Forbidden Desires

by Jenna Hartley

  My effort to figure out what’s different about Carter is interrupted when Linda comes back, her hips sashaying so rhythmically I expect music to blast from invisible speakers at any point. Apparently, that’s more likely than the possibility that she naturally walks like this. Her focus immediately settles on Carter as it has been for most of the day, putting on her dazzling smile to show off her perfect teeth.

  Ugh. I want this to be over.

  “So, what are we thinking?” Her voice is falsely bright.

  Pfft. We. As if she cares about me.

  I remember Carter’s words and put on a smile that matches hers. “I think this is my favorite so far, but there’s still something missing. You said we still have one more on the list, right?”

  For a moment, she looks taken aback by my friendly demeanor, and I’m pretty sure I just felt Carter shaking beside me, but I don’t dare look at him.

  Linda composes herself and nods. “Yes, we do. It’s a little over your budget, but I think it’s worth it.” She hands me a sheet of paper, pointing at the price with her manicured finger. “Shall we look at it now, or would you rather do it on a different day?”

  I'm still immersed in the details of the apartment when Carter responds for me. “Right now would be great. We’ll head over and meet you there.”

  “I still can’t believe I just applied for my first apartment. Did you hear what she said? If everything works out, I can move in at the end of the week.” I clasp my cheeks in my hands, afraid my face will otherwise split in two from the huge grin I’ve had since we left the final apartment.

  Thank goodness Oliver prepared me for the application process, just to be on the safe side, and I brought copies of everything I needed to apply right then and there.

  Carter shrugs. “You liked it and went for it.”

  I’m bouncing from foot to foot, feeling like I’m high on life. “It’s so beautiful, isn’t it? I’ll need to be creative with the space since it’s a little smaller than what I had in mind, especially with all my work materials, but the big deck makes it worth it. I don’t care if I’m forced to work on the floor for that. Too bad it doesn’t have a direct ocean view but it’s still fantastic.”

  “You’ll figure it out, I’m sure. Ollie and I are there to help with whatever.” We’re almost back at his car when he suddenly stops. “Are you hungry? We haven’t really had a break to eat today, and I’m starving.”

  I wasn’t planning on spending any real alone time with him, but he’s been looking at apartments with me for hours on end, so the least I can do is get him something to eat.

  My hands fly to my stomach. “Yes. My treat.”

  Since we’re only a few streets from the beach, we check out one of the little cafés that offers an ocean view.

  It’s perfect.

  “I love it here.” Taking in a deep breath, the salty air fills my nose, and my insides feel like they’re vibrating. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a cell in my body that hides my excitement at the moment. “I can’t wait to live here.”

  “It’s a great area.” His reply is short and simple, but somehow it gives me hope that we might actually have a normal relationship again at some point.

  It might take some time though. Going back to being friends with him is not going to happen in a day or two. Ignoring the longing to throw myself at him will take a little longer than that to go away.

  Even right now, my nerve endings are firing because he’s within grasp.

  I try to focus on the hypnotic motions of the waves in the background, but even that isn’t enough to ignore Carter’s eyes on me.

  Luckily, our food arrives soon after, and the silence becomes less awkward.

  A groan escapes my mouth after the first bite. “This is the best egg salad sandwich I’ve ever had.”

  Carter gives me an amused grin but nods, looking pretty happy with his own food too.

  I wipe the corners of my mouth with my napkin. “Sorry, food just makes me . . . happy.”

  Now he’s chuckling. “No need to explain, Jules. Nothing wrong with enjoying your food.”

  When Carter’s done, he wipes his mouth with a napkin and leans back, his gaze focused on the ocean. “I went to see my mom yesterday.”

  I’m surprised about the sudden change in topic and almost choke on my bite. “You did?”

  Their relationship isn’t the strongest mother-son relationship out there, so I’m not sure what to think of it, especially that he brought it up. I don’t think he’d do that if it wasn’t for a reason. “How is she?”

