by Taylor Dean
They were so innocent, so untainted by the horrors of life.
Jack noticed her then. In her peripheral vision she felt him turn to look upon her. “I’m sorry, Chloe,” he said.
Chloe had no idea if he was apologizing for what might have been, or for invading her privacy. Probably both.
Chloe tore her eyes away from the screen and met his troubled gaze. “Please turn it off.”
He complied immediately. “Sorry, I turned on the DVD player and that’s what began to play. I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s okay. I accidentally left it in there. My fault.” Now he knew she’d been watching it, missing Mark and yearning for what used to be. So pathetic.
“Perhaps I’d better go,” Jack offered.
“Please don’t. I don’t wanna be alone.”
“Come and sit,” Jack said sympathetically, patting the couch next to him. As if she was a child, he grabbed the towel around her shoulders and gently dried the excess water from her hair, surprising Chloe with the physical contact. Then they sat back on the couch, his arm around her. Jack flipped through the channels and settled on a sitcom. Good call. She needed to laugh. Chloe rested her head on his shoulder, feeling safe and warm.
Jack offered friendship, nothing more. Nor did he make any unwanted advances.
Thankful, Chloe grasped onto his companionship with tightly gripped fists.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.”
“Jack?” It was eight a.m. Why was he calling so early? Maybe he got more done by nine a.m. than most people do in a day. Ugh.
“Yep. How are you this fine morning?”
So he was cheerful first thing in the morning too. Fantastic.
“Great,” she answered, attempting to sound like she’d been up for awhile and wasn’t still lazing in bed. The curtains she’d never bothered to close last night allowed the room to be bathed in soft sunlight. Tiny little dust particles danced in the air, only made visible by the shaft of sun. A lawnmower roared in the distance and birds chirped crazily, as if they’d never seen a morning so glorious.
She envied their unadulterated delight.
Waking up was always difficult. Just once she wanted to arise in the morning without feeling like her life was some sort of cruel joke. Just once she wanted the script to change, to wake up and find everything was back to normal, that everything that had happened in the past year was just a bad dream. The words, move on, had quickly become the two words she hated most in the English language. That and closure. Nothing was going to close. This was her life and the only thing she could do was adjust and adapt to her ever-changing world.
Of course that meant she had some bad days and always would. It meant that sometimes she was barely above the water, gasping for breath, reaching for a lifeline.
The thought of giving up had never once crossed her mind. Yet, she’d overheard Mark and her sister talking about her once.
“No, she’s still not moving on, Renee. I don’t know what to do.”
“She needs to find closure, Mark. Help her to forget what happened. She just needs to forget about it and think about something else. She’s dwelling on it and that’s not good for her.”
“I feel like I have to watch her every second. I’m constantly worried about what she’s really doing inside that darn room. I never know what I’ll find.”
“Watch over her, Mark. As long as she knows you’re there, she won’t do anything rash. I try to call as often as possible, but I gotta tell you, it’s really getting to me. It’s not exactly a happy start to my day, if you know what I mean. Even my husband says I’m letting her drag me down. But someone has got to check up on her.”
Chloe quickly deduced that they considered themselves on suicide watch even though she’d never insinuated such a thing. She didn’t want to die; she wanted to live. If anything, her experience had taught her just how sacred life is. Chloe considered her grief normal, and figured it was her due. No one else saw it that way, however.
I’m so sorry if my grief interferes with your happiness, world. It’s a part of my life. It won’t ever change. I have to deal with it every single day, every single moment. I don’t get to walk away from it. I can’t give it a hug and expect it to be all better. I can’t hang up the phone and escape it.
Chloe shook off her bitter thoughts. Going down that road was a massive dead end.
“I have an appointment for you with my lawyer at three p.m. today. Do you still want to file, Chloe? If not, I’ll cancel.”
It’s over. It’s really over.
The life she and Mark had dreamt of would never come to pass. Their whispered dreams at the midnight hour would never come to fruition. No house in the mountains, no snowball fights, no lazy Irish Setter lounging at the blazing hearth as their houseful of children played in the living room, no master bedroom at the top of the house—their own private sanctuary, a way to escape from their ridiculously busy lives. They would never attend soccer games and ballet recitals on Saturdays. They would never take turns carpooling the children to school.
They would never anything. It was over.
The corresponding phone silence made him say with concern lacing his tone, “Chloe?”
“I’m still here—and I’ll be there.”
“Why don’t you let me pick you up? I’ll go with you for moral support.”
“I’d like that. Thanks, Jack.”
Jack explained she’d need health insurance and creditor information in preparation for the meeting. He also advised her to make a list of everything they owned and to start thinking about the separation agreement. If everything could be divided between them peacefully, the divorce would move forward smoothly and quickly.
It was much more complicated than she had at first supposed. Pondering over who got what left her feeling as though their marriage was only about “things.”
