Over the years, Carter has learned to take his mother’s marital adventures with a good dose of humor. Ever since she divorced his dad when we were younger, she’s been trying to find true love wherever it hit her. Her words, not mine.
To my surprise, he shakes his head and smiles. “Nope. Still number five. Fingers crossed this time.”
“Wow, that’s impressive.” I smile, genuinely hoping this marriage will last for her. She might have always been a bit delusional when it came to love and marriage, but her heart is in the right place.
We’re silent for a moment before I focus back on my laptop. “Anyway. I’m definitely not changing my job. I love what I do, and it pays more money than any other job I could get right now.”
His eyes widen. “It does? Really?”
“Yup.” I give him a huge smile, my lungs expanding on a deep inhale. “If things continue the way they have, I should be able to crack six figures this year.”
His jaw drops an inch or two, and I can’t deny that I don’t enjoy this moment. I also can’t help myself leaning forward and gently pushing his chin back up.
“Wow.” One word. That’s all he gets out.
When it stays quiet, I decide distraction is the best tactic. “I have to agree with Nate that I have put on a few extra pounds over the years, and even though I hate eating healthy and working out, I can’t say I’m happy with the way I look either.”
“Jules, you look absolutely fine.” He almost rolls his eyes.
“Fine.” I snort. “Has no one ever told you that fine basically equals crap?”
His eyebrows pull together, and I decide to not even bother with this right now.
Instead, I tap my screen that’s already covered in about a million fingerprints.
“Anyway, so the list is long and will probably still get longer. But when it comes down to it, I want to lose weight, become more interesting, a better cook, and dress nicer. I need to learn more about men and what they like and don’t like. Oh, and become a sex goddess.”
He clears his throat. “That’s your husband checklist?”
“Well, kind of. I mean, I looked up what men look for in women they want to marry and all that. And based on that info, I started my list. If I get through it all, I should have no issues finding a suitable husband, right?” My tone sounds a lot more confident than I feel right now.
Nothing. Not a word.
His mouth opens and closes a few times but still absolute silence.
“I really think a male perspective is necessary to succeed though.” I stare at him, still waiting. “So . . . are you going to help me, Carter?”
Chapter 4
Carter
Without a doubt, I must have the most stupid expression on my face after everything Julia just dumped on me. My brain still has a hard time processing her words.
Especially the sex goddess part.
Yeah, I’m definitely still stuck on that.
I mean, what the hell is she thinking? That I’d help her get better at that too?
That’s probably it. She isn’t thinking. Not one bit.
She nudges me, sending an electric shock up my entire arm, and I feel like I’m in some alternative universe today. “Carter, stop overthinking this. I can see the wheels turning from over here.”
Her chuckle is melodic, a smile automatically forming on my face.
“Jules, I . . .” I swallow. “What exactly do you need help with?”
“Well, you know . . . nothing crazy. I need a workout partner to kick my butt and someone to go shopping with to make myself a bit more presentable. You know, stuff like that.” She looks down her body as if she has no idea what she’s actually wearing. “I might have overdone the whole leggings and yoga pants phase a bit. I think I should save that for later on when I’m a mom. Isn’t that what moms are known for?” She brushes a hand over her black leggings.
I shrug. What the hell is she talking about?
To me, she looks like Julia.
The girl I’ve known ever since I became best friends with her brother. I can’t even remember a life when Julia wasn’t with us. When we were younger, she felt a bit like a pest, because what ten-year-old wants his best friend’s little sister to shadow their every move? But as we grew older, it became normal to hang out together, up until her brother and I left for college.
We tried to stay in touch and somewhat succeeded, even though we definitely didn’t see each other that often. But when their parents got into a boating accident a few years later, everything broke. That’s when we really drifted apart, no matter how hard I tried to get through to her. And I did try. Fuck, I loved her parents. They were always there for me, for their kids.
In the small moments when I did see Julia though, she’d looked so . . . hollow. So, lacking in vitality, which had been her default nature. I hated it. I hated that she didn’t turn to me to console and comfort her. But she had the dickhead. Now? Chatting as if no time has passed, it feels good. Really good. But why the hell does she think she needs a list? A marriage list?
“What are you thinking about? You keep going somewhere else.” She crosses her arms over her chest, making me once again aware that she’s still braless. I’m pretty sure I saw the outline of her nipples for a moment before she covered them with her arms.
Wrong thing to think about. Especially given that I’m in her bed.
“Sorry.” I give myself a stern warning and try to get my head back in the game. “I guess I’m still trying to wake up. How about we take a shower and get ready, and then we’ll go have breakfast at that little beach café you like so much. The rain has stopped, so it looks like it’s going to be a nice day.”
She stares at me with wide eyes. “You want to take a shower with me? Together?”
“What?” My voice comes out a lot higher than it ever should, and Julia is already cracking up. “Very funny, Jules.”
“Sorry, you’re just too easy this morning. You should have seen your face. Priceless.” She’s still laughing when I finally get off the bed.
“Half an hour or I’ll leave without you.” When I’m almost out the door, I look at her over my shoulder. “And please, Jules, put a damn bra on.” I slip out of the room before the pillow she throws reaches me, hitting the door with a thud instead.
