By Wednesday, I was really getting worried. I felt like he was putting this distance between us on purpose. He was in a dark place with his job, and he was taking it out on me. When he called, I offered to come up the next day instead of him driving.
“No, I don’t think so,” he stammered.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Mmm,” he uttered. “I think Kat is having some friends over or something.”
“Okay, then. I’ll guess I will see you tomorrow. Bye, Victor.” I clicked off my cell and hoped I hadn’t sounded sarcastic.
On Thursday, he was an hour late. I had been crying, and although I had run to the bathroom and washed my face when I saw his car pull up, the tell-tale signs were there. I was no good at hiding my feelings. He looked in my eyes, and saw my pain. I saw it reflected back at me in his eyes when I looked at him. He reached out to hold my face, eyes intense he whispered, “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t think it would last.” He kissed me, each swollen eye first, and then on my lips. It was so tender, my heart broke. Not breaking the kiss, he steered me backwards and softly closed the door behind him. He picked me up, swinging me into his arms carrying me straight to my bedroom. There were no words that night. He made love to me slowly, straight sex, but it was beautiful. I fell asleep in his arms, and when I woke he was still there looking at me in the dawn’s early light.
“You didn’t leave.” The awe in my voice was apparent. I was touched he had stayed so long.
“Yeah, I didn’t want to leave you. I wanted to be sure you were okay. You’re okay, right?” he looked me in the eyes. His eyes were baggy, dark circles underneath them.
“I’m okay, but what about you? Did you sleep, at all?” I asked concern for him apparent in my voice.
“Not much,” he turned to me lying on his side. I did the same. “Monica, we have to talk, but there are things I just can’t seem to tell you. I don’t think I can find the right words to make you understand.” I could see the internal struggle he was battling with. “When I do, I will tell you. I wish I could tell you now, it would be such a relief to get it off my chest, not having to live with these other secrets.” His eyes searched my face for answers I couldn’t give him because I didn’t know the questions.
“There are other secrets?” I asked.
“Yes.” He closed his eyes and nodded briefly.
“Why can’t you tell me, Victor? I wish you would. Maybe, your mind is making more out of it than it really is, like with the toys and other things.” I was grasping at straws here. I knew whatever this next secret was it was going to be a whopper, but I hated feeling like this, and seeing him like this.
“I can’t tell you because I can’t have you, and I don’t want to give you up.” It looked like he was battling some serious demons. I wished I could help him.
“I don’t want you to give me up, either!” I sat up in bed, suddenly terrified, and took his hands. “Don’t give me up, please. Don’t give up on us,” I begged.
“I should. You’d be better off!” He turned to lie on his back looking up at the ceiling pulling away from me.
“I wouldn’t,” I stated firmly. “Victor, I wouldn’t be better off without you. Don’t say that,” I was pleading now.
“Yes, you would.” His voice was full of resignation.
“So, where do we go from here?” I asked grasping the bed sheets in my hand. Fear, like a knot in my stomach, made me nauseous.
“I don’t know. I’ve got things to think about. I guess we are still in the same situation. I can’t, won’t, make promises to you I can’t keep. I don’t want to lie to you, but I guess I’m lying to you because there a lot of things I am not telling you. Lies by omission.” His laugh was cold and he still was staring at the ceiling not looking at me.
When I first woke up to see him here, I had been touched, but now just a few minutes later I was terrified and because of that I was getting angry. I did not like the direction this conversation was going in. I didn’t like at all. “Well,” I stated sarcastically, “At least you’re being honest about the fact that you are lying to me.” I was extremely frustrated that this conversation was going around in circles and I didn’t understand any of it.
“Ouch, Monica!” His sharp eyes turned to me.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” I tried to back track. “I don’t want to fight.”
His eyes softened. “I don’t want to either, Monica.” There was pause as he sat up. “Listen, I am already going to be late. Let me shower quickly. We can talk tonight, I promise. We’ll hash some of this out.” He sat up and gave me a quick peck on the cheek and headed for the shower.
