by Amy Brent
I looked to the ground, confused at what it could be, to see a little box on the ground. Picking it up, I blinked several times as I realized it was a pregnancy test.
“What?” I murmured, completely confused. Why was this here?
My door cracked open and I saw Rachelle entering with another glass of cold water. “I think you should take the test,” she said gently, setting the cup down beside me.
“Why?”
“You never opened the period supplies that I had sent to us. Your cycle is always the week before mine, but I’m just finishing it up.”
“I… it must just be the dress.”
“Are you sure?” she asked. Her tone didn’t have any judgement, just worry. “Is there any way you could be pregnant? You and your mystery man are still seeing each other, right?”
“I… uh… I guess.”
“You guess?”
“It’s, uh, complicated.”
“I see. But please, take the test.”
I couldn’t be pregnant… could I? It wasn’t possible. I was careful. We were careful.
The little box in my hand felt incredibly heavy but I nodded. I had a feeling if I was a bit more awake that I definitely would have reacted more viscerally, but I was still coming to.
I rolled out of bed, my body groaning, and stumbled to the bathroom. The entire time I was assuring myself that there was absolutely no chance I was preggo, but there was a slight sliver of fear along the back of my head.
I had been nauseous pretty often. I was tired all the time. I’d been puking way more than normal. And apparently, I had missed my period. How could I notice any of that? Those seemed like thing that would be important.
Maybe Rachelle was mixed up and my period was due next week. Yeah, I bet that was it.
I peed on the little thing, following the directions, and then sat there.
Not to be cliché, but those three minutes waiting for it felt like an absolute eternity. I just sat there, staring at the ceiling, until my cellphone chimed that it was time.
I picked the thing up and looked at it, so sure of what I would see, only to have my entire world drop out from under me, shattering into a thousand pieces and drifting off into the wind.
I stumbled out into our main area while Rachelle was waiting, hugging a pillow to her.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered.
“Oh my god, Stella. I’m so sorry.”
She swept forward and caught me up in a hug. It was so warm, so kind, that I sank into it for a moment.
“What are you going to do? Do you know?”
I shook my head, still struggling with the new reality that I was shoved into. I was pregnant. There was something growing inside of me. Somehow, despite my best efforts, I had still turned into my mother.
What was I going to do?
“I don’t know who this mystery guy of yours is, but I think either way that you probably need to tell him what’s going on.”
I nodded, swallowing several times. “Do you want me to be with you? You don’t have to go through this alone. Whatever happens, I’m here for you. I’m your girl.”
Our eyes met, and I knew that it was time. I needed to tell her. There were no more secrets with my best friend.
“I… I think it’s time for all of us to talk,” I whispered, my mind still spinning. “I’m going to call him and have him come here in person.”
“Yeah, if you’re ready, then I am. I’m here for you, Stella.”
“You promise?” I asked, looking up into her eyes and only seeing love there. Goodness, what would I do without her?
“I promise.”
“Alright. I’m going to go to my room and make a call. I’d like, uh, a little privacy please.”
“Of course. I’ll sit right here.”
I pulled away from her embrace and went back to my room. My hands shaking, I pulled my phone back out and went to my contacts.
Anthony
My phone rang, making me jerk up from my work and nearly hit my head on the hood of the car I was working on. Normally I wasn’t so jumpy, but no one really called me at eleven o’clock at night unless it was an emergency.
Wiping my hands on my grease-rag, I reached into my jumpsuit pocket to pull out my phone. I was sure that normally business owners didn’t usually spend late nights in the shop, but I didn’t care how successful I got, using my hands helped me calm down and feel in control of things.
I was surprised to see that it was Stella, not Rachelle calling me, and I wondered if I was in store for a naughty call. Normally I initiated those when I was in a private place, but I didn’t mind her taking some initiative.
We’d been together for about a month and I swore I had never had so much sex in such a short amount of time. But it was like I was a teenager all over again, and Stella’s body had me completely enthralled.
But it wasn’t just her body. If it was, I was sure that we wouldn’t go nearly as hot and heavy as she did. But it was her smile, her laugh, the way those delicate moans issued from her full lips whenever I thrust within her, everything about her just drove me wild.
“Hey baby, what’s up?” I asked, flicking over to answer with my thumb.
“Um, Anthony?”
Instantly I could tell that something was wrong by her tone. And as much as I liked the thought of Stella looking to me for helped, I hated the thought that she was scared enough to reach out to me.
“Hey, are you okay? What’s up?”
“Um… a lot. It’s kind of an intense night.”
“What’s wrong? Do you need me?”
“Yeah, actually. I, uh… listen, there’s no easy way to say this-” Dammit. She was ending things between us. I couldn’t blame her. Of course, I was just a fun tryst for her. One I would always treasure, but a tryst nonetheless.
After all, I was twice her age. What did I think was going on? That we would end up in some happily ever after? Stupid. Silly, unrealistic and stupid.