* * *
Forty-five minutes later, we’re finally out the door.
To Julia’s delight, it’s actually my fault we’re late. Ollie had to call right when I got out of the shower, keeping me on the phone forever. As I suspected, he’s concerned about his sister and asked me a million questions, mixed with threats of doing some serious harm to that asshole Nate. Can’t blame him there. That douchebag better not show his face around here. All bets are off where he’s concerned.
I also had to repeatedly promise Ollie I’d take good care of Julia, which is easier said than done with this wild firecracker. At least, she’s wearing a bra now. I’ve got to count the little blessings with this one.
“I missed the ocean air.” She sighs as we walk, the beach café only a few streets away.
“You haven’t been out here much, have you?”
She doesn’t answer right away, and I give her the time she needs, knowing exactly how hard it hit both her and Oliver when they lost their parents. Julia was almost done with her first year of college, while Ollie and I were finishing up our third. It was such a shock for everyone.
One moment they were there, and then they were gone. Just like that. The nicest parents anyone could ask for. They always treated me like I was part of the family.
Her gaze is off in the distance, her voice somber. “I’m okay now. I couldn’t stand being here at the beginning. Wherever I looked, I saw Mom and Dad, and I didn’t have a clue how to handle it. It’s gotten easier over the years though. I still miss them like crazy, but now I can appreciate the memories we made here.”
The small smile on her face makes me stop in my tracks. It’s a special smile, one not a lot of people get to see, res
erved for when she talks about the people she truly loves—her family. I wish I could have helped her more when it happened, but even Oliver couldn’t get through to her until she was ready to go to therapy with him. She’s never been the same, but who can blame her for that? I’m not the same either.
Tom and Mary Bradford were not only funny and warm, but they were knowledgeable about starting and running businesses too. There have been moments over the last few years that I’ve wished I could reach out to Tom.
“Can we sit outside?” Her gaze is fixated on the small café ahead of us. It’s situated at the end of the narrow street, the sand starting right behind it. The ocean’s just a few hundred feet away, and the owners set up small metal tables and brown wicker chairs out back.
“Of course.”
We make our way to the sand where Julia takes of her shoes before walking to one of the tables on the large patio.
The waiter arrives quickly, and we both order their special breakfast plate, not finding it odd in the slightest that we still eat the same thing after so many years. I guess that comes with familiarity.
It also reminds me of the fact that Julia is so different than a lot of the girls I’ve dated who would have been repelled at ordering anything but a miniscule meal. So many get small and healthy meals, just to stare longingly at my food throughout the evening. I don’t think I’ll ever understand that kind of behavior, even though I guess I can blame the Southern California lifestyle for that and the beauty standard that comes with living so close to Hollywood.
Regardless, Julia feels like a breath of fresh air, making me realize how much I’ve missed her. How easy it’s always been with her to just be. No expectations. Simple and easy.
Julia clicks her fingernails on the table, amusement dancing in her eyes. “So . . . I think you’ve had enough time to fully wake up. Are you going to help me?”
I take her in, her almost makeup-free face—except for mascara from the looks of it, not that she needs it. The eyelashes framing her brown eyes have always been incredibly long and thick. I blew my fair share of them off her fingers when we were young—all for good luck of course. This natural look suits her. It can be fun to see women dolled up for a night out, but I prefer her like this. The same goes for her brown hair. It’s twisted in some bun on top of her head. It might resemble a bird’s nest a little, but it looks good on her.
Clearing my throat, I will my brain to focus on her question, even though it’s far more interested in reacquainting itself with every little facet of her. “I don’t think you should change anything about yourself. At least not for the reasons you told me. Don’t you think you should find someone who loves you exactly the way you are?”
She regards me for a moment with her gorgeous eyes before she leans back in her chair. “You’re right, but I still want all those things.”
I can’t hide my surprise. “Really?”
Pausing for a moment, she looks away from me, her gaze immediately finding the ocean. “I changed a lot after Mom and Dad died. It took me a really long time until I finally felt somewhat okay again. But by that time, I was different. I was quiet and barely left our apartment. I was living a safe and comfortable life, and I’d gotten used to being that person. Don’t get me wrong, I like this side of me, the lazy yoga-pants-wearing, good-girl type. But I also realized I miss my old self. I miss feeling good about myself and just having fun.”
Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears, and my heart struggles to pump for a few moments.
“You’re not having fun?” My throat feels constricted, and I wonder if Ollie knows about any of this.
“I know this sounds super lame, but I think this”—she points her finger at herself and then at me—“is the most fun I’ve had in a while. Just thinking about the list I made makes me all giddy and excited. I think it’s going to be good for me to focus on myself before I tackle a real husband checklist.”
“Wow.” I grab my water and gulp down the contents of it, trying to wrap my head around what she just said.
Julia mimics my motion, downing her water too. “The more I think about it, the more certain I am that I’ve been hiding from life as much as possible over the past few years. Apparently, it took Nate to kick me to the curb to realize that. Looks like he actually did me a favor there on several levels, not that I’d seen much of him lately anyway, but I was blocking that out too.”
