by Coralee June
“Jess is here?” I asked, suddenly fucking nervous. There was no way I’d make it out of here alive. My best friend was bound to be pissed that I ignored her for the last few weeks.
“And she spent the night with Jared. She’s in a terrible mood. I currently have”—she paused to check her phone beside her—“seventy-three messages from her explicitly telling me how she’s going to murder me and hide the body.”
“If she’s threatening bodily harm, then that means she loves you,” I replied. She loved me so much that I practically had a foot in the grave. “Since when did you get so close?”
“Since Thanksgiving. I realized I needed backup bringing you in. I was done being mad at her for knowing about Saint. And I needed a friend. I still can’t believe Jack and Mom are fucking. Disgusting.”
The only thing worse than her being my niece would be her being my fucking stepsister. Our family is a dumpster fire. “So you know?” I asked. “Jack claims he’s keeping her around because she has information about Joseph.”
Vera took another handful of Cheerios and ate them. With her mouth adorably full, she replied, “What do you think is worse, stepbrother or niece?” I looked at my girl and laughed. Even though I joked about getting off on the forbidden nature of our relationship, I didn’t actually want her to have any reason to leave. The world was a fucking cruel place, and I knew a lot of people who would love to pick apart our taboo relationship. Losing Vera wasn’t an option, and my only comfort was that Jack probably wouldn’t marry Lilah. He was too adverse to scandal. She shook her head. “The divorce isn’t even final, right? Jack is like old old.”
“I was supposed to go to San Francisco to see what Joseph was up to, but when I got there, Joseph was waiting for me. I think your mom told him I was coming,” I replied.
Vera ate more Cheerios. “That sounds about right. I wouldn’t put it past her to do something like that. But why?”
“Maybe she wants Joseph back?” I offered.
“Then she’s doing a shitty job of it. Fucking Jack and helping Joseph,” Vera murmured, the judgment dripping from her lips.
“What if Joseph told her to get close to Jack…” I whispered. “What if she’s…”
“A double agent?” Vera supplied.
“Never thought I’d have something in common with Lilah Beauregard,” I replied before letting out a low whistle. “This isn’t going to end well for her.” Vera winced, and I felt like shit for saying that. Regardless of everything that happened, my girl had a big, beautiful heart and was determined to keep her mother safe.
“My mom makes her own bed,” Vera replied before wiping her hands off and getting off the island. I watched her go to the sink to wash off, and I went over to stand behind her.
“Hey,” I began. “It’s going to be okay.
She relaxed against me. “I know. You can want better for someone, but you can’t force it on them.”
I kissed her neck, her shoulder, I ran my palms up and down her stomach. “I’m proud of you,” I whispered.
Vera turned to face me. “What for?”
I cupped her cheek and leaned in to kiss her forehead before responding. “You don’t let your mother’s shit dictate your life anymore.”
Vera was just about to respond when the front door opened. Shit, I should have locked it. I winced. “Hamilton Beauregard, you have so much explaining to do!” Jess’s voice roared.
Vera giggled. “That’s my cue. Text Saint. He can come over, and we can figure this out,” she replied before spinning me around and kissing me on the cheek. Devious little devil. She practically sprinted out of the room, not wanting to witness the ass kicking my best friend was about to give me.
Jess stormed toward me, wearing black sweats and an oversized shirt that said Pussy Power. She looked wired and tense. She was geared up for a massive fight. “This house is fucking ugly. You mean to tell me you’ve been here this entire time? And how come I throw some pussy your way and all of a sudden you’re feeling more talkative, but when your best friend of two decades tries to call you over and over, I get sent to voicemail? As always, you’re thinking with your dick and—”
I let out a huff and walked to Jess for a hug. I knew it would probably just piss her off even more, but I was glad she was here, and fuck it all, I didn’t want to do this shit alone anymore. “I missed you,” I whispered before wrapping my arms around her and patting her back. It took a moment, but she finally hugged me back while grumbling.
