by Brigid Coady
She needed to find a better lurking place.
‘I’m not hiding,’ Emma said raising her glass. ‘I’m just looking.’ She finished mumbling into her drink, because alcohol would make her relax and fit in.
As she drank she looked at Jamie. Another one in grey and black, she thought. Where had all his brightly coloured shirts gone? Not that he didn’t look good in grey or black.
Looking around the room, she realised the only spots of colour on in the place came from either clients or guests and, oh, Rob from Tech Dev was wearing a beautiful periwinkle blue shirt. It really brought out the blue in his eyes.
Crap. No, that wasn’t right. He was a nobody and no matter how good he looked, he still wasn’t good enough for Jamie. Wearing a colour to what was turning into a black and white themed party didn’t suddenly mean he’d grown a backbone. She glanced up. Thank god, Jamie hadn’t spotted him yet, she couldn’t let him see Rob. She’d managed to wean him off him. She didn’t need it starting up over again. She shuffled so that Jamie had his back to him.
‘So…’ She started thinking frantically for something to say.
She was interrupted by a commotion at the entrance of the club. The crowd turned to look and she couldn’t help but follow. The music level dipped, scratched and the track playing was replaced with the latest BOTP hit. A sudden spontaneous wave of applause rolled through the room as if the crowd couldn’t help themselves. And then framed in the doorway stood Breach Of The Peace. Now there was the colour that had been missing. All of them brightly dressed, like peacocks on display in a room of drab starlings.
‘They look so young,’ sighed Jamie, who was in reality only three years older than Will.
If they made Jamie feel old then they made Emma felt positively ancient.
The four of them stood in the doorway frozen for a moment, except instead of four tonight there seemed to be five. Plastered to Will’s side was Tina. She was doing the plastering because he was tilting as far away from her as he was capable of doing while still touching. Tina was the only ‘girlfriend’ who accompanied them. Jessie, Amit’s lady was playing a gig in Manchester that evening. No one had even suggested that Frankie came with them. No, she didn’t think anyone wanted Frankie anywhere near them unless absolutely necessary. And that included the band and the team. Not that Frankie would have come to this sort of party. Everyone here had signed an NDA to be here and smartphones had been confiscated at the door. If no one knew she was there then what was the point in coming.
As if choreographed, they walked in as a group, but the unity last less than a second before Will tore himself away from Tina. Sean leapt on Amit’s back as they staggered to the bar. Ed slung an arm round Will, who leant into him.
Emma watched as Tina walked away without a backwards glance and slid up to Dan Elton. She fitted herself into his side, it looked much more natural than when she was next to Will. Dan’s face broke from his usual smirk into an infatuated smarmy grin. Emma wasn’t sure it was an improvement. In fact, it made her feel a little ill. She watched as he ducked his head to hear what Tina had to say.
Tina’s hand came up and like talons her nails hooked onto Dan’s arm.
They looked… cosy.
Odd. Maybe all those Starbucks breaks and meetings had made them touchy feely.
Emma looked round the room, sucking on the straw in her drink. She could survive the party, of course she could. Why did it feel so different from last year? This year instead of feeling like an integral cog in the machinery, she felt like she kept on catching on something. Not running smoothly. Out of sync.
It was probably bloody Will and his bears.
Honestly, what was his point in fighting all of this? Wouldn’t it be easier to keep his head down and get on with it? Make life nice and smooth. Do what needed to be done, it wasn’t as if it were forever. He could date anyone he liked afterwards. It was business. It was probably useless to tell him that, he seemed to be like Gee in that regard, thinking that being honest got you ahead.
A flash of colour from the entrance, made her turn her head and look. Obviously thinking about Gee meant he’d arrived, because there he was standing peering over the crowd. He wore a red patterned floral shirt that moulded to his wide shoulders and draped to show his small waist.
She could see groups of people turning to stare at him. And was it her imagination or did the DJ start playing a Status Single track? She wouldn’t have been surprised if there had been another spontaneous round of applause.
