by Bruno Miller
Joel looked back at her. “I know exactly what you mean. I think I feel the same way.” He quickly turned around to focus on the road, contenting himself with watching her in the mirror.
She let out a little sigh. “It’s like, just when I start to get to the point where I can accept what’s going on, something else happens. I had no idea there would be so many people out to get us. I mean, just a week ago I was at the movies with my friends, and we walked around downtown afterward and got some coffee at the Steaming Bean. That all seems so far away now, like a whole other lifetime. I’m afraid those are the memories that won’t seem real anymore. I don’t want to replace those times with this.” She looked out the window as they made their way around another multicar pileup on the road.
It was as if Gunner could sense Allie’s frustration. He sat up in the seat next to her and began to lean in, pressing his head into her chest. She put her arm around him and scratched his head.
“It’s okay, boy. It’s okay. Sorry about that,” she sighed.
Joel understood her completely. “It’s okay. I know what you mean. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I’ll probably never get to do. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’d give anything to go back to school in a couple months. Do you think we’ll ever go to school or anything like that again, or are we just supposed to be adults now?” He sped up as he came into a straight section of road.
“I don’t know, but whatever happens, I know it’ll never be the same again,” Allie answered.
They rode in silence for a few miles until Joel saw the exit sign for the interstate.
“We made it back to the interstate. Thank God! I’m ready to get off this road.” Joel readjusted himself in his seat, sitting up a little straighter as he steered the Blazer around the long curve of the exit ramp onto I-70 east.
The smoke cloud from St. Louis still hung heavy in the air. Taking this route back to the interstate was shorter but brought them close to where they had been the other day.
Joel thought about the first bridge they’d tried to cross and the plane that had taken it out. The pungent burnt odor was just as bad as he remembered it being yesterday. The strong smell and thick air spoiled what little pleasure Joel had squeezed from getting back to the main road.
At least they were heading away from the smoke this time.
“We’ll be in Pittsburgh in no time.” Joel glanced back at Allie. He expected a smile, but Allie had a concerned look on her face instead. “Hey, you okay?”
“Joel, I’m worried. Well, not so much worried, I guess, but scared.”
“Of what?” he asked.
“About what we’ll find in Pittsburgh. If we do find my dad, I don’t want to stay there. I want to stay with you guys. My dad can’t take care of us, and I don’t want to risk never seeing you again.”
Joel felt flush as the blood rushed to his face. He felt the same way she did but had been afraid to say anything before now. He was worried he would come off as being selfish. After all, she had already lost her mom. Who was he to keep her from being with her dad? But apparently, she felt the same way he did.
“I don’t want you to stay in Pittsburgh, either,” Joel confessed.
Allie smiled at him in the rearview mirror. Then the smile vanished and she shook her head. “I don’t want me or my dad to be a burden on you guys. It’s not fair to you or your dad. You need to get to your mom and brother and sister.”
“We’ll figure something out.” The words came out of Joel’s mouth, but in reality, he had no idea how that was going to work. He repeated it again to convince himself more than anything. “We’ll figure something out.”
Chapter Seventeen
The first thing Ben noticed when he woke up was how fast they were going.
How long had he been asleep? They must have made it back to the interstate. He rubbed his head where it had been leaning against the metal of the doorframe. It hadn’t made a great pillow, and he thought he probably would have slept a little longer if it wasn’t for the hard steel vibrating against his skull.
“Hey, you’re up,” Joel said.
“Yeah. Where are we? How long have I been asleep?” he asked.
Allie leaned forward. “You were out for a couple hours. We’re right about here.” She handed the map to Ben and showed him where they were.
“We’re below half a tank also,” Joel added. “We better find a place to stop soon.”
Ben nodded, still studying the map.
Joel leaned over and pointed at the map. “Looks like a nice river there. Might be a good place to stop for the night.”
“Kaskaskia River,” Ben read out loud. “Never heard of it, but it looks like it might have some possibilities. Could be another hour away with a fuel stop thrown in there.” He held his finger on one location of the map and his thumb on the other, trying to scale the distance based on what they had already traveled.
Still a little groggy from his nap, he rubbed his eyes and checked his watch. “That should be doable now that we’re back on the interstate. You good to keep going?”
“Yep.”
“All right.” After a few more minutes, Ben was fully awake, and although his neck was a little sore from sleeping against the doorframe, he felt rested.
He briefly considered the possibility of switching out with Joel after they got gas and then driving past their usual stopping time. But the more he thought it over, the less it seemed like a good idea.
It just wasn’t wise to push it, especially in the dark. It would only take one mistake and a split-second of bad decision-making to end the whole trip.
No, they would fill up the tanks and stop at the Kaskaskia River for the night. The two-hour nap had given him a boost of energy, but it wouldn’t last and they all needed a solid night’s sleep. They could get a proper start to the day tomorrow and, with any luck, end up just outside Pittsburgh by the end of the day if it went well.
