by Coralee June
“Fuck you. Fuck all of you. You have no idea what it takes to be a Beauregard! It’s power like you wouldn’t believe!” The man got closer to Joseph, and I had to force myself not to flinch or stare too hard.
Hamilton took a deep breath and pulled me closer. “I’m a god!” Joseph yelled. “And you are nothing.”
The man moved swiftly and placed the gun to Joseph’s temple. Not even a second passed before the man pulled the trigger. Mom screamed. I cried out. Blood and brain covered my mother’s face. Soaked the front porch. Filled my vision. Joseph’s prone, lifeless body collapsed to the ground, taking my mother with him. They both fell in a puddle of his gore. Mom squirmed and cried out, trying to get away from his death grip. Federal agents ran toward her. So much blood.
Flesh.
Hair.
A fractured skull dripping with crimson death.
Hamilton stepped in front of me, his own eyes wide from the trauma of what we just witnessed. I couldn’t believe it. That was—
“Look at me, Petal. Don’t look at them. Look at me.” I started to breathe heavily. Somewhere in the distance, men were shouting and my mother was screaming so loudly that her voice cut through her rough vocal cords. More and more. I closed my eyes, and the only thing I saw was Joseph’s head exploding again and again and again.
“Open your eyes, Petal. Look at me. It’s all going to be okay.”
I obeyed Hamilton, shocked that he could even form sentences after what just happened. Part of me wanted to run to my mother, but the other part of me was still too stunned. My toes, shins, thighs, stomach, arms, fingers, chest, neck, cheeks, each inch of my body turned cold. “You’re in shock, Vera. I need you to move. Can I get some help here?”
“Mom?” I croaked before pushing at his chest. Hamilton didn’t budge, but I needed to see that she was okay. My throat dried. My vision blurred. “Mom!”
“Baby!” she cried out. One beat of my heart. Two beats. I inhaled, exhaled. Blinking twice, I grabbed hold of a portion of my sanity and pushed past Hamilton to check on my mother. She was wrapped in the arms of Officer Gideon and trying to walk toward me, but her legs kept failing. I pushed through the crowd toward her, crying at the sight of blood coating her skin.
We collided painfully. I forced myself not to vomit when she hugged me tight. I held my breath as she sobbed against me. I looked up at the sky when she started repeating the same thing over and over and over:
He’s dead.
He’s dead.
He’s dead.
22
Vera
Mom looked so frail in the hospital bed. She was staying the night out of an abundance of caution. She had bruises along her jaw and neck, but it was her mind that needed the most healing. The chair I was sitting on wasn’t comfortable, but I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him. I saw the death. I saw the blood. I heard her screams.
A nurse walked in, clipboard in hand. She quietly slid back the curtain and whispered to me. “Just want to check her vitals really quick, is that okay?”
I rubbed my nose and nodded. “Sure.”
With caring eyes, the woman peered at me. I didn’t like the pity in her gaze. Hamilton was out getting coffee and some fresh air. I’d been leaning on him for support, but we both needed time to individually process everything that had happened, too.
“The crowd outside is insane. Police had to escort me in for my shift today, can you imagine? It’s so impolite. Don’t they have any respect?” she asked while checking the machines hooked up to my mother and her IV.
I didn’t even want to think about what was going on outside or what rumors were circulating. My mother was living with Jack when her ex-husband murdered him.
Yes, murdered.
Fifteen bullets. Joseph emptied fifteen bullets in his father. I hadn’t seen Jack’s body, but I couldn’t help but visualize Swiss cheese. His body was full of holes, battered and bloody.
“Do you need a blanket, honey?” the nurse asked. I shook my head, and she frowned at me. I didn’t want her sympathy. I wanted her silence. I wanted a bit of peace. “This whole situation is just so insane. If you’d like, I can have the hospital send a counselor to your room? It’s been a traumatic day for both of you.”
“I don’t want to talk about how I saw a man shot in the head today. I just want to sleep,” I snapped back with a tight smile. “Please.” I added the pleasantry as an afterthought.
