by Lynne Graham
But all in all it had been a dreadful evening, not even the continuing warmth and friendliness of Noel’s family helping to alleviate that. How could it, when she was all too aware that it was because of the deceit of her fake engagement to Noel that they were behaving that way? Not that she thought the Markhams would have been unfriendly if the situation had been any different from what they thought, but the fact that they were treating her as a prospective daughter and sister-in-law made her feel very uncomfortable.
‘Noel, tomorrow is Christmas Eve.’ Cally turned to him decisively once they were in the privacy of her sitting-room. ‘I won’t keep up this deception to your family for any longer than that, so I would advise you to tell them the truth—’
‘Whatever happened to, “Please, take a seat” or, “Can I get you a coffee?”’ he cut in.
She gave him an irritated frown. ‘Please, do take a seat,’ she invited reluctantly, although he might be easier to talk to if he were no longer towering over her in this forceful way! ‘But forget the coffee,’ she told him heavily as he sat down in one of the armchairs. ‘I have a very busy day tomorrow stocking up your freezer and refrigerator with food for over the Christmas period, so I would like to get to bed very shortly. Alone!’ she added firmly as he raised questioning brows.
‘Pity,’ he murmured. ‘So, who is Jane Shaw? And why did meeting her tonight upset you so much?’ he asked shrewdly.
Cally stiffened. ‘She’s just—an old acquaintance,’ she dismissed with deliberate unconcern, at the same time not quite able to meet Noel’s searching gaze. ‘But you’re wrong, I wasn’t in the least upset at meeting her—’
‘Oh, yes, you were,’ Noel said with certainty, blue gaze narrowed piercingly. ‘Don’t lie to me, Cally,’ he warned softly. ‘I may be easygoing for the main part, but never take me for a fool!’
She never would have done that. The fact that he was the power behind the Carlton Empire was evidence enough of his shrewd business acumen, even if she wasn’t already aware of the intelligence behind those deep blue eyes.
‘I wasn’t doing that,’ she assured him before turning away to look down at the unlit fireplace, her thoughts racing as she tried to decide what to do for the best. ‘But Jane Shaw is my business,’ she told him as she looked up again, having made her decision. ‘Not yours.’ She looked at him with unblinking challenge.
Although looking at him was almost her undoing! She loved this man, knew it as surely as she loved Lissa, and the urge to tell him about Jane Shaw, to confide in him the entire truth about the past, was very tempting indeed. Cally had already told Noel that Michael had been a married man, but she hadn’t admitted to Noel that she had kept Lissa a secret from Michael all these years. Cally wasn’t sorry she had done so, but would Noel be horrified with her, thinking that Michael had a right to know his own child?
Also, how would Noel react to being told that Jane Shaw was the wife of the man Cally had been involved with seven years ago? Not only that, but she was the mother of Michael’s legitimate children? Noel might say he understood that Cally, at eighteen, had just been young and stupid, but, having met Jane Shaw and seen how lovely she was, would his sympathies swing away from Cally and towards Jane Shaw?
Noel easily met the challenge in her gaze. ‘And if I choose to make it my business?’ he asked, giving every appearance of being relaxed as he sat in the armchair—while at the same time ready to pounce!
‘Then of course I can’t stop you.’ She sighed. ‘There’s a possibility I shall be giving my notice in at the gatehouse after Christmas, anyway, so it really doesn’t matter to me what you do.’
Until the words actually left her mouth, it hadn’t even occurred to her that was what she intended doing! But as she said them she knew it was what she would have to do with Michael and his family living somewhere close enough for his wife to be in a local pub. Otherwise she was going to spend all of her time here looking over her shoulder, wondering if a simple trip to the local supermarket would bring a surprise meeting with Michael himself. Worse, she could have Lissa with her at the time!
Lissa!
She didn’t want to move, knew Lissa was happy here, that it would mean changing schools and friends all over again. But what other choice did she have...?