The shirt looked good, made him look like the rock star he should still be. She ached to give him back his dreams. But she was too late. She wouldn’t be too late for the BOTP boys though. It was as if seeing Gee clarified it for her. She was saving them for themselves because she couldn’t save him.
This was a mission she could handle. She felt herself stand taller whilst watching Gee.
Hold on, she thought, that was a bloody Gucci shirt he was wearing. So at least one of them had been shopping in the designer concession today. She had definitely not seen that shirt before.
She wondered if it felt as soft as it looked. Her hands itched to stroke it.
He saw her and smiled, quickly chasing away the frown he’d been wearing.
The knot of unease she’d had since she’d walked in loosened, that feeling of being out of sync faded. Should she go over to him, she wondered, but he started making his way to her.
Sadly, by the time he arrived at her and Jamie’s side, so had Dan and Tina. Jamie was biting his lip and looking uncomfortable. Gee winked at him, making Jamie giggle. Emma smiled.
‘Hi, we didn’t get a chance to meet at your party a few months ago,’ Dan said holding out the hand that wasn’t round Tina’s waist to him. ‘Dan Elton.’
Gee looked at his hand briefly before he reached out, shook it as quickly as possible and let go.
‘Gee Knightley,’ Gee said, all trace of his earlier smile gone.
‘Tina Churchill,’ Tina purred as she held her hand out as if expecting it to be kissed.
Gee held the very tips of her manicure before letting it drop.
‘Of course, you’ll know who my father is, John Churchill, of Maple Groove Records. He still tells the story about how he signed you all. He thinks of you as the sons he never had.’
As if he hadn’t been the bloke who’d dropped them as soon as all the stories came out. Either Tina was really stupid or she was deliberately trying to bait him.
She could almost hear Gee gritting his teeth from standing and she watched as his jaw clenched hard. Without thinking she put her hand out and rested it on the small of his back, needing to give him comfort.
‘He always said you’d have made it really big if you’d only played the game,’ Tina continued
She could feel his muscles tense, knew that he was remembering that it was her dad’s company who had decided that it was best for Johnnie and him to not tell the truth.
Not that she didn’t agree with Tina’s dad, but there were ways to go about it. Gee was her friend and even if they didn’t see eye to eye on this, she knew how Gee felt. She began moving her hand in small circles on the small of his back hoping he’d find some comfort.
The shirt was very soft under her fingers, she thought it was silk crepe. And it was warm from Gee’s body. She wondered whether it would feel any different if she lifted and rubbed his skin. Would that also feel like silk?
No. That wasn’t what she should be thinking. That wasn’t in the plan.
‘Jamie,’ Gee said quietly.
‘Yeah?’ He’d been standing there like he was watching a play, his mouth open.
‘Do you want to dance?’
Emma’s hand stilled.
What was Gee…? Oh. This was his two fingers to Tina and her dad, and also to Dan Elton and his treatment of Jamie. She couldn’t help but smile. For all his grumpiness sometimes, he had the best heart. He was all for battling for the underdog.
‘Sure?’ Jamie’s eyes
were wide as he looked first at Gee and then at Emma.
‘Go,’ she said as she shooed them onto the dancefloor. She smiled as she watched Gee grab Jamie’s hand and lead him purposefully to the centre of the space where everyone would see them.
Now this was a good way for Jamie to meet new people in the company, she thought, pleased. If it looked like he was friends with Gee, then maybe he would catch the eye of someone worthy of him.
‘I’d heard that Knightley swung both ways, but I didn’t expect him to do that in front of you,’ Dan said maliciously.
‘He’s my housemate,’ she said to shut him down. Why did people not get that she and Gee were just friends. No matter what had happened. No matter what she dreamed.
‘Sure, good for you, it never does any good getting tangled up with one of them,’ Tina said smugly and patting her arm.
‘One of who?’ Emma asked confused.