Chloe sat in The Room for a long time that morning, thinking, remembering, and wishing for a different outcome to her life than what had transpired. She lived in a place where life wasn’t fair, a place where silence was indeed not golden. A wonderfully sweet life had almost been hers, but then it had been cruelly snatched from her eager grasp. Along with her life, she’d lost her soul.
It was time to face the dreaded move on portion of her life—at least that’s what everyone kept insisting. Time to pick up the pieces and see what’s left. Was there anything?
Maybe she just needed to look for it—search high and low.
Desperately seeking life.
She’d desired the often-mentioned and elusive closure for quite some time now. It was only a few short weeks ago that she’d finally realized it would never come. It was an eye-opening moment. She would always ache; she would always yearn for what might have been. She’d accepted that long ago and could live her life with this knowledge.
Forgetting was out of the question, though. She couldn’t forget. She didn’t want to forget. Why was it that most people believed moving on meant forgetting?
“You have to forget and move on with your life, Chloe.”
How many times had she heard that well-meaning statement over the past year? Too many to count. Mostly from people who’d never had a hard and heavy lot tossed their way. Lucky them.
Life had thrown her a curveball.
It broke the windows of her soul, and cracked the foundation of her heart. Game over.
Yet, here she was, still living. If grief could’ve killed her, she would’ve been dead long ago. Oddly enough, some of the most painful things in life don’t kill you. Not even close.
Now the final strings to her old life were about to be severed. She should feel sadder than she did. But her marriage with Mark had been destroyed for quite some time. Shattered by life. It only took her this long to realize it. Mark had realized it and found someone else. Good for him. He deserved some happiness in his life. Although it hurt, she really did hope he was happy.
When the doorbell rang, she felt ready. She was at peace with h
er decision.
“Hey, how’re you doin’?” Jack said with just a little too much brightness in his voice. He was dressed to perfection today with crisply ironed khaki slacks, a blue dress shirt that matched his eyes perfectly, and a striped tie. With his blond hair, he looked fresh, cool, and clean—and totally unaffected by the scorching heat. Not only that, he looked sharp. It was only the jeep behind him in the driveway that hinted at the inner beach bum, dying to escape.
There was more to Jack Alexander than met the eye.
“I’m good,” Chloe answered with confidence.
“You look good,” Jack blurted. “Are you ready for this?” he asked rhetorically. “I’ll put the top back on the jeep. I don’t want you to get all messed up.”
She wore a yellow and white striped maxi dress. It was cool and comfortable in the heat. “I like getting messed up. Leave it down.”
“It’s pretty darn hot out today,” he warned.
“When is it not?”
“Point taken.”
“The wind cools me down. I like it.”
“Finally, a woman after my own heart,” Jack declared, his hands to his chest.
If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve thought Jack was flirting with her a teeny, tiny bit. The thought of revenge had obviously crossed both of their minds. In lieu of spitting in both of their spouses faces, a heated affair was indeed tempting. It would be satisfying to see the expressions on Mark and Taryn’s faces when they found the two of them together. By the way, while you were off gallivanting together, something happened between us. Isn’t that a funny coincidence? Maybe she and Jack needed the confidence boost.
But, it wasn’t her style, and she’d venture to say it wasn’t Jack’s style either. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
When they pulled up in front of the office, Jack reached over and squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Ready?”
“Ready. Let’s do this.”
Jack stayed at her side, helping her through the entire process and explaining things when she didn’t understand. There were advantages to being friends with a lawyer.
Afterwards he took her out for ice cream. They sat in an outdoor courtyard, bathed with refreshing patio misters. Having grown up in California, Chloe had never seen misters, nor did she even know such an invention existed. The patio misters consisted of small tubing that lined the outermost ceiling edges of an outdoor space. A light mist of water gently sprayed the area through several tiny nozzles, almost making the air look foggy. The results made outdoor living endurable in the heat of the day.
Curiously, they both chose chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Jack was like a little kid when it came to sweets and Chloe found it amusing.
“Freeeeeedooooom!” he mimicked.
“Braveheart,” she said in between spoonfuls.
“That was an easy one. The more time we spend together, the more challenging the movie quotes will become,” he told her teasingly.
There was a sparkle in Jack’s eyes, a hint of life and happiness that attracted her. “Bring it on,” Chloe responded, again wondering just how much time he planned on them spending together. It didn’t matter, friendship was all he wanted and frankly, it was all she wanted too. “It’s true though, we are both almost free. It feels surreal. Regardless, I know I’ve made the right decision. I despise the sixty day waiting period. I wish the divorce could be final by the time they return home. It would be somehow satisfying. I’m glad the papers are being sent right away. Just like you did with Taryn. I don’t want to drag this out.”
“Exactly. Why should they be spared the ugly realities of life just because they’re on a romantic interlude?”
“We think alike, Jack. We need to let them know there are consequences to their actions.”
“Sending divorce papers to your spouse while they’re on a romantic vacation with their lover has a certain feeling of satisfaction. Does it not?” Jack said, licking his spoon.
“Oh, yes it does. Makes me feel like I have a chance for rebuttal.”