“You are seriously the most melodramatic asshole I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing. Pushing us away for what? No cap, Hamilton. This is some bullshit.”
“I love you too, Jess,” I replied while continuing to hold her. The longer we hugged, the more her muscles relaxed.
“You patronizing asshole. You selfish bastard.”
“You’re such a good friend,” I replied. She sniffled. Tears were never good.
“You could have told me.” Jess pulled back and wiped at her tears. The thick eyeliner around her eyes was smeared, and she looked tired. Her shirt was wrinkled. “And where is Vera? While she was getting dicked, I had to spend the night with Jared. That dude is hilarious but should probably be on some predator watch list or some shit. I woke up to him jacking off in the bed beside mine.”
I scowled. I wasn’t just possessive with the girl that had my heart. Fuck Jared for getting a sleepover with my bestie, too. “I’m still not clear on why Jared was involved at all.”
Jess rolled her eyes. “We wouldn’t have had to chat with him if you would have answered, like, any of my calls.” Jess’s voice was rough and deep from lack of sleep. “He got Vera tickets to the auction. Did he kiss her? That was part of the deal. I really hope he tongued her hard. Fucking bullshit.”
Rage that had been simmering under the surface roared to life. Oh, yeah. I was still massively pissed about that. “I saw the kiss,” I growled.
“Serves you right,” Jess replied triumphantly. “So we’re done with the bullshit now? When are you coming home?”
“We can’t leave just yet,” I admitted while guiding my best friend over to the living room to sit down—after kicking Vera’s panties under the couch.
“I’m figuring out what Jack and Joseph are up to.”
“What the fuck else is new. Once again, Hamilton is running around trying to destroy his family instead of just living his life. Typical,” Jess replied before kicking off her boots and putting her feet up on the coffee table. It felt good having my best friend in my space. It made everything feel more like mine. “You’re working with Jack now? How the hell did that even happen?”
“Some mild threats and an opportunity to take down my brother.”
“How disgustingly predictable,” Jess replied. “I’m assuming you didn’t take the bait, though.” Jess shook her head in frustration. “So this is just another revenge thing?” Her voice sounded bitter.
“Not exactly. I mean yeah, it is. But it’s also—”
“Also what? I just want to hear you say it out loud.”
I heard the bathroom door open and close. “It’s not just revenge.”
“Then what the fuck else is it? Cause where I’m standing, it looks like you put your girlfriend and best friend through hell just so you could go rogue Batman all up on Jack and Joseph,” Jess countered. It was like cornering a motherfucking tiger.
“I can’t be everything I need to be for Vera until this is done. If you can’t respect or understand that, then fine.”
Vera emerged from the hallway, her brown hair wet and a pair of my sweats rolled up at her waist and ankles. My shirt swallowed her curves, but my dick was already twitching at the sight of my girl in my clothes. So what if I’m a fucking caveman?
“Jared is a fucking sleep talker, Vera,” Jess growled. “And he choked the rooster in the middle of the night. With me in the damn room.”
“Sorry I didn’t come home last night. Hamilton and I needed to talk and—”
; “Talk? You look like you got slapped upside the head with dick, Vera. We are going to have to discuss this later, though, because I’m still bitch slapping Hamilton. Back to the previous conversation. So, you don’t think you can be fully present in your relationship until you get revenge on your brother and Jack?”
Vera’s carefree face fell. Fuck, Jess. Way to not hold back.
I swallowed. “You don’t get it.”
“I get it. I just want to make sure you’re being honest with yourself, Hamilton. Don’t tell me this is for Vera when it’s not. You want revenge. Plain and simple.”
“And what’s wrong with that?!” I roared. Jess didn’t even flinch. Vera looked like she wanted to cry. “You know what they did to me. You know what they’re capable of.”
“I’m just saying, if you’re fine with putting your best friend and your girl in the crossfire of your vendetta, then whatever. I just want to make it very, very clear what you’re doing and what you’ve risked.”
I inhaled and exhaled, my emotions all over the place. Maybe Jess was right. Maybe I shouldn’t be going after Jack and Joseph. I could walk away.