Noel rose slowly to his feet, Cally backing away slightly as he took a step towards her. He came to an abrupt halt, his expression grim, his jaw set. ‘When did you suddenly become frightened of me?’ he growled.
When she realized she had fallen in love with him!
And it wasn’t fear of Noel that had her backing away from him; it was fear of herself, of her feelings for him, of the way she simply melted in his arms every time he touched her. She had already made one disastrous mistake in her life, she didn’t intend making another, even worse one, with Noel!
She straightened. ‘I’m not frightened of you,’ she declared.
‘No?’ He took another step towards her, his mouth twisting as she tensed even more.
Cally couldn’t help that small tell-tale response, could feel her pulse rate quicken, her breathing shallow, her hands slowly clenching into fists at her sides—and knew there was nothing she could do to stop it.
‘Noel, I’ve had a very busy day, have an even busier one coming up tomorrow, as I’ve already explained, and I’m really too tired to stand here and play power games with you.’
‘I agree, you are.’ He nodded, standing in front of her, one of his hands moving up to smooth the hair back from her cheek. ‘I want to kiss you, Cally,’ he told her huskily, his eyes darkly blue now.
‘I know,’ she whispered.
‘I want to do more than kiss you,’ Noel acknowledged hoarsely.
‘I know that too!’ Cally sighed weakly, unable to look away from his mesmerizing gaze. ‘I just— Noel, I don’t want to make any more mistakes in my life!’ she told him achingly.
‘And you think I would be a mistake?’ he prompted gently.
‘Yes! No! I simply don’t know!’ She shook her head, tears blurring her vision now.
His hands cradled both sides of her face as he forced her to look up at him. ‘Do you trust me enough to believe me when I tell you I won’t be a mistake?’
She blinked the tears away, feeling their dampness against her cheeks as she looked up at him searchingly. He looked so solidly sure, of himself, of her, of whatever feelings were between them, that Cally knew she wanted to believe him.
‘Cally, I’m not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you!’ One of his hands curved about her jaw as his thumb moved to caress her lips, his gaze fixed on their pouting invitation. ‘I just want you so badly...!’ He groaned before his head lowered and his mouth took fierce possession of hers.
Cally melted, her body melding perfectly with his, hard against soft as Noel crushed her to him, his arms tightening about her waist as his kiss deepened.
She clung to the broad width of his shoulders, giving a choked sob as she realized this might be the one and only time she would ever be in his arms like this.
She wanted him too. Wanted him so much she ached inside with the need of him.
She offered no resistance when he lifted her up in his arms and carried her over to the sofa, sitting down with her on his lap, all the time his lips sipping and tasting hers as he kissed her with ever-increasing hunger.
Cally moved slightly, lying on the sofa beside him now as he followed her down, her hands feverishly caressing his back, the heat between them rising to an almost unbearable degree.
Her back arched instinctively as he cupped her breast, the nipple already hard with arousal, and she gasped as she felt the caress of his thumb against that sensitive tip, heat like molten lava coursing through her body as she pressed herself closer against him.
Noel raised his head to look down into her flushed face, his eyes almost bla
ck with his own desire, holding her gaze as his fingers undid the buttons to her blouse before releasing the front fastening of her bra. Then he finally looked down at her nakedness, and a nerve pulsed rapidly in his tightly clenched jaw.
‘Kiss me, Noel,’ she moaned achingly, her fingers entwined in the dark thickness of his hair as she guided him down to her. ‘Kiss me!’
His lips closed over one rosy tip, gently suckling as his tongue moved moistly against her, over and over again. Each gently pulling caress increased her pleasure, and the evidence of Noel’s arousal throbbed hotly against her hips.
Cally’s head rolled back on the cushion as she arched against him, feeling the increasing moistness between her thighs as Noel hotly pleasured her, wanting—oh, wanting!—so much more...! She simply couldn’t—
‘Mummy? Mummy, are you there?’
Cally jerked away from Noel as if a glass of cold water had suddenly been thrown over her, staring up dazedly into his grimly set face for several seconds as she tried to remember who she was—let alone where, and with whom!