Ben was eager to reach his kids, but he had promised Allie to get her to her dad, so he tried to remain focused on that as the main goal for now. If they were fortunate enough to find her father, Ben imagined she would want to stay with him.
It would be hard on Joel, but they had to press on to Maryland if they ever wanted to see Bradley and Emma again, not to mention Joel’s mom and grandfather.
Even though Joel’s relationship with his mom had been strained lately, Ben was sure they would both be happy to see each other. It would be all right with Ben, on the other hand, if he never saw her again.
But he tried to remind himself that, regardless of what he thought about Casey and her choices, she was still the children’s mother. There would be plenty of time to worry about that later, though. They were just about at the halfway point of their journey, and if the second half was anything like the first, they would have their work cut out for them.
Pittsburgh alone would present enough of a challenge. Ben had already decided they would leave the Blazer outside the city and hike in.
The vehicle would attract too much attention, and they wouldn’t have to risk damaging the truck in what he expected would resemble a war zone. The trek would take longer on foot, but he was convinced it was the way to go.
If Pittsburgh was like most of the places they’d been through, they would have to make their way into the city building by building until they got to her dad’s. At this point, he was leaning toward a nighttime insertion.
Although at night the city would be just as dangerous, if not more so, they stood a better chance at getting in and out unnoticed. Cover was important, because they all had to go. He needed Allie to direct him to her dad’s, and he was going to need Joel and Gunner to watch his back.
He didn’t like the thought of leaving the Blazer alone, but they’d cover it up with the netting and some brush like before, and it should be fine. The well-being of the Blazer would be the least of his concerns once they were in the city.
Then Ben had a troubling thought. What if the
y did find Allie’s dad and he was in bad shape? If he was as inept and helpless as Allie claimed, Ben couldn’t very well leave her or her dad there and have a clear conscience about it.
Ben had grown fond of Allie and he could tell Joel was falling head over heels for her, to say the least. What kind of father would he be if he left her behind with grim prospects for survival? At this point, he might need Allie to stay with them for Joel’s sake, if not for all the other reasons why it was the right thing to do.
He needed Joel as healthy and mentally fit as possible, and Ben was certain that having Allie along with them was a key part of his son’s well-being. They were good for each other, for that matter.
Ben even had a hard time imagining the truck without her in it. He felt like they had bonded, and the more he got to know her, the more he saw in her that he liked.
Like the way she’d interacted with Jon’s little girl, Jessie, back in Kansas. Allie had just been kidnapped at gunpoint hours earlier, and there she was, selflessly trying to comfort a little girl she had just met.
If Allie had decided to sit sullen in the back seat and not say a word the whole trip, he couldn’t have faulted her for what she’d been through so far. But she hadn’t and she wasn’t. She remained positive in spite of all the good reasons not to.
Allie might also be a good persuader to get Emma to come back to Colorado with them if it came to that. He could imagine the two girls getting along really well. Allie could be a good role model and friend for Emma in a world that didn’t afford those luxuries anymore.
Ben couldn’t imagine being in any of the kids’ shoes right now—having their whole lives in front of them, all their hopes and dreams for the future snuffed out by something beyond their control. Devastating.
And Allie losing her mom at the start of it all and having to go through the first couple days completely alone? The girl had character in spades—that was for sure.
Ben suddenly felt ashamed of himself for even considering parting ways with her in Pittsburgh. His mind was made up. Allie and her dad were coming with them.
Four people and a dog would be tight in the Blazer. They would have to move some things around, but they could make it work.
When they got to Maryland, they would have to figure out something else. They would need a bigger truck or maybe a small tow-behind camper. Pulling extra weight would be slow going, but the Blazer could tow a small camper with no trouble.
Ben would have to think it through a while, but they’d come up with something by then. After all, there was strength in numbers, and even if Allie’s dad was clueless about survival, he sounded like a smart guy otherwise. They could teach him a few things as they went. And having an extra set of hands around couldn’t hurt.
Of course, that also meant another mouth to feed. That was one part of this equation he couldn’t ignore. He and Joel were going to have to step up the hunting and fishing in order to sustain them. They were doing well so far with the supplies they’d brought, but he’d never expected them to last forever.
The bag of dog food he’d found was a godsend and would keep Gunner fed for a couple weeks, at least.
Joel tapped the dash. “I hope we find a place soon. We’re getting low.”
Ben leaned over and looked at the gas gauge. “We’ll be all right. There’s gotta be a place soon.”
Unfortunately, they couldn’t be picky about where they stopped this time. The spare cans were empty, and they would have to settle for the next gas station they came to, regardless of what it looked like.
Chapter Eighteen
Ben felt guilty for sleeping now and realized they probably would have stopped before they got this low on gas if he had been awake. It wasn’t Joel’s fault; he most likely hadn’t wanted to wake Ben and was only trying to be considerate by letting him rest. But now they were in a bad position—one Ben had avoided until now.
Allie rubbed Gunner’s side as he lay stretched out across the rear bench seat with his head in her lap. “Are we going to be okay?”