The slim, older nurse nodded. “I know it’s hard to see the positive in things right now. But at least the baby survived.”
I frowned. “What baby?”
The nurse furrowed her brow and checked her chart. “It says here your mom is six weeks pregnant. The sonographer found a heartbeat earlier while you were talking to the police.”
All the moisture in my mouth disappeared. Oh my God. “Baby? My mother is pregnant?”
The nurse nodded. “I thought you knew.”
“Six weeks?” I asked, my hand pressed to my chest. I tried to mentally do the math. Did that mean Jack was the father? Or was it Joseph?
Mom moaned and shifted on the mattress. I stood up. “It’s the little blessings, you know?” the nurse said, as if she were proud of herself for spewing wisdom, optimism, and hope. Didn’t she know? A baby was the last thing my mother needed. “I’ll let you rest. Press the call button if you need anything, dear.”
Once the nurse was gone, I took a moment to hover over my mother. I stared at the bruise on her jaw, the cut on her lip, the tangles in her matted hair. She looked so naïve and innocent at that moment. Staring at her made rage travel up my throat.
No. That wasn’t rage, it was vomit.
I placed my hand over my mouth and grabbed a nearby trashcan before voiding the entire contents of my stomach into it. I’d barely eaten in the last forty-eight hours. It was nothing but dry heaving and acid rolling around my mouth.
“Baby?” Mom murmured. “You okay?”
I straightened my spine and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “Who is the daddy, Mom?”
Her eyes widened. “Vera…I-I’m tired can we please discuss this later? It’s been such an awful day.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and I suddenly realized that Lilah Garner wasn’t worth the confrontation. I wasn’t going to shame her for getting pregnant or for getting in this situation at all. “Can you please just hold my hand. I need support now more than ever, Vera. We will be in this together. Maybe get an apartment and—”
“I’m glad you’re safe, Mom,” I murmured before standing up and moving to grab my purse.
“Are you going to get food? I’m really hungry…”
“I’m going home. With Hamilton.”
She got a puzzled look on her face. “Home? But I won’t get discharged until tomorrow. I had a very traumatic day, Vera. You can’t seriously think you’ll just leave me here. The love of my life just died!” Her choice of words baffled me. She needed help.
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her who she was talking about. Two men died today. Did she mourn Jack, her false hero? Or Joseph, the man who broke her but brought her into this life of luxury?
There was so much love in my heart for Lilah. Today was a hard slap to the face that this life was temporary, and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my days resenting her or hating her for who she was. It took a lot of work to feel a constant thread of resentment. I was done with that.
“I love you, Mom,” I whispered before sitting on the edge of the bed. She smiled at me, like my devotion was something cute she could put in her pocket and think fondly of. “I’m glad you’re okay. The doctors said you could be discharged tomorrow. Do you know where you’re going to stay?” I asked softly.
“Well, with you, of course. I’m a widow. I can’t stay in that house where…where…” Her voice trailed off, and she stared over my head with glassy eyes. It was as if she was no longer in this hospital room, she was reliving what happened at Jack’s house. “We were in bed,” she whi
spered. “Jack and I. Joseph just showed up. He laughed when he saw me, though. Like he didn’t even care…”
I patiently listened to her. She licked her lips, and the heart monitor strapped to her chest started going faster. “Joseph dragged Jack downstairs to the living room. I followed after them. It was so fast, you know. He pissed on Jack first. Unzipped his pants and just…”
“Mom,” I began softly. “You went through a lot. I think you need to talk to someone. About this. About Joseph hurting you. About me, even.” I reached out and pushed her sweaty hair behind her ear. She was like a child, staring up at me, her mouth agape, her eyes filled with unshed tears.
“I’m talking to you, though, baby.”