“Okay . . . tonight,” I said, scrambling out of bed behind him. I’d fix him some coffee for the road. I was willing to let it go indefinitely if it meant not losing him. I knew whatever those explanations were going to be, they might ruin us. Victor thought so, he had warned me from the very start. I was foolish, so foolish, despite all his warnings to the contrary, I had gone and fallen in love with him anyway.
He called at ten on Friday night. He was in a much better mood. He had made a big decision he informed me. From his tone, and it sounded real to me, he was feeling better. He had decided he would continue with the contracting business for the rest of the year, and if it didn’t improve, he was rejoining the military. He had even called his senior ranking officer, and had been told they would give him 12 months from when he resigned, to allow him to re-up without getting demoted and taking a pay cut. So, he had four months before he had to give them his decision. I could hear the excitement in his voice. A door had not closed on him, and knowing that really cheered him up. I would do everything I could to help him make the decision to return. He loved the military. Even if it meant him being sent overseas away from me, it was worth it if he was doing something he loved. I loved teaching, but it was a job you could do anywhere.
“That’s great news. You are being pro-active. I know when I have a plan, and a deadline it makes me feel like I’ve got something accomplished,” I said enthusiastically.
“Exactly, I do feel a big weight off my shoulders. I wouldn’t have even called today, if you hadn’t brought it up last night. I am seriously going to consider this, and I’ve got four months to make my decision.” The relief in his voice made me glad I had pressed a bit last night.
“Money, can’t buy you love,” I laughed. “Love what you do.”
He laughed, too. “Ain’t that the truth!” His tone became a little flatter, but in the next instant, he was chipper again. “Come to me next Thursday. I want to take you dancing. I want to see you and make it up to you for my crappy mood last night.” He laughed
“Really?” I laughed. “That sounds great.” I laughed. The call ended a bit later, after he asked me to recap my day, and I felt good about the call. I was also a bit relieved that he hadn’t brought up anything from our talk that morning. I was sure I wasn’t ready to hear it.
On Thursday, I arrived at Victor’s apartment a little after eight. He was outside to greet me. He swept me into his arms, and kissed me with all his might. “You look gorgeous in that red dress,” he said as we parted.
“You look great, too, Vic.” He had on dark blue jeans, tight, and a grey t-shirt.
“Let’s go upstairs and have a drink. A bunch of us are all coming out, some of the people you met from the barbecue, and Kat, too. We are going to The Honky Tonk, you remember, we went to that place once before?”
“I remember,” I said but was momentarily worried. “You don’t think I am overdressed?” I was wondering about my clothes.
“Always,” he teased, “But the dress looks awesome with your tan legs. I love that you never flaunt all your assets. Just one at a time. It makes guys wonder what the rest looks like.” My dress was a simple halter dress, sleeveless, conservative, but short.
“You are such a tease. But really, is the dress ok?” I didn’t want to be out of place if his friends were all in jeans.
>
“Don’t worry about it. Michael’s girl, Tina, she has a dress on, too.” He started walking me to the door, grabbing my overnight bag from the backseat.
I was relieved when we got to the apartment to see that Tina did indeed have a dress on. It was a green tight little thing that showed off her legs, cleavage, and half her back. Kat was wearing jeans, and so was Maria, but hers was paired with a tank top with a silvery concoction of flat discs really dressing up the outfit. Cute, I thought, I really liked it.
By nine thirty, we climbed into two cars and made our way to The Honky Tonk. We were in Kat’s car. “Going to sing with me tonight, Monica?” she asked playfully.
“Hell, no!” Victor laughed, “Not if I have any say so.” Everyone in the car laughed.
I punched him lightly in the arm for teasing me. “I don’t sing that badly.”
“Yes, you do,” Kat and him said together. They both laughed harder. I pouted and sunk down in the middle of the backseat between Victor and Michael. Tina was in the front with Kat.