  He pulls his gaze away from the waves, focusing back on me. “She’s good, really good actually. She’s very happy with her current life, and things are still going well with Tom.”

  I’m finally done eating and take a sip of my water before I speak again, thinking over my words first. “That’s awesome. You like him, don’t you?”

  He looks relaxed when he tips his head once. “I do. He’s treating her like I think she should be treated, so that earns him all the points in my book.”

  I almost reach out to touch his hand but refrain. “That’s wonderful. She deserves a good guy after all those losers.” I flinch as my words register. “Sorry.”

  He waves his hands in a nonchalant manner. “Nothing to be sorry about. You’re absolutely right. Some of them were better than others, I suppose, but they were definitely never good husband material.” A chuckle comes out of his mouth, surprising me. “I’m sure, none of them would have met the requirements of your husband checklist.”

  I lean back and cross my arms over my chest. “Very funny. It is incredibly imperative to have this list fulfilled. It will guarantee my happiness.”

  “We’ll see.” His gaze bores into mine before he shakes his head as if to clear cobwebs from his mind. “She asked about you when I told her you’re back.”

  “Maybe I can go see her at some point. It would be fun to catch up. Plus, she always tells the best stories about your childhood.”

  “I think you mean the most embarrassing ones.” He grimaces before dipping his chin.

  Both his reply and his reaction make me chuckle. “Aren’t those the best ones?”

  “Maybe if it’s about someone other than yourself.”

  “Fair enough, I can see your point.” I sigh for a moment as memories flood my mind, my brain going back to my own childhood. “I always hated when my parents told embarrassing stories about me. Now, I wish more than anything they could tell some more. But I guess that’s how life goes. We don’t know what we have until we lose it. Sad but true. How great would it be if we could actually treasure the people in our lives the way they deserve to be treasured before it’s too late?”

  Carter leans across the table and takes my hand. “You’re right, Jules. My mom said something similar. Told me not to wait around until it’s too late and I lose something special.” He’s looking into my eyes as he says this, and a small shiver goes down my back. I’m thinking she said more than that going by his subdued demeanor today. But he sits back quickly, taking the comfort of his hand and connection with him.

  After a few more minutes of reminiscing, I pay our check—much to Carter’s complaint—and we decide to walk along the beach to see what else this small beach town has to offer. It’s only one town over from my family home, but for some reason, I’ve never been here.

  On our walk back, we can’t resist the little ice cream store, and decide to sit on one of the benches facing the ocean, watching the waves roll in as the sun slowly makes its descent. I close my eyes for a moment to fully enjoy the soothing sounds around us. The wind blows through my hair and the last rays of sun warm my skin.

  “I think we should tell Ollie about us.” Carter’s words come out low and rushed, ripping me out of my peaceful moment like someone dropped a bucket of cold water on me.

  I turn to stare at him in disbelief, hoping he’s joking, but the expression on his face is dead serious.

  What the hell?

/>   Chapter 22

  Carter

  I’ve thought of different ways this conversation could go, but I didn’t end up with Julia’s ice cream in my face in one of those scenarios.

  “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t do it on purpose.” She covers her open mouth with her free hand, but I can see the laugh lines around her eyes twitching, right before her shoulders start shaking too. She’s moments away from bursting into laughter.

  Thankfully, they gave us some napkins at the ice cream shop, and I grab one to wipe my face as best as I can. That seems to do the trick for Julia, because she's suddenly bent over from laughing so hard. I let her have her moment, unable to keep my own grin at bay.

  For now, I prefer this reaction over her yelling at me, but that could still be coming.

  After putting her ice cream on a napkin, she grabs another one from the stack and pours some water from her bottle on it. “Come here.” One of her hands is on my jaw to steady it while she wipes away the remnants of her ice cream attack from my face.

  The contact doesn’t last long, but the tingling sensation of her touch stays with me long after.