“Yeah, we’ll be fine. We can squeeze in another 30 miles with what we have left in the tank.” Ben tried to sound confident, but in truth he was a little concerned. He wasn’t so much worried about being able to find a place to gas-up; he was sure they’d see a gas station soon. His real concern was where they stopped.
They drove on in silence for a few minutes as everyone seemed to focus on the search for a place to fuel up. Even Gunner seemed to join in as he sat upright next to Allie.
“There!” Joel pointed to a road with a gas station symbol on it. “Two and a half miles to gas, next exit.”
“Good. See, we’re fine.” Ben looked at Gunner, who had transformed from passed out and snoring on Allie’s lap to sitting upright and panting loudly. “That dog always knows when something’s going on, I swear.” Ben shook his head and turned around.
Allie nodded in agreement. “He does seem to have a sixth sense, doesn’t he?”
Joel snorted. “He’s too smart for his own good.”
The mood seemed lighter in the truck as they drove. Maybe it was the fact they had found a place to fill up, or maybe it was the promise of a chance to stretch their legs.
Either way, the lightness was a welcome change from the dreary funk that seemed to follow them from Missouri.
Joel took the next exit and steered around a burned-out bread truck blocking the exit lane. They had to go off the shoulder and around through the grass. Joel made the maneuver a little too fast and Gunner slid across the seat, pinning Allie to the side of the truck.
“Slow it down there, Speed Racer.” She laughed.
“Sorry. I didn’t think the shoulder went down that far.” Joel shrugged apologetically and wrangled the truck back onto the asphalt.
Ben shook his head and gave Joel a look.
“What? I’m sorry.” Joel smiled.
They regained their composure and got off the exit as the road opened up into a small retail area with several gas stations and chain restaurants lining both sides of the road.
“Well, it looks like we have lots of choices,” Joel said.
“Let’s go to the one farthest down on the left.” Ben pointed at a small convenience store at the far end of the developed area.
It was a good quarter mile off the interstate and looked like the best choice. They could keep an eye on most of the other buildings at the exit as well as on the interstate. Ben normally would have insisted in pushing on to a less developed area to get gas, but they didn’t have that option right now.
They all stared as Joel drove them past the burned-out shells of buildings and trashed stores. The signs out front were the only indications of what the stores once sold.
It was an odd sight to see the well-manicured landscaping around the entrances that led to large piles of charred rubble.
The remaining buildings showed the usual scars left by looters and thieves. Bits of trash and rubble were randomly scattered around the empty parking lots. Some lighter pieces of trash fluttered across the street in front of them on a warm gust of wind.
The place looked like it belonged in a late-night horror flick.
Joel pulled into the last gas station at the end of the street and did the required loop around the building. Without too much trouble, they found the underground tank access lids near the front of the lot and quickly got set up to pump fuel.
Allie insisted on doing her part and taking a turn at the pump. Joel helped her get the hose and pump set up, and they started filling the truck first.
Meanwhile, Gunner made his usual investigation of the surrounding area, marking a few spots as he went.
The kids had things under control, so Ben headed around to the front of the truck. He laid the AR across the hood and leaned against the bumper. As he drank from his water bottle, he sized up an old motel across the street.
He wondered about the possibilities of spending the night in a motel at some point. There wouldn’t be any supplies left in
a place like that now and no reason for people to hang around. If they found the right place, maybe, but not this one. They needed someplace more remote. If they could park the truck out back or under some type of cover, it might work. It sure would be nice to sleep in a bed again.
He wasn’t the young man he once was, and the sleeping bag and bedroll combo wasn’t as comfortable as he remembered, at least not this many nights in a row. Sleeping on the ground every night and driving all day was beginning to take its toll on his back.
He never seemed to get enough rest, and no matter how tired he felt, he couldn’t seem to sleep through the night. He wondered how the kids were doing but figured they probably wouldn’t mind a real bed for a change, either.
Originally, Ben was going to let Joel finish the day out driving, but after that last little stunt he pulled back at the exit, Ben was having second thoughts. He was sure Joel hadn’t done it on purpose, and that’s what scared Ben the most.
They couldn’t afford to get sidetracked with an accident out here in the middle of nowhere. They might not recover from a mistake like that. Then again, he couldn’t be too hard on the boy. It had been a long day for all of them.
Ben reconsidered and decided to let Joel finish the driving for the day. He didn’t want to risk embarrassing him in front of Allie by taking that responsibility away. And if he knew his son, Joel would be mindful of his driving from here forward out of the sheer desire to prove himself.
Ben could hear the kids talking as they switched from filling the truck’s gas tank to filling the spare fuel cans. He walked around to the side of the Blazer where he could see them. Joel muscled the full jerry cans up onto the rear cargo rack and strapped them down. Meanwhile, Allie continued to turn the pump handle.
“Are you up to driving the rest of the way tonight?” Ben asked.
“Yeah, sure. What is it? Like another half an hour or so?” Joel rejoined Allie to help finish filling the truck.