‘Mummy...?’ Lissa voiced again, uncertainly this time.
Noel rolled away from Cally. ‘You had better go to her,’ he acknowledged gruffly, sitting on the carpeted floor now as he kept his profile turned firmly away from her.
‘Yes.’ Cally swung her legs to the floor, already straightening her clothing even as she hurried up the stairs to see what had disturbed Lissa.
All the time knowing that her daughter couldn’t be half as ‘disturbed’ as she was herself!
What had she been doing? How was letting Noel make love to her supposed to help the situation?
It didn’t, she acknowledged with a choked sob, but she loved him so much, wanted him so much, that logic and caution had nothing to do with it when she was in his arms.
‘Are you all right, Mummy?’ Lissa queried sleepily as Cally entered her bedroom to sit on the side of the bed. ‘You look upset.’ She frowned.
Cally swallowed down the tears as her daughter’s concern threatened to be her complete undoing. ‘Never mind me,’ she dismissed softly. ‘Did you have a bad dream?’
‘Not really. It’s just that it’s only one more day until Christmas!’ she sheepishly explained her excitement.
Cally smiled emotionally, brought back down to earth as she looked at her beloved daughter. This was her reality, Lissa and the life they had together, and nothing—and no one—would ever be allowed to threaten that.
‘I know, darling.’ She smoothed Lissa’s hair back from her brow. ‘I wonder if Father Christmas will bring you everything that you asked for?’ She thought of the bag of toys she had hidden away in the top of her wardrobe next door, the much-asked-for doll amongst their number.
Lissa’s smile could hardly contain her excitement. ‘I hope so.’ She trembled.
‘Right then, young lady, back to sleep,’ Cally told her firmly as she stood up to straighten Lissa’s duvet. ‘Or Father Christmas will never come,’ she warned teasingly.
Lissa looked up at her, entirely angelic in her sleepy, tousled state. ‘What have you asked Father Christmas for, Mummy?’
She drew in a sharp breath as she felt a shaft of pain through her chest, knowing that what she wanted for Christmas could never be hers. ‘Some of that lovely foam bath I use,’ she answered instead, knowing that Lissa had been out with Pam and bought her exactly that.
‘Oh, goody!’ Lissa grinned her pleasure. ‘I’ll go back to sleep now, Mummy,’ she promised, snuggling back down with her much-loved teddy from baby days, closing her eyes to fall instantly back to sleep, it seemed.
The sleep of the young and innocent...
‘Okay?’ Noel prompted softly as Cally turned and found him standing in the doorway.
Cally had given a start of surprise as she’d turned and found him there, but hardened her resolve to leave here as she preceded him down the stairs; Lissa was just too precious to her to take any risks. Not that she thought Michael would particularly want his daughter, but he was bloody-minded enough to demand his paternal rights if he felt so inclined. And she had no intention of Lissa becoming an emotional pawn between herself and Michael—because the only loser in that would be Lissa herself!
Having Noel in her life could only complicate matters. Which meant that she had to leave him. Completely and for ever.
‘You want me to leave now, don’t you?’ he guessed ruefully once the two of them were downstairs again.
Cally couldn’t look at him—or the sofa where they had so nearly made love! ‘I think that would be best.’ She nodded.
‘Cally—’ Noel broke off, sighing his impatience. ‘I’m not going to just disappear out of your life, you know.’
She did look up at him then, her expression one of scepticism. ‘Aren’t you?’ she scorned, forcing herself to remember that it was only weeks ago this man had been engaged to marry someone else.
His mouth thinned. ‘No,’ he told her with certainty.
‘We’ll see.’ She shrugged.
‘Yes, we will, won’t we?’ He strode across the room, grasping her arm to turn her to face him, his eyes blazing deeply blue as he saw the challenge in her face. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ he finally bit out.