I let out a huff of air. “Do you remember that apartment we had back in Atlanta, Mom?” I asked. “I loved that place. We had the wall where you marked how tall I was getting. We’d have sleepovers in the tiny living room and watch TV until the sun came up. It was such a special place, don’t you think? And then the roof caved in one day.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “That was a nightmare. Everything was ruined. Fire marshal made us all evacuate because it wasn’t livable anymore. We had nowhere to go.”
I nodded. It was part of the reason we ended up moving to Connecticut. “You’ve always been my home, Mom. You let me live, and breathe, and grow in a safe space, and I will forever be thankful for that.” Mom reached out and squeezed my hand. I gave her a tight grin. “But your home isn’t livable anymore. You have so much work to do. Walls to rebuild. A foundation that’s cracked. There’s a lot of damage, but I think you are more than capable of working from the ground up and creating something so much better than before. And I hope you don’t do it for me or for the men you date or the life you think you want. Not even for the baby growing inside of you right now. I need you to build yourself up for you. I found a new home, and it’s with Hamilton.”
Mom’s face twisted up in pain. The cut on her lip cracked, and a few drops of blood spilled. She wiped at them with her hand. “Baby…”
I stood up. “You have my number. I love you so much. I’m here for you. I just need a little time, and you have a home to rebuild.”
She cradled her head in her hands and sobbed as I walked out of the room. I couldn’t help but feel hopeful about our relationship. My mom taught me a lot of things, but the most important lesson was how to love someone while still loving myself.
23
Hamilton
Today, Jack and Joseph Beauregard were quietly buried side by side at Groves Creek Cemetery. Reporters said it was a quiet affair, not even the housekeeper attended.
I certainly didn’t.
I wore an all-black suit and despite not shedding a single tear for either one of them, my eyes were red. “Reservation for Hamilton Beauregard,” I said to the hostess. Vera grabbed my arm and squeezed. I could sense the slight apprehension in her. The last time we were at this restaurant, we ended up confronting Jack.
There was nothing left living on this earth that would stop me from sitting at my mother’s favorite restaurant and enjoying her memory. “Right this way, Mr. Beauregard,” the hostess said. I wrapped my arm around Vera, who snuggled into my side. She spent the entire day watching me, waiting for me to break. She’d say things that were so perfectly Vera.
“It’s okay to mourn them, Hamilton.”
“No one will judge you if you want to go to the funeral. Or if you want to stay home. I’m here, whatever you want to do. We don’t always choose our family, but they’re ours.”
“I love you, Hamilton. I’m here for you.”
I loved my girl. I loved her so much that I kept the burning truth buried deep in my chest. Honestly, I didn’t care that Jack and Joseph were dead. I loved knowing that right now they were no longer a threat to society, they were no longer a threat to Vera.
They couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. They couldn’t lie anymore.
“I’ll have sparkling water,” Vera told the waitress.
“Bring me some gin! I’m celebrating tonight!” Jess said while marching up to us. I got up to give her a hug beside our table. She was wearing a rose-colored tuxedo and heels. Beside her, Infinity was in a long green dress with tears all over it. I grinned at my best friend, the person who had always been a constant in my life. “Are we doing shots? I think the occasion calls for it.” Leave it to Jess to say exactly how I was feeling.
“Maybe later,” I whispered in her ear before returning to my seat.
Vera smiled at the door and took a deep breath. I followed her gaze and forced my face into a pleasant expression at the sight of Lilah and Vera’s old professor, Anika. Surprisingly, the two of them had been bonding. Lilah was still a piece of shit in my mind, but she’d mellowed out some. Vera connected the two of them when Lilah said she wanted help but didn’t want to speak to a therapist. Apparently, they were meeting for lunch daily. It made my girl happy, so I was willing to play nice. As long as Lilah worked on herself and didn’t upset Vera, I was fine with their albeit distant, but still meaningful, relationship.
“Hey, baby. You look nice,” Lilah said before nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.
“You look good, too, Mom,” Vera replied. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. A little nauseous…”
Yeah. That was fucking insane. Vera and I were no longer related, but in a few months, we would share a half sibling. I had to force myself not to think about it, or it made me uncomfortable.