“No pouting,” Victor teased. “I will sing to you, instead. How about that?” He laughed again gazing into my eyes. He looked so happy and carefree right now. I loved seeing him like this. I loved him.
I noticed a look from Kat to Michael in the rearview member. It was a surprised, pleased expression. It made me feel good to see it. I felt like his friends genuinely liked me.
“I’d love that,” I stated and put my head on his shoulder for the rest of the ride to The Honky Tonk. Kat kept giving me looks from the rear view mirror. She smiled, and I smiled back.
We got to the bar, and Victor immediately took me to the dance floor. This was the first time we had ever danced a fast song together. And, he could really dance. The way his shoulders moved when he danced was really a turn on. Some of the guys were calling him to play a game of pool. “Do you mind?” he asked.
“Not at all,” I said. “I’ll go sit with the girls.”
“I’ll get you a drink first; be right back.” He kissed my cheek and then went to the bar as I made my way over to the table, where Kat, Tina, and Maria were sitting. Victor came with my drink, kissed me on the top of the head, and then went to join the guys. I loved that he was so affectionate.
I chatted with the girls. Both Kat and Tina were in the military, Maria was not. Tina and Kat, I found out, worked in the same office, shipping and receiving. They talked shop for a while, and then Maria heard a song she liked and grabbed Tina to go dance with her. That left me and Kat. We sipped our drinks and watched the guys play pool. Victor made a great shot. He was in front of me, and wiggled his butt while making it because he knew I was watching. Kat and I both laughed. I turned to her, when she said, “You’re the first girl he has brought around us in the last past eight months that has not been a one night stand, you know?”
“I didn’t know that?” I said surprised. I liked her even more now for telling me that, too.
“Yeah, you are. He likes you a lot. In fact, none of us have seen him this happy in a long time. When you are around he is like his old self again,” she paused, “better than his old self, actually.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I’m glad. I know he puts a lot of pressure on himself. I like to see him like this. So relaxed.” I was careful with my words. I didn’t want her to think I was prying.
“I can’t say much, Monica,” she paused and searched my eyes. “I know things he hasn’t told you, and I have been friends with him for nearly ten years. I don’t want to break his confidence, but I like you. You’re a nice girl, and I think you should know by now, he is pretty fucked up in the head sometimes.”
“I know that he has a lot on his mind,” I told her. “But he doesn’t really confide his problems to me, and that’s okay for now. We enjoy each other’s company a lot,” I blushed.
“You’re good for him. He told me you said he should go back to the military.” Kat fiddled with her bottle of beer nervously.
“Yes, I did. He loves it, and misses it. He hates what he does now,” I said watching her.
“We’ve told him to come back for months, but he listened to you, so that is good. At least he is seriously considering it now. He never should have left to begin with. Thanks for that.” She took a long swallow.
“Sure,” I said lamely. I didn’t know what else to say.
She looked at me quizzically, “And you’re in love with him?”
I nodded and took a drink of my beer.
“Don’t tell him that. He already suspects it. But don’t say the words. Not yet.” She patted my hand. “He really does have family obligations, Monica. He is all about his family. It’s an Italian thing. He takes his responsibilities very seriously. He isn’t lying about that. He won’t tell you about his family because it’s pretty fucked up right now. And, don’t ask him about it because he will know I’ve talked with you, but you are good for him, really good.”
Again, I nodded, and told her I wouldn’t say anything.
“When he does tell you in his own time, listen to him, Monica, please, and hear him out. He hasn’t said anything to me, but I can tell he wishes he could spend more time with you. He talks about you all the time.” Her last comments ended on a sigh. “I really hope he gives you a chance,” and with that she left to go to the ladies room. I hoped he would, too. From, Kat’s lips to God’s ears, I prayed. Whatever it was that was going on in his family, Kat felt I should listen to him and hear it all. I vowed right then to myself that I would. Whatever it was.