Cally nodded. ‘I should be finished by lunchtime. The bill will be sent out to you—’
‘Damn the bill!’ he cut in harshly. ‘Cally, I refuse to believe you’re as cool towards me as you’re pretending to be—damn it, I know you aren’t!’ he added, his smile grimly satisfied as he saw the colour that entered her cheeks at being reminded of the heated passion they had shared such a short time ago. ‘Tomorrow,’ he repeated, stepping back.
Tomorrow, or today, nothing would have changed; he would still be the rich ‘Playboy of the West’, and she would still be a single mother desperately trying to make ends meet.
And trying to keep Michael out of Lissa’s life!
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘MICHAEL SHAW IS dead.’
Cally nearly fell into the chest freezer she had been stocking with all the food for Christmas at Parker Hall as she heard those words, the blood in her veins certainly becoming as cold as ice as she took in the full import of Noel’s bald statement.
Michael was dead...?
She slowly reached up and pulled down the lid to the freezer, her shoulders tensing as if for a blow as she breathed deeply before turning to face Noel.
He stood in the doorway of the utility room, his face pale against the darkness of his hair, the expression in his eyes guarded as he looked across at her.
‘Did you hear what I—?’
‘Yes, I heard what you said!’ Cally cut in sharply, a trembling beginning at her feet and spreading quickly up her whole body. She was shaking so badly now that she had to put out a hand on the top of the freezer to stop herself from falling. ‘Are you sure?’ she asked in a hushed voice.
‘Oh, yes, I’m sure.’ Noel nodded.
‘But—I—how—?’ Cally shook her head disbelievingly, barely aware of the sudden tears that fell hotly down her cheeks. ‘I can’t believe it!’ she choked emotionally, before burying her face in her hands.
She had wished for a way to stop Michael from coming back into her own and Lissa’s lives, had prayed for a solution to his presence nearby, one that wouldn’t involve her uprooting Lissa again. But she would never have wished for Michael’s death.
‘Come on.’ Noel spoke gently as he lightly grasped her shoulders and turned her into the main house. ‘We’ll go to my study,’ he said gruffly, his arm about the slenderness of her waist as he guided her through the kitchen and down the hallway.
Cally was numb. Totally stunned at the thought of Michael actually being dead. She had hated him with a vengeance when she’d discovered his duplicity seven years ago, had hoped ne
ver to see him again after what he had done, but this—this was something she had never even thought of!
‘Here, drink this.’ Noel held a glass out to her once he had seated her in the armchair in front of the fire in the privacy of his study. ‘It’s brandy,’ he explained as she looked up at him dazedly. ‘For the shock.’
Oh, it was definitely a shock. Especially coming so quickly on the heels of the realization that Michael’s family lived in the area somewhere.
But not Michael. Because he was dead.
Cally swallowed a little of the brandy, its fieriness melting some of the icy shock she felt inside. ‘How can you be so sure? How do you know—?’ She broke off, swallowing down the nausea that suddenly threatened to engulf her.
‘Jane Shaw,’ Noel told her economically. ‘I went to see her this morning,’ he explained as Cally looked at him frowningly.
Noel had been conspicuous in his absence when Cally had arrived at the house this morning. Honey had informed her, before she and the rest of the family had gone out shopping, that Noel had gone out on business but would be back later. But Cally had assumed that his absence might have had something to do with the way they had parted last night, rather than a real need to go out on business. It seemed she’d been wrong!
She moistened dry lips with the tip of her tongue. ‘How did you know where to find her?’
Noel gave a dismissive shrug. ‘I just did, okay?’
‘No, it is not okay!’ she snapped, eyes flashing her anger at the efforts he must have gone to to trace Jane Shaw. ‘For one thing, you had no right to interfere. For another—’
‘Despite everything, do you still love him?’ Noel interjected swiftly.
Cally stared at him. Still love who—Michael...? Noel was asking her if she was still in love with Michael?
She had been eighteen when she’d met him, a student to his lecturer, had been bowled over, flattered, when he’d singled her out for his attention. But she wasn’t sure she had ever been in love with Michael, and his flippant response to her discovering he was a married man, with no intention of their relationship ever being a serious one, had killed any infatuated feelings she might have had for him.