But I wouldn’t resent her for going on her own path. No, I would respect her decision and look on this time with fondness.
Even if it hurt.
“-but I’m pregnant.”
Oh.
Oh.
Shit.
I stood there for a moment, unable to say anything, and the silence stretched on.
“Uh… Anthony? Are you there?”
“Yeah,” I said finally, jerking to life. “I’m here. I’m here…” I took a deep breath. Now was not the time to freak out. “Do you know what you want to do?”
“No, uh… I think that’s something we need to talk about. Together.”
Relief flooded through me. Talking was good. Talking meant she wanted to stay together. To try to make things work for each other.
And it also seemed to mean that she wasn’t completely horrified by the thought of having my child. That wasn’t a feeling you harbored by someone she considered a one-night stand or casual fling.
“But first I think there’s something else we have to do.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked, my mind a bit on autopilot while the caretaker in me zoomed off on all the possibilities stretching out before us. There was so much to do no matter what conclusion we came to, and that was certainly intimidating.
Intimidating, but certainly not impossible.
“We need to tell Rachelle. We owe it to her.”
“I…” Oh boy. Now that was certainly asking something. I loved my daughter to absolute pieces and I couldn’t ask for a more perfect young woman in my life, but I was well aware of her flaws. When she found out that both of us had been keeping a secret from her for nearly a month and I had impregnated her best friend, she was going to absolutely flip. We were talking a meltdown the likes that hadn’t been seen since she found her junior-year boyfriend was cheating on her.
“She’s my best friend in the world and she’s the one who figured it out. She’s saying that she’ll be here for me through this no matter what we decide, and I just can’t k
eep lying to her. So it’s either we tell her together, or I tell her myself.”
I hated to admit it, but she was right. It was nice to live in our own little universe where there was only the two of us, but it wasn’t realistic. Rachelle was part of my family, and I needed to let her know.
“Are you completely sure?”
I heard her swallow over the phone. “Yes. Please, just hurry.”
“Aright. I’m at my Jefferson Road location in Southwhic, so I’m about two and a half hours away.”
“That’s better than the four and a half hours from your house. We’ll wait.”
“Alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I hung up and shucked off my jumpsuit, almost running towards my car. But it wasn’t until I put my keys in the ignition that I realized something.
If Stella wanted to tell my daughter that we were a thing… well that meant we were a thing. A very serious thing. And naturally that seemed like a matter of course considering there was suddenly a potential baby in the mix, but I had never stopped to actually think about it.
I was pretty sure that after all the horrible things my ex put me through that I had just assumed that Stella too would soon leave me, tempted by the fruits of younger men. Not that Stella would be wrong for that, but it seemed that I was definitely wrong for assuming so.
Feelings that I had been fighting off began to bloom in my chest, and I began to realize just how much I had started to fall in love with the beautiful, intelligent woman. We were in dangerous territory, a sort of space I hadn’t let myself be in since my ex had so thoroughly betrayed me multiple times, and yet we were there.
I stepped on the gas as I headed towards their college. Unfortunately, they were still over two hours away and I didn’t want to speed too much. Being a black man rushing around midnight in a nice car wasn’t a very recipe that usually worked out well.
But all the time gave me a whole lot of time to stay up in my head. I recalled everything about Stella that made her so amazing. From the way her eyes lit up when she read something she found interesting, to the way she loved and looked after my daughter emotionally, even to how much keeping us a secret was so difficult for her.
Not to think about my ex again but breaking my trust and lying had been all too easy for her. That was largely why I had stayed single for so long. I couldn’t imagine having my trust so thoroughly betrayed again; I didn’t think that I would survive.
But I didn’t have to worry about that with Stella. She was honest to a fault and it felt like she genuinely cared for both me and Rachelle. I felt safe with her, safe to trust and safe to take care of her and give her my all.
Driving along the highway, it was easy to walk down memory lane. It had only been a few weeks since things had changed between us, and she went from that awkward kid that I used to know from a full-grown woman and different entity, but it felt like we were made for each other. I could feel myself going off the deep end, flooded with the urge to protect her, to make up for all the vile things her parents might have made her feel. And anyone else for that matter.
And that was when I knew, without a doubt, that if Stella wanted to keep the baby then I was going to make sure she had whatever she needed. I was going to be involved in the child’s life and give them whatever they needed to flourish. If Stella wanted me to be his father, I would. If she wanted me to just be a kind uncle, I would do that too. Whatever she needed, I would make sure that it was done.
I arrived at their apartment on the edge of campus and walked right up to the door. I had been pretty leery of them having a floor level apartment, but the security system and camera at the front door had made me feel better about it.
I knocked, waiting for the buzz. I saw the camera above me light up for a moment, and then the door was opening.
“Dad?” Rachelle asked, looking to me in confusion. “What are you doing here?” It was clear that she hadn’t put two and two together yet.
I stepped inside, looking into their empty apartment. Stella was curled on the couch, swaddled in blankets. I let my eyes meet hers then turned to my daughter.