“Enough,” Vera said while looking at Jess with fierce, protective eyes. “I love you, Jess. Feel your feels, but I won’t sit here and let you talk to him this way. If Hamilton wants to burn the Beauregard empire down to the ground, I’m with him. If he wants to walk away, I’m with him. If he has moments of weakness, I’m with him. If he wants to be with me, I’m with him. If he doesn’t want to be with me, I’ll track his ass down, blow him on the side of a public highway and remind him that I’m just as stubborn as he is. Don’t sit here and ask Hamilton what he’s willing to lose for revenge. Tell him you’ll stay regardless of what he chooses.”
My dick stood at attention, proud as fuck of my girl. “Shit. I want to fuck you so bad right now,” I murmured. Jess rolled her eyes, but otherwise seemed speechless from Vera’s little declaration.
“Looks like I walked into a party,” Saint said. I turned my head to stare at him. “Hope you don’t mind, the door was unlocked.”
Saint wore a pastel bow tie, suspenders, and bright green pants. His hair was slicked back, and he had a laptop under his arm. I stood up and walked over to Vera, who looked like she needed some support. Her eyes were wide as she took in my brother, all the false bravado from her earlier speech gone. I patted her lower back affectionately.
“Good to see you again, Vera,” Saint said, his tone cautious. Saint liked to act like a cocky bastard, but he wasn’t a total dick. More importantly, he was perceptive. Saint knew that if he wanted to be in my life, he’d have to fix shit with my girl.
“You here to help?” Vera asked.
Jess fumed on the couch. Saint smirked and walked over to us. My worlds were all colliding.
“I’m here to bring them down.” He held out his hand for Vera to shake, and she looked at it with a beat of trepidation before finally shaking it. We were mad. Hurting. Healing.
But we were together.
Family was the motherfuckers you chose, after all.
17
Vera
My mother looked good. Surprisingly good. Rosy cheeks, a grin despite sitting across from her estranged daughter. Her designer outfit was tight on her skinny body, but from what I could see, she wasn’t sickly looking anymore. At least she’d ordered a cobb salad, so I knew she was eating again.
“You look great, Mom,” I said before lifting the glass of sparkling water to my lips and taking a sip. It felt weird sitting casually across from her at a nice café back in Connecticut. I forced myself not to look over her shoulder at Saint, who was in disguise and sitting at a booth beside us. Hamilton insisted on coming to this meeting should anything happen, but Mom would have recognized him immediately and fled. We all decided it was best he stay in DC to follow Joseph around.
Saint offered to step in, seeing as he was a little too good at blending in when he wanted to. The fact that I trusted him to protect me said a lot about how much had changed in the last couple of days. The crazy journalist was sitting in a booth, sipping on coffee and wearing a beanie. His grunge look was completely different than his usual hipster-preppy style. He blended effortlessly. It made me wonder how many times he managed to follow me without me realizing it.
“I feel great,” she replied. “Or at least I did. Until you called and practically blackmailed me into this meeting. Before that, it had been nice to focus on myself and not worry about anyone else.” The dig wasn’t subtle or productive, but I let her have this win. The space from her was good for me too, if I were being honest. Now that I wasn’t focused on my mother’s happiness, I could focus on my own.
“I know the feeling,” I replied with a smile before grabbing a dinner roll and taking a bite out of it. “And I didn’t blackmail you. Don’t be dramatic. I just asked how your relationship scheme with Jack was going and invited you to lunch.”
Instead of commenting on the opaque blackmail I’d tossed her way, she commented on my eating habits. Typical. “Slow down on the carbs. You won’t keep Hamilton’s attention if you keep stuffing your face.”
I nearly choked on my food. Of course she knew about Hamilton and me. Jack probably told her when Hamilton cut him off a couple of days ago. I just wasn’t expecting her to be so open about it. Was she mad? Was she going to tell me to break up with him? I scowled at myself for ever giving a fuck. “Hamilton likes the way I stuff my face,” I replied with a wink. God, it felt good not to care anymore.