  After throwing the napkins in the nearby trash can, she looks at me. “I really am sorry, Freddy. You know my reflexes are awful sometimes.”

  “I do know that, Daph, very well too. I’ll never forget the moment I almost lost my crown jewels when we were teenagers.” I flinch at the memory, making her laugh again.

  A snort escapes her as she squints at me, her eyes lit with a twinkle of mischief. “You totally deserved that. Who in their right mind goes into a girl’s bedroom in the middle of the night when she’s sleeping?”

  The ice cream incident lessened some of the distance between us, and I feel her soft breath on my face. The buzz from her previous touch lingers, making me even more aware of her.

  It was crazy, absolutely fucking nuts, to think I could have sex with her and go back to normal afterward. Maybe I can plead momentary insanity? I definitely wasn’t thinking straight, that’s for sure.

  I used to fantasize about this girl on an almost daily basis when I was younger. Back then, it was easy to write off as crazy teenage hormones, especially since she was around constantly. Now, that excuse doesn’t work anymore.

  Shit. I’m in so much trouble with this one. No other woman has ever driven me this insane or made me doubt my mind so much. My thoughts wander to Ollie and the consequences that might come from revealing our secret to him.

  Julia pushes my shoulder. “Earth to Carter.”

  I will my brain to focus on our conversation and give her an apologetic smile. “The guys dared me to draw a mustache on your face. What was I supposed to do?”

  Slapping a hand on her knee, she shakes her head. “Silly me. Here I thought saying no would have been an option.”

  “We were teenagers. If there’s ever a time to do stupid things, it’s that time.”

  “True.” A flicker of a smile passes her lips. “Plus, you paid for your mistake.”

  “No kidding, Miss Nuts-Punch. I still have occasional phantom pain.”

  Her lips are still lifted at the corners, but after a moment, the smile doesn’t reach her eyes anymore. Instead, the skin between her eyebrows furrows, pinched together in a tight line. “Does he really need to know?”

  I know who she’s talking about. It was just a matter of time before we came back to this dreaded topic. “I think so.”

  Leaning back, she links her hands behind her head and stares out at the lapping water. “Why now? Why at all?”

  I sit back too, following her example and looking at the ocean. “My mom mentioned something yesterday that got me thinking. It was about missing out on something special and having regrets, something along those lines. One of the things I thought about was Ollie. You will always be his sister, no matter what, so I’m not too worried about your relationship with him. Not to mention that I’ll be the bad guy in this anyway. But I think it would be so much worse if he found out later and maybe not even from us. He’d be so disappointed, and I’m not certain our friendship would survive that. I expect him to be livid regardless, but hopefully, he can still get over it at this point.”

  “Hmm.” Her face is lowered so I can’t read her expression well, but she looks despondent.

  I move around, suddenly feeling restless. “And you know how much he values honesty. That’s always been his number-one priority when it comes to not only his professional life but his private one as well.”

  Julia lets out a pained sigh before rubbing her face with her hands. “Ugh, I know. I don’t like keeping this from him any more than you do, but at the same time, I don’t want to drive a wedge between anyone either.”

  “I knew what we were doing, so I definitely can’t feign ignorance or naivety.”

  “Neither can I.” She studies me for a moment, her features tight in concentration. “Are you really sure about this?”

  I nod, wanting her to know I’m serious about this. The conversation with my mom started a whole avalanche of thoughts I’m still trying to wade through, but dealing with Oliver first makes the most sense to me. Once that’s done, I can move on to the next hurdle. I’m not a terrible human, and as long as Julia isn’t hurt, Ollie can’t be too upset. I didn’t disrespect her in any way, nor would I. But he’s fully aware of my views on long-term relationships.

  It took me a while to accept that he was serious about Cora, so his position on me being the man for Jules won’t even be on the spectrum. He flat-out laughed at Cora’s suggestion that Jules and I were more than friends. Didn’t give it a moment’s thought. So, that’s what I’m working with, and it’s why I need to make changes. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I expect him to kick me out, but it’s probably time for me to find my own place anyway. Being roommates was always a temporary solution.”

