slowly walked away from them, looking around the stadium. It wasn’t that I was losing my nerve, it was more that I hadn’t actually considered how I was going to do this. Corner him and stab him? Find him in the dormitory and get him while he was sleeping?
Could I do this?
I turned back and saw my parents talking as though they had known each other their entire lives. Even Thala had the good sense to step away and find me.
“Look at them. They’re completely enmeshed in each other,” she said.
I nodded. “They seem so happy,” I agreed, “and they’ve only just met. What happens to make it all fall apart, Thala?”
The Library of Fates Page 20