“Agreed. So, guess what I did yesterday?” Jack asked, changing the subject.
“Flew to the Bahamas and short sheeted the bed in Mark and Taryn’s hotel room?” she guessed.
Jack’s spoon paused midway to his mouth. “Not a bad idea. While I’m at it, I could hide a hunk of limburger cheese in one of the drawers.”
“Or under the bed,” she suggested.
“Even better. I had no idea you were so malicious. I’ll have to watch my back around you, young lady. You are much more cunning than you look.”
Chloe dug out a piece of cookie dough and popped it in her mouth. “Girls who look innocent are the ones you have to watch out for. They’ll push the knife in a little deeper while smiling sweetly at you.”
“Thanks for that mental image. I’m never going to date again in my life.”
“Nah, you’re much too good looking to never date again. You’ll probably be married again within the year.”
Jack stilled for a moment, his eyes on her.
He recovered quickly, but Chloe knew she shouldn’t have made the comment about marriage. It was too early and he was too raw.
“Thank you, Chloe. I appreciate that. Kinda nice to hear for a change.”
So…the good looking comment had made him pause? Seriously? “Taryn never told you how handsome you are?”
“The answer to that is a resounding no. Never. Taryn liked to be adored, but never liked to be the one doing the adoring.”
Interesting that he noticed such a thing. It made her heart break for him. It was clear he’d never really felt loved by Taryn. Men needed compliments too. Sometimes Chloe felt that they were just as insecure about their looks as women sometimes were. They just didn’t express it in the same manner. Regardless, Jack oozed confidence, so the remark struck her as odd. But if he ever asked her if his butt looked big in his jeans, their friendship was over.
The cookie dough chunks were gone and all Chloe had left was ice cream. Bummer. “Just for the record, Taryn doesn’t sound like a very nice person.”
“As a matter of fact, she’s not. I thought I was a good judge of character. As it turns out, I suck at it. Excuse me for thinking you were someone who cared.” Jack shook his head as if disappointed in himself.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Sometimes people don’t show us their true selves until they think it’s safe.”
“I guess the bonds of matrimony are safe ground. She had me and she knew it.”
Jack had been burned by Taryn, that much was obvious. “You did love her,” she said matter of factly.
“Yes, in the beginning I did.”
“I’m sorry, Jack.”
“For what?”
“I’m sorry Taryn wasn’t very nice to you. You don’t deserve that.”
He simply nodded, but didn’t comment. “Back to what I did yesterday,” he said, changing the subject. “Since Taryn has agreed to the divorce settlement, I’m free to do as I please. So, I bought a house.”
“You bought a house? How exciting. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m telling you right now. Everything has happened so fast, I can hardly believe it. The owners are eager to sell. I close in one week and after that, I can move in right away. I’m giving my old house to Taryn. I absolutely don’t want to be there when she returns home, if you know what I mean.”
“I do.”
“Besides, Taryn had it decorated and it’s awful and I don’t want anything to do with it.”
Chloe smiled at their ability to converse without missing a beat. Awkward silences were now a thing of the past. “May Mark and Taryn live happily ever after in their badly decorated home.”
“May Mark enjoy every moment of adoring Taryn till he can take it no longer,” Jack said, adding to her snarky comment.
“May Taryn find her own man and not someone else’s husband,” Chloe responded with a smirk.
“May the world ever have pity on that poor
man.”
They both chuckled at their banter and Chloe’s stomach fluttered at their camaraderie. It was restorative to her mending heart.
“I love when you smile and laugh, Chloe. You don’t do it often enough.”
So he felt as though being around her was a downer too. That meant this wouldn’t last. She should’ve known better. “I-I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize for it. Under the circumstances, you’re allowed to be sad.”
“I haven’t had a sad day, Jack. I’ve had a sad year.”
He’d promised he wouldn’t ask what had happened between her and Mark again, and he kept that promise by not asking any probing questions.
“Maybe you just need someone to cheer you up,” Jack offered.
“And you’ve assigned yourself the job?”
“It’s not a job. It’s something I want to do.”
“Why?” she asked.
The light-hearted banter ended and the conversation turned serious.
“Because I like you and for no other reason than that,” Jack stated firmly.
“Why?” she asked again. “I’m not exactly fun to be around.” Her eyes welled with tears. “Why are you here? Why are you bothering with me? Do you feel responsible for what’s happened? Is that it?”
Jack set his spoon down and ran one hand through his hair. “Is it so hard for you to believe that I like you and enjoy being with you?”
“Frankly, yes.”
His jaw clenched and she wondered if she was making him angry. If he was chased away this easily, it was better to break things off now, before she became any more attached to his presence in her life.
“Chloe, I’m here because I enjoy your company and we both need a friend right now. Maybe I need you. Did you ever think of that? My time with you has helped me. Call me selfish, but I’d be going crazy right now without you.”
She wasn’t expecting that answer. At all. “Oh.”
“That all right with you?” His boyish grin took away the sting of his words.
“Yes.”
“Can we finish eating our ice cream now?”