Just the mention of his name makes my blood boil.
“So, you want me to help you get back to your old self then?” I ask tentatively, still not a hundred percent on board with this.
“Kind of. I don’t think I can be the person I was before, so I guess what I really want is to find out who I actually am now? The new me, so to speak. And while I work on that, I’ll whip up a real husband checklist too. You know, all the things I look for in a guy. And all the other things will be my ‘New Julia list.’ That makes more sense, doesn’t it?”
She leans across the table, and I’m wrapped up in her sweet scent.
I still have a bad feeling about this list, but what else am I going to do but help her? Can’t say no to her, that’s for sure. “I guess.”
Man, I sound like a total idiot this morning.
“We should probably try and make the most of it while Ollie’s gone. I don’t think he’ll understand and will just complain about it, or try and take over. He still thinks I’m a child sometimes and has to be the one in control. I know he means well, but that’s the last thing I need right now. What I do need is some support and help.” She gives me a sweet smile. “So, Carter, are you in or out?”
“Definitely in.” I’m about to send a search party to look for my brain cells, because clearly they’re absent given the words that just left my mouth.
Julia claps her hands in pure delight at my answer, and with a huge smile on her face, she jumps out of her chair, runs around the table, and throws herself at me. “Thank you so much, Carter. I knew you’d help. It’ll be fun, I promise.”
I can’t get rid of the feeling that I just shot myself in the foot by saying yes, but despite that, I smile and hug her back.
Chapter 5
Julia
My stomach growls loudly just as Carter strolls through the front door, full takeout bags in both hands.
Thank goodness.
Since work has been busy for him, I’ve barely seen him the last two days, and I’m glad he’s back home. Between relaxing and working on some jewelry orders, I stayed busy enough, but I’d rather have company than be alone.
My cheeks hurt from smiling widely. “You’re an angel for bringing me food.”
He laughs at my statement and walks past me to the kitchen, placing the bags on the kitchen counter. He’s dressed in a suit, looking like he just walked for the latest fashion show. Nate wore suits whenever he could—I think it made him feel important—and I’m glad to see it didn’t put me off men in suits.
Because, whoa.
Carter in a suit . . . what a sight for my sore eyes. Yesterday’s was black, and today’s is a deep navy blue that works beautifully with his eyes. Definitely my favorite so far.
The sound of his shoes is loud on the hardwood floor, his stride confident as he makes his way over to me. “Sorry about leaving you alone so much. I was planning on working from home, but a new client needed my attention.”
He looks around the dining room table that’s filled with my supplies, the only place large enough for me to set up shop at the moment. “Looks like you’ve been busy, though.”
“Yeah, I had some orders waiting, and someone’s got to do them. Sorry about the mess though, I’ll clean it up once I’m done.”
He shakes his head, his hand landing on my shoulder. “No worries. We’ll just eat over at the breakfast bar or on the couch. Whatever you feel like.”
Whatever you feel like?
I’m momentarily stunned, wondering how Carter can be so accommodating. Nate would have rolled his eyes and grumbled something about my ina
ne career path before stomping away. And I accepted that and apologized for my thoughtlessness . . . “Couch sounds perfect. I’ll be done in a few minutes. I just want to finish up this necklace.” I hold up the string and beads in my hand and he nods.
“I still have to get changed too, so no rush.”
His hand leaves my shoulder, the spot feeling oddly empty, and I watch him as he walks toward his room, his broad shoulders and dominant stride screaming confidence and strength.
One thing’s for sure, Carter Kennedy has changed, filled out in all the right places, and has turned into one sexy man.
Then I sigh. I actually sigh out loud. Thankfully, he's too far away to hear it though, at least I hope so.
* * *
Less than half an hour later, we’re settled on the couch, both of us with a decent plateful of food on our laps.
I swallow the food greedily, trying to savor the taste as much as I can. “Gosh, this is so dang delicious.”
He nods around a mouthful of food.
“Is it from a new place?”
He wipes his mouth on a napkin. “Yes, this Chinese restaurant opened a few months ago. They better stay around for a long time.”
After spearing some broccoli on my fork, I nod. “Heck, I’ll stay forever if they will.”
He pauses and looks at me. “You will?”
“Well, not in this house. I mean, I know it’s half mine, but Ollie’s been making it his, and I’m okay with that. He can handle it better living here than I can.” My shoulders drop with a sigh before I focus back on him. “How about you? Why are you living here anyway?”
He grins at me, and I’m instantly reminded of the boy I grew up with. No matter what was going on, Carter always has an easy smile to share. “It’s convenient and I’m lazy.”
A chuckle slips out, and I look at my food. “You’ve always been lazy.”
The impact of not having him in my life the last few years hits me once more, this time with a force that makes the breath hitch in my throat. My therapist mentioned once that everyone deals differently with grief. My first instinct was to pull away from everyone who reminded me of my loss. In hindsight, it seems silly, but our minds and hearts have strange ways to handle emotional challenges.
Forbidden Desires Page 70