“Don’t be so crass,” Mom snapped. She looked me up and down once more. “I hate this.”
“Hate what?” I asked.
“We’re so estranged. It’s weird. Where did we go wrong, Vera?”
I wondered where she was going with this conversation. Was she trying to reconcile with me? Was it wrong to hope? “I think pinpointing where we went wrong would require a level of self-awareness you don’t possess, Mom.”
“Again with the snappy remarks. The daughter I raised would never talk back to me.”
“The daughter you raised was miserable,” I replied with a frown.
She shook her head. “This is ridiculous. But I came here for a reason, Vera. I want to talk to you about this relationship with Hamilton. Though I’m not sure you’ll listen. Jack seems to think I can talk some sense into you.”
“How is Jack, by the way?” I asked, brow arched challengingly as I fought the urge to squirm in my seat. “You’re still staying at his house, aren’t you?”
Mom picked up her glass and took a long gulp. I kept my eyes locked on her. “Yes,” she replied before smoothing her soft, silk, button up shirt. “I’m still staying there. Not that you care, because the suffering of your mother means nothing to you. But, thanks to the divorce and everything leading up to it, I’m not sure I’ll be getting anything. It’s taking me a while to get on my feet.”
The words poured out of me without warning. “It’s hard to get back on your feet if you stay on your back, Mom,” I replied.
She grabbed the cloth napkin in her lap and tossed it on the table. “I don’t have to sit here and listen to this,” she hissed. “I came here to help you—to warn you. And this is the thanks I get? I don’t even know you anymore.”
She came here to help me? What did that even mean? “That’s because the Vera you know let you walk all over her.” Mom fumbled for her Louis Vuitton purse, and I let out a sigh. I wasn’t going to get the information I needed by insulting her. “Mom. Please sit. I’m sorry.” She swept her eyes up and down my body.
She looked around the restaurant for a moment before reluctantly sitting down. “What do you want, Vera?” she replied with a huff.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted from my mother. We would never get back to how we were, and more importantly, I didn’t want to go back to how we were. Looking back, I’d always taken a back seat to my mother’s life and whims. Yes, she worked hard to give me a roof over my head and pushed me to do well in school, but we wer
e still toxic. Mom was just a child raising a child. But we were grown now, and I had a say in what I wanted to do with my life.
I didn’t tell her this, though.
“I want us to be better,” I replied. It was the truth. “I want a relationship with you, Mom. Things have changed between us, yes, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still talk and try to be cordial.”
Mom picked up her fork and squeezed the handle tightly. “It does feel weird to not talk to you. We’ve always been so close,” she replied before blinking away tears and looking away. “I understand that you’re determined to do things your own way. I’m disappointed that we’re at this point, but I understand. Sometimes mothers don’t always get it right.”
“Daughters don’t always get it right either,” I relented. We all had our parts in this.
“You know, the day I left my mother’s trailer, she threw hot coffee at me,” Mom whispered in a faraway voice. She never really talked about her childhood, her mother, or her mother’s boyfriend. I was so young when we got out of that situation that I never experienced the abuse firsthand. It was one of the reasons I was thankful for Mom. She was brave enough to leave, and that completely changed the trajectory of my life.
Mom continued. “She was furious. Blamed me for her failing relationship. She claimed that I asked for his attention.” I watched as my mother broke a little bit more. Her hands trembled. Her shoulders slumped. “I’ve had a lot of time to think these last few weeks, and I realized that I was doing the exact same thing to you, blaming you for my failed relationship when you weren’t to blame. I’m sorry for that, Vera.”
To say that I was shocked that she admitted that would be an understatement. I reached across the table and grabbed Mom’s hand. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
Mom cleared her throat. “It’s a nasty cycle, isn’t it?”
“What is?”
“We all become our parents in the end.”
I shook my head. “No. That’s not true. I’m my own person. You’re your own person. Hamilton is nothing like Jack, either—”