  Her eyes go wide. “Poor Ollie will be all alone again.”

  The fact she’s worried about something like that makes me feel a little lighter, like the worst is over. At least when it comes to this conversation. “He’s a big boy, Jules, and lived alone for years before we two homeless dorks came along. Plus, he’s spending most of his time with Cora anyway. Maybe this will allow them to take the next step too, who knows?”

  The bright smile is back on her face at the mention of Cora. “I’d like that. She’s awesome, and I think they’re really great together.”

  “I agree.”

  Since Ollie and Cora won’t be back for two more days, we’ll need to wait until then. Despite not looking forward to the confrontation, or what will happen afterward, I can’t ignore the relief in my chest at the thought of having it out in the open.

  No more hiding, and no more secrets.

  It will allow me to move on, to get my jumbled thoughts in line to go after what I want. The gorgeous, quick-witted, and kind girl in front of me. Because I’ve finally worked out that I want more. Ollie will have to deal.

  Chapter 23

  Julia

  The short distance from the parking lot to the little bistro feels like one hundred miles rather than one hundred feet. That might be due to my nerves though, since they’re all over the place, to the point that I feel slightly nauseated. My brother and Cora flew back late last night, and both he and Carter thought it would be a great idea to meet here for lunch.

  Normally I like it here, this cute little place in the middle of the Malibu downtown area a nice place for an escape.

  But today is different.

  So different.

  Knowing Carter and Ollie are waiting for me—thanks to both letting me know via texts—and knowing what Carter is about to do, has done nothing but induce the desire to flee.

  When I spot them at a table outside, I’m surprised to see Cora next to my brother. I was planning on sitting next to him to try and diffuse the situation a little bit at least, but that option is out the window now, and the only available seat is next to Carter.

  After taking what
feels like the hundredth deep breath since I left the house, I sit on the chair that Carter’s already pulled out for me.

  “Hey, guys.” I lower myself onto the warm metal and turn to Cora. “I didn’t know you were going to be here too. Good to see you.”

  She glances in Carter’s direction before settling back on me with a welcoming smile. “I thought it would be nice to catch up with you two.”

  I’m still distracted by the fact that she’s here when Carter wants to spill the beans. On second thought, he could be the reason Cora’s here. Maybe he asked her to run interference for my brother. That might actually work.

  But since she keeps crossing and uncrossing her legs, I have my answer.

  My brother is the only one who seems normal, grinning at me. “So, show me the pictures of the new place. Carter said it looks like you’ll be able to move there this week. That’s amazing.”

  I flop back in my chair, trying to get my trembling hands under control. I’m not sure if I should be relieved we’re not diving into the nitty-gritty right away, or nervous I have to endure this torture longer, knowing it will happen. “Of course. Let me show you.”

  A waitress comes to take our order. Once she’s gone, I show Oliver and Cora the pictures of the apartment, telling them everything I can remember about the place. Carter is quiet throughout the whole exchange. Since it’s not his apartment though, there’s no reason to dwell on that fact. He’s about to tell Ollie the truth so he won’t risk his friendship with him, not because he realized he’s madly in love with me and wants to profess it to the world.

  Wow. Nice one, Jules. That went downhill pretty fast.

  It’s an old crush. Ignore all those silly feelings. You knew what you were doing, and now it’s done. Over.

  My brother seems satisfied with the apartment, which makes me happy, as he does know a lot about the real estate market.

  After taking a drink of his water, he puts it back on the table with a loud clunk. “Oh, I totally forgot. We ran into one of Cora’s friends at the airport.” Both Cora and Carter stiffen. “He’s looking for a date for a restaurant opening next month. I’m not sure if you’re ready for that yet, but I thought I’d throw it out there. He seemed like a nice guy.”