“Hey, Hamilton. Thank you for, uh, inviting me.”
I nodded at Lilah. The black dress she wore was simple and long. She didn’t have a ridiculous amount of makeup on, and her hair was curled down her back. She also didn’t have the usual black circles under her eyes. Despite being uncharacteristically timid, she seemed almost…normal.
Weirder things had happened, I suppose.
“How was your first week of class?” Anika asked Vera while holding her hands. I noticed Lilah watch Anika and Vera with jealousy and longing. I could understand it. Anika checked on Vera daily and helped her prepare for her first semester at her new university. She had somehow become a motherly figure in Vera’s life, filling a role Lilah was incapable of filling.
“It was really good. I like my professors. The commute is long but worth it. Did I tell you about my new ethics professor?” The three of them sat down at the table, Anika and Vera excitedly chatting while Lilah interjected occasionally.
Standing alone and waiting, I felt my nerves start to kick in. I swallowed my emotions and adjusted my tie. I’d never felt so unsteady. This felt like a defining moment. I’d been both dreading and anticipating it all day. The door to the restaurant opened, and Saint walked in, wearing a sequined jacket and purple pants. His hair was slicked to the side, and he had an excited look on his face.
I was happy to see my brother. This entire experience had bonded us in a way. But it wasn’t he who had me squirming where I stood, it was the beautiful woman on his arm that made my breath catch.
She had brown hair like mine, a long neck, a nervous smile that still somehow managed to brighten the room. She wore a long navy dress, nude heels, and a silver clutch. She looked around the room with trepidation, but eventually her eyes landed on me.
Saint guided her toward me, each step felt like it took a lifetime. Sweat dripped down the side of my face. What if she didn’t like me? What if she wasn’t what I expected? What if she was just another person who hurt me? What if one day she left just like Mom did?
Vera settled at my side and swiftly grabbed my hand. “I’m so proud of you, Hamilton,” she whispered in that silent, reassuring way of hers. I leaned over to kiss the top of her head, just as Saint arrived in front of me with our mother.
“I like the suit,” I told Saint before looking at her once more. Up close, I could see so much of myself in her features. The strong nose. Smirking lips. Playful determination in her gaze.
“Hamilton,” she breathed. “It’s really nice
to finally meet you.”
“Hey,” I replied awkwardly.
“Can I hug you please? I’ve just…I’ve always wanted to hu—”
I cut her words off by closing the distance between us and wrapping my arms around her. She smelled like a fresh garden, and her slender shoulders trembled as she quietly cried. When we pulled away, she wiped at her eyes. “There’s just so much to talk about. I’ve missed so much…”
This reunion was beautiful, but still bittersweet. “We have all the time in the world.”
Gabby nodded and another happy tear fell from her eyes. “Thank you for meeting me. I know I’m not Nikki. But I really hope you’ll give me the chance to love you, Hamilton.” She stared at me for a moment longer, as if cataloguing my features before digging in her purse. “I wanted to give you this.”
She pulled out a long envelope and handed it to me. “Four months ago, I started cleaning out my house, and I found this letter. I had never opened it. I’m not sure how it got mixed up in my things. I want you to read it, when you’re ready. But more importantly, it led me to a safety deposit box at United Trust downtown where I found your mother’s will, Hamilton.”
Shock hit me full force. Mom sent her will to Gabby? That made no sense. “She sent it to you?” I asked in disbelief before taking the envelope from her hands.
“Somehow the letter got mixed up in a box of junk. I never saw it, never opened it. Things were really bad for me around that time with the divorce and losing my job. If I had known…”
“Are you the person that sent this to Jack?” I asked while staring down at the paper. Saint averted his eyes. “Did you know about this?” I asked my brother.
“I didn’t tell a soul, Hamilton,” Gabby interrupted. “Saint didn’t know. I already hate that he constantly puts himself in danger. I didn’t want him to have anything to do with this. I know what Jack is capable of. He ruined my life.”