“We need to talk.”
Stella
“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Rachelle yelled, throwing one of the couch pillows to the floor as she stalked back and forth in our shared living room. “All this time you’ve been fucking my best friend and neither of you thought to tell me!?!”
I had been surprised when Rachelle had managed to stay silent through her father’s explanation that we were now an item, but it seemed like all that vehemence had just been bottled up for a grand finale of an explosion. I didn’t even have time to address the fluttering of my heart when he said that we were ‘together’. I certainly hadn’t expected that.
Sure, I had hoped that maybe Anthony saw me as something other than the young sex pot that had rolled back into his life and started banging him all around the house, but I had no way of knowing if that were the case. We had never talked about if we were in a relationship, or what any of it meant, we had just been so focused on how good we had made each other feel. Hearing that he thought of us as an official pairing should have been an amazing moment filled with elation, but instead I found myself quivering with guilt as my best friend stared me down.
And she was right. It had been wrong of us to hide this from her. And perhaps we had both hidden it because we knew that she would never approve. But still, she deserved to know. She deserved to make that decision for herself.
And I deserved whatever she gave me.
“Rachelle,” Anthony started. “I-”
“Oh no!” she interrupted, her long, manicured finger coming up and cutting him off. In that moment, I swore that I saw her mother coming out of her body. “That’s not even the worst of it. She’s twenty, Dad! TWENTY! And you’ve known her since middle school! That’s fucking sick!”
Now that I wouldn’t abide. Anthony had never been inappropriate with me and really hadn’t even realized I was a woman until this summer when I had thrown myself at him again and again. He wasn’t a pedophile, or anything like that, and I didn’t appreciate her insinuation.
“That’s no-”
“You shut up!” Rachelle snapped at me, whirling with fire in her eyes. “You’re supposed to be my best friend and here I find out that you’re no better than all the other gold-digging whores I had to chase off! What, have you just been keeping me around to get to my father? How long have you been planning this? You seemed to have seduced him pretty fast, was that all a part of your master scheme?”
“No!” I objected forcefully. “Rachelle, you’ve always been my best fr-”
“Best friends don’t fuck their best friend’s father!!! I know you and your family are trailer trash, but I thought you would at least know that much!
“Goddammit! I always felt bad for you being a virgin and not seeming to click with guys, but how much of that was true too? Have you just been faking everything?!”
Each and every word in her mouth stabbed me deeper, going through layer by layer of my soul. And while of course I had never intended for all of this to happen, and I was truly her friend, I couldn’t help but feel that so much of what she said was right.
I was trailer trash.
I was a liar.
I didn’t deserve her friendship at all. She had been so kind to me for years and years and year and I had betrayed her by violating her most basic trust.
Tears started to well up as the image of her angry face burned into my retinas, but Anthony stepped between us, shielding me from her rage.
“Rachelle, I know you are angry, and you have every right to be. But you can’t talk to Stella that way.”
…apparently that was the wrong thing to say.
Rachelle went absolutely nuclear, screaming at the top of her lungs. I was sure that every neighbor within a five-block radius could hear us, and my shame just burned that much brighter.
“Excuse me!?” she spat, her body shaking with he
r vehemence. “You’re gonna stand there and protect her? The two of you fucking deserve each other! The idiot and the whore-”
“Hey!” I had never heard Anthony raise his voice and it was so authoritative that it gave me chills down my spine. My father had never given enough shits to actually raise his voice about something. He’d just grab another beer. Seeing Anthony be such a good parent in a really terrible situation made me feel the tiniest hair better about having his child growing inside of me.
“You can yell at me, you can insult, but like I said, you’re going to leave Stella out of it. I’m your father, I realized I crossed a line, I broke your trust, and as the older person this is my responsibility. If you’d like, we can even go somewhere else and talk about this.”
Rachelle let out several sounds between huffs, snarls and curses, and really, I couldn’t blame her. She looked so damn hurt. I had done that to her. I really had.
I didn’t know if I could ever make it up to her, but I certainly wanted to. I would do almost anything.
“You know what? Fuck this. Fuck this whole situation.”
She threw her hands up and stalked to her room. Anthony and I exchanged glances, unsure of what to do. He stood there, and I stayed curled on the couch, tears still threatening to fall down my cheeks. I had messed up. I had messed up big time.
I should have told her from the beginning.
There were more sounds and suddenly Rachelle was stalking back into the room, but this time with her rolling suitcase that definitely seemed to be bulging with clothes that were hastily thrown in there.
“Where are you going at this hour?” Anthony asked.
“I called a driver on your credit card and I’m going to go stay with Mom for a while.”
“Have you asked Karen if she can have you? You know she doesn’t like surprise visits.”
“She’ll deal,” Rachelle hissed, throwing open the front door. “Enjoy the sick thing the two of you have going.”
Finally, I got my body to move and I lurched after her. “Please, Rachelle. We can work this out. I am so, so, so sorry and you can be mad at me for-”