‘Bisexuals. You know you can’t ever trust them. What with not being able to make up their mind whether they’re into blokes or women. Plus, they’ll always cheat on you as soon as look at you,’ Tina said dismissively.
That little… Emma couldn’t even think the word she really wanted to say. How could Tina think that, in this day and age? It was so wrong and so horribly prejudiced. That biphobic bitch. Gee wasn’t like that, in fact none of her bisexual friends were. Gee was loyal and faithful, he’d never cheated on anyone… No, she couldn’t deal with this any longer. She couldn’t stand to be near her any longer. Because if she stayed she wasn’t certain she could be polite.
Without a word, she walked away.
As she walked to the other side of the club she couldn’t help but watch Gee and Jamie on the dancefloor. They moved well together. Their bodies didn’t touch but there was no doubt that both of them could feel the beat of the music in their bones. What had been an empty dancefloor was now full. She caught a flash of periwinkle blue by Jamie. Damn, was that Rob? He had snuck up beside them and, okay, that was some hip swivel he put in.
‘Emma.’
Who? What? She hadn’t realised she had zoned out, and she turned to see who had spoken to her. Will was leaning against a pillar, watching her with a smug smile.
‘How’s work?’ he asked. As if he didn’t know, the little shit.
‘Absolutely wonderful,’ she lied. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.
‘Glad to hear it,’ he replied with a wink. Damn, he knew she was lying. ‘It’s good to see my girlfriend is working so well with your team.’ Will nodded behind her. She turned to see Dan and Tina kiss under some mistletoe. The dark corner they’d moved to wasn’t as dark as they thought. Although it was less a kiss and more like they were trying to devour each other. She felt unclean watching it.
‘Oh for f…’ she started. If it wasn’t bloody Will, it was Dan. There might be NDAs flying around the room but making out with one half of the fauxmance you were supposed to be managing was bloody stupid and bad for your career.
‘It will be fine. “Daddy” will make sure his little princess doesn’t come out of this looking bad,’ Will said, with a bite in his voice.
Of course, that could be what Dan was gambling on. If he played his cards right he could end up dating the boss’ goddaughter and if he needed a new job she was sure his girlfriend’s actual father would find a place for him at Maple Groove Records.
‘Why can’t any of you stay on bloody script? Why can’t you do what you’re told?’ She wailed, throwing her hands in the air, the glass she was holding throwing up melting ice cubes that started raining down on her like hail. One smacked her on the head and she felt water start dripping down her neck. Will dodged another. She placed the now empty glass on a table. That was it, she needed another cocktail. She peered round Will, there had to be a waiter somewhere.
‘Hey,’ Ed came up behind Will and rested his chin on his shoulder.
She rolled her eyes, because Will never went anywhere without his shadow, Ed, who suddenly remembered how to look like he was part of a couple.
A tray went past full of drinks.
She took two.
As she downed half of one, she looked at them. That was the thing, Will and Ed did look like a couple. Why couldn’t either of them make this kind of effort when they were in public with other people?
Was it too much to ask?
All the frustration of the past two months erupted in her. All the wasted hours on narratives for these two numpties to fuck up. The late nights, the long weekends. The abandoned plans. She almost whimpered at how many had been shelved, while her own life was teetering.
And she couldn’t help herself,
‘For god’s sake, you two. Can you just, for once, stop with the touchy feely happily married schtick? You can obviously make it look like you’re in a relationship and if you can do that between yourselves why do you find it so hard to do with your girlfriends? It isn’t so difficult, is it? I’m trying hard to make you sellable to the world and all you do is make my life harder? This is a business, so start acting like it.’ She took a deep breath, feeling lighter. All the things she’d wanted to say.
‘Make it look like we’re in a relationship? What the hell do you mean by that? Are you really that clueless?’ Will was frowning at her.
She wasn’t clueless, she was very well paid to be on the ball. To manipulate the masses into believing what she and her bosses wanted them to believe.