Kat returned just as the game of pool was finishing up, and the guys joined us at the table. They joked about how Michael had cheated. To deflect, Michael reminded everyone that Victor was supposed to sing to me. He laughed and shook his head. A slow song came on, and he took my hand. “I’ll sing to her, but not the rest of you fools. I’ll never hear the end of it.” I followed him onto the floor. The song was She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. I loved this band, and this song.
Victor took me in his arms, and we swayed, and danced in time to the music. And he sang the song to me whispering the words in my ear, words I wished were meant for me. “I drove for miles and miles/ And wound up at your door/ I've had you so many times/ But somehow I want more” My heart hurt that the words were written by Adam Levine and James Valentine for someone else. He continued; “I don't mind spending everyday/ Out on your corner in the pourin' rain/ Look for the girl with the broken smile/ Ask her if she wants to stay awhile/ And she will be loved, and she will be loved”. I hugged him closer to me. He hugged me back. “Tap on my window, knock on my door/ I want to make you feel beautiful/ I know, I tend to get so insecure/ It doesn't matter anymore/ It's not always rainbows and butterflies” He couldn’t sing anymore after that. I could hear it in his voice. The words of this beautiful song had impacted him as much as me. We finished the dance, and he kissed my ear, my cheek. There were tears in my eyes. He wiped them away. He led me back to the table, and his friends back slapped him. “I was so horrible,” he stated, “that it made her cry.” They all laughed harder and then I was laughing too. Kat just smiled, knowingly.
It was midnight, and the guys wanted to go to a different bar, but I had to work the next day and get up at five thirty to be at work for eight with the hour drive, going for a short run, and getting ready for work. I was glad school was over for the summer in just two short weeks, a week and half really. June could not be here soon enough for me. Victor gave our apologies, and Kat dropped us off at the apartment before going back to join the others. I didn’t know how they did these late nights and worked the nest day.
Once in the apartment, we went straight to Victor’s room. His trunk was on the bed. He watched my reaction when I saw it. I laughed.
“You really don’t think I’m a pervert?” he shook his head in wonder and opened the lid.
“If you are one, then so am I,” I laughed. He hugged me, and took out a vibrator and closed the lid.
“Just a vibrator?” I questioned teasingly.
“Yes, just a vibrator, for tonight. And a little role playing, okay?” He pinched me on the ass.
“Ouch, that hurts,” I said rubbing my butt, “But okay.”
“You are a naughty girl, Monica. I am going to have to punish you,” he teased. I ran from him around the bed, and he caught me quickly. We fell on the bed because he made us fall, and then he was sitting up with me over his legs. “I have to spank you,” he said lifting my dress.
“What?” I began to squirm on his lap. “Why?”
“Because no woman should have as beautiful an ass as you do. It’s not fair to all of mankind,” he laughed huskily as he pulled my panties down. He didn’t hit me, at least not right away. He patted his hand on each cheek, and caressed them. I was getting really turned on. Then, wham!
“Ouch! Fuck! Vic!” I yelped. “That hurt.”
He was caressing the cheek he had just slapped. “Nice girls shouldn’t use bad words, Monica.” Wham, he slapped the other cheek and immediately began to caress it.
I yelped again, but didn’t curse this time. I was getting into it; the pleasure pain combo was heady. I was getting wet.
“Do you like it, Monica?” he asked. From his voice, and the erection pressing into my rib cage, I knew he did.
“Yes,” I whispered.
Wham!
“Ouch!” He was caressing me again.
“I didn’t hear you,” he said louder.
“Yes,” I was panting and squirming.
Wham! “Yes, what?” He demanded.
“Yes, I liked it. I like it when you spank me, Victor. I love it.” My pussy was quivering. I was surprised too, because I was almost ready to come.
“Good girl. Now you can be rewarded.” He pushed me off him. I stood in front of him between him and his dresser. “Take off your clothes. I want to fuck you in that beautiful ass again tonight, and shove this vibrator up your pussy so far you are going to fucking see stars. Do you want me to do that, Monica?” I was already stripping.
Fire In His Eyes Page 12