“Are you concerned you still suffer from any mental issues from being in prison?”
“No. I’m fine. Honestly.”
I notice we have gone through most of the assessment questions quickly. It has not taken as long as most parolees because many topics do not relate to Aiden and I’ve been able to skip over them.
On the surface, it seems he led a criminal lifestyle purely as a way to prove something to his father.
Is it possible I have met someone that changes everything I have learned in this job?
I think my moral compass just shifted drastically off its normal course.
“This is usually all I ask in the first session, so I think we can stop for today. I know you have to drive a long way for these visits. We can try to finish all of them next time if you want. When is it good for you to come back?”
“I’ll come back anytime you want me to, but first, can I ask you something?” Aiden says leaning in closer towards me. “I think it is only fair, considering I’m answering all of your questions.”
I put my hand back on my chin as I bite my lip with trepidation. “What do you want to know?”
“I like that accent of yours. Where are you from?”
Normally, when a parolee asks anything personal I say, ‘This is about you, not me,’ and I refuse to answer the questions. Information is often their only currency in jail, and they know how to use the smallest thing to get what they want. It’s usually best that they know nothing about me, but for some reason, I answer this time, keeping it in very general terms. “I grew up in America.”
“Can I tell you something? You seem too nice to be in this job. I can read people and you are not like the others I have come across through this mess. I hope whoever you go home to protects you and appreciates you. I would not want my girl being around the sorts that must come in this office.”
Aiden smiles gently at me. He’s waiting for me to give him something, some sort of reply, but I can’t. Though, something inside me is urging me to say something. This is the first compliment a man has given me in a long time.
We sit in silence for a few moments, gazing at each other. I know I must stop this before it goes any further, but I have been lonely lately, and I find comfort in his voice and our conversation. However, that would be breaking the rules, and I’m not a rule breaker.
“Let’s pick this up next time, okay?” I stand to walk Aiden out to the waiting room.
“I can come in on Monday at the same time if you would like?” He asks with a warm smile across his lips.
“That would be fine, Aiden,” I reply, giving him a smile back. “See you then.”
Some odd feeling lingers inside of me as I watch him leave. Almost as though I did not want to see him go. I let the sound of his voice and his calming demeanour draw me in as a willing participant.
What are you doing Holly? God, I hope this is just a game for him, but if it isn’t, then where can this possibly go? Truthfully, nowhere.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THE FOLLOWING MONDAY, about ten minutes before my session with Aiden, my phone rings. Picking it up off my desk, I see on the screen it’s Tom.
That’s odd. Why would he be calling from work right now?
I hesitate as I have a mental debate on whether or not to answer his call. I’ve been speaking to him again, but only as part of my modified version of the silent treatment. Only when absolutely necessary.
I have remained standoffish and going through the motions pretending to be sweet and happy during whatever party or dinner we’ve attended. But once we’re back at home, I fall back into a combination of silence and small talk.
Tom’s hours have been insanely time consuming, including working at home during the weekends, so it has been easy for us to coexist without having much interaction. I’m waiting for Tom to make his amends to me and I know it must be coming soon because I can see the frustration building in him when I don’t say much. He’s used to me giving in to him first, but I won’t do it this time. I refuse to condone drug taking no matter what his supposed excuse is.
I guess I better take his call and make sure everything is okay.
“Yes, Tom?” I ask, answering my phone.
“Hon, I’ve been called away on a business trip as there’s some problem with one of our projects in Sydney and they need me to go and assist right away. I think I’ll be gone for a few days.” His voice cracks as he speaks, making him sound nervous.
Why the nerves? Is he afraid of what I might say Maybe a few days apart would help him see how close he is to losing me. Doesn’t absence make the heart grow fonder? With my luck, though, he’s probably relieved to have a break from me ruining his drug-induced euphoria.
“What do you want me to say? Don’t go?” My voice exudes sarcasm.
“Um, I don’t know, babe. It would be nice to know you will miss me.”
I’m too angry to question if he is trying to show he cares. Instead, I tersely reply, “Well, I have to get back to work. What time are you flying out?”
“I have a dinner meeting with a client tonight and then Beth and I fly out tomorrow morning at about nine.”
Whoa! Did he just say ‘Beth’?
“Did you say you are going with Beth?” I am trying to keep from sounding shrill.
How could he go away with that vixen knowing how I feel about her?
The fracture in my heart breaks into a crevasse.
Clearing his throat, he says, “Ah, yeah, babe. She’s my boss.”
“I don’t want you going away with that woman.” I fight back tears that threaten to overflow.
“I cannot get out of this.”
“Then quit your job,” I demand.
“I can’t quit.” He sighs before continuing. “Please understand this is not about anything other than work.”
“Yeah, right. Nothing with you is about anything but work. What about me? What about us?” Tears begin rolling down my face as I again face the reality of how little I mean to Tom.
Impatient, he says, “Holly, I’m not going to go through this with you now. Don’t worry. I’ll be going to the office and then straight to my hotel room after. I will not be spending time with Beth outside of work.”
Yeah, right! As if Beth, will allow Tom to ignore her. And as if Tom will turn her down and risk sabotaging any of his lofty corporate aspirations she supposedly has control over.
Frustrated and not sure what to say, I answer curtly. “Whatever.” I then hang up, not giving him a chance to reply.
I can’t cry while on the phone with him or he’ll know how much this is hurting me and I don’t want him to have the upper hand in our relationship. It’s bad enough that I’m willing to give in with his taking drugs just to save our marriage, even though I abhor them.
But how can I let him get away with any antics with his boss?
I don’t want my marriage to end, but a person can only take so much. I never knew my heart could hurt like this.
As soon as the phone is hung up, I burst into tears. I finally give in to the fears I’ve been trying so hard to ignore. I admit to myself that Tom is having an affair and my marriage is over.
How can I possibly stay married to someone that I don’t trust? Someone who obviously doesn’t love me enough to think about my feelings.
Lisa notices my tears. “You all right?”
“No, I’m over Tom and his work always coming before my feelings. I’m so angry at him for the drugs and now he’s pulling this crap that he has to go to Sydney for work, but Beth is going with him. Does he think I’m this daft? I know they must have something going on.” I wipe my eyes and rub my temples as I feel a dull headache coming on.
“Holly, I know it looks bad, but is it possible he isn’t doing anything with Beth? Like, is it possible it is really just work?”
“You’ve not seen how that woman acts around him. If they haven’t done anything, well, I’m sure she will try while they’re away. And like the drugs, Tom will sa
y he gave into her for his career progression. It’s such bullshit. I should matter more. I hate his damn job. I wish things could go back to how they used to be before he got so hooked on making money.” Tears roll down my cheeks.
Lisa gets up and walks over to me. She places her hand on my shoulder to comfort me as she speaks with a low, gentle voice. “Really, honey, it’s possible that he hasn’t done anything. Without proof, you don’t know, right? He never played up before in your relationship, has he?”
“Not that I know of.” I wipe the tears off my cheeks. “It’s just this Beth. She has this way that makes me feel so threatened and so second-rate. I know I’m not, but it’s the effect she has on me. And I hate that she thinks it is all right to claw all over Tom every time we see her. It makes me want to rip her fingernails off. And it infuriates me that Tom does nothing to stop her.”
“Oh, honey, a girl like that deserves more than her fingernails ripped off. She sounds like she’s the type of girl that ruins it for all other women.”
“Is it too much to ask that my needs come…” The buzzer interrupts me. It’s Aiden. “Oh, crap! I totally forgot about Aiden. I must look like a total disaster.”
Crap, crap, crap!
I quickly wipe what’s left of my tears and attempt to get myself together for this session. “I guess we can talk after this.” I furiously look for a mirror in my purse to make sure I look acceptable for Aiden.
Lisa grins while pointing her head towards the waiting room and saying, “At least you’ll have that in there to distract you.” She stands up and helps me straighten myself out before I go to get Aiden from the waiting room.
I open the door to escort him to the interview room. “Hello, Aiden. How was your weekend?”
“Hi, Holly. My weekend was good. Busy though, with the cattle,” he says standing tall and flashing that warm smile that always makes me weak at the knees.
His smile fades as he notices my expression. “You okay? You look like you’re upset.”
I want to tell him why I’m upset and have a real conversation with this man. But I can’t do it, I cannot break the rules, no matter how much I want to. It’s hard to stay quiet because no one ever notices when the parole officer is upset or having a bad day.
Not to mention I find comfort when talking with this man. His soothing voice, his gorgeous body.
I know I shouldn’t let a parolee see me upset, so I lie to him. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking though.” I wipe under my eyes again to make sure the light swipe of mascara I wear is not dripping down underneath them.
He doesn’t buy my answer. “I’m not stupid, Holly. I can tell you’re upset. I hope whoever is hurting you wakes up to themselves soon.” Aiden reaches across and puts his hand on top of mine.
The electricity of his touch against my skin has caught me off guard. It is as though every cell in my body was just put on point, aching to be explored further by this man. My pulse quickens and I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat.
I don’t want him to remove his hand even though I know it is completely wrong. I want to feel more of his rugged, strong hands against my flesh. I let it linger before I come to my senses and pull my hand away. I cannot let a parolee touch me.
As I move my hand away, I watch his expression.
He cocks his head to the side and raises one eyebrow. “I just wish I could do something to help.”
How do I answer that honestly?
I realise that it would not be a good idea to do this meeting right now because I might break all my rules. I enjoy his company a little too much to be able to keep my ethical boundaries today.
He must also realise this is not a good time because he says to me, “Holly, I have to come back in a few days, would it be better if I see you then? I can tell you’re upset and maybe you need time to yourself right now instead of having to worry about me.”
Is this man really trying to be sensitive to what I need right now instead of worrying about his own needs? Tom never seems to think about what I need.
I gaze at him as I speak decisively. “Maybe you’re right. It would be better if we reschedule. As long as that’s okay with you?” I know I need a chance to gather my thoughts and regain my professionalism.
His lips curl into a comforting smile. “Yeah, that’s fine. Like I said, I have to come back to town in a few days to pick up some supplies that I’m waiting on.” He sits back in his chair, gazing at me. “I just wish there was something I could do to make it better or maybe take your mind off whatever it is that’s bothering you.”
Taken aback and unsure what to say, I decide to just thank him. “That is kind of you to offer, but I’m sure I’ll be fine.”
My insides scream at me because they think I should give a different answer. They tell me to say, ‘If you want to help you could just take me out of here and make me forget that sorry excuse for a husband I have’.
My pulse quickens as I imagine what would have happened if I had answered Aiden differently and actually took him up on his offer of doing something to make me feel better. The possibilities stir up a sense of enthusiasm and anticipation deep inside me. I have not felt either of these in a long time.
“I can show myself out, Holly.” Before I can react, he reaches down, touches my wedding ring and says, “He better know how lucky he is and if he doesn’t, then he’s a complete fool.”
I am speechless at this remark. Or maybe the electricity I feel from his fingertips has stolen my voice.
I remain in my seat as he gets up and leaves the office. My head and heart are fighting a battle inside me for what is right and for what is wrong. I’m furious with Tom, yet I’m enamoured with Aiden.
How can I be thinking about an offender when I should be thinking about saving my marriage?
All my sensibilities have been lost, and for the first time in my life, something deep in my psyche is saying this is a good thing.
Follow your heart, Holly.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I AM GENTLY swaying on the porch swing overlooking several well-groomed paddocks. There are a number of cattle getting fat on the lush grass in the distance while a few cottony clouds fill the sky above.
I see a figure galloping fast towards me, leaving a dusty haze behind him. A breeze blows against my skin, giving me temporary relief from the hot sun that has been baking the surrounding earth.
As this figure moves closer, I recognise the man riding the horse. It is Aiden riding hard and fast in my direction. I get up from the swing to lean against the railing and stare at this man heading towards me.
As he nears the house, I notice he has his shirt off. His firm, tanned muscles ripple and flex against his grip on the reins of the galloping horse. Beads of sweat glisten as they drip down his chiselled chest, leaving trails that I would love to outline with my tongue.
My gaze drops to his robust thighs holding him firmly against the horse. My insides clench as I ache to run my hands against their strength. I imagine them straddling me as he throws me down against the wooden boards of the veranda and kisses me passionately.
The horse comes to a halt as he throws his leg over its back and hops down. He saunters towards the veranda with his dark hair sticking against his sweaty face. Noticing me, he tips his Akubra hat at me in that sexy cowboy way.
As he reaches the steps that lead up to where I am standing, he looks up at me and grins in that wanton way, making me weak at the knees. My eyes are glued to his body and those dusty jeans, well worn and tight in all the right places.
My body trembles as he walks up the stairs, staring straight at me.
I move from the railing to meet him at the top step. He’s covered in dust from his ride and whatever work he was doing in the fields.
As he stands in front of me, I draw a line with my finger from the nape of his neck down to his sternum, tracing the outline of those bulging muscles. I want to tease this man into submission and make him mine. Wanting to taste where my fingers just were, I
lick my lips in desire. “Why don’t you take a shower with me, so I can wash the dust off?”
“I’d love to.” He smiles as he kicks off his boots, not caring when one falls down a few steps. Tossing his Akubra onto the swing, he grabs my hand and leads me inside.
An idea crosses my mind. “Wait, let me undress you here on the porch before we go inside.” I give him a seductive grin as I latch my index fingers around the belt loops of his jeans tugging him closer to me. “I’ve been on my hands and knees cleaning the floors, so I would hate to dirty them up again. I would much rather be on my knees doing other things.”
I waste no time in unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. Down on my knees, I push them slowly off, exposing first his powerful thighs and then his well-defined calves. He stands over me watching my every move. His hands rest against my shoulders as I pull the jeans over his feet and free from his body.
For a moment, I lean back on my knees and look this Adonis up and down, admiring the beauty of the man standing before me. I’m in awe of his muscular physique, and I cannot wait to wash him clean.
Leaning in while still on my knees, I gently breathe in his scent, his musky smell of sweat and woodsy body wash from his morning shower. I could breathe in this scent forever. It’s so intoxicating it causes my body to quiver without even being touched.
Standing up, I lead him into the house, crossing several rooms, until we get to the master bathroom. I reach out and tease him by placing my fingertip just under the waistband of his underwear. I rub my fingers along the top of the elastic, stretching it out gently as I tease. When I see the reaction growing inside, I push his underwear down, letting them fall to the tiled floor.
I run my hands along those powerful thighs and as I get closer to Aiden’s perfect cock standing at attention, he grabs my hands to stop me. I moan as I want to touch him and pull his maleness into my mouth, finally tasting him with my tongue.
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