‘I’m not clueless,’ she started.
‘Really?’ he interrupted. ‘Don’t you get it?’ He lifted their now joined hands, Ed’s fingers entwined with his. ‘This isn’t us making it look like we’re in a relationship. We are in a relationship. We are a bloody couple, you silly bint. I’ve been in love with him since I met him. Why do you think Maple Groove and Mega! are pushing these “fauxmances” so hard? Can’t have their best commodity losing money because two members of their biggest boyband fell in love with each other. Now do you get it? We’re never going to go along with these plans you have, your tawdry and tacky plans that say we can’t love who we love.’
Chapter Thirty-Two
What?
Emma felt as if she’d been punched, the breath she’d just taken whooshed out of her, leaving her empty and deflated. She wanted to crumple.
They were in love? Ed and Will were a couple? How had she not known?
And it was like one of those pictures where all you originally saw was an old lady’s face but then it became the picture of a duck or a bunch of naked ladies. And once you saw the alternate image you couldn’t un-see it. It had been there all along, hiding in plain sight.
Okay, so all the touching, it wasn’t just boys being boys.
Wow. That was kind of cool, she thought for a moment, before common sense intervened.
But… they knew they couldn’t come out. You definitely couldn’t have two members of a boyband who were not only gay, but in a relationship together. That wasn’t done. It just didn’t happen. It did explain why they’d been making it difficult for her, though.
But this was career ending for them and the band. And what about her?
Crap, all those thoughts she’d had about an early promotion when she’d been given the BOTP boys as a project… Well, if they hadn’t disappeared before, they definitely did now. She’d more likely get demoted. Or fired.
The hand holding her full cocktail started to shake. She put it down next to her empty glass and quickly drank the half-finished one.
This could be it. She could feel coldness in her that had nothing to do with the ice water trickling down her spine or the drink in her mouth.
All her plans, she could see the fracture lines forming in them. Feel the Gantt charts unravelling before her eyes. This job, this career, it was all she had. The only thing that kept her safe. The swooping feeling in her stomach that she’d spent her life trying to suppress sprang up. She felt as if she were standing on the edge of a cliff and was about to fall.
She had to make the pl
ans work. She had to.
Okay, so they were gay. They weren’t the only people in this industry who were gay and in the closet, and all those other people got on with it. Surely Will and Ed knew that sometimes you had to do things you didn’t like to get on in the world.
Hadn’t they learned anything from Gee’s life? The truth doesn’t set you free, it destroys all your dreams and leaves you without a job.
She felt a stab of guilt underneath her panic, she was the one making them lie. Well, not her, if it wasn’t her, it would be someone else. They’d still be in the closet. Because that was a fact of life if you wanted a career in this business.
Gee would kill her but… She hadn’t been able to save his dream. Maybe she could save theirs.
Mind you, she thought, all of this did explain some of the bear tableaux she and Jamie couldn’t figure out. Will had been trying to show that it was all for show and that the truth was hidden behind a curtain, and that other people were pulling the levers.
But her job was to maintain that illusion no matter what he thought. And she needed this job, she needed to make sure no one peeked behind the curtain and saw that it was a web of stories that existed in the ether.
‘Look that is great,’ she said, as her mind went at a million miles an hour. How did she get this under control? She could feel it spinning off into a multitude of different ways. Too many possibilities and most of them ending in carnage. No one’s careers surviving. All she needed was one plan. One definite way forward.
Well they already had a plan… if she could get them to stick with it. She needed to play hard ball.
‘Look, it is great,’ she repeated. ‘But really, who actually cares? This is the business side of show business, you know that. This is what you signed up for. It doesn’t matter if you get married and live together. Because to the outside world this,’ she pointed at their joined hands, ‘is not happening. That was in the contract. You, Ed, are still spending Christmas with Frankie and will be kissing her on New Year’s Eve no matter what your little